Title: Take My Hand
Rating: NC-17
Summary: It's graduation day. Feelings come out and truths are revealed.
Notes: Written for Pizes Week. Not related to the "Talking To The Moon" but it is a prequel to a fic coming later this week. Might even do more in this 'verse. May be the heaviest angst I've ever written, I cried while writing the end bit. Don't hate me.
The last four years had been long and difficult. Hook-ups, break-ups, make-ups, and everything in between. And it all boiled down to this moment, graduation day. The students of William McKinley High School were filled with joy at the prospect of their high school careers being over, but they were also filled with sorrow for the friends they may never see again, fear for what may lie ahead, and anticipation of a new life far away from Lima, Ohio.
This was no different for Lauren Zizes. Lauren hated to admit it, but there were people she was going to miss. Her wrestling team for sure, but oddly enough, she realized she'd miss a lot of New Directions. As they took the stage for the final time during the ceremony, Lauren sighed. She definitely wouldn't miss Berry, that was for damn sure. She still talked with Cedes and Tina though, and it was sad to see Mercedes off while Tina stayed for another year. Hudson and Hummel were alright, with the exception of Berry always hanging around them. Lauren had even grown to appreciate Quinn and Santana, and Brittany by association. She'd spent enough time with Artie in A/V club to know he was a cool guy and that the club was in good hands next year. Mike and Tribrows... well she didn't know them too well but they seemed sad to be separated from their significant others for a year. And then there was Puckerman. In a weird way, Lauren knew she'd miss him the most. She was always afraid to admit to herself the real reason she broke up with him at the beginning of the year, but she knew she couldn't hide it forever. She was afraid of falling in love with him, and some small voice in the back of her head reminded her that she already had, that she'd ended things too late in the game.
When New Directions returned to their seats, Principal Figgins took the stage to start announcing the names of the graduates. Lauren watched as row after row of students took the stage, might have even applauded for a few glee clubbers. Finally her row stood and made their way to the stage. She held her head high, and when she accepted her diploma she grinned out to her parents. Everything after that happened in a blur. There were pictures with her family and friends, congratulations from teachers, and even a mob of hugs from her teammates. Finally though, students were told to go change and get ready for the all-nighter. Lauren said goodbye to everyone and made her way to the locker room to change with the rest of the girls. When she finished, she rejoined the crowd of students in front of the school. She leaned against a wall, quietly observing everyone else from a distance when a hand slipped into hers. "C'mon," a voice whispered in her ear.
Lauren spun around and realized she was face-to-face with Puck. She jerked her hand out of his grip and folded her arms in front of herself. "What do you want?" she asked.
Puck smirked. "Do you really wanna spend the next twenty-four hours with these losers?" he asked, gesturing to the crowd behind them. Lauren looked over her shoulder and sighed. "Didn't think so. A few of us are having our own all-nighter at my place. Figured you might prefer that to this."
Lauren quirked an eyebrow. "By 'a few of us' you mean your glee club, don't you," she said. Puck nodded and Lauren rolled her eyes. "Whatever. It beats hanging around with these dipshits," she said. She followed him to his truck and bit back a grin when he held her door open. She mumbled a thanks before getting in. When he started the truck, Lauren looked over at him. "Y'know, I really am proud of you. Didn't think you'd pull it off," she said.
Puck glanced over and smiled. "Almost didn't. But I have to set a good example for Beth, especially if Shelby's gonna let me hang around." He leaned back, draping an arm over the back of the seat. "Congrats by the way," he said. "I heard about your scholarship."
Lauren blushed and smiled. "Yeah well, 'first female state wrestling champ in Ohio' has a lot of benefits," she replied.
The rest of the drive was idle chit-chat until they got to Puck's place. They parked and went inside to start the setup. Not ten minutes later the door swung open and Santana and Brittany waltzed in carrying paper grocery sacks. "Puckerman!" Santana shouted into the house. "Where do you want me to-Aw hell nah!" Lauren smirked when Santana caught sight of her, Puck following close behind. "The hell is that beached whale doing here?" she asked, gesturing to Lauren.
"Nice too see you too, Lopez," Lauren said, rolling her eyes.
"Cut it out San, I invited her," Puck said. "Just put that shit in the kitchen and start laying it all out."
Santana glared at them as she pushed past, and Brit just smiled. "I'm glad you came Lauren!" she said. "Cuz like, you were one of us for a little bit but that still makes you family, just like Sam even though he left for a little then came back, and Blainey even though he just joined and Rachel even though she's... Rachel."
She skipped off into the kitchen with her girlfriend before Lauren could reply, so she just shrugged and turned to help Puck move furniture. Little by little, the members of New Directions filtered in and each displayed some sort of surprise at Lauren's presence. Except for Finn who just shot Puck a small grin.
As the party picked up, Lauren once again found herself observing rather than joining. There was a small smile on her face as she watched everyone dancing, if you could even call it that in their various states of inebriation. Puck came up next to her and held a cup out, but she shook her head. "Not drinking tonight Puckerman," she said.
Puck chuckled. "It's Coke, okay?" Lauren eyed him skeptically before shrugging and taking the drink. She took a small sip and seemed satisfied with the contents. "So are you enjoying yourself?" he asked lamely.
Lauren chuckled and turned to face him. "Why'd you invite me?" she asked in place of a response. "I mean really?"
Puck sighed and took Lauren's hand. He led her back to his room and shut the door. "Sorry... I couldn't think with all of... that." He set his and Lauren's drinks down on the dresser and pulled her over to sit on the edge of his bed. "You know I'm no good at this talking shit," he said. "I guess today just made me realize what I was missing in my life. The last nine months, I convinced myself I was fine. That I was the same old Puckzilla I've always been. But getting that diploma... realizing things are really gonna start changing now... I needed to be honest with myself. And you."
Lauren got that same panicky feeling she always got when shit started getting serious. Like butterflies in her stomach only worse. "Puckerman, what are-"
"I love you Lauren," Puck said bluntly. "I have since last year. I loved you when you saved me from that Port-A-John, I loved you when you stood me up on our first date. I loved you when we broke into the school. I loved you when you listened to me talk about Beth all summer long. And I loved you even when you broke up with me." He sighed and searched her eyes. "I've never felt like this about anyone. And I never want to feel like this about anybody else. You're it for me, Lauren Zizes. I just... needed to tell you before I lose you forever."
Lauren sighed and looked down at her lap, trying to find words to say. "I..." She looked up at Puck. "You really had to do this now?" she finally asked. "Today? Damnit!" She stood and paced for a moment before turning back to Puck. "You really think I broke up with you because of my reputation? Do I really seem like that kinda girl?" She pinched the bridge of her nose briefly then took a deep breath. "I was scared. I was falling in love with you and it terrified me. I've never been so vulnerable before and I had to get out."
Puck looked up at her in confusion. "Are you serious?" he asked. "You were scared?" He chuckled once and pulled Lauren back down to the bed by her hand. "Lo... For all the shit you do and all the people you intimidate, you let something as stupid as falling in love scare you?"
Lauren pulled her hand back. "It's not that simple!" she said. "My parents met in the ninth grade. They literally never dated anyone else. They're each other's first and last everything. I never wanted that and then you came along and fucked it all up and I had to go and fall in love with you and it wasn't easy for me okay?" She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, blinking back the stupid tears that had come out of nowhere. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. You have Beth and a history with near about every woman in this town and Christ, you aren't even going to college. My life is so much bigger than Lima and I was about to be that girl that threw it all away for a boy. I couldn't let myself do that."
Puck sighed and tilted Lauren's chin down so he could look her in the eyes. "You know I'd never ask that of you," he said. "What we had was amazing. Better than any fling I've ever had, even if you never let me go all the way. I still love you Lauren and I want to make us work. Please." He breathed the last word, almost begging. Before she had time to react, Puck had leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Lauren's lips. She leaned into it, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. Puck pulled away and smiled, resting his forehead against hers. "Is that a yes?" he asked.
Lauren sighed and wiped at her cheek. "Let's just focus on tonight," she said. She leaned in to kiss him again, but just as their lips touched, the door swung open and Sam and Mercedes tumbled in, a drunken mess of giggles and hands and lips.
Puck pulled away and sighed. "Uh guys, little busy here," he said. They turned and looked at him. "Guest room's down the hall." They laughed and nodded, hurrying from the room again. Puck turned back to Lauren and smiled. "Where were we?" he asked, leaning in for another kiss.
Lauren stopped him though, putting a hand on his chest. "Puckerman..." she said. She took a deep breath. "I... I want you to make love to me." She looked up at him, biting her lip slightly. "Please Puck. I just... need it. Need you."
Puck watched her with soft eyes. "I... I don't think I've ever actually... made love before," he said. "But I want to. With you." He leaned in and kissed her softly, tangling a hand into her hair as he cupped the back of her head. Lauren whimpered and rested a hand on Puck's leg. He guided her to lay back on his bed, keeping their lips connected as best as he could. "You sure?" he whispered, a hand toying at the hem of her shirt.
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Of course I am," she mumbled. She took her glasses off and set them on the nightstand. She rucked Puck's shirt up and tossed it to the ground.
Her blouse was next to go and Lauren laughed as Puck fumbled with the buttons. He finally got it off and groaned. "You're so beautiful," he mumbled, kissing down her neck and chest. He reached under her and unclasped her bra, then pulled it off and let it fall to the ground.
She blushed and looked down at him. "I... love you," she said softly. "Thank you."
Puck looked up at her and smiled. "I love you too," he said. "And you're the one I should be thanking. Seriously." He kissed her again before moving down her body. He pulled off her sandals and tossed them behind him then reached for the waistband of her skirt. She lifted her hips so he could pull it off. Just looking at the girl laying underneath him made his heart swell. He climbed off the bed and kicked off his shoes and pushed his pants off.
Lauren propped up on her elbows and watched him, biting her lip slightly. "So hot," she said, eyes raking up and down his body. She gulped when his pants were all the way off and his boxers were visibly tented. "C'mere," she said, reaching for his hand. She pulled him back on to the bed and attached their lips again. She rocked up against him and he moaned. "Wait..." she breathed. "You do have a condom right? Because I'm not letting you knock me up too."
Puck chuckled and reached over to the nightstand, digging through the drawer until he pulled out a foil packet. "Chill babe, I got it covered. Literally." He chuckled again and Lauren slapped his shoulder. "Are you really serious about this?" he asked again.
Lauren sighed. "Yes, Puckerman. I am," she replied. "There's no one I want this with more."
Puck beamed and kissed her again. "Good," he mumbled. He pushed Lauren's panties down and she shifted until she could kick them off. His boxers finally came off as well and he took a deep breath as Lauren reached for the condom. He leaned back on his knees as she tore it open and groaned as she rolled it on him. She stroked him a few times but he knocked her hand away. "This won't last if you keep doing that," he said, leaning back over her.
Lauren smirked and wrapped her arms around Puck's neck. "Can't have that now, can we," she said. She hitched a leg around his waist and nodded up at him. "I love you Noah Puckerman. Never forget that."
He nodded. "I won't," he promised. "I love you too Lauren Zizes." He claimed her lips again and slowly pushed into her. She gasped against his lips and he rested his forehead on her shoulder. "Fuck," he breathed. "God, Lo... feels so incredible."
Lauren nodded. "Definitely," she mumbled. She trailed kisses on his nick and shoulder, one hand tangling into his mohawk and the other clutching at his back. "M-move... please..." she breathed. Puck nodded and began thrusting his hips slowly. Lauren whimpered each time, rocking up to meet him.
She let her eyes fall closed but Puck kissed her hard. "Look at me," he breathed against her lips, "how much I love you."
Lauren's eyes shot open and immediately locked on Puck's. He nuzzled into her neck and Lauren whined. "T-touch me," she mumbled. "Puck please..."
Puck obliged, snaking a hand between them to rub her clit slowly. "Say my name," he whispered. "My first name..."
As his hand worked over her, his hips shifted and suddenly he was hitting something inside her that she didn't even realize existed but damn if it didn't make her see stars. "Fuck!" she shouted. "P-Puck! Noah! Oh god!" She kissed him messily and whined against his lips. "So-so close Noah... oh fuck!"
"Me too baby," he replied against her skin. He looked down at her and smiled. "Love you so much Lauren," he panted. "You can let go, c'mon..."
Lauren whimpered, rocking up against Puck. They were interrupted though when the door flew open again. Lauren gasped and Puck pulled the blanket over them, but didn't stop his movements. "TOLD YOU THEY WERE!" Santana shouted down the hall. She turned around again and snickered. "Really Puckerman?" You blew off your own party for that? Ya nasty. And we can all hear ya too."
"What, jealous are we?" Lauren taunted. She leaned up and pulled Puck into a kiss, wrapping her legs around his waist.
Puck looked down at Lauren and smirked. "Fuck off, Satan," he growled, then thrust his hips hard and simultaneously jerked his fingers against his hips. Lauren cried out despite herself.
"Sanny leave 'em 'looone!" Brittany slurred, coming up behind Santana. She stared at Puck and Lauren for a moment then tugged her girlfriend's hand. "I think Mercy an' Sam are down th'hall... maybe they'll let us watch..." Santana shrugged and followed her girlfriend out, slamming the door behind them,
Puck grinned down at Lauren and kissed her slowly. "Now come," he said, picking up the pace of his hips and his fingers.
Lauren cried out again, not even concerned with her volume. Finally, her tension broke and she came hard. She shouted every version of Puck's name she could think of and arched up towards him, stars bursting behind her eyelids. Puck followed suit, roaring out Lauren's name as he shot his load into the condom. He collapsed next to her, both sweaty and out of breath. "Wow..." Lauren panted, looking over at him.
Puck chuckled. "Yeah. Wow." He disposed of the condom and curled up against Lauren. "Thank you so much," he mumbled, nuzzling her neck. "For giving me this chance. I promise I won't blow it. I love you and I won't let you get away again."
Lauren sighed and looked over at him. "I love you too," was all she replied.
The next morning, Puck rolled over onto something crinkly. He frowned and nuzzled against it but it wasn't as comfortable as Lauren. He blinked his eyes open slowly and looked around, confused when he realized there was a paper stuck to his face. "Lo?" he called out groggily, taking the paper. He glanced over it and felt his heart sink. He read it again just to be sure, and a third time to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Thumbs traced over her tear stains as he read it a fourth a fifth time. His tears joined by the sixth.
Puckerman,
By the time you read this, I'm long gone. I had my mom pick me up this morning. Before you even think it, I know this is the coward's way out. You're going to hate me, and I've accepted that. It makes this easier for both of us if you will too.
Tonight my family and I leave for Greece for the summer. It's a trip we make every few years, and this will be our last as a whole family. I get back the day before move-in at OSU. I know you think you can move here to be with me, or wait for me to come back on breaks, but that's not fair, since I'm not coming back. You need to move on with your life, and I need to move on with mine. Last night was literally the best night of my life, and as I write this and you sleep, there's a faint smile on your face. That's how I want to remember you. Happy. Not hurt like I know you must be now. Not angry like you will be.
No words can express how sorry I am. But I told you. I'm scared. What I feel for you is so real, so much more than I ever wanted to feel for anybody. I'm terrified of getting too into this and then getting hurt, or of hurting you worse than this. I couldn't bear to see that happen. I'm also scared that nothing bad would happen, that you and I would lead a perfect life, that we'd be content in Ohio because it's comfortable here. My life is bigger than that. I need to get out of this shithole more than anyone. I'm suffocating.
I won't have cell or internet service while we're away, so trying to contact me is useless. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again, but it will be best for everyone if you forget me as soon as possible. I'm never coming back to Lima, and hopefully I'll be out of Ohio soon.
I love you so much, and I will always be sorry. But this really is for the best. I promise.
Lauren