"Ugh! How am I supposed to do this, Ziva?" Macy turned on her side, leaving her laptop on her bed. "Ziva," Macy threw a small pillow at the sleeping Israeli, "wake up."

Ziva jumped to her feet, pulling out her gun in the process, "What is it?"

"Relax, Ziva, I just don't know how to do this. I… I can't. They want me to write about my memories and how can I do that when the person who was the biggest part of me is gone?" Macy pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Ziva pulled Macy into her arms as Macy kicked at the bed, "how is she gone? She's always been here. I don't get it."

"You look like her when you do that," Ziva stroked her hair, "and, I think they just want you to remember her." Macy picked up her laptop again and began to type.

I never knew much about love, or matrimony. My parents weren't married, I never met my father and the fifteen years I knew my mother seem short. My mother, NCIS Director Jennifer Shepard, was the most powerful woman in DC; she was the first female director of an armed federal agency. I didn't grow up among family or friends, but among assassins and agents. They became my family, and a few became my friends. I spent a lot of time in Abby Scuito's lab, and a lot of days in the squad room with Ziva. The last three days my mom was alive were fun, but she wasn't there. She was in LA, at a funeral. When she told me she'd go to Los Angeles I was mad at her, so the last words I spoke to her were horrible.

-"You're going to LA and you're not taking me?" Macy said sulking into a chair in her office.

"Macelyn Ginger Shepard, I'm going to a funeral, you would have no interest."

"We never do anything together. It's all work for you, Abby's more of a mom than you are."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is. You don't even love me." Macy stood and walked to the door, "have fun without me."-

I was with Palmer when Ducky came and told us the news- Jenny was dead. Palmer and I have the same love of learning; funny though I'm half his age and know twice as much medical procedures and terminology. We were cracking up at my mispronunciation of some name of a disease that I had found written on a sticky note. One I later learned my mother had and this was the reason it was written down, and why Ducky had it. She trusted him with her life. Moments before I first saw the name I had received a call, and it went somewhat like this.

- "Macy," Jenny's tone was filled with worry.

"No, mom I haven't burned NCIS headquarters to the ground. It's just missing the top floor."

"Macy," she laughed, this was one of the few times Jenny laughed at the sound of her daughter burning her workplace, "how are you, baby?"

"I'm fine mom, what time does your flight land?"

"At ten thirty; you miss me?"

"Nah, I just want to know what time the party should end."

"Macelyn, that's not even funny."

"I know. Yeah, I miss you."

"Honey, I have to go. Just remember I love you, please don't be mad at me. No matter what happens."

"Okay, mom, love yah too," she hang up.

About thirty minutes after that Ducky came down, teary eyed to find Palmer laughing at my laugh.

"Macelyn, dear, I have some bad news. Mister Palmer, would you step out for a moment?"

"Yes, doctor," Palmer contained his laugh and walked out of the room.

"Sup, Duck?" He faked a smile at Macy.

"Macelyn, dearest, Jethro just called me." Ducky prepared a box of Kleenexes, "About an hour ago Jennifer was shot and killed in a diner in the Mohave Desert. I'm terribly sorry darling."

Macy stood, briefly sweeping her hand across her cheekbones, trying to hide the tears.

"Macelyn, you are just like your mother. But there is one thing that both you and she needed to know, it is alright to cry. You don't have to pretend this didn't happen."

"Thank you, Ducky." Macy spoke in an icy tone.

"We will need to talk later there is something you will need to know. Just know I'm here if you want to talk."

"Alright, thanks," Macy turned then boarded the elevator.

I left that morgue and sat in the elevator. I had debated on which floor I wanted to go to. Abby's I had already decided against, she'd make me cry. And that was something I didn't want to do.

Squad room floor would be awkward, especially with the dead director's daughter wandering around… And Ziva was in LA, with my mom's body- no, she is not dead. She cannot be dead.

Then there was forth level NCIS, mom's level. Cynthia. I'll have Cynthia.

Cynthia and I had been close ever since mom's first meeting on that first week of her being Director ran an hour longer than it should have. As I approached the door I heard muffled sobs. I opened the door in a very Jenny fashion.

"Director, I heard you-" Cynthia looked up and stopped talking,

"Yeah, I just heard the same thing." Macy plopped on the couch across Cynthia's desk.

She stood from her chair and sat again next to Macy.

"It's gonna be okay."

"Thanks, Cyn."

"Let it out, Mace, you can cry in front of me."

I cried for hours on end. So did Cynthia. Then Ziva arrived and immediately took me to her apartment, where we cried and talked about my mother.

After the death of my mother life changed drastically, but with the help of friends and loved ones we were all able to cope, not accept or forget.

"So what do you think?" Macy asked Ziva, biting the tip of her right thumb.

"I think it is very true," Ziva said laying her head on Macy's shoulder.

"No, I mean do you think it's A worthy?"
"Most certainly."

"Are you just saying that cuz you could torture Ms Davide until she changed my grade to an A?"

"If I say yes will you let me sleep?"

"Yes."

"Thanks, Ziva."