Hello! I haven't published one of these in (checks last uploaded one shot) 3 months! So sorry! But I'm back and this one is sure to be a treat! It is My Friends from Mr. L's point of view and will hopefully give you some giggles!

I left in a few of her lines she sang to Sweeney at the end of the song (you know: you can move in here Mr. Todd, those things) because I thought they would fit :)

Disclaimer: No. I do not own anything except Nellie's comments. Shocker.

These are my friends.

Your only friends are inanimate objects?

See how they glisten.

Because I didn't leave them out to tarnish. You're welcome.

See this one shine...

Oh yes. Beautiful. *Currently bored as Hell*

How he smiles in the light.

He? Not she? Prison really did change you…

My friend.

And what am I? The crazy pie woman? I just helped your lost ass!

My faithful friend...

Sure. A razor that I saved for you for 15 years while you were in prison was more faithful than me.

Speak to me friend.

It can't…it's a razor. Are you sure you're ok?

Whisper...

It. Can't. It's a bloody razor.

I'll listen.

You'll listen to a razor but not me? A relatively-almost-normal human? Jealous mode: Activated.

I know, I know you've been locked

In the wrong place; it's my room you should've been in.

out of sight

Shame to keep someone as handsome as you locked up.

all these years, like me

Like you? Your razors aren't as pretty as you, dear.

My friend...

Friend? Friend? You're friend-zoning me?

well I've come home to find you waiting.

Yes Sweeney! I've been waiting for you like a good little obsessive stalker!

Home, and we're together!

You're home and we can finally be together!

And we'll do wonders.

Yes, we'll do…wonders…

Won't we?

Indeed, Mr. T. ;)

You there, my friend?

Of course! Crazy, lovesick, stalkers never leave!

Come let me hold you.

Mmmm, you can do more than hold me, Mister T.

Now,

And then maybe again later.

with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand.

I grow warm in other places too, if you get my drift…

My friend!

Friend with benefits?

My clever friend...

Glad you see what I did there!

Rest now, my friends.

Never you fear, Mr. Todd, I'll do whatever you want

Soon, I'll unfold you.

You can move in here, Mr. Todd and can unfold me anytime…

Soon you'll know splendors

Mr. Todd, splendors. Probably isn't a fitting enough description, rawr.

You never have dreamed

Oh, I've dreamed a lot…wanna know about what?

all your days

That's not dreaming that's day dreaming. Guess you aren't as bright as you used to be…

my lucky friends

I truly hope that means I'm going to get to sleep with you.

'Til now your shine

You think I'm glowing? That is a terrible pale joke.

was merely silver.

Not sure of compliment or calling my skin metal…

Friends, you shall drip rubies,

Rubies? As in the gem? That must be one magic razor

you'll soon drip precious rubies...

Is that possible foreshadowing indicating your future murdering ways?

At last! My arm is complete again!

Oh and you're welcome that I've nearly lost the shop because I've been saving those for years, but you know, no big deal.

Hope you caught all those little innuendos, I thought these were the things she would be thinking because we all know she wants him. WE. ALL. KNOW. It's not like she hides it well. Thanks for reading and please review :)