Broken
A/N: Ugh, but I had to. I own nothing. Post S5 'cause I'm broken :(
Spotted: Lonely Boy returning to Brooklyn. Word is he's got a new book about the UES and I'm hearing that no one comes out of this one unscathed.
Blair stares at her phone reading the latest Gossip Girl blast. "I have to go." She says sitting up abruptly.
"Ms. Blair, probably not good idea. Maybe to soon for Mr. Dan." Dorota tells her as she tries preventing Blair from leaving.
"Dorota, I owe him an explanation, and he deserves it face to face." Blair says grabbing her jacket and moving towards the elevator.
"Ms. Blair, it's been months, I think he already understands." Dorota says as the elevator door closes with Blair already inside.
Blair stands in front of the door she's stood in front of a hundred times in the last year trying to decide whether to knock or walk right in. She ultimately decides that knocking is the best option.
She watches as the door slowly opens revealing a rugged and scruffy Dan Humphrey as he raises his eyebrow. She sees this for approximately three seconds before she sees the outside of the door again as he swiftly shuts it in her face.
She knocks again, louder this time. Why, she's not sure, because he's made it clear: she's not welcome.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me." She says as her banging gets louder. She expects something in return. Perhaps a "you'll be here for awhile" or "just leave" what she gets instead is silence.
She decides to drop the manners. She decides she's going to walk in. She reaches for the handle and pushes and finds that for the first time his door is locked to her.
She frowns confused. She doesn't know what to do. Then she remembers his spare key hidden in the corner of the hallway. She grabs the key and holds her breath as she unlocks the door and enters into his apartment.
She turns to see him sitting in the same chair he used to wait for her in. She can't move, she's paralyzed, because when she looks in his eyes she sees something she hadn't seen in years: hatred.
"Why are you here?" he asks as he looks away avoiding her eyes.
She can't respond. She realizes she doesn't know where to begin. She left her penthouse in such a hurry that she didn't even prepare a speech. Finding her ability to move again, she slowly walks toward him and takes a seat on the couch, only to see him stand and move away from her.
"We need to talk." She says mentally kicking herself for having nothing better to say.
"Are you here to break up with me?" he asks sarcastically.
She wants to laugh. She wants to smile. She wants to be glad that somehow they've gotten back to at least a point where they can be sarcastic with each other. When she looks up to do that though, she realizes that he's not laughing.
"I can explain." She says.
"You could've," he tells her. "Six months ago, seven months ago, eight months ago. You had every opportunity to explain. You don't get that now."
"You've been gone for six months. You didn't answer my calls, texts, e-mails. What was I supposed to do?" she asks him.
She watches as he shakes his head, clearly already tired of this conversation.
"Blair, I'm not going to do this with you. It doesn't matter how things went, how things ended. This is where things are, nothing either of us say or do is going to change this, so why bother?" he asks her.
"You're my best friend, Dan." She says.
"No." he says shaking his head as he makes the distance from her even larger by taking a step back. "We are not friends."
"You don't mean that." She says feeling the tears before they even slip out.
"You can't be serious." He says and she can't decide if it's anger or pain in his voice, but if she had to guess she'd say a little bit of both. "You couldn't possibly think you could walk through my door and pretend like nothing's changed."
She let the tears fall before reminding him. "You said you'd always be there for me. I need you."
"Blair, you don't need me. You sure as hell didn't when you had me." He sighs dejectedly.
"That's not fair." She sobs.
"You know what's not fair?" he asks. "Finding out from someone else, everyone else, that your girlfriend chose someone else. That she doesn't even think you're worth the effort to tell you to your face."
She looks up at him through her tears to see him shake trying to control his reaction.
"Then," he continues, "you come here six months later to explain? You treat me like that and then pull the let's be friends card? No thank you."
"I was confused." She cries standing up to approach him only to see him take another step away from her.
"Please don't lie to me." He says. "Your feelings for Chuck have never been confusing for you. You run away from them and you hide from them, but they're always there. You knew that. I just can't believe that I let myself think for a second that you could love me."
She closed her eyes. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, that she did love him, but a part of what he was saying was right: Chuck always lingers. She came to Brooklyn on a mission though, and she had no intentions of leaving without accomplishing it. Her thoughts were interrupted by the latest Gossip Girl blast.
Spotted: Queen B in Brooklyn. Why is she there? Maybe it's because she's seen this video of S and Lonely Boy from the Shephard divorce party.
Blair stood staring at her phone wide eyed after the video. She looks over at Dan as he puts his phone down on the counter and puts his head in his hands.
"Wow," she says shaking her head. "You have some nerve."
"I know what you just saw, but it doesn't matter. I really think it's time for you to go." He says hanging his head.
"I can't believe that you slept with her." She says as she feels the tears build in her eyes.
"Once," he says. "she told me you chose Chuck."
"And you didn't even bother coming to find me to confirm?" she asks him.
"You're right." He says acknowledging his mistake. "Turns out she was right though. So I'm not sure how it really matters."
"It matters because I came here. I sought you out so I could explain. Where were you?" she asks him.
"You coming here six months later to explain means nothing!" he yelled finally showing her that he wasn't over the situation. "You had every opportunity to tell me. I asked you, and you lied straight to my face. EVERY. TIME. So forgive me for not caring what you have to say now."
"This can't be happening." She sobs mostly to herself as she rocks on the couch. "This can't be the end to our story."
"The story's over. It's been over. You're going to leave and we're never going to see each other again. We may walk past each other in a café, we may be sitting on the same flight, but make no mistake, from here on out, you're a stranger to me. I don't know you." He tells her.
She looks at him and erupts in tears. He's not angry, he's not hurt, he's numb, a shadow of the person that he used to be.
"So that's it?" she asked. "We act like our friendship, our relationship never happened?"
"I'd say it looks like you've been doing a fine job of that for awhile now." He says. "Look, this has been fun, but I have things to do and places to be, so you can see your way out."
"We're not done here." She says angrily. He can't possibly think that this is over. She still has to explain. To tell him that it's not him it's her. That it's not his fault. There's so many words left to say, but she has no idea how to say them. He's right. She should have been here months ago. She should've told him the truth. In the end, she probably hurt him so much that their friendship is irreparable, but that doesn't mean she could give up without a fight.
"Blair," he says softly. "There was a time when having you here made me the happiest I ever thought I could be. Now? Looking at you is almost killing me. So I ask again, will you please leave?"
She puts her head down and lets tears freely run down her face. "I'm sorry," she cries. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I drove Louis away. I drove you away. All for Chuck who keeps pushing me away."
"You just don't get it." He says shaking his head at her. "You know, there was a time when all I wanted for you was happiness. I didn't care who it was with. Chuck, Louis, me. It didn't matter, but why should I care? You surely don't."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks snapping her head to look at him.
"From my standpoint it would seem you got everything you wanted six months ago. Chuck Bass of course being everything you wanted. So now, why are you here? Miserable as ever six months later?" he asks.
"Chuck and I aren't together." She tells him.
Dan looks at her and sighs. "So is that why you're here? You need a shoulder to cry on?" he asks.
She looks at him and shakes her head. "That's not what I'm here for."
"Ok, because forgive me for not wanting to hear my ex cry from a broken heart over the guy she broke mine for." He says looking like he could break any moment.
She stands up and moves near him. She cringes as she sees him flinch the second she touches his shoulder.
"I really am sorry." She apologizes again. "I never meant to hurt you. I feel terrible. I really do. I miss you."
She breaks into tears when she sees him pull away from her. Since the moment she arrived he's refused to be within two feet from her.
"Blair," he says as he finally looks at her.
As she looks into his eyes she cries even more. She sees the hollowness. She sees the pain he's probably dealing with in this moment with just her there. She sees that she broke him.
"I don't know if you'll ever see it." He continues. "I don't know why you really came here and I don't think I can bear to know." He says as she watches tears build in his eyes, "but I accept this as fate. One day you'll realize you deserve better than Chuck Bass. Just like one day I'll realize I deserve better than you."
She looks at him to see him looking at the floor again. Avoiding her eyes.
"Only difference between us is that I'm strong enough to walk and stay away." He says as she watches him go into his room and close his door behind him.
She stands for a moment in the middle of his loft. Tears still streaming down her face. She stares at his bedroom door for what feels like hours. She never sees him come back out.
Spotted: Queen B leaving Brooklyn in tears probably realizing Chuck Bass wasn't worth everything she thought he was.