Disclaimer: Really, though, fanfiction is like a modern version of the folktale. We take a story we know and selflessly spend hours adding our own twist on it to perpetuate the story of the original. And we don't get jack-diddly for abusing other people's characters. I, for one, think it's a wonderful system. It's also kind of sad that no one actually reads these, either. Grape.

A/N: You should ideally read the prequel to this first. No, really, it's necessary reading. This picks up immediately from where 'Nothing Unusual, Nothing Strange' left off. It's only a one-shot. You can do it. I believe in you. If you already have read the prequel, you might still want to brush up if it's been a while. Because continuity.

Chapter 1: I Immediately Regret This Decision

Sarah very nearly grinned along with him, but then Jareth had to go and ruin everything by opening his big fat mouth.

"I do so strive to live up to your expectations of me, even if they are exhausting."

The novelty of the Goblin King's reappearance in her life had worn off, and Sarah's lack of sleep was catching up with her. Screw her yoga routine; she was going to crawl in bed as soon as she got rid of the nuisance occupying her living room.

Speaking of the nuisance, he was still kneeling before her and apparently had the gall to start fiddling with a lock of her hair.

New Years' Day set the tone for the rest of one's year, but she'd be damned if that meant she had being-regularly-tormented-in-her-own-home to look forward to for the rest of this one. 'Date Agreement,' or no.

"If I'm so exhausting, why don't you go and find someone else to annoy?"

"Oh no, Dear-heart, it's you I want."

The facetious veneer was firmly back in place. Yippity skippity.

"Why?"

He finally moved away to lean against the arm of her love seat.

"You complete me."

The twitch of his mouth betrayed him, and Sarah might have actually growled in response.

"Excellent. It's all settled then," Jareth inclined, nodding in finality.

"Wait, what?"

Settled? How could anything be settled? They hadn't even talked about what all this deal entailed!

Jareth straightened and looked as though he were about to magic himself away. Sarah flew from her chair and grabbed his wrist, heedless of the consequences in that moment.

"Where are you going?"

The Goblin King looked disgustingly pleased.

"Now Sarah, if you want me to stay, you need only ask."

His voice dropped toward the end, and Sarah was pretty sure that there was something wrong with the heating. She should not be so very warm in January.

"That's not what I- Aren't we going to discuss the terms of," She didn't exactly know what to call it and gestured vaguely, "this date arrangement thingy? You can't just pop in and out any time you damn well please."

His Cheshire smile was beatific. Sarah's recently retired hackles were called back to service, as every hair on the back of her neck rose.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

"Ah, ah, love. The time for negotiations is past. Limitations on my comings and goings were never stipulated in our agreement, and therefore, you will find that I very well can."

She began to fully comprehend just what she agreed. Jareth asked for thirteen dates, and all she responded with was that she had high expectations. That was it. As long as he lived up to her expectations, he had free reign.

Brilliant, Sarah. Give the man a practically open invitation back into your life. No, no, don't discuss it first. Sure it will be fine, and he'll totally behave like a civilized human adult and not a tricky fey king from another dimension.

She had known her unconditioned acceptance would prove to be a mistake the moment it exited her mouth. She should have expected him to be intractable once he had her assent. After all, why would he willingly give up any power she had just so unwittingly given him? What was said was said, after all.

Sarah took deep calming breaths. Screw the dates. She wasn't even going to make it twenty minutes without throttling him.

"Negotiations may be over but there should at least be some ground rules that we both agree on," she attempted reasonably.

"Hmm, still sounds like negotiating to me, Precious-thing."

The King affected an air of disinterested nonchalance. He was up to something.

"I suppose that I could be persuaded to bargain," he focused his gaze unwaveringly on her own, as though testing her mettle, "though I would ask a boon of you."

Sarah eyed him warily as he continued.

"As a gesture of good faith. On your part and mine."

She may have inadvertently agreed to date him with no restrictions beyond the number of dates, but Sarah was far from stupid. She didn't trust him any farther than she could throw him, which coincidently was probably not that far, even if she did manage to get a nice tight spiral on him.

"And what exactly would that be?"

"A kiss."

Aw, hell. He would have to go and say that. She could practically hear the 'nothing more' attached to it. She wasn't prepared for this. Agreeing to date him was one thing, but she thought she would have time to get used to the idea before he went and pulled something like this.

"Do I get a boon of you then?"

The Goblin King apparently felt incredibly smirky today. Sarah idly wondered if it was his default expression or if he really just enjoyed tormenting her.

"I was hoping that you would find my request mutually beneficial."

Her money was on the latter.

She did not recall him being nearly so smiley when she was fifteen. Though, to be fair, there were a lot of other things she had not noticed about him then, either. Like how snuggly tailored his pants were.

Ah, drifting. Not good.

Sarah crossed her arms, the picture of defiance in lounge pants.

"And if I decline?"

"Our arrangement stands as is."

Liberties and all.

Damn, she was rusty. She blamed it on inadequate sleep. And inadequate sleep could be blamed on the Goblin King deeming it of upmost importance to wake her in the middle of the night and start this whole farce. She also believed that she had reached and exceeded her quota for otherworldy interactions for the day.

"Is this a game to you?"

"Oh, yes."

Sarah found the flare of single minded intensity in Jareth's eyes a teensy bit frightening, and perhaps an equivalent teensy bit appealing to her romantic sensibilities.

"One that I am very intent on winning."

As far as she was concerned, her romantic sensibilities could go jump off a cliff. Preferably into the nearest bog.

She was a grown, adult woman and really should not be getting so flustered over the idea of a kiss.

Sarah wasn't concerned with the kiss itself.

That was a lie.

She was mildly concerned with the kiss itself.

Mostly though, Sarah worried over the possible implications of aforementioned kiss.

But could she really afford to have Jareth running about with complete freedom to ruin her life?

"Okay, I agree to one kiss, if we can set some ground rules that we both agree upon." Sarah had a sudden burst of brilliance. She couldn't let him continue to get the best of her today. After all, such would be horrible for her reputation. "But the kiss comes after."

Annoyance colored Jareth's face for a split second, but then he grinned at her, widely and toothily. The baring of teeth could barely be construed as a smile; it was too predatory. Though, she didn't really know what else to call it. And a look like that did things to a girl.

Like make her swallow convulsively. In abject horror. Not at all like a deer bracing itself against an impending collision with a spot-lighting motor vehicle. Nope. Horror. Definitely.

"All the better. A kiss to seal the agreement."

The better to bind you with, my dear.

"Okay, then." Sarah found her head, foregoing any more comparisons to fairytale creatures. Other fairytale creatures, she mentally amended. "All right. No randomly popping in uninvited."

"But what if you want me to pop in uninvited?"

"Fat chance," she groused.

"Come, come, love. My unsolicited appearances thus far have been the highlight of your millennia."

Sarah chose to ignore him and forge onward.

"No whisking me away to the underground without my explicit prior-" She was interrupted by the sharp 'tsk' of a tongue derisively clicking against teeth.

"You are determined to eliminate all spontaneity from our relation-"

"No interrupting me when I'm making a poi-"

He pushed off the sofa and insinuated himself closer, eyes glittering with malicious glee.

"Yes, interrupting others is quite rude. You should know better, Sarah-mine. Is that all?"

She stood her ground, refusing to acknowledge the prey instinct to put as much space between herself and the predator as possible.

"Can I have more time to think about it?"

Jareth smiled amiably and shrugged.

"No."

Sarah hesitated for a moment before she settled on wording her most important demand.

"You leave Toby out of this. Completely. No talking, no otherwise contacting, no magical coercion."

Jareth stepped back, his nose wrinkled in displeasure.

"Sarah, had I designs on your brother, I dare say that I would not be visiting you."

This was the one thing she refused to budge on. She might be a tad reckless with her own well-being, and Toby may be a teenager now, but he was still her baby brother. And she didn't want to take any chances, no matter how remote.

"No interacting with my brother. At all."

The king's eyes rolled heavenward, though he seemingly noted the stubborn cast to her jaw and conceded.

Sarah one, Jareth… Well, that rankled too much to accept, and she quickly forwent the idea of keeping score.

"Very well. Are you quite finished?"

She knew more issues would crop up later, and she would wish that she had the foresight to include them. But for now, she had addressed everything she deemed important.

"I think so."

"Would you like to hear my counter offer?"

Her mumbled, 'not really' was ignored. Or taken as assent. Negotiating sucked.

"I will continue to arrive at the time of my choosing, though I shall provide you with prior notice."

He must have anticipated her next question because he answered it before she could voice it herself.

"Discretely."

That wasn't so bad.

"Okay."

"I shall whisk you away only when you wish it."

Which would be never, so she felt safe in that regard. She inclined her head for him to continue.

"You shall henceforth use my given name in direct address to myself."

Sarah must have made a face, if his own smug look was any indication. She had agreed to kind-of-sort-of date him, though. So, she couldn't reasonably refuse that request.

"Fine."

"You will endeavor to enjoy yourself and stop treating me with suspicion."

It was her turn to give him the skeptical, patronizing look until he continued on.

"Unless suspicion is warranted. Do we have an accord?"

She wasn't exactly happy with the terms but such was the nature of compromise.

"I guess."

Jareth thrust out his hand as if he were going to shake on it, and years of conditioning on striking bargains with her little brother had Sarah clasping his gloved hand before she remembered that doing so was probably a very bad idea. And rightly so.

The Goblin King hauled her toward himself. Sarah found her hands splayed against his chest with his own clasped behind her back.

Winds magically whipped up in her apartment, and warmth rushed through at every point of contact between them. She idly wondered if he felt the same electricity that she felt quite literally building up between them.

Then, without preamble, his lips caressed hers and Sarah's world exploded.

It was a far cry from the peck she had been expecting. They were making out. Totally making out. They had somehow made it to the love seat that was finally living up to its name, as one kiss became two became more than Sarah cared to count because the logical half of her brain had been thoroughly and methodically shut down all the way from his hand flitting up her side to his mouth eventually shifting for a nip at her earlobe.

Jareth finally pulled away, still hovering above her and looking inordinately pleased with himself.

It took a few seconds for Sarah's brain ooze back into its proper place and reassert higher cognitive functioning. She gave up on her heart resuming a typical, slower rhythm, though. Her shuddering breath was slow in getting back to normal, too.

What was that? Did he have some sort of magical kissing seduction powers? She wouldn't doubt it.

"I thought. One."

Sarah tried to infuse the ire she felt into her tone, she really did. It wasn't her fault that she still had not quite collected herself, and the words came out all breathy and affected. The smugness that radiated off Jareth in that moment could have powered a small city. On Mars. For a decade.

Jareth leaned in again, until he was whispering directly into her ear, "Until tonight, Precious."

He stepped back and tilted his head in appraisal. "And Sarah, wear something... Red."

His exit was showy. And after showing uncharacteristic consideration in not casting off any magical residue when he left after his late-night jaunt in the early hours of the morning, the Goblin King apparently no longer felt any such compunction over leaving her sitting room a vaguely shimmering mess.

Sarah teetered for a moment before collapsing backward onto the loveseat, unable to decide whether permitting the Goblin King's attentions was the worst or best thing she had ever agreed to. Best had a head start in the polls, as the events of moments before were on a replay loop in Sarah's head. A heady mixture of sight and scent and touch and taste.

It was minutes later, when her brain took an intermission from kiss-cam-instant-replay-mode!, that Sarah discovered the ridiculous Cosmopolitan magazine she ripped up had disappeared with the king. Judging by the article he started telling her about, most likely along with every scrunchie and elastic hairband she had ever owned.

She nodded then, considering the possibilities and coming to the only logical conclusion.

"This was the worst decision of my life."

A/N: So, after claiming that 'Nothing Unusual, Nothing Strange' was going to forever remain a standalone for the better part of a year, I had those troublesome little things known as 'ideas.' Please note that this story does not have a specific update schedule, as it's playing second fiddle to my other Labyrinth fic project, 'Of Nowhere and Neverwhen.' (If you like this, you'd probably like that story, too. It has the same style of humor and mutual antagonism between our heroes. It's just a tad more clever in its construction.) I just wanted to post the first chapter because it was done, and this is primarily going to be a fluffy little fun story, and I hate sitting on things if they're ready to be posted. I will be working on this. Just not as diligently.

...Now. What endearingly obnoxious thing will Jareth do on their first date? c:

Chapter Title Reference: Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Don't look at me like that. It was appropriate.