FIRST TIME UNLUCKY

by nazelturf7

This short takes place between the events of Mass effect 1 and mass effect 2. However the short doesn't really require a time frame, since its not about reapers etc. A Pirate shuttle kodiack races from the alliance navy in what is there first and at this rate last assignment. First post ever, any feedback welcome. thanks for reading. enjoy.

...

Sniff(Volus)
They...are...getting...

Another barage of fire hits the shuttle already used and abused from its incompetent pliot.

Shell(Krogan)
Have i told anyone, how krogans don't like flying?
Slime(hanar)
This one suggests, harden up.
Shell
Grrrrrr...
Small(Batarian)
Sniff, reinstate the shields and focus them on our rear. Then prepare to warp us out of here.
Sniff
I...will...try...
Small
got it, please...just do it.
Sniff
...okay.
Shell
what shall i do?
Small
what can u do?
Shell
...good point
Slime

This one suspects, that the krogan believes he has full function of his tiny, tiny brain.

Shell
WHAT? Come here

As shell begins to grab at slimes tentacles, they are hit with another shockwave from the alliance crusier. Everyone is falling over each other. whilst sniff tries to regain control of the kodiak style shuttle. He is rather bad at it. Shell becomes embedded in slime, providing a little comic relief.

Slime
This one regards interspecies bromance disturbing, yet stimulating.
Shell
SHUT UP if you weren't so squisshy and (pop) WHAT was that?
Slime
This one, regretfully accepts arrousal in many forms
Shell
HELP, please arghhh, BOSS NOW!

Shell struggles to regain his balance and get out of slime, but the shuttle continues to get fired upon. thus making it difficult to get up. Amateurs!

Small
Sniff, hows my warp coming.

Small starts flicking switches hoping to imporve his chances of survival. Note...he doesnt know what he is doing.

Sniff
Coming...and...going...

the shuttle does nothing

Small
Going? as in we dont have it?
Sniff
I...asumed...this...button...did...something...
Small
well? did it say warp, becuase i thought that we would...well...warp a bit more.
Slime
This one, understands that the button is on THIS control panel.
Shell
yeah, even i can read that.

Everyone has there eyes burning into the volus skull.

Sniff

Small
then hit it
Slime
this one...
Shell
PISS OFF

Shell pushes Slime out of the way slamming his giant fist into the control panel, missing the button.
An internal explosion is heard, cluttering and other things that indicate that he did not press the right button.

Small
SHELL!
Shell
Heh, sorry.

using one finger this time, Shell engages the warp drive, that had only been previously installed the day before last. Contracted by Shell, who decided he wanted the shuttle to make a statement, be...Aggressive. Thus the warp drive was wielded to the side of the small vessel. On the outside. Where it has its own view of space debris and shuttle leakage 24/7.

Small

I'm feeling something
Slime
This one apologizes.
Small
URGHH, just stay there, a tentacles length we discussed this.
Sniff
are...we...warping...?
Shell
um, sorry, um,...
Small
um? what does um mean in krogan.
Shell
its..a...fell off.
Small
I'm sorry, power phrase that again.

Shell
um, well its no longer connected to the shuttle its well actually...its FALLING off.

Small looks out the shuttle windows and sees the warp drive starting up whilst connected barely by some thin coil, trying to escape its buyers.

Small
(sighs) sniff line us up with the alliance.
Sniff
...doing...done
Small
So thats why we kept getting shot at? (more sighing) hey Shell, heard what slime called your mom?
Shell
ARGHHHGHGHGHGHG
Slime
this...

shell crash tackles slime into the side of the shuttle( due to the force of the impact) sending the suspened warp drive flying off the kodiak and into the oncoming alliance vessel, the desired effect occurs. The alliance ship is to big to maneuver in time slams into a open warp portal sending the crusier full of...lots of humans, somewhere into the vast galaxy, where no one can hear you scream. Except the ones beside you, and the person on deck 3 with a mild concussion and the english born busty burrente with buck teeth(herbal) whom herself feels slightly silly for not reading her horoscope today and then how about...
(NARRATOR SLAPPED BY MOTHER)

Small
And there goes a years tuition.
Sniff
...yes.
Shell
slimes dead.

the crew looks to see the krogan drenched in bluey fluid. The rest of the carcuss sprayed perfectly against the wall of the kodiak. Artistic in a way.

Sniff
i...didnt...
Small
yeah.
Shell
if its an consolation...he tasted alright.
Small
too much information.
Sniff
heading...to...palaven
Small
i thought we were going to Dakuuna? why arent we going to Dakuuna?
Shell
wait! i thought we were going to that round hollow, halo looking place?
Small
stop watching vids, there ruining what brain cells you do have.
Sniff
so...
Small
just, replay the mission summary.

sniff presses to many buttons to justify his limited knowledge of anything.

Mission summary
You...people, are to take the datapad FROM the hanar (via force or coercion) and exchange with a contact(FUZZY) on the elcor homeworld of dakuuna. this contract expires in 24 hours, payment will be recieved when contact has verified the of mission summary.

Small
huh? i told you to "grab the hanar with the DATAPAD"
Shell
well what i heard was "grab the HANAR with the datapad"
Sniff
i...don't...remember...any...of...this...
Small
shell used your head to open the door.
Sniff
...oh...but...they...open...sideways...
Small
he knows that now.
Shell
ha, well lets just put it down to first time jitters. but it was fun right? i had fun!everyone had fun?
Small
but i recall telling you perspecifically to get the datapad, we all watched the vid this morning.
Shell
urgh, sure yes the vid, that looked exactly like that one?
Sniff
so...no...to...palaven...?
Small
(cursing) take us to omega, i need a drink.
Sniff
be...there...in...10
Shell
i thought we were closer to palaven?
Small
i thought we were going to dakuuna?
Sniff
...no...comment.
Small
i dont care, please please just go to omega.

As the kodiak shuttle puffs away towards the asteroid station, the newly founded crew ponder what went wrong, how it could of gone smoother and lastly, how was a team to recover from the loss of one of their own?

the answers...
recruited a volus to be a pliot
allowed a krogan to think
a batrian with no knowledge outside of showbiz preordained himself leader.
A hanar who wasn't the target.
and...

Shell
(slurping noises) humm
Sniff
(sniffing)
Small
your cleaning that up (smacking his head) We need a replacement.

R.I.P Slime

we really didn't know you
unknown- 11mintues ago.
we will venture forward.