Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Criminal Minds or the characters/elements within. The song "Last Thing On My Mind" belongs to LeAnne Rimes. Pure Inspiration
Summary: Two nights, Reid dreams of Maeve having a couple conversations with him that didn't entail a nightmare. Maeve in his dreams decided to allow him to grieve, and help him let her go. This is one of his journal entries that he writes about it.
**this is an update** apparently posting song lyrics even though you cite the name of the song/artist,etc etc. Is a big NO NO so I had to remove it. I posted a new "song I had written so I hope this works.**
Last Thing On My Mind
For the first time I was able to close my eyes and not re-live one of the worst moments of my life as a criminal profiler, professionally and personally, was witnessing the death of someone whom I have never met but knew so much about. I didn't have to see her face to face to know I loved her, but I couldn't get myself to confess such feelings, even though I know she reciprocated those feelings in return. Sitting in the coffee shop on the corner I always sat at on my days off, empty, not a sound anywhere. I hear a slight giggle to my right. I turn my head, and there she was, just as I remember when I saw her on that fateful night. She was beautiful, just as I had always imagined her the whole time we spoke on the phone during the communication arrangement we had for so long.
"Hi." I smiled awkwardly.
"Hi yourself." She smiled in return
"It's good to see you in a different way this time."
"I would be inclined to agree with you there." Her words had me lower my head, breaking eye contact with her.
"Hey," she lifted my chin to bring my eyes with her, her skin was so soft as I had imagined. My body felt on fire, my imagination of her touch brought chills. "None of this was your fault, Spencer. Do you hear me? None."
"Maeve," tears begin to well in my eyes. "You told me once that you loved me, and in return, I lied to your face telling you that I didn't love you, all in hopes of saving your life. The look you gave me is something that I would never forget. It's something I couldn't forgive myself for because in reality, I loved you back, even though I never laid eyes on you, I still considered you the most beautiful woman in my life. "
"Spencer," I look at her with a guitar secured in her grasp. "Maybe it is time for you to let it go?" She begins to strum a melody, as he began to sing.
Lying awake, can't sleep
All I can think of is you.
You dance all around me,
yet I can't reach for you
I can't believe you are gone,
Each day is such a blur,
I dream of your kiss
I itch for your skin to mine
All day I see your face,
All night I scream your name
Your voice is music to my ears,
My thoughts have never been so clear,
All I want to do is love you
Erase that day, I want to start over
Since the day you slipped away,
I want to scream your name.
I want to shed tears of joy,
Yet all I have is sorrow.
All day I see your face,
All night I scream your name
Your voice is music to my ears,
My thoughts have never been so clear,
All I want to do is love you
Would I have to pray your return,
or would I sell my soul...?
Lying awake,
You dance all around me,
yet I can't reach for you.
All day I see your face,
All night I scream your name
Your voice is music to my ears,
My thoughts have never been so clear,
All I want to do is love you
All I want to do is love you...forever...forever
He leans in, placing a light kiss upon her lips, and rested his forehead to hers. "I love you, Maeve." His eyes tear even more.
"I love you too, Spencer. You have so much of your life ahead of you; please don't hold on for me. You need to be happy, and I am sure, there is women out there who will be with you for you, because you have a heart of gold, let it be your treasure, and gift you give. "As he pulled away, her image begins to fade.
Reality
Reid awakens with a start with a knock on the door. He gets up wrapping his blanket around him. He pads to the front door. He opens his door and his heart sinks. A petite, yet athletic woman in her mid to late 20's, black pant suit, her auburn hair tightly secured in a bun. "Dr. Spencer Reid?" he nods. "My name is Agent Kira Stansen from the Air Force Office of Special Investigation. I just transferred to Quantico. I actually moved in downstairs. I'm friends with Aaron Hotchner, and when I told him I moved here, he mentioned you lived here too…" She started to smile. "Sorry I am rambling." Reid smiled back at her. "No problem, um,…." For once he was at loss of words. "Would you like to get a coffee sometime?" She smiled back at him. "Sure, I would like that." She hands him her card. "My cell number is there. I guess I will see you later." He nods at her as she turns and walked down the staircase. Reid shuts the door, while leaning into it, he holds the card, staring at it. "Maybe this is a new beginning." He heads into his bedroom, getting ready for his brand new day, brand new Spencer Reid.