I still live in a world of happiness

By Water/Air

For once, Shinji was really sleeping well. It was nice not having to think about the stuff that normally plagued his mind because all of that was over now. He realized that he could leave it behind and he did. Now sleep wasn't a sweaty mess of nightmares but a cozy haze in which engulfed him comfortably like heavy bed sheets and he loved the feeling of warmth and belonging.

It was like he finally had achieved something or found his happiness. Seeing everything as it was full of its virtues. This optimism was new to Shinji, who had always felt like he was on the verge of destruction. Everything had been nerve racking but now it was like he was on the other side, away from his problems and he was enjoying it. His futon was cool and warm and he wasn't thrashing around. His father was the last thing on his mind.

Perhaps, this state of mind was brought on by the fact that for the first time since he was four, he felt like he had a family. Earlier that day, Misato invited Kaji over for what had been Thanksgiving. The American Holiday had been adapted in Japan but celebrated as more of thankfulness to be alive after Second Impact. Asuka was excited and ignored Shinji as usual but Shinji didn't care because when he talked, people listened to him and answered and were nice to him. They had cut the turkey and ate until they were pleasantly full. Then they all watched the stars outside on the balcony which seemed to light up extra bright. Like the gods were granting Shinji a day of peace.

The chronicled moment was when he asked Asuka if she was enjoying herself and she answered nicely as if he was on her level for once and like he wasn't of a different species. He smiled and looked upon it with joy. Asuka was a great person once he got to know her well enough. Shinji smiled as he felt his heavy sheets wrap around and welcome him like a hug. Then, when the clock struck twelve-thirty, they all went to bed as the sky grew dark. Even so, the moon hung through the windows of the Katsuragi residence and made it look magical when dark and empty.

Kaji accompanied Misato to her room and Shinji was surprised when he didn't see Asuka scream about it, just go to her room. Then, he heard her playing the violin. It was a happy song though. With moments like this, Shinji figured that his confidence wouldn't have suffered so much. Maybe he could boost himself back up again as long as he was given kindness.

Shinji kept a vision of all this in his head when he had fallen asleep at twelve-forty-five but he was awakened later by a sound at two-thirty. At first it was muffled and very soft but Shinji soon recognized it as crying. He had known because secretly, he had cried himself in his own solitude and remembered it well enough.

Misato had heard it too as Shinji could make out noises in her room. "I should go look," Misato stated, getting up.

Kaji kissed her neck. "Maybe you should get dressed first."

"Of course."

"Just hurry back..."

Shinji, open to all emotion now, felt some sorrow rush through him. It must have been Asuka then. He turned over and looked at the ceiling. He eyed his SDAT but decided to leave it where it be. Then he turned on his side to here muffled voices again.

"Asuka, go back to bed. It's late... I mean early."

Asuka sobbed for a moment. "Please Misato, just go away."

"Please...."

"Will you be okay?"

"Yeah......... I'm always okay...."

"Okay, then. Good night.... I mean morning."

Then they stopped and Shinji heard Misato's room door open and slide shut as he heard muffled sounds of Kaji talking in her room. Then he heard the sobs again and remembered how nice she was to him before when she could have easily shoved him away. He felt some compassion to help her cheer up. Stepping out into the cold, Shinji pulled away his covers and stood up. Then he walked for the door and opened it slowly. Then he closed it as to have Kaji and Misato think he was still in his room.

All Shinji had to remember was not be offended by her if she was being mean. He, for once, wanted to help her. He wasn't going to miss his chance because of her attitude. He peeked out into the moonlight-filled living room and saw Asuka, legs folded, hands covering her face, on the couch. The moon made her hair almost sparkle and looked almost magical on her. He was at a loss for words as he looked at the young woman who was now, inadvertently, bathing in moonlight.

Asuka's sobs masked Shinji's footsteps as he walked into the middle of the room, casting a shadow in the moonlight but Asuka couldn't see because her face remained in her hands. "Mama," she whispered. Shinji remembered hearing that before. He stepped forward in between sobs in order to get her attention without drawing it.

Asuka looked up to see Shinji standing there and their eyes met. Shinji just remembered earlier that day and reminded himself that he could be a little grateful. They were like family and family helped each other out. Shinji felt like he belonged and because of this he found the desire to help Asuka find where she belonged. He swallowed the rising saliva in his mouth and waited for one of them to speak.

"Hello...." she sobbed. "Hello Shinji."

"Asuka...."

"I'm sorry that I'm so loud and disturbing you from your sleep," she said, her voice a bit shaky. To Shinji this was a second of the day. Asuka actually apologized to him. This was also new. Could it have been possible that Thanksgiving had affected Asuka in such a way? That was the question on Shinji's mind.

"Why are you crying?" Asuka looked up in confusion at Shinji's question but decided to answer.

"I just had a nightmare. No big deal."

Shinji remembered his own nightmares. He remembered that they would never let him have rest and would always torment him for hours. Maybe the gods didn't favor Asuka so much as Shinji for the best night in a long time. He looked down and realized the third big thing: Asuka was crying in front of him. This wasn't just a small deal. Shinji figured that it must have shaken her up very bad. "No, it is."

"Huh?"

"Whatever happened in your past that you dream of... It's over, just move on," Shinji's voice was calm and flowing for once like he was at ease and Asuka caught it.

"But, Shinji, you can't understand! I just can't forget!" Asuka cried, burying her head back into her hands. Shinji looked up in kindness and bent down so he was face to face with Asuka.

"Just think of something else," he said almost in a whisper. Shinji waited to see if he had done the right thing and almost instantly, he knew that he had. Then he extended his arms and slowly wrapped them around Asuka, pulling her close. "You never have to go it alone, Asuka. It's your choice."

Asuka was surprised that Shinji somehow had the nerve to hug her like this but just smiled sadly and patted him on the back. Then she hugged him back. Her head over his shoulder. "How do you always know?" she asked, her voice hopeless. When she got no answer, she sighed and gave in, fully hugging him.

It had been her first intimate hug in a long time. Asuka smiled and also blushed at it because it felt like she was being hugged by a person that she loved very much. Her family.

So Shinji was her family. Asuka managed a serious laugh before letting go of the hug and looking Shinji straight in the face. "Is there... are you here for me alone?" she asked in a meek voice.

Shinji smiled. "Yeah. I like it when you play the violin."

Asuka smiled. "Thank you."

They talked for a moment before Asuka found herself back at her room and Shinji at his. Asuka pulled the cover off of the futon and then sat down on it. The tears making her eyes sore and eager to close. Shinji felt like he was in a protective fog. The heavy hugs were upon him and he felt like he was surrounded by pure family. For once, sleep didn't scare him and the city seemed alive. And for once he didn't fear the next day. 'I didn't think it was possible for me to be happy again. The world seemed so empty...' Shinji thought. Then he closed his eyes. 'I guess I still live in a world of happiness.'