Disclaimer: I don't own Psych.
When the Going Gets Tough
The middle of the ocean.
One lifejacket.
One lifeboat.
Two frantic best friends at each others throat with blame and panic.
Shawn's voice rose above, demanding and annoyed, "I will drown your black ass!"
Gus, for his part, stood his ground – well, metaphorically, since they were in the water. "I have the lifejacket, Shawn! Get away from me!"
Gus swam – well, more floundered spastically – until he could hold the side of the small wooden dingy in a death grip. Shawn, on the other hand, had no buoy like Gus's lifejacket, and struggled to kick closer to his current frenemy, a task made difficult by his waterlogged clothes and the constant, oppositely moving waves.
Gus took advantage of his companion's current state to haul himself into the boat, grunting with the effort and briefly kicking his legs in the air before tumbling in.
Shawn had by this point managed to grasp the edge of the boat, gasping with the effort and turning his head every which way.
"Help me in!" Shawn said.
"No," Gus responded, glaring at his friend. "I told you to wear the lifejacket, Shawn. I told you we would need it, and I definitely, specifically remember saying 'If we end up in the middle of the ocean, you're on your own.'"
Shawn stared at him in bewilderment. "I don't remember that!"
"Maybe you were too busy getting us kicked off the boat!"
"I did not!"
"You tried to hit on the Captain's daughter, Shawn! He had an axe!"
"It was for safety!"
"Then you practically asked to walk the plank!"
Shawn gave Gus a look. "C'mon, man, it was just like that pirate movie with Johnny Depp! I was gonna grab a gun and land on an island!"
"Shawn, that makes me Kiera Knightley."
"But she's hot, right?"
"Get off my boat."
Shawn gaped at his friend. Okay, so maybe he had gotten them kicked off the boat, while it was afloat in the middle of the ocean. And yes, he definitely remembered laughing at Gus's ridiculous orange lifejacket. In his defense though, he'd thought it was some sort of device to store all the puke Gus upchucked when on the ocean. Save the plumbing and all. Still, no matter how tired and sore his legs were getting, there was no way he was going to put one of those on.
The ship that would rescue them might have another hot girl on it. Because the Captain's daughter had been fine...
Shawn was brought rudely back to the present when something hard and wooden cracked across the hand that was clinging to the boat.
"Jesus!" Shawn shouted, snatching his hand back. But then, as he immediately began to float away, he shot out his uninjured one to hold on instead. "What was that for?"
"Get off my boat, Shawn," Gus said seriously. "I'm trying to row to shore."
Gus wouldn't really do that, would he? Leave Shawn here? No, the man decided. Of course not.
All the same, he tried a different tactic. "Sharks, Gus!" His childhood best friend wouldn't leave him in the middle of the Pacific, liable to a shark attack at any given moment. That was just cruel.
"Then you better get up here," was all Gus said grudgingly, but still not lending a helping hand.
Shawn tried, he really did, but between keeping himself afloat amongst the waves and trying to get purchase on the slippery boat sides, he just couldn't do it. But hey, climbing on a boat in the middle of an ocean while your best friend is being no help whatsoever is hard.
Shawn glared at Gus. The other man stared back solidly, arms crossed and face smug. With a warrior cry, Shawn launched himself at the boat, using his whole weight to capsize the thing. If he couldn't be on it, Gus couldn't either.
"Wha- SHAWN!"
Immediately, Gus grabbed on to the other end and used his mass to balance the pulls and keep the thing steady.
"Are you out of your damn mind?" Gus shouted, still clinging desperately. Shawn had had a point – there could be sharks in the water.
"Get out of the boat, Gus!" Shawn demanded, voice high-pitched from the effort he was giving to trying to turn over the capsule. "Get out of the boat!"
Gus felt himself slipping as Shawn had a better angle to turn the boat on its side.
"Why the hell would I do that?"
Shawn didn't answer, just grunted with the effort of pulling on the dingy. Gus realized that his annoying compadre would, at any moment now, be successful in his efforts, so in a split second risk he chanced releasing his hold in favor of plunging the oar into the water instead.
Shawn paused at the sound of the water splash, his body twisting and eyes widening as he saw the oar start to paddle, spraying him with salt water.
"No – no Gus! Stop it!" Shawn spluttered through the water, feeling the boat inch forward as it gave in to the desperation with which Gus dug it into the waves to gain momentum. "GUS!"
The boat continued onwards, Gus inside and panting with the effort of pulling both the boat and Shawn forward. Because never let it be said that Shawn Spencer gave in to possible death easily. He clung to the boat – in the wet cat manner that he'd accused Gus of once before – kicking his legs and shouting while his friend paddled in the middle of the ocean.
If Gus'd been less panicked, he may have taken the moment to bask in the childishness that was Shawn throwing a tantrum.
The bickering grew louder and louder, until a ferry passing could even hear the exchanged insults, as well as spot Gus's bright orange lifejacket.
"You're a jerk!"
"Well, you're insane, Shawn!"
"This is why you don't get dates!"
"Two words, man: Maggie Crenshaw."
The next cry was outraged, "No!"
"Yes," the smug reply was immediately contrasted with a loud, "OW! I have a bum knee, Shawn!"
"The hell is the matter with you? We agreed no dibs!"
"Admit it, Shawn, I'm smoother than you."
"That's not what your mom said last night!"
"Don't be so immature- SHAWN, CUT IT OUT!"
The rescue boat managed to reach the two friends in time to witness the small wooden dingy do a complete 180, dislodging a pissed off looking black man right into the smugly-turned-shocked face of another, taking the both of them underwater.
The rescuer was not positive whether or not the scene would count as attempted murder or something of the sort, but he really wasn't about to get in the middle of this cat-fight on board.
Later, Shawn and Gus sat on a small bench aboard their rescue ship, as dry as possible and heading towards shore. Shawn kept shooting his friend glances, who in turn had his attention on the ship itself. There was something seriously bugging the psychic, and it was a moment before he finally decided to risk knowing the answer.
"Hey, Gus," Shawn started, laughing a little nervously, "you wouldn't really have just left me there, would you?"
Gus continue to stare straight ahead, just shrugging slightly in response.
"Gus?" Shawn nudged his friend. "Aw, c'mon buddy. You wouldn't have!" He hesitated. "Right?"
Gus looked at Shawn, ahead, then back at Shawn, still saying nothing.
Shawn decided that maybe his actions needed a little more justification.
"I guess I did get us kicked off that boat. I know you spent a lot of money on the trip, and then I ruined it 'cause of my manly impulses. I apologize." He paused, then continued graciously, "And you know what? I'll control myself. And I'll even let you have first call on the next lady we see."
There was barely two heartbeats before Gus responded, "Okay," while fighting a smile.
Shawn looked at him, confused. "Really? That's it?"
Gus turned to his friend, nodded, then said simply, "Dibs." Then he got up and walked away, and Shawn's stomach dropped when he followed Gus's gaze.
That woman was even hotter than the one he'd gotten thrown off the other ship for. Yet she was still definitely in his league, and a quick cursory "psychic" check showed him that here was a woman he could certainly impress.
That is, if Gus hadn't already called dibs. Dammit.
"Hey...hey wait!" Shawn called, seriously rethinking his previous statements. "Gus! Come on..Gus! Man!" He sighed, realizing it was in his best interest to resign.
But then he took another look at Gus, who was quickly checking his reflection in a rounded window before making his way towards the pretty lady. Shawn groaned, the orange contraption – damp and maybe a little vomity – wrapped around Gus's torso compelling him to call out,
"At least take off the lifejacket!"
A/N:
Mah first Psych fic! ^.^ And I couldn't even post it for another day cuz the title was eluding me...
I don't really know where it came from, but Gus-and-Shawn dialogue cracks me up all the time. So, y'know, I figured it could be an uplifting project :P Cuz I'm actually quite annoyed that every. Single. Show. That I watch. Does not come back on. Until fall -.- I mean, that's just cruel! *sulks*
*perks up* Well, this was fun. I was supposed to be filling out my schedule for finals and crap, but like that's more important ;) Whatelsewhatelse...
Ooh! I love all the Shules this past season ^.^ But I don't write romance so I shall appreciate it from a distance. Annnd...that is all. Besides asking you to review. Cuz look! *pokes review button* It looks all spiff and 3D-ish and blue and inviting! And if you click it, it sorta bounces. Really. Give it a try :)
-Dodo