/
Ten years later, and they're lost, but not really.
Aria's doing what she - claims to - love best. Reading. Because she's always been the artsy one, the one who read classics and went to poetry slams and literally wore art. And now she's working at a prestigious publishing company and reading is part of her work and she should love it, but she doesn't. In fact, sometimes she really hates it, like when her head hurts reading these awful stories people send in and then she finds one she loves and her boss tosses it away like it's trash. It won't appeal to our market, he says, but Aria wonders why it should matter because it's good - like really good - and the author deserves to have it published.
But she doesn't protest - she's heard the stories about the girl who did - and tries not to look disappointed.
(She's not sure if she succeeds, because she kind of feels perpetually disappointed these days.)
She takes one more look at the almost-book to find out who to address the rejection letter to before she freezes. The last name is Fitz and she doesn't want to look at the first because she's scared it's going to start with an E, so she hands it to her assistant and hurries away.
She tells Hanna later and she's met with, "Were you worried it was him, or that it wasn't?" She doesn't reply, because she still remembers. Very clearly, in fact.
The warm hand holding hers, the soft look in his brown eyes. The 'I'll never leave you's' and the tear dripping down his cheek when he finally does.
The clicking of the phone gets her attention, she's only offended that Hanna hung up on her for a second before she gets another call.
It's from her boss, asking her to work overtime because there's a manuscript here I think you'll really like and remember, if it's really good you'll be the one to get the credit!
She says yes because it's not like she has anything else to do or that she's been working overtime for half of the year or because she can't keep a boyfriend and has no social life, but because she hopes that this one will have Ezra Fitz written neatly at the bottom of it. (Don't tell anyone, but she'd totally do it anyway too.)
Slowly, she's starting to think that she really hates reading.
x.
Hanna's in the big city - yes New York, duh - and she tells herself she loves it. Instead of being the shining star she's always wanted to be, she's busy making dreams come true for everyone else….as a wedding planner.
It's hard and annoying when she hates the bride but it's all worth it when she's invited to the wedding and gets to see them on the 'happiest day of their lives'. Most of the time it isn't, but she ignores that, just like she ignores the fact that half of them are divorced by the time the year's up.
This is New York City, where people are rash and sleep too little and love too much, so it's not like she's surprised or anything.
She isn't married - she goes through boys like she used to go through food - and she doesn't want to be. She has tons of friends, most of whom are either men, gay, or happily married because she's stolen more than one boyfriend in her time - what? they're cute - and she pretends she doesn't care that she hasn't heard from Emily in ten years and she kind of hates her life.
She's fun and bubbly and happy and free until one day her friend says she's looking 'bloaty' - she just barely stops herself from saying 'That isn't a word.' like Spencer used to - and she realizes this she hasn't had her period for two months and her bra is definitely tight, which, now that she thinks about it, is also probably why guys seemed to be more attracted to her lately.
She buys a pregnancy test and the young, dark-haired teenage cashier looks at her weird when she sees that there isn't a ring on her finger, and she wants to tell her to mind her own freaking business but she isn't a teenager anymore and she's learnt how to hold her temper in. Well, kind of.
She tries not to cry when the stick has a bright pink plus sign and she doesn't even know who the father is, but she can't help letting out a few tears in the disgusting public restroom of the closest fast food restaurant she could find. She wonders when her life started falling apart and remembers how her dreams used to be so much bigger and when she was comfortable in her own skin, instead of having a 'mild eating disorder' and carrying a baby.
She kind of hopes it's a baby girl because all of the boys she's known end up leaving her. But then again, her consciousness reminds her, - she' s kind of surprised she still has one, because it's been a long time since she's done anything good - the girls do too.
x.
Emily's gone. Vanished. Another girl takes her place, someone cooler, prettier, and definitely not athletic. She changed her name as soon as she was 18 and far away from Rosewood. Now she's Sabrina Field and she's in Spain and everything seems better there. She cut ties and changed her phone number, and tries to ignore the emails they send her every now and then, because Emily Fields who? Emily was nobody's favorite, and now Sabrina is everyone's.
She's a few years out of nursing school in the US and acts mysterious and guys and girls flock to her. She's fluid like the river, and nothing about her is quite clear, even her sexuality. She moves every year or so because if she stays too long, things get too serious and the first time she did this, she got too attached and cried for weeks after she left. She still has bad memories of the children she left in Haiti. 'Why do you have to go?' they asked. She had no answer. She still doesn't.
She's glad nurses are needed everywhere, and treats every patient with a smile, whether it's at an army base for a few weeks or a pediatrician's office. She's learned that nothing's permanent, so she tries to do everything she can before she can't anymore.
She thinks she might die young too, because she'd hate it if she were old and wrinkly and needed help dressing and eating. Sometimes she reminds herself of Hanna - sweet but oh-so-silly - but she takes a minute to mediate (she picked that up in a class when she was in Japan) and forgets that her name is made up of Spencer Aria Hanna and reminds herself - no trips down memory lane, though, she doesn't think she could stand it - that she was too serious before and she's just making up for it now.
Wherever she goes she's exotic and new and interesting and she loves how even the people who know her don't, really, and enjoys it while she can.
In Spain, she's happy, and she vows to stay there just a little bit longer, in her cute little house with her nice friendly English speaking roommates and a fabulous view and delicious food. Then one day she sees ivory skin and familiar brown wavy hair. It's either Jenna or Spencer - she really hopes it isn't Spencer because she's still at the hospital and god what if she's hurt - and she almost smiles when she sees it's neither but she starts crying in the middle of her shift and she knows she needs help because she's running from her past but turning into it too.
Her clothes, personality, and attitude all scream Alison DiLaurentis and she digs out her passport and leaves the next day to go back home. Well, almost, she's never going back to Rosewood, and probably not even Pennsylvania, but she flies to California and schedules an appointment with the nearest therapist for the day after. When they ask why, she just says 'I need this' and not I'm turning into my first love and I keep on running but I need help help help help me.
They'll figure it out soon enough.
x.
Spencer's still in Rosewood. She just started at the law firm her parents work at after graduating from Penn State like every other Hastings. She loves the thrill of winning a case and helping people but she wishes it wasn't in her hometown. People still look at her and whisper, about how she was the girl who cried wolf, how she went to Radley, how she was the friend of the famous unresolved murder case. Stares follow her everywhere, and, while it makes for good business, her parents expect perfection and those years in college - away from everything - were her favorite.
The memories of four inseparable girls - or five sometimes, if she thinks way back - follow her everywhere, and the fact that she's living in her parent's barn - it's temporary - doesn't help.
She dreams of lost hope and ambition, back when the stars were almost in her grasp.
Most of the time, though, she remembers the ugly. Four faces frozen in terror, nobody believing them, and those days in Radley that jump out at her when her guard's down. Of talking dolls and hospital visits, and funerals - so many funerals - she can't escape.
Want to know a secret? She still cringes every time her phone rings.
She hasn't had a boyfriend in years, and she tries to ignore the pitying stares of happy joyful breakable people with rings on their fingers and empty banks.
They say money can't buy happiness, but Spencer's determined to prove them wrong.
She still talks to Hanna sometimes, but it's mostly Aria she stays in contact with. They were always like two peas in a pod, and even the distance can't keep Spencer from clinging to Aria like she's her only hope. They tell each other everything - well, almost - and somehow Aria always manages to bring up EzraEzraEzra in a conversation and Spencer knows she knows how pathetic it is, and whenever she asks Spencer always replies the same because she knows Aria will never come back to confirm it. 'Oh, I haven't seen him since we graduated!' and 'I don't know where he is now, but I can ask around…If you want?' She wonders if they sound as fake to Aria as they do to her - cold, hard, plastic lies - but Aria never says yes so Spencer knows she's okay - for now.
She doesn't tell her that Ezra's still in town, with Maggie and Malcolm, and how he's one of the people who see a fallen angel whenever their paths cross. (She heard him say those exact words once, when muttering to Maggie, and she can't stop the hard look that appears whenever she sees him after. She may have fallen but she's not a crushed piece of glass you have to hold gingerly, she's a survivor.)
She doesn't tell Aria that sometimes, just out of spite, she mentions her just to see him flinch - just a little bit - and how whenever Malcolm sees her he asks about 'the girl who played trains with me' but also, not about how he's started to stop.
She's better off not knowing, Spencer tells herself, and it's true. But what's also true is that Spencer isn't quite ready to talk about it either.
Want to know another secret? She doesn't think she ever will be.
/
Four lost little girls. One who clings to the past, one who tries to forget, one who ran away, and one who's trapped.
It'd be funny if it weren't so sad.
fin.
My second PLL one shot, the idea just came to me a few days ago and I had to write it down. It's meant to be a flow of consciousness from the character, hence the run on sentences and thoughts about another thought. It's a bit different than my usual story writing, but I rather like it.
Tell me what you think in a review! Should I add another chapter for the (ex) lovers (Ezra, Caleb, Paige, Toby)?