Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
A/N: I am mostly on hiatus at the moment, but my head was spinning and swimming and I needed to write something, just let the words pour out a little for a while. That is how this came to be.
The very beginning of this is a transcript of a scene from the last episode I am sure you will all recognize. I hope you like what I have added.
M
Tangled Up
"Hello?"
"Urgh! Can I just say, Glee Club sucks. Mr. Schue asked for ideas for Nationals, and when I gave some genius ones everyone got all mad and started ... dissing me. Maybe I came on too strong. But since when is that a bad thing?"
"It's not. But you gotta remember at McKinley everyone has an equal vote and if you come on too aggressively they might think you are a control freak or a puppet master." There is dead silence on the other line so Kurt after a moment talks on, "Anyway, I was gonna call you. Pamela Landsbury booked its first gig, and I know you were just here, but I was hoping you could come to cheer us on in the audience. So what do you say, can I send you the deets and the JetBlue badger?"
"Of course, I wouldn't miss it. Well, I can't believe that anyone would see me as controlling."
There are a couple more sentences and I love yous exchanged before Blaine has to head back to class, but they do not talk again until the night of the gig.
Blaine feels horrible after Kurt hangs up on him, having sounded so upset, so ' ... so angry.'
Blaine just lies there on the seating in his room for a moment, tears already gathering in the corner of his eyes. He quickly wipes them away and sits up tossing his phone onto the bed, resting his head in his hands. "Fuck." It is all Blaine can say, it is all he can think. He gets that Kurt is upset, he gets why Kurt is upset, but this just now feels all too familiar to that call all those months ago, late last year, ... that call before Blaine had 'before I had ... .' But before he can even go there his phone is ringing again.
"Honey, I'm sorry," he hears Kurt's voice on the other end as soon as he has scrambled up and reached for his phone, pressed the answer button.
"It's okay. I get it," Blaine breathes shakily and Kurt just knows he is almost in tears.
"You shouldn't have to have to get it. I just really miss you, and I ... I am sorry I went all psycho on you just now. I want to share my life with you already, every day, right now! It's ... it's ..."
"Hard? Frustrating? Excruciating?" Blaine offers warmly if still shaky as well, curling up on his bed, listening for Kurt's voice, even for his still uneven, agitated breathing.
"Yeah," Kurt whispers, now sounding much more sad than angry himself. "I'm scared of us drifting apart again."
"I don't want to lose you again," they say at the same time, followed by a shared laugh, still hesitant, scared but also joyous, weirdly reassured by this experience too, knowing they both want the same thing so bad still they get both this upset about missed opportunity and messed up phone conversations.
"The summer is right around the corner, my graduation. I will be with you so very soon. I promise," Blaine hums softly down the line.
"I'll come to Lima next weekend."
"Kurt, you don't have to."
"Honey," Kurt answers, "we need to talk about this. I'm sorry about the earlier talk as well, I did that thing again."
"What thing?"
"Oh, you know, that stupid thing I do, when I talked about our gig: Look at me, look at me and all the awesome new things I do here in awesome New York. Man ain't I awesome!"
Blaine cannot help the half held back laugh, "I'm pretty sure you did not use ain't earlier. Though I can tell you have been talking not just to me a lot more lately. You sound so much more like your dad these days. More than ever before since leaving for New York."
"Thanks? Or should I be offended?" Kurt asks, with a sad smile on his face, Blaine's words reminding Kurt of the reason why he is calling home so much these days, ... Finn. Kurt takes a deep breath and goes on, "I am serious though, Blaine. I am sorry. I just want to talk about it all so much because I want you to be part of every second of it all."
"I will be. Soon. And also, then ... I am sorry too."
"What about?" Kurt asks confused.
"Shutting off because I did not hear from you what I wanted to. Making a puppet of you so I could feel like I got that ... that unconditional support for whatever I do from you."
"I do support you in whatever you do," Kurt is quick to interject before adding, "And you so need to explain that puppet mess with Sue to me."
"I will," Blaine promises, already feeling his face heat up at the idea of how weird that talk is going to most likely be. "And I know, Love. I just meant, we are so far apart, we cling to every word the other says and it is so easy to only remember the parts that upset us in some way."
"I upset you?"
"NO! Yeah. I mean, ... sometimes."
"I'm so sorry," Kurt says softly.
Blaine can hear Santana in the background shouting something at Kurt in Spanish, hears Kurt shouting back something like "...just one guy. ...'ll be there soon enough."
"Do you have to go?" Blaine asks.
"Yeah, in a minute. But ... can I call you again later?"
"Please," is all Blaine says, all he has to say for Kurt to understand, because for all the miles between them now, there are all the months together in Westerville and Lima of getting to know and love each other. The changes happening are the part that is hard to keep up with.
A relationship like this, so far apart, is hard, always, for probably anyone, but ... they are talking this time, keep talking through the bad, confusing times and misunderstandings. And they will keep doing it until Blaine has moved in with Kurt and Santana, Rachel too, at the beginning, until her Broadway debut takes off way beyond anyone's expectations.
But this week is this week, and it had been a small victory calling Kurt all those times, not retreating into himself these past days, no matter how much he had felt like it at times. Kurt calling him back, just now, is really equally amazing to Blaine. Talking, communicating, or at least not giving up on trying to get better and better at it, it is their victory. And in the end that is all that is needed to triumph over pain and hardship ... and distance, a gazillion small - tiny really, in later perspective - fights taken on and won to get to be yourself.
To get to love.
Together.