It was the first day of school since I have moved to forks – a clean slate.

I put on a black loose long-sleeved shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. I am determined to make friends, or attempt to, as I promised Charlie I would. My hair was damp as I brushed through my curls, I let it down to obscure my face behind these black curtains of hair.

I was disappointed and relieved simultaneously as I sat alone at lunch time where no one seemed to notice the new addition to their small-populated school, I haven't been approached by anyone but Miss Susan, my now music class teacher. Being invisible is somewhat a comfort I have grown to love; not having to feel the pressure of keeping up a conversation, or thinking of my next words, or even turning bright red under someone's stare as they analyse my every little flaw visible to them.

I sat down with my tray of food: a beef lasagne (575), a raspberry muffin (250), and a diet coke (0). I picked up my coke and pushed the tray away from me; I mustn't keep it close in case I lose a sense of my control. I am schedule-oriented; I will lose control when I allow myself to at specific times. As I twisted open my diet coke, I saw him at the corner of my eyes. A porcelain-like boy starring at me, not breaking his gaze even after our eyes met and I shifted away in response. It made me feel too self-conscious now to drink my coke, he is most likely counting every flaw I possess and is judging me silently. For the brief second I looked at him, his expression was almost confused, or perhaps disgusted, as if frowning at my arrival.

I looked down on my hands, and suddenly felt extremely vulnerable; I wasn't as invisible as I hoped. I pulled down the sleeves over my scabby hands, disposed of the tray and left for the restroom. I have decided to sit here until the bell rang and I get to be away from his unbreakable gaze.

I found my way to biology and silently sat myself in the only empty stool available. I did not look up at all, avoiding meeting anyone's stare and hoped that I will not have to make small talk with whomever is unlucky enough to be my lab partner. Mr Banner announced that we would be examining onion roots today in teamwork, the very thing I have been dreading about biology.

I still kept my gaze on my books until the microscope was pushed towards me on the table. I looked up to see the angel-like boy from the cafeteria sat as far on the edge as the table would allow, clutching his nose with one hand as if he had to dig up manoeuvre and is horrified by the smell.

I must smell, I thought to myself. I should have brought a spear shirt. I must be reeking of body odor right now. Of course I am you idiot, as fat as I am, of course I would be reeking.

I suddenly wanted to run out class, he started clutching the table and I did not dare meet his gaze again, I gently took the microscope, examined it, and pushed it back. I have to get out, how did I let myself get in a situation like this, where my mere existence is bothersome. I raised my hand, feeling my face radiating with heat, and asked to be excused for the restroom. I did not take my things, I just wanted out, and I won't be coming back.

I half-ran to my car, turned the heater on and put it on drive. I drove home as fast as I could, and hopped into the shower. I scrubbed my body over and over until my skin was red and irritated in an attempt to scrub off what is under my skin. The look he had on his face, that disgusted, murderous look. I scrubbed harder at the thought and put on a fresh pair of pyjamas and went to sleep mid-day, hoping I'd never see tomorrow.

Charlie's shifts start at 6 in the morning, whereas I don't leave until 7:30. So for the rest of the week, I have been pretending to be going to school without Charlie's consent, deleting all calls from school off of his voice mail. I promised myself that I would start attending once I drop three pounds, three to make up for the incident in biology lab.

Instead of going to school, once Charlie leaves for work, I put on my polar heart rate and calorie monitor, and go on for long walks in the woods, sometimes in circles, just enough to burn 800 calories before I was supposed to be back from school. I would cook dinner for Charlie, and leave a plate smudged with food stains in the sink for him to see.

Monday – I have managed to drop 4.2 lbs., I would be going to school today. I made sure I packed an extra shirt this time that I would change into before biology, and a concentrated perfume that Renee got me and I found no use for until now.

At lunchtime, I found myself an empty table without bothering to pick up any food this time. Feeling slightly faint when suddenly the chair in front of was pulled by a ceramic hand and a sweet velvety voice said "Hello."