Chapter 1: Awakening
I felt myself drifting in and out of my body. My time was nearing an end and I didn't want to hold on to life, or the Force, any longer. When I had struck down Traya, my mentor, and the Lord of the Sith, I felt a pain similar to what I felt when I had last walked on Malachor. It was a death inside me. So much pain. Except for this time I didn't sever the Force, I held on.
Now as I was laying in the Med Bay with my companions lingering over me, I regretted it.
I thought I heard Atton's familiar voice screaming from the Cockpit, but it sounded like he was at the end of a very far tunnel, and not just a few steps down the hall. Mira was scrambling through the Ebon Hawk, looking for emergency Kolto and medical supplies. Brianna and Canderous were near me, applying pressure to my many cuts and lacerations. HK-47 and T3 were put into standby mode and were being held in the Cargo hold so they wouldn't get in the way. GO-TO and the Remote seemed to be missing. Strange. Bao-Dur hammered at the Hyperdrive and the Ion Engine, functioning as a machine trying to get the Ebon Hawk running at it's full capacity. Visas was doing her best to keep my mind steady, using the Force, but I was trying so hard to leave my body and pain behind.
"He wants to leave us," Visas said quietly, "He is hurting so bad." She said with pain in her voice.
"Are you seeing his body? Of course he is in a pain. A Mandalorian couldn't live through this." Canderous spat in frustration, showing he did care for me, Matthew Surik.
"He is no Mandalorian, Canderous." Brianna said tenderly. "He is so much more." Her voice trailed off as Mira burst back into the room with Atton in tow.
"I barely outran that Sith cursed explosion!" He said, a bit panicked. "That Schutta's hatred was nearly the death of this entire section! We are on auto-pilot and bound for Citadel Station."
"Then help us with this!" Mira shouted, still rushing around wildly.
They began working, field stitching wounds and using Force heal. I remembered vaguely the lesson I had taught them on Force healing and preaching its importance. I spat out blood as I finally felt myself coming to, despite my best efforts to be One With the Force.
"His mind is steadying. Now if we can stabilize his vitals and slow his breathing, he can rest." Visas said quietly.
I felt her loose the hold on my mind. I heard a lightsaber power up. I knew what was coming and braced as someone cauterized a long cut along my ribs. I let out a groan and slipped out of consciousness.
...
I groggily awoke to Brianna's hand resting softly on my chest. I opened my eyes for the first time since we fled Malachor and met her cyan eyes, the same color as my lightsaber.
"Exile. Matthew. Are you here to stay this time?" She asked. "I know it must have been hard to stay." I stared at her silently, and realized that the wall she had built in her mind to keep me from knowing how she truly felt about me was gone. She loved me.
"I felt the death I had felt during the last battle of Malachor again." I murmured, not fully awake.
"I can hear the echo and I can feel it. But I need you to fight it once more."
I felt so many of the all too familiar sensations I had endure without the Force during my exile. But now, with the Force and Brianna strengthening me, the load felt much lighter.
"I'll stay." As the words left my mouth, the desire to die left me. I felt much better. Awake.
...
She stayed with me through the night. She slept in the chair at the foot of the bed. HK walked by the door in patrol mode, for some reason, and he noticed I was not asleep.
"Statement: Master, I do not believe that her presence will speed up your recovery in any way. However, based on your hormones, it does seem to pleasure you to some extent."
"Thank you for your concern HK, but it is not needed." I said with a slight grin.
"Unnecessary Statement: Master, the only concern I have is that this ship is not running at one hundred percent capacity. The Last of the Handmaiden's time could be better spent training to slaughter our enemies." He said while returning to his self-appointed patrol and walking towards the cockpit.
Brianna stirred and glanced to see I was awake. "Why aren't you sleeping? You need you're strength for Telos."
"I woke up and found that you had stayed with me. Then HK talked to me on his way by."
"What about?" She asked, interested.
"Ah, just about how I was feeling."
"Statement: Master, that is not correct." HK spoke up, passing through the garage for another time.
Brianna and I laughed quietly. "It is okay, I understand." When the moment passed she looked up at me, serious. "How did you survive?"
I thought quietly to myself for a moment. Gathering my thoughts, as it was a question I had asked myself since waking up.
"I honestly don't know. The assassins in the academy were so strong. Everyone I fought was like killing an angry Rancor. They had so much hatred, anger, and fear radiating from them, it infected my mind and made it hard to think. Once I closed in on Traya, Sion stepped from the shadows, more delusional than usual. He should have killed me. His skill was like Malak's the last time I sparred him near the end of the Mandalorian wars. If his rage wouldn't have blinded him, he would have killed me much sooner. Traya once said that power had blinded him long ago. I think that saved me. When I finally started getting the upper hand and was continuously striking him down, my confidence outgrew my caution, and I payed for it." I motioned to the long, brutal cut down my ribs. "If I wouldn't have leapt into the air when I did, he would have ran his blade through my heart." I said solemnly as I realized how near death I had come.
Brianna weighed my words in her mind for a short time. "What of Traya?"
"She was, different." I said trying to find the words to explain the confusing situation. "It was not near the fight I had with Darth Nihilus, or Sion for that matter. It seemed like just another test, or Sith-cursed lesson. Everything she put me through and told me, everything," I reiterated, "was a test. Either that or she was second-guessing herself."
"I do not think it would have taken that long for her to second guess herself, Exile. She hunted you across the galaxy, found you, helped reestablish your connection to the force, then led you to Malachor. No, I too think it was a test. But for what?"
"For me to realize my true power. The power to give and to take away life. An awakening in myself through the Force of some sort." I heard the soft drum of HK's power core as he passed through the hallway. "I will maybe never truly know. Maybe she was showing me how far I have come. Like saying, months ago, you couldn't feel the force. Now you battle Sith Lords with ease. But I truly do not know. She told me she saw me as an end to the the Force. I don't know what that meant but I think I will in time."
Brianna once again weighed my words, thinking. "I believe that is correct, Matthew. More so if that is what you felt during your battle. What was it like? Ending it, I mean."
"I felt as if I drug a vibroblade through the gaping wound Malachor left in me the last time I was there. It doesn't hurt so much now. The force has helped me." We sat in silence for a short time. Rummaging through our thoughts and feelings. I felt a pang of sleepiness I glanced at the time and noticed it was five standard hours before Mira began her morning meal for the crew. Brianna noticed.
"I will leave you to your rest." She said going to stand.
"No!" I said, maybe a bit too desperately. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to be left alone with my nightmares to accompany me."
"It is okay. There were many times on Telos I wished someone that cared would have comforted me in my sleep. Do not worry. I will stay." She sat back down on her chair and pulled the covers over her. She brushed the two short braids out of her face before trying to sleep.
I was asleep long before her.
...
I awoke shortly before Mira's cooking began. I noticed Brianna was no longer in the room with me. I reached out in the Force and heard her hands zipping through the air in the cargo hold. I wanted to walk.
I sat up on the side of the bed, leaning on my arms for support. I felt a strange sensation on my left hand. I braced myself for what was to come and looked down.
Right below the wrist joint, was a bandaged nub. My hand was gone. Just like my former master's. I should have suspected as much would have happened to leave me a constant reminder of her. I heard stumbling footsteps through the hall and looked to the doorway in time to see a grinning Atton walk in.
"Find your new trophy, huh?" He asked jokingly.
"I wouldn't call it a trophy, but I did notice. Why didn't you tell me?"
"You weren't in much of a talking mood when Bao-Dur drug you out of the Trayus core. You weren't in much of a living mood really." Atton said with a lazy shrug.
"I want to walk. Can you help me up?" I asked. He looked at me for a second, then honored my plea. He walked beside me and leaned down, putting himself under my arm. I slowly stood up as he shifted my weight to his shoulders. Once I stood up straight, he slowly let me stand on my own, once I got my bearings he let me go and walked beside me down the hallway and into the main hold.
Mira snapped her head away from the range and looked half-crazy with her short red hair standing in all directions and sleep still lingering in her red-stained eyes. "I didn't know you two were up! And Matthew! You should not be walking." She said a bit too motherly for my tastes.
"Well, I have to be able to walk on Telos, unless you can convince Atton to carry me through Citadel Station." I said nearly breathless.
"No thanks big guy. You can walk." He said smugly.
"Well let's finish our journey to the cockpit." I said slowly walking by Mira. She huffed and went back to preparing our meal.
Once we reached the cockpit I sat in the Navigator's chair and Atton sat in his usual spot in the Pilot's seat. I opened the interface and Atton began his usual diagnostics of the Ebon Hawk. I looked on the course map and saw we were one day and fourteen hours from Citadel Station. Strange, it took eight hyperspace days to get to Telos from Malachor.
"Atton, how long was I asleep?" I asked curious.
"This morning marked your sixth day of beauty rest since Malachor." He said plainly.
"Six days." I murmured. "And did Brianna…" he cut me off.
"Yes your Ice Queen stayed with you the whole time. We checked on you often, but she was attached to your side, only leaving to eat and use the refresher. She's got it for you bad, Matt." Atton was the only one aboard the ship who had taken to calling me Matt, a nickname Revan and Malak gave me when we were Padawans. I missed them. The real them. Surprisingly though, Atton using the name didn't bother me. Sometimes I wondered who my best friend was, Atton or Bao-Dur.
Mira hollered, "Lazy crew mates! Time to eat!" I noticed Atton was a little quick to respond to her beckon. I stayed silent and hobbled after him. When we reached the main hold Canderous walked in shortly after. I noticed he had taken off his armor and was now in a jumpsuit commonly worn under Mandalorian Assault Armor. Of course it was much more heavily armored than usual and modified to Canderous' like. His hair was a bit longer than he usually kept it, but it was still short on the sides and flat and standing straight up on top. The scar on his eyelid and top lip seemed more pronounced than I remembered.
"Well Jedi, don't admire my seasoned beauty for too long. Staring at old men isn't nice." The Mandalorian stated calmly. I nearly choked. Atton turned a very bright shade of red trying to restrain himself. Mira didn't even try and busted out laughing. As we chuckled and made small talk, we fixed our plates and sat down.
We sat down at our usual seats to the table Bao-Dur had made for seven. One seat would remain empty from now on. Canderous took up his spot at the head of the table. Atton sat to his right and Mira was adjacent from Atton. I sat right of Atton. Visas sat where Kriea had, adjacent to me. Bao-Dur usually sat right of me, and Brianna across from him. I heard Bao-Dur fire up a welder, and T3 beep a few times as Bao-Dur murmured a few commands to the loyal droid. I realized then he would not be coming to eat.
Shortly, Brianna strode into the room with the same grace and posture she strode into the main hold the first time I saw her aboard the ship while leaving Telos. I stared for maybe too long, memorizing features about her I hadn't noticed before. As my eyes left her face and traveled down to the bottom half of her body, Atton gave me a quick nudge, breaking my trance. I realized I had looked at her for some time. Only Atton had noticed thankfully.
I nodded a thanks to Atton for saving me some grief, and he tipped his fork to me in response. Brianna came and sat down in the chair beside me, and a bit close I noticed. Atton looked as if he was going to say something. But, with a slight twitch from Mira and a soft thud under the table, Atton's face went expressionless once again.
HK passed through the hold, still on his self-appointed patrol. "Statement: Ah wonderful, another lovely meat bag gathering."
We all shared slight giggles to the disturbing comment of the assassin droid. Once it had made me, and my companions uncomfortable. Now it was something that we had grown accustomed to and actually looked forward to. We ate as Canderous asked me about the Storm Beasts on Malachor. I told him how I fought them through the cliffs all the way to the entrance of the academy, and thankfully, he respected me enough to not ask of that.
Canderous and Atton, as usual, were the first to swallow down their food, and went and threw their plates into the kitchen refresher. Visas didn't clear her plate and quietly threw it in the refresher and left the room. They went about their ways and left Brianna, Mira, and I to talk.
"So," Mira began kicking back in her chair slightly and propping her feet on the table. "Are you two going to be a thing, or is this going to remain a childhood crush." Brianna blushed slightly.
I remained relatively unharmed, as I had prepared for this comment all morning. I decided to take a sarcastic route. "I'm really not in the best shape for a relationship at the moment." I lifted my shirt and motioned to a few healing cuts on me.
"Matthew." Brianna said hushed, turning a bit redder. I hadn't thought of embarrassing her. Mira giggled at her embarrassment.
"Ah, I'm only joking Mira. I just want to wait on the right time." I nodded and said, "I'm going to check on Bao-Dur and his seemingly new project." I nodded to the girls and upon walking out the door heard them whispering.
As I walked into the door I shielded my eyes from Bao-Dur's welding long enough for me to grab a heat shielding visor. I noticed he was welding on an orb. "What you got there?" I asked lightly.
"Good to see you are moving around, General. And I'm building a new remote with T3's help." T3 beeped happily in confirmation.
"What happened to your old one?"
"I gave him one last mission on Malachor. Him and GO-TO's droid will not be returning." He said quietly.
"I'm sorry." I said as I put a hand on his shoulder.
"It really is no problem. Droids are replaceable, you General, are not." He raised his mask to look at me. "Thank you for doing again what is necessary. Despite your flaws, you always do the right thing and come through, not only for your friends, but the galaxy. It's why I will always follow you, General."
I nodded to him with a smile. I was truly thankful for his friendship and loyalty.
"Can you spare some time for a lesson?" I asked, wanting to go over Force telepathy with my friends.
"No, General. Not today. I would rather work on this." He went back to his work, deterring me from prying anymore.
While walking back into the main hold I shouted playfully, "Gather round children! It's time for your next step in being padawans!" I was their elder by only a few years. I was just marked 27 standard years old, Atton was 25, as was Mira, Visas was 21, and Brianna was 20, the youngest on the ship, besides HK, who was commissioned by Revan shortly after the Mandalorian wars. T3 had seen many adventures and I wasn't sure of his age, but I had a feeling his adventures had worn on him more than his actual time spent in the universe.
They all hurriedly shuffled into the room in their robes. Usually someone of their knowledge in the Force would be in Padawan robes, but I decided to give them all Knight robes. It suited their ages much better. Besides, I liked how the Knight robes looked. I was in my casual gray Jedi robes.
We got in our usual meditation circle and centered ourselves. Strangely enough, I felt much stronger than I had earlier, when all my friends had joined me in meditation. We all began to play Pazaak as Atton had taught me, and in turn taught the rest of the Force sensitives. After we were readied. I spoke to them, "So, after seeing the effectiveness of our healing lesson, and how quickly you all caught on, I want to dive into something a bit more complex. Force Telepathy."
"What you mean like crawling around in other people's minds?" Mira asked, a bit standoffish.
"No. For now I mean communication in the mind among friends." I said smiling "Then later it will be crawling through people's minds." I added, only half joking
I started teaching them to listen, as Kriea once had taught me. I noticed Visas already had an infinity in this, as she had steadied my mind while fleeing Malachor, using a very advanced form of this technique.
Jokingly, I softly added, trying not to break their concentration. "Put a thought in your mind that you would like us all to know. Be careful not to add anything to revealing."
I reached into each of their minds while opening mine, revealing my pride in them, and felt all their very familiar Force presences going in and out of my base thoughts. Brianna, her Echani fighting steps. Mira, her favorite incapacitating blow. Atton, his pride of his piloting. Visas and her… no that couldn't be right. I searched her a bit deeper. No, it was definitely affections for me. I remembered that she understood how to do this and wondered if this is what she was also telling the others.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked at all of my friends concentrating. They caught on so quickly, and I felt them all connecting, as I had connected to them over the course of our almost seven month journey. One by one they opened their eyes and exchanged glances, enlightenment with one another showing in their eyes.
"Wow." Atton said. "I've always kept people out of my mind, but visiting somebody else's mind, who invited me in, that was amazing. Thank you for that." He nodded to me and I smiled back, happy that he was so accepting of my teachings to him.
Everybody exchanged glances and we once again meditated and centered ourselves.
I decided to speak up while they were meditating. "Remember how each of your friend's presences in your mind felt. That way, if in need, they will be able to access you and get past your mental blocks. Kriea was always able to talk to me, despite the situation or how I felt about her at the moment. One day you all will do the same if you continue to work on this."
One by one, they got up and went their ways once we had finished meditating on the lesson, until it was only Brianna and me left.
"Let's spar." She got up and walked straight to the cargo hold.
Instead of the usual lack of clothes we had, Mandalore had given us light Mandalorian jumpers to start sparring in after the battle at Telos, saying we were worthy of Mandalorian gear. They were undeniably comfortable and they were like slipping on another set of skin. They fit close the the skin, and didn't impair movement.
I limped over to a staff and decided I needed to work on my skill with one.
"Exile." Brianna said softly. I looked down and realized I was reaching for the staff with my missing left hand.
"Right. Long sword it is." I reached for the blade up on the wall.
"You need to get use to fighting without that hand. At least for a while. I will not go at you with all my might but do not expect an easy fight." She dropped into a basic Echani stance that I recognized easily. It was a style that she had helped me master. It was a purely defensive stance that was not very aggressive. What made it effective was being how simple it was, it was very easy to switch into much more aggressive stances.
We slowly began to circle each other and quickly began going through dueling motions, trying to set me in a spot of comfort. We had begun to skip these, as they were long and tedious. But, with the loss of my hand I was not at the point in fighting I had been. I was taking deep breaths barely halfway through. Soon the motions were over and I struck out at her. She easily parried the weak strike with her staff but did not counter like usual.
I reset my stance, then quickly kicked at her shin trying to knock her off balance. I swung my blade, much stronger this time at her side, but not even close to my usual strength, which she caught with her staff and spun my blade quickly. I followed the motion through, spinning around and once full circle, came down with a blow right above her collarbone that was caught once again with her staff. I looked at Brianna with a smile and she glanced at me grinning.
I fell back in horror. I had seen Sion's face on hers.
I stood up quickly. "I'm sorry. I think that is good for the day. I am really weak today." I was struggling for breath.
She nodded sadly. "It's okay. I understand. What did you see? You look like you have seen a ghost."
"Sion. That was the same strike I used to execute him."
"Execute him? Was that what you meant to say?"
"Yes. He had thrown his saber away and talked to me. At the end of our talk, he would not entirely free himself of the Darkside, but let go enough for me to kill him. I sensed it and struck him down through his collarbone with my lightsaber. I am no Jedi." I said grimly going to turn.
"You are right, Exile." I stopped to listen. "You are greater than any of the Jedi. No other Jedi could have survived, no Jedi could have resisted the call of Darkness. You truly are something greater."
She stepped towards me and leaned towards me. "That is why I love you."
I looked into her eyes for a moment. Her mind was still open to me as it had been when I had woken up last night. She loved me. And I loved her. I embraced her for just a moment. Enough to reassure her, "Thank you." I whispered as I let her go.
I held her gaze before slowly walking out of the cargo hold. I needed to clear things with Visas. I took quick steps to the crew room where she stayed.
As I walked into her room, she turned her head up. "Have you come to me once again with questions, Matthew?"
"Yes, Visas. We need to clear things between us." I said, trying to steady my voice and nerves.
"Very well. What is it that bothers you?"
"Do you love me, Visas?" I tried to stay hushed. I didn't want the others to hear. Especially Brianna.
"I do. Maybe more so than the Echani. I would give my life to you. Anything you asked of me, I would do." She said a bit louder then I hoped for.
"Visas, I care for you as I do all of my friends, but I do not love you in that way. I do not wish for you to care for me. I don't want to hurt you." I said stumbling over my words, my confidence faltering. I had never had to reject a woman's affections before.
"That, is what hurts me the most, Exile. I would give you everything, and you will not." Her voice had not wavered. She was still speaking in her normal tone.
"Visas, I'm sorry." I had no idea how she felt. I did not want to.
"It is okay. You will continue to love the Echani. I will still serve and love you." She bowed her head once more, and shut me out of her mind, not letting me in to try and understand her pain.
I looked at her briefly and whipped out of the room, angry that she just shut me off.
"General." Bao-Dur called as I passed. I peeked my head into the garage to look at him. "You cannot expect one to get over you easily. I am obviously no woman and do not feel for you as the Echani or Visas," I grinned at his sly comment, "but, you do leave impressions on people."
He shrugged, "Hopefully her feelings will pass."
I nodded, trying to understand that I needed to be more compassionate, and he went back to his work, obviously not feeling the need for any more conversation.
I walked into the cockpit to speak with Atton. I sat in the Navigators chair and saw it was 23 hours to Telos. Time had passed quickly today. Meditating and sparring seemed to really speed hyperspace along.
"Well, how has fending off the women come along today?" Atton asked with a grin.
"Fending off the women?"
"Yea you got two of them trying to get you to settle down. Visas let everyone know about her agenda today while in our lesson." I turned pale. Great, everyone including Brianna knew how Visas felt. No wonder she was quick to go and spar.
"Don't act to surprised," Atton said, cutting off my thoughts, "with the way she was thinking, we all would have known soon enough. She would have acted or spoken on it soon enough. Let's just hope that there isn't a maalraas fight that tears this ship apart."
"Well, Sith's blood. I was hoping that was only what she was telling me. That complicates things." I spat quietly.
"It sure does, Matt. You have got to learn that everything to do with women is complicated. Look at Kriea's grand scheme. Only a woman could think up that." Atton spoke as if he knew all about the subject of complicated women.
"I'll take your word for it." I quietly double-checked the course, just to be sure and got up to leave. Turning I said, "Oh yeah, and watch out for Mira to complicate your life." He said nothing but I thought I saw red on the tip of his ears.
Later in the day, Mira once again called everyone to the table with dinner done. We all walked in about the same time and sat at the same spots we had this morning, besides Bao-Dur joining us and sitting near Visas. Brianna sat next to me once again. I noticed she was leaning in my direction, like she was trying to close the distance between us. She kept shooting defensive glances at Visas, who either didn't know or didn't care. The meal passed with no interesting conversation and was only filled with small talk and murmurs about the good food.
By the end of dinner I was exhausted. I walked back to where Kriea had usually stayed. I had decided to make it my personal room and no one cared. They didn't want to stay in that part of this ship when my old mentor was alive, and now, they didn't even look this direction. The other three bunk beds in the room made me feel a bit lonely, but I was glad for my privacy.
Thankfully, all the other crew mates had their own places of rest picked out and were not worried about moving. I got settled and started trying to go to sleep. I tried to no avail. I kept turning over in my mind the horrors that took place both times I had been on Malachor. Before I knew it, I was in a cold sweat. I sat up in my bed, tired of trying to sleep.
I heard the sounds of light feet coming down the corridor. Brianna. She was the only one on the ship not dragging their feet at this hour. She knocked on my sealed hatch.
"Come in." I said soft enough for her to hear through the door while reaching for a shirt. She opened it and I was actually surprised at her appearance. Puffy eyes and swollen cheeks marked her usually flawless face. She was visibly shaken.
"What's the matter?" I asked concern.
She walked across the room and over to my bed, the farthest one from the door, and sat beside me. "I'm… tired." She said weakness in her voice.
"Tired of what, Brianna?"
"Masking my emotions and building walls up. Hiding behind my training and acting like I don't care when I do."
"What do you mean?" I was getting tired of asking questions, but remembered Atton's words on women and their complications. I fought a grin back, knowing the seriousness of the moment.
"Visas showed me how she felt about you. I do not like it. I do not like her. I didn't the first time she stepped on the ship, and my feelings have not changed. I don't feel she can be trusted. I think that is even truer in the fact that she can't be trusted with you." Her voice was still a bit shaky.
I took in her words, knowing there was more to be said.
"Besides that, I can't stop thinking of some of the things my sister called me on Telos. They denied that we were even related. They were going to kill me in cold blood, Matthew!" Her voice broke and she began to quietly sob. I put my arm around her and she nuzzled her head into my chest. I just let her cry. I understood that even the strongest people felt so weak sometimes, maybe better than anyone else. I had seen Revan break down before so Brianna revealing weakness was not surprising.
When she finally began to calm, she quickly stood and tried to go, "I'm sorry, I should return to the cargo hold." I quickly grabbed her hand.
"You can stay here. With me." I said quietly, looking into her eyes.
She turned to look at me. Her eyes were red from tears. She was quiet for a second, thinking. "Okay. Let me grab my things."
She left but returned quickly with her covers. One of them was the blanket I had given to her the first night after she revealed herself to us on the ship. I didn't want her to be cold as well as lonely.
She began putting her stuff down on the bed in front of mine. I watched her for a while, building my courage.
"Brianna," I said softly. She looked at me. "Will you sleep with me?" I scooted back to give her room to lay next to me on the bed. She nodded and came and climbed into the bed next to me. She pulled the cover over her and turned her back to me. I wanted to hold her, but settled on her presence near me being enough. I closed my eyes and drifted into my first real rest since leaving Malachor.