The Angelic Trick To Domestication
AN: First thing posted in six months...skills. Obsession-Rules-Me edited this as usual because we have brain love.
Disclaimer: It is all Kripkes.
If someone were to ask Dean how many times he has been gravely injured the only response they would get is a cheeky grin and a casual shrug. Dean was ten years old when a ghost threw him across the room and broke his arm. By the fifth time it had happened he stopped counting. Then there is the fact that Cas had raised him from hell with a shiny, all new body. (Does he only count the post hell injuries?)
If you could get a degree in badassery Dean would have a motherfucking Master's degree.
Kills monsters? Check
Survived Hell? Check
Save the world? Check
Sexed up an angel of the Lord? Check (fuck you, seducing Cas is hard work)
Official BAMF status granted. You are free to BAMF on, my good sir.
What isn't badass?
Having your giant of a little brother and your male angel lover fuss over you while you're in the hospital with a broken leg, Yeah, a fracking broken leg, not very badass indeed. Especially since it was while he was chasing some kid that had fucked with his baby, but the little shit had keyed up the side door. HE KEYED DEANS BABY. Monsters have been beheaded for looking at his baby funny. The little shit was so lucky that he tripped while pulling up his pants with murderous intent.
Mmm sexy times with Cas in the car... Wait...
Oh yes, the point is that between Sam and Cas cooing over him his BAMf status is being seriously damaged.
Cas is at the cafeteria getting Dean pie because well, when you love a guy and he breaks his leg, you get him pie. This leaves him to just deal with Sammy watching him like a hawk, as if Dean is going to leap out of bed to try and track down the little shit who had messed with his baby in his cast. Which is getting ridiculous, because Dean's only tried that like five times, tops. Dean watches shark week more intensely than necessary while he waits for Cas to return with his pie, or for the nurse to show up and discharge him, to get the point across to Sammy that talking isn't really necessary.
"So Cas and I have been talking..."
Oh shit, it is never good when a sentence starts like that. Sam is obviously Dean's biggest weakness, the not so little anymore bastard widens his eyes and it always weakens Deans resolve, at least a little. Now combine that with Cas' big blue well-meaning stares and Dean is usually left to the whims of the other two men. It is pure evil, is what it is. "Yeah about what?"
Sam perks up, like the bitch just knows he has already won.
"Well you can't really hunt with your leg broken and Cas can't heal it without the other angels noticing and coming to bug him, so we have been thinking..." Oh yeah, that. Those dicks in heaven seem to zone in on Cas every time he uses his angel mojo and this bitch Hester seems to think it is her personal mission to 'save' Cas from Deans evil sinning grasps. So healing is usually out unless someone is dying. Stupid bitch angel with her ugly lady suit... and her hair. What is up with that bitch's hair? Is bad fashion choices built into angels? The only one who doesn't dress like a fashion-challenged accountant is Elly.
"Dean are you listening to me?" Oh damn. Sam looks like he is half way to going full Bitch Face on him.
"Get to the point Sammy." He gets a full on Bitch Face for the nickname but it is totally worth it because Sam skips to the point.
"We think we should rent a house instead of living in the motel."
Dean jerks in surprise and jolts his leg causing him to whence in pain. "What's wrong with the motel?" It has magic fingers and Casa Erotica. (He doesn't say that part out loud but he knows that Sam knows it's what he's thinking)
Sam gives a bitchy huff, "It's disgusting? We have to share a room? I swear to God Dean if i wake up one more time to you trying to get Cas naked-" He cuts himself off, making the most bitchiest of all Bitch Faces.
Okay, maybe he has a point. Naughty time is limited when you share a room with your little brother, and two grown men don't exactly fit comfortably in the back of the Impala. Sam did not take it well when he woke up to Dean trying to talk Cas into taking off his pants three mornings ago. Want to see a bitch fest? Wake Sammy up while you're trying to get laid.
Dean thinks for a second, wonders how much arguing will get him out of this when Cas comes into the room carrying a piece of apple pie like it is the holy grail with a barely there smile on his face. Dean tries to resist the urge to kiss the angel for being so damn frustratingly cute as Cas hands it to him.
"Did you ask him Sam?" Cas manages to sound casual but Dean can tell when he is excited about something. Why is his life filled with stupid girls with big earnest eyes that make him feel all wobbly? Dean mentally checks that off as more proof that God hates him and has secretly been punishing him his entire life because he knew Dean was going to de-virgin his son. Jokes on him though because Dean is totally going to keep tapping that.
"Alright fine, goddamnit, but I am not going curtain shopping!" Dean growls before digging into his pie. Cas tries to hide it by ducking his head but Dean still sees the big pleased smile on his face.
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Dean is distracted by his shark week marathon, surrounded by beers and burgers in their newest Motel room. Sam is practically vibrating with excitement and Cas isn't much better off, if not a little more composed, when they head out to go look at houses available to rent in Piedmont, North Dakota.
Yeah, Dean is going to live in Piedmont, North Dakota. He is trying not to freak out when he hears the words rent to own as the door swings shut behind them. The flutter of an angelic arrival on the couch next to him distracts him from him internal freak out. Elly is in her usual casual attire of jeans and band tee with a look between interest and horror as a shark devours a seal.
Ever since convincing Dean she isn't trying to 'get all Wincest-y with Cas' they have been pretty cool. They like a few of the same things, booze, Cas and Dr. Sexy, to name a few. Plus, she takes Sam out when Dean wants to get laid and is too sore from hunting to wiggle them both into the back of the Impala. He is a little suspicious that she has ulterior motives but whatever, Sam needs to get laid, and angel sex is awesome.
"Hey, heal my leg." Her head turns abruptly as if she is just realized that Dean is the one watching sharks kill shit with her and her eyes wander to his cast lazily.
"No." She turns back to the television as if Deans going to drop it just like that.
"What do you mean no? Why the hell not?"
Elly gives a huff eerily similar to Sam's from the other day, Dean makes a note to himself to stop letting Sam hang around the angels because he is seriously ruining them for Dean.
"Hester clipped me with an angel blade yesterday and my mojo is still all off. That reminds me, can I stay with you guys for a few days? I kind of used the last of it to get here… oh, do you have any bandages? I'm totally bleeding all over this shirt and dude it's Green Day. "
It takes a second for the rush of words to fully sink in for Dean, "SHE STABBED YOU?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?! YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER THE COUCH."
"I didn't want to ruin shark week." Elly manages to look a little contrite as Dean tells her where all of the bandages are and she settles next to him again so Dean can take care of the wound. Because apparently when you can heal yourself instantly, first aid isn't exactly on your list of things you need to know.
He is wiping all the crusted blood around the wound away when he glances up to her full on grinning at him. He hasn't seen that grin since Cas went all crazy lumberjack on that tree and leans back wearily as he grabs the needle to being stitching. "What are you smiling at, crazy?"
The smile gets bigger and Dean can't help but marvel at how similar she looks to Cas (he suspects their vessels are related) on those few occasions Dean manages to coax an actual smile out of his angel. Damn, when did he start calling Cas his angel in his head?
The smile is obnoxiously big now, "You haven't looked at my rack, not even once. You are sooo in WUV, Dean Winchester."
OH MY GOD. She's right, her tits are above average and her bra is the red lacy kind Dean's always liked but he wasn't even trying to get a peek or a feel. He was thinking about Cas' smile.
"Shut up or I'll let you bleed to death." He barks instead of lingering on those dangerous thoughts.
He is just finished up stitching the wound shut and is winding gauze around her middle when Sam and Cas come in. Cas looks exceptionally pleased to see his sister and doesn't even note that she is topless. Sam obviously does, as he goes all red and sputters something about going to get dinner before thundering out the door.
Dean is totally teasing him about that later. He owes Sam for recording him drunk singing to Cas, even if Cas made him send it to his phone and watches it sometimes.
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It is an old Tudor style and they picked it because it came fully furnished, Cas informs him when he is properly settled on the couch with his leg propped up. The real estate agent called it 'a fixer upper' and Cas hadn't really gotten that but apparently it had excited Sam.
The house isn't as disgustingly cookie cutter as Dean expected and he doesn't have to help move their few possessions in, thanks to the cast on his leg. He spends the time figuring out if Sam ordered any good channels on the cable while Sam and Cas bustle around unpacking things and Elly demon/angel proofs the whole damn place. The sounds of the few people he trusts around him moving and talking occasionally humming in the back ground is oddly relaxing and Dean is out like a light within a few minutes of arriving.
The smell of warm hot pizza wafting in from the kitchen finally wakes him a few hours later. The channel on the TV in front of him has been changed from to some chick flick with people arguing about their stupid angst filled love in the rain and there is a heavy weight leaning into his side, drooling onto his shoulder. He can tell it's Sam when he shifts and his little brothers stupid girl hair tickles his neck. Dean contemplates shoving the moose off of him but when he looks at the giant man girl snoozing on him there is a peaceful and content look on his face Dean hasn't seen in a long time and despite resisting it he smiles. It reminds him of when they used to visit Bobby and Sam would immediately climb into his lap to nap, when Sam so small he couldn't say Deans name right so (much to his annoyance) he called Dean DeDe. John and Bobby had always thought it was too funny for words.
"Are you hungry Dean?" Cas is standing in the door way of the kitchen holding a plate stacked with delicious looking pizza. He doesn't wait for an answer and hands the plate off to Dean. He settles on the other side of Sam content to watch the now kissing couple on the TV for a few seconds. "Tomorrow Elly and I will go to the store and buy food for a home cooked meal. I found an old recipe and thought I might try cooking."
An image of Cas standing in the kitchen with a flowery apron on assaults his mind, before shifting to Cas wearing nothing but the apron. Great, awkward couch boner. Dean grunts in response not trusting his self to speak for fear of ruining a nice moment.
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Cas learns to cook, he burns more than a few meals and Elly has to tackle him (ripping open her stitches) to stop him from smiting the poor old gas stove the third dinner when he begins to shout that it 'refuses to cooperate'. Dean didn't know Cas had a temper but he quickly decides that it's hot. By the fourth or fifth meal he seems to have gotten into a rhythm and by the end of the week he is close to not only being a good cook but being an excellent one. Angelic learning curves are awesome when they provide things like 50/50 burgers and homemade chocolate cake.
Sam keeps busy by fixing everything in the house that doesn't work which is almost everything. Elly spends her time either on the couch watching TV with Dean or following Cas around the kitchen conversing in languages Dean suspects no one alive speaks anymore. Sometimes they bake together in the afternoons, while Elly sips her beer and Cas drinks his tea. The rest of her time is spent sexually frustrating poor Sam and disappearing to do mysterious things Dean doesn't really want to think about, as long as she isn't doing them to him.
Nights usually end with everyone sitting around the TV to watch a movie. When Elly comes home with a bunch of video game systems, they add video game tournaments to their repertoire.
Sharing an actual bedroom with Cas is more awesome than Dean ever suspected it could be. Sam wisely picks a room on the other side of the upstairs and Dean mourns the loss of annoying his brother with the loud and frequent sex Cas and him have been having. The comfort of having a familiar place seems to relax Cas and has been surprising Dean with private gifts like hand cuffs and outfits. The cowboy costume from last year's Halloween has been making frequent appearances.
By the second week they have a pretty nice rhythm that lasts for about three weeks. Sam has the house in impressive shape and much to Cas' joy even got permission to replace the ancient stove that always burned Cas' cakes. Unfortunately, this also means that he has nothing to do but read, workout and avoid Ellys' new found love of short shorts. Dean is beating her short shorts wearing ass at a game of Mario Kart when he comes home and announces he got a job at the grocery store Mooses Mart a few blocks from the house. Dean pauses to give the name of the store an appropriate response, which is to laugh uproariously. Dean doesn't think much of this because it isn't unheard of for them to get jobs occasionally and they can't live off credit card fraud forever, so life moves on.
Except for then one day Elly leaves for work at a clothes store in the same shopping center as Sam. Cas keeps busy cleaning the house and baking a ridiculous amount. Sam brings him home the Dr. Sexy DVD collection so he doesn't miss his play mate Elly.
Three more weeks fly by and suddenly it's the day before he is due at the hospital to remove his cast. Cas is at at the stove while Dean sits at the table, grabbing at him whenever he comes into range. He can hear the giggles from the front room that mean Elly is torturing Sam while he sits on the couch trying to read.
Cas is pulling the meatloaf when it hits Dean, the cast comes off tomorrow and yeah for the last week he is been a little stir crazy but Cas has managed to stem that with a great deal of naughty time. No more familiar soft bed, no more Cas cooking or Saturdays spent beating Sam at Mario Cart. My god, he has been domesticated.
He loves this stupid old house, even the horrendous green color Cas made him help paint their room yesterday but he can't give up hunting. He knows Cas is just as happy here though, Sam is happier then Dean's seen him in a long time, talking about signing up for college classes.
"Dean, stop panicking." Cas orders calmly while he mashes the boiled potatoes to creamy deliciousness.
Sam lumbers into the room before he can respond with a goofy grin on his face and pulls three beers out of the fridge. He plops one in front of Dean before heading back into the living room, because apparently Sam enjoys being teased. Cas has scooped the mashed potatoes into a bowl, places them on the table and then unceremoniously drops himself into Deans lap. When they kiss Dean can taste the mint tea he favors and can smell his own his own cologne that lingers on the shirt Cas is wearing, because it is his.
"Shall we look for a hunt in the paper tomorrow? The house will always be here when we get back. We do rent to own after all." Cas is full blown smiling, it makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle just a little and if Dean had ovaries like Sam he would say they kind of sparkle.
Yeah, Dean is kind of cool with being domesticated.