He's dead. My first, my only, love Zack… died. It's been over a year now but slowly I'm tuning back into reality again.
"Aerith, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Jam and toast please Mum"
See… 'yes' 'please' 'thankyou' 'no' and 'I would like'. I'm back to normal. Right?
No one can answer what it is I'm meant to do about how I feel though. I don't remember life being this hard; I can't always keep my happy smile on… So I take a breath and try again and again til I succeed.
The first place I head to after breakfast and my morning chores is the run down church to look after the flowers Zack thought I should sell. Sometimes some children from the slums with nothing better to do come to help. The company is nice.
But whenever I'm there every sound and every smell reminds me of him. I hear a floorboard creak and I turn around to see if it's him walking through the doors. I feel the wind and I look at the roof to see if he'll fall through again.
He never does and all I want is to be back in his arms again.
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It doesn't hurt you know? It's actually kind of peaceful. What does hurt is knowing that she doesn't know. Knowing that my parents don't know. I've visited them you see. My parents check the mail every day looking for a letter from me and Aerith sits in our church and cries when she thinks no one's looking.
I've tried to talk to her, to whisper her name on the wind… to hold her but it doesn't work. I know someday she'll find someone else to make her smile, to give her gifts and to treat her like the angel I know she is. And that's fine. I just wish they'd hurry up so she won't cry any more.
I know she can't speak to me or know I hear her but that's alright. I'm happy sitting outside heaven's door watching and listening and guarding her until that day comes.
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I think and think and do my best to remember his voice. To remember his words. Some definitive proof that he wouldn't just leave me. That he cared for me.
A touch here. A smile there. A promise. But my mind is too clouded to see clearly. Did you say there's nothing to worry about looking at the natural sky? That in the country the stars shine so brightly? Didn't you say we would live above the slums selling flowers to the rich?
I don't remember.
Where are you?
Have you forgotten the only luxury I want the most?
I miss you.
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I watch you write your letters to your friends and family. Write in your diary that you bought with the money you got from selling the flowers. I know you write about me. And oh I want to write back; so badly.
But I can't. And I guess that's alright. I can wait. I'll save up all the things I want to tell you and when we are together again we can spend the rest of our time talking to each other. Living the life we missed.
Even if you can't talk to me right now. Even if you can't hear me. I'm watching over you…
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Dear Zack
Slowly these days without you have become months and then years. I guess if you could see me you'd be tired of me waiting up for you. Waiting for your letter. Not moving on.
Well… Did you know I met someone? He's nice. He's a soldier like you, I knew right away because his eyes were that amazing sky blue. Had you two met? He doesn't remember your name though, and I can't imagine someone who has met you forgetting it. Anyway, this is going to be my last entry in this diary. It's nearly full anyway. That soldier, his name is Cloud, has invited me to join his group travelling around the world. I might even get to visit your home town. Maybe even see you there. Anyway, I'm leaving this diary in my room and locked away so no one else can read it. I guess this is really goodbye. So, until we meet again.
Love always, Aerith.
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I watch her lock the diary, her final entry so fresh I'll bet the ink hasn't even dried, into her draw. Hide the key and sit on her bed, waiting for Cloud to come and pick her up. Tears running down her face. At last though, this is a proper goodbye and she's moving on. I can finally return to the lifestream in peace.
Goodbye Aerith. Until we meet again.
Love always, Zack.