Title: Talking to the Moon
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lauren made a mistake in breaking up with Puck. He knows it, she knows it. But somehow she inadvertently set him after Shelby…
Notes: Written for Pizes Week. I've been working on this FOREVER. I'm finally done now though! Set during the first few eps of Season 3.
"Puckerman!"
Puck spun around at his locker, only to find himself face-to face with Lauren Zizes. "What do you want?" he asked with a sigh, turning back to retrieve his math notebook. "If you're gonna tell me what a loser I am again, I don't have the time or patience." He slammed his locker shut and turned to look at the girl again.
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Cool your jets," she said. "I come in peace. I just… I've been thinking." She looked around to make sure no one was listening, then looked back at Puck. "I'm uh… I'm sorry. For how things ended between us."
Puck's eyebrows nearly jumped off his face. "I…what?" he stammered, pretending to clear his ear out with his finger. "Did Lauren Zizes just apologize?" He chuckled slightly until Lauren punched his shoulder.
"Can you keep your mouth shut for two seconds?" she asked. "Shit, you aren't making this very easy." She put her hands on her hips and glared at the boy. "Anyway, it was unfair to you." Her expression softened and she dropped her hands. "The Zizes rarely makes mistakes, but when I do, I own up to it." She stuck her hand out. "Truce?" she asked.
Puck cautiously reached out and shook Lauren's hand. "Wait…" he said, retracting his hand. "Are you saying you want me back?"
Lauren shrugged and stuffed her hands in her WMHS Wrestling sweatshirt pockets. "Why…?" she asked, searching Puck's face. "Do you still want me?"
Puck looked up at Lauren and bit the inside of his cheek. "I've thought about it, sure," he said with a shrug, trying to play it cool. "We had a lot of fun. You taught me a lot about myself. I'm pretty sure I was almost in love with you. But…" He shrugged again and looked back down at his feet.
"Then no," Lauren stated. Puck looked up at her with confusion and she sighed. "The 'but'. I can't take a backseat to whatever's on your plate. I'm a lot of woman to handle here, Puckerman. I need to be top priority." Puck nodded, then looked at something over Lauren's shoulder. She turned in time to see Ms. Corcoran disappear around a corner. "So Shelby's back?" she asked, turning back to Puck. "That's what this is about."
"She has my daughter, Lauren," Puck said, eyes still trained on the hall Shelby turned down. "Quinn wants her back… I just want the chance to be a part of her life like my old man never was."
Lauren looked at Puck and sighed. "As much as I wanna give us another shot," she said, "you have to take care of your own stuff first. Maybe that means you get Miss C. to hire you as a full-time babysitter and you check Lucy Q. into a loony bin, or maybe you…" She trailed off and chuckled to herself. "Anyway, you get my point."
"Wait, what were you gonna say?" Puck asked.
Lauren shook her head and grinned. "Just a snide comment about how you could use your um…old methods…to sway Miss C. into letting you be part of Beth's life."
Puck perked up slightly. "I hadn't even thought about that…" he said. "You think it'd work?"
Lauren quirked an eyebrow. "Bro, I was joking. Honestly, you think boning your kid's adoptive mother is a good way to convince me to get back with you?" she asked.
Puck bit the inside of his lip. "It could work, Lo. I mean… How else am I gonna get her to trust me?"
Lauren cringed internally at Puck's use of her nickname, but externally held her composure. The bell rang and Lauren sighed. "Look, I have to get to class. Just… Let me know if you figure something out." She turned and walked away, Puck's eyes flickering between her and the corner where Shelby disappeared.
A few days had gone by and Lauren hadn't heard anything from Puck. It wasn't like she was expecting it, she just needed a decision. She sure as hell wasn't gonna be one of those girls that holds their breath for a guy, just to have him fuck with her emotions. No, that wasn't Lauren Zizes. But she did care. Part of her certainly wanted Puck back. He'd have to pull his head out of his ass and shave the squirrel off his head, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't still have feelings for the boy.
During third period, despite her better judgement, she passed a note to Puck.
Janitor's closet. Lunch. We need to talk.
Puck didn't turn around to acknowledge Lauren, he just nodded his head once. His focus was trained on Shelby as she sat at the teacher's desk grading papers. Lauren sighed and rolled her eyes before returning to her work.
That afternoon, Lauren leaned against the wall outside the small closet. She tried to keep her mind occupied as she waited for Puck, tried not to think about how this where they got together the first time, tried not to remember how much she had actually enjoyed those three minutes. Yeah. Tried.
Finally, she spotted Puck and pushed away from the wall. "You're late, Puckerman," she said, crossing her arms in front of herself.
"Calm your tits, Zizes," Puck replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What do you need?"
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Look…" she said, dropping her hands. "Don't talk for a second." He nodded and Lauren sighed. " I'm not gonna wait around for you. I have a life and a reputation to maintain. But I'd be lying to you and to myself if I said I didn't want you back. I do. I just need to know where you stand on the whole issue."
Puck sighed and rubbed his face, turning and leaning back against the wall. He was silent for a moment and Lauren watched him carefully. "Shit…" he said at last, turning his head to look at Lauren. "You know I'm crazy about you, Lo. But I'm trying to win over Shelby and she won't trust me if I have a girlfriend and tried to get with her at the same time. Plus Quinn has gone off the deep end and she might cut you for all I know and I just… Fuck, why did you have to do this now?"
Lauren looked up and down the hallway before looking at Puck. Without thinking, she grabbed his face and pulled him into a heated, desperate kiss. Instead of pulling back, Puck leaned into it, one hand going to the small of Lauren's back and the other going to her neck. Lauren reached behind her and opened the closet door, pulling Puck inside and pushing him up against the door as it shut.
"Lauren…" he breathed as she moved her lips down his neck. She sucked on that spot, and he moaned softly. "Lauren, wait.." he said, pushing her back slightly. "I… I can't."
Lauren took a step back. "…yeah…" she mumbled lamely. She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she studied Puck's expression.
He licked his lips and took a step forward, cupping Lauren's face. "I want to. More than anything," he whispered, "but—"
"Shelby," Lauren finished with a sigh. "I know. I just…" She shrugged. She pulled away from Puck and walked around him, reaching for the doorknob, but stopping. "There's no guarantee I'll even want you again," she said. "I can't—won't wait for you to figure all this shit out." She turned and left, hoping Puck couldn't hear the lie in her voice.
The next few days passed by without much incident. Puck continued to pursue Shelby, regrettably pushing any thought of Lauren to the back of his mind. Lauren kept reminding herself to ignore Puck, focusing her time and energy on schoolwork and pre-preseason workouts with the wrestling team. If she wanted to maintain her position on the team and standing as state champ, she couldn't afford to waste brain power fawning over a boy. By the time Monday had rolled around, she could have had anyone fooled that Puck was never a part of her life in the first place, based on how much effort she had put into ignoring him.
What no one knew, of course, was that all weekend long, she couldn't do anything but think about Puck. All afternoon Friday, all day Saturday, and all morning Sunday were spent in the Basement, the boxing gym and weight training center in the bottom of the local gym utilized by most of the high school athletes in the area. She'd spent hours going between weight lifting and sparring, and anything really that would keep her mind busy, only to be constantly flooded by thoughts of what she tried not to want.
As she sat in English class Monday morning, Lauren was so focused on coming up with ways to ignore Puck that she didn't even notice that she was staring right at him.
"Miss Zizes!" Lauren snapped her head up to the front, where Mr. Arnie was looking at her. "While I'm sure the back of Mister Puckerman's head is fascinating, there are other times and places you can stare at it. However, my class is neither the time nor the place." A few students snickered as Lauren blushed and picked her copy of Love Medicine up again, the irony certainly not lost.
As soon as Mr. Arnie returned to his work, Puck turned and gave Lauren a confused look. She just rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her book.
Lauren spent the rest of the day trying to avoid Puck, a feat much easier said than done since they had all but two classes together. So, she decided to skip last period to have time to herself. She just needed to get her head in the right place, needed to sort out what she should or shouldn't do and which feelings to act on. Was she in love with Puckerman, or did she want him because she couldn't have him? As she headed towards the parking lot to head home for the day, she realized that her mom would be back from work by now so home was out of the question. Making a snap decision, she slipped into the janitor's closet, thankful that it appeared to be empty.
"About time," a voice said from in front of her as she leaned against the door, "I've been here since lunch." She jumped and reached behind her and flipped the light on, sighing in annoyance when she saw Puck. "Figured you'd come here at some point, seeing as how you've been trying your damnedest to avoid me." He pushed off from the back wall and walked over to Lauren. "What you didn't account for, however," he said with a grin, "is that I hate the Health sub. Haven't been to that class in a week."
Lauren narrowed her eyes. "So you've been waiting here for me to show up? Creepy much?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of herself. She rolled her eyes and leaned against the door again. "Why are you doing this to me? Just leave me alone."
"Why were you staring at me in English?" Puck countered. "I mean shit, I could practically feel the holes you were burning into my scalp." He cracked a grin and reached out to cup Lauren's face, but she quickly jerked her head away. Puck dropped his hand and sighed. "It's not easy for me either, you know," he said at last.
"Like hell," Lauren sneered. "You have no idea what I'm dealing with right now. I mean honestly, do you know how hard it is to want someone so much and know you can't have them? Do you know how painful it is to have to try to ignore that person so you don't seem like the pathetic little girl you promised yourself wouldn't be?"
She scoffed and turned from Puck, but he turned her back to him again. "You really believe that?" he asked. "You don't think I sit next to you every damn day and wish we could go back to what we had? Jesus Christ, I spent the week after you dumped me trying to come up with ways I could get you back. You know why I didn't do anything?"
Lauren just scoffed. "I don't really care," she responded.
"I didn't do anything because I knew nothing I tried would be good enough for you." Puck took Lauren's hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. "I was gonna serenade you," he said at last. "I was gonna show up, maybe at your house or maybe at wrestling practice or something. But then I remembered how I screwed up the first time I did that." Lauren bit the inside of her lip to hide her smile at the memory. "Then, I thought I'd write you something. Maybe I'd write a song or a poem. But…c'mon. Do I really seem like the poem-writing type?" He smiled softly, then tilted Lauren's head up so their eyes met. "Now, the last thing I thought up was to just simply walk up to you and spill my heart out. Tell you every single reason why you should take me back. A lot easier said then done, let me tell you."
Lauren scoffed again. "What, that would make you sound like a pussy?" she asked sarcastically.
Puck held Lauren's face in his hands. She watched as an expression somewhere between sorrow and amusement crossed his features. "I couldn't come up with any," he whispered. He gave a sad smile and sighed. "There is not one good reason why you should have even picked me up in the first place. You're smart and funny and so fucking sexy. And I'm… Well I'm a Lima Loser." He dropped his hands and shrugged. "The only decent reason I could come up with was that I'm super hot and I'd be a nice piece of arm-candy for you."
"Why are you doing this?" Lauren asked suddenly, ignoring Puck's attempt at humor. "I just… You aren't making this easy. What do you want me to do here?" She looked up at the boy, fighting back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "You know how I feel about you. You're dumber than I thought if you don't. And watching you… watching you go after another woman… And then you have the nerve to tell me all this shit?" She shook her head. "Please. Just… I have to go."
"Lauren wait," Puck said, grabbing her arm before she could run from the closet. "I just… wanted you to know that nothing I'm trying to do with Shelby is real. And that watching you force yourself to ignore me day after day… it hurts me just as much as it hurts you. Letting you get away from me was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, a close second to letting Beth get away too. But that's why I can't be with you right now. I have to get Shelby to trust me so I can see my daughter again."
Lauren shook her head and pulled out of Puck's grip. "So what… you have some feelings for me, but they're inconvenient right now because you're trying to 'see your daughter again'? Fuck this, I'm out of here." Before she left though, she turned to Puck one more time, not even trying to stop her tears anymore. "It's just unfair," she said. "You're the only one who's ever made me feel so much, the only guy I ever wished was mine, and breaking up with you was the only time I ever really regretted something. It's always been you." She gave a bitter chuckle. "But it'll never be me, will it?" Before he could answer, she yanked the door open and all but ran the rest of the way to the parking lot.
When Lauren walked through the door, it took one glance at her tear-streaked face for her mother to understand something was wrong. Anne didn't bother to ask why Lauren wasn't at school, she just pulled her into her arms, kissed her cheek, and rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay baby girl," she cooed as Lauren started crying again.. She brought Lauren over to the couch and sat her down, then went into the kitchen. She came back a few minutes later with a cool wash cloth and a cup of tea. "Spill," she said. "Who made my darling cry?"
Lauren cracked a grin and sniffed, dabbing under her eyes with the wash cloth. "I suppose it's my fault," she said. "I mean, I knew I was making a mistake when I broke up with Puck, and I did it anyway." Anne smiled sadly and brushed her daughter's hair back, and Lauren leaned her head on her mother's shoulder. "I love him mom," she whispered. "I… I tried so hard not to. God…" She sighed and shook her head. "Andrew didn't make me feel this crazy, neither did Ethan. And they're perfectly good guys!" she said, remembering past boyfriends.
Anne chuckled halfheartedly. "That's how it goes sometimes," she said. "I know it sucks baby girl, but sometimes you gotta fight through the tough stuff to make the good stuff worth it." She kissed Lauren's cheek and sighed. "What happened honey?"
Lauren took a deep breath. "He wants to see his daughter. And I get that, I do. He needs Shelby to trust him, see him as responsible." She scoffed and looked down at the tea in her hands. "I guess I'm just being selfish. He wants to try to woo Shelby, he's playing it up as some crush and trying to get her to trust him as father material." Lauren rolled her eyes. "He said he doesn't really feel anything for her, that he wishes we could go back to what we had…he just can't risk losing Beth."
Anne nodded solemnly. She was well aware of Puck's history with his daughter's birth and adoptive mothers. In a town like Lima, not a lot evaded the town gossips.
"I just… I wish for once I could be somebody's first choice," Lauren whispered.
Anne sighed and pressed a kiss to Lauren's head. "Well maybe someday he'll come to his senses," she said.
"So what, I should just wait around for him in the hopes that he takes me back?" Lauren asked sarcastically. "I'm not that girl, mom." She set her tea down and leaned back on the couch, letting her eyes slide shut. "If this is more important to him, fine. There'll always be someone else."
Anne just shook her head and kissed Lauren's cheek. "You also aren't that girl," she said. "Since when do you take 'no' for an answer? That's not the daughter I raised."
"What do I do then, mom?" Lauren asked in exasperation.
"That is something you'll have to figure out on your own," Anne replied with a shrug. Lauren just sighed in response, so Anne stood and collected their mugs, looking down at her daughter. "I have a few meetings I need to prepare for, so I'll be in my office. You gonna be alright?"
Lauren nodded. She leaned her head back against the couch, a plan already formulating in her mind.
The next day, Lauren did her damndest to ignore Puck. Anytime she started looking in his direction, the ceiling suddenly became much more interesting. Until math that is when he suddenly whipped out the quadratic formula. Lauren couldn't help but smirk, remembering when she taught him that, drilled it into his head over the summer using any and every means necessary. It started with that damn song, then she tricked him into incorporating it into his bookkeeping. She even bribed him with kisses, and if he was on a roll, a few seconds of boob gropage. She was lost in her thoughts momentarily until Puck excused himself to take a call. She didn't see him the rest of the day.
Wednesday, Puck came to school with a look on his face which Lauren knew meant he did something that he regretted terribly. She'd only seen it a few times, like when he realized he'd screwed up with "Fat Bottomed Girls" or when he first talked to her about Beth and BabyGate. He'd done something he regretted and it killed her that she couldn't do anything to comfort him. Thursday followed much the same pattern. Lauren had half a mind to go tell him to suck it up and quit being a pussy, but she knew that wouldn't solve anything. When she was at her locker that afternoon, however, she saw Puck and Quinn down the hall having some sort of discussion. It really shouldn't have hurt her that much that Puck would have gone to Quinn 'She's gone off the deep end and might cut you' Fabray instead of her, especially after the last few days, but it still sucked. There was a time, after all, when Lauren was the one he went to for everything.
With Sectionals that weekend, no one had seen much of New Directions until Monday. Lauren spent the weekend trying to come up with ways to get Puck to realize that he missed her, but each thing she thought of was dumber and way less her style than the thing before. By Monday she was exhausted. She stood at her locker, on the verge of just throwing in the towel when someone tapped on her shoulder. She turned and quirked an eyebrow. "Puckerman..." She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice. "What do you want?"
Puck smiled. "Aw c'mon Zizes. No trademark threat of violence? No congrats on our Sectionals win?"
Lauren sighed and rolled her eyes. "If you value the woodland creature that's taken residence on your head, you'll tell me what you want. I got places to be."
"One of those places better be the auditorium after school," Puck retorted, flashing a smirk. Lauren saw the brief moment of panic cross his features though. She sighed again and nodded reluctantly. "Perfect," Puck said. "You won't regret it." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, then walked away. Lauren stood in shock for a moment, trying to process what just happened as she turned to watch the boy saunter off.
When the final bell rang for the day, Lauren packed up her backpack a bit slower than usual then made her way to the auditorium. As she walked inside, she saw that the place was empty. "Puckerman?" she called, walking down to the stage. "I swear to god if you-" She was cut off by the sound of a guitar strumming and Puck walking out on stage.
"I um... I know I messed up," he said. "I just... I... I love you Lauren. And you were wrong the other day. It will always be you. I'm sorry that I ever made you think otherwise." He turned and motioned for the band behind him to start playing, then joined in.
I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have
At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon
I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say I've gone mad
Yeah I've gone mad
But they don't know what I know
Cause when the sun goes down
someone's talking back
Yeah They're talking back
At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon
Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,
Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon
I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
When he finished, Puck set the guitar in its stand before hopping off the stage and walking over to Lauren. "Well?" he asked, biting his lip slightly but looking hopeful.
Lauren shook her head slightly, trying to find words. "The hell was that?" she finally said. "What about all that shit with Miss C? And whatever the fuck is going on with you and Fabray?"
Puck's face fell. "I...what? Nothing is going on with me and Quinn. And Shelby switched schools. She's at North Lima now." Lauren quirked an eyebrow, signaling that she wasn't pleased with Puck's answer. "I... I slept with her. Shelby. I-I slept with Shelby. Beth slipped and hit the coffee table so Shelby called me and I went and met them at the ER, then that night... well one thing led to another and... yeah. But she regretted it and I regret it and then Quinn figured that if she couldn't get Beth back we should just make another kid but I talked her out of it and-"
"Enough!" Lauren exclaimed, cutting off Puck's ramblings. "One second Puckerman. Just... You slept with Shelby?" Puck nodded. "So she changed schools?"
Puck sighed. "Well... Trouble Tones lost at Sectionals and joined up with us and Mrs. Kyle came back, so yeah. There wasn't really anything for her here, but she wants Beth to know us so she's staying in Ohio."
Lauren rubbed her forehead. "No," she said at last. "No. I can't-I won't do this. You blew me off because of Shelby and Beth. Now that that's taken care of, it's just too easy for you to come waltzing back into my life. Well that shit don't fly."
Puck stared at her, hurt and confusion crossing his features. "Lo I-"
"No, Puckerman! You know I was joking when I said you should hook up with her. You fucking know I love you too, and you did it anyway. What happens to me when Shelby wants to move away again? What happens when we graduate and you meet someone hotter or sluttier than me? You've got cheerleaders, MILFs, teachers, glee clubbers, and even a wrestler on your list of conquests, who's to say you won't find a new flavor of the week?" Lauren turned to try and recompose herself. She'd cried in front of Puck once already, and that was one too many times. When she was sure she wasn't going to lose it, she turned back to the boy. "I want this, us, to work. But I won't stick around if you're gonna run at the prospect of someone or something better."
Without missing a beat, Puck closed the distance between him and Lauren. He crushed his lips against hers, one hand cradling her head and the other wrapping around her waist. Lauren instantly melted into it, matching the emotion that seemed to be pouring from Puck. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers. "There is no one better for me," he whispered. "I loved Quinn once, but that was because of our daughter. The women that I've slept with were just... filler. What I feel for you is so much stronger than that. I promise you that I will do anything and everything it takes to prove that to you, and to prove that you can trust me."
Lauren smiled softly and leaned up to give him a small peck. "You're still a terrible kisser," she mumbled against his lips. "But don't worry, we'll work on it."