Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.
I would like to thank all my reviewers with another attempt at humor. I also appreciate all the favorites and alerts. Grazie!!! So, have fun and enjoy! Let me know what you guys think! For my new readers, please check out my other story (Summer of Love) for more details if there is any confusion or obscure reference. Tsuna and his friends are around 21-22 years old in a peaceful future after Byakuran's defeat.
Thought, Flashbacks and Dreams
Normal dialogues, occurrences…
Two Can Play at This Game:
Chapter 1: Let the game begin!
"Why the hell not? Damn it, Bronco!" Squalo screamed into his phone, shattering a couple of vases.
"Because I already love Kyoya and I do not have a death wish!" Dino explained for the hundredth time. It seemed as if they had this same conversation every time he talked to the sword emperor in the past two months.
"Stop being such a spineless bastard and help me out! Your rabid pet doesn't have to know. And, think of all those years we have known each other…Think of 'our time together' for old time's sake, huh?" The silver-haired man tried once again, cringing at the overly sentimental words he had swallowed his pride to utter.
"Our time together?! You're talking about all those times you bullied me into doing something stupid, right? On top of that, I saved your life in the Rain Battle with Yamamoto. Or have you forgotten? Bye, Squalo." A frustrated Dino ended their unpleasant discussion.
Squalo chopped his cell phone in half in an effort to vent his anger. Since the day the Cavallone bragged to the Shark about his 'lovely' Kyoya, the sword emperor had tried his best to elicit at least a token of affection from Xanxus.
Needless to say, that was not working out due to Xanxus' inability to feel anything. Since June, Lussuria had been spreading rumors about Squalo's 'exciting affair' with the Cavallone boss. Two months from the spread, Xanxus did not seem to care for the gossips at all. The arrogant Varia leader had not staked a claim, picked a fight or stopped Squalo's interactions with Dino.
The more Superbi Squalo thought about it, the clearer it became that Xanxus did not give a shit about him, his person and well-being. Tonight, though, Squalo would give him one last chance to show some form of human attachment. It was the Varia elites' movie night to 'strengthen the family bond' as the number one brat, Tsuna, had urged them.
"Boss, Lussuria picked 'Brokeback Mountain' for tonight. Is that okay?" Squalo took confident strides into Xanxus' chamber.
"Trash, I'm not watching some crappy emotional shit." The intimidating figure demanded from his throne.
"It's … a Western movie, with cowboys, guns and…" Squalo trailed off, watching his boss taking the bait.
"Fine, whatever!" Swirling his drink, Xanxus almost looked happier, but really only Squalo could tell.
For some strange reasons, Squalo's bedmate had this obsession with the American Old West which consisted of cowboys, guns, Indians and dry deserts, or so the movies portrayed it so. And, guess who was Xanxus' favorite. It was the Native American.
Flashback:
"Shark, look at this raccoon tail I got from the old man! And, these eagle feathers!" A thirteen-year-old Xanxus thrust his treasure into the teenage Squalo's face.
Enthusiastically, the future Varia boss tied the tail to his hair and attached the feathers to his head. All the while, a wide-eyed Squalo wondered what was wrong with this kid's mental state.
"I'm the new Chief Sitting Bull of the Hunkpapa tribe. From this moment on, you will be my first minion. Fetch me my wine, damn it, scum!!!" Xanxus ordered while gesturing his arm at Squalo.
Quickly, a disturbed Squalo left the young Xanxus, searching for the servants and hoping to give his future boss the much needed medication before it was too late.
Squalo, never in his life time, could understand how Xanxus could fancy himself being Chief Sitting Bull or how their deranged famiglia could resemble any respectable Indian tribe. But, it was better not to ask the delusional one. As for the Varia's self-proclaimed tribal leader, the sword emperor had the perfect Indian name for him, chief Pissing Ass.
And, the movie began with Squalo and Lussuria to the left of Xanxus' throne, Levi on his right sucking up at all possible moments while Bel and Fran sitting on the rug in front of them, closest to the flat-screen TV.
As the tragic ending drew near, the colorful boxer was sobbing uncontrollably. Squalo found something irritating in his eyes as well and looked over at Xanxus' side. All of his warm and fuzzy feelings towards the man went up in smoke. The Varia leader did not pay any attention to the non-violent parts and was snoring happily away.
In Squalo's fantasy, Xanxus would have realized the hidden message in the movie choice. The emotionless boss was moved to tears while holding onto Squalo for comfort. Then, the second-in-command would be able to forgive all of his obnoxious behaviors. In the end, their relationship reached a new level of understanding and appreciation far above sexual gratification…
At the moment, reality seemed to crash into Squalo's fantasy land with its sheer brutality. Of course, all the heart-wrenching parts flew over Xanxus' head and into sweet oblivion. Squalo wanted to rip his hair out and kicked his ungrateful bastard of a boss in the nuts.
"Voooiiii! WAKE UP!" The whole chamber trembled; its occupants turned their eyes towards the pair with great interest. Bel and Fran got themselves popcorns and sodas out of nowhere. Lussuria turned around and Levi looked downright gleeful, ready to watch Squalo's dramatic 'fall from grace'.
His answer from said boss was a glass of liquor directly on his forehead. The unprepared swordsman fell backward, tripped on Levi's leg and landed on his back. His silver hair spilled over the crimson carpet. While this scenario had the perfect potential to turn into a touching and sweet moment, Xanxus, by being himself, guaranteed it would not be a pretty sight.
The Varia leader deliberately stepped on Squalo's hair on his way out, ignoring the swordsman's last attempt for reconciliation.
"Fuck you! I am sick and tired of being your fucking nanny and catering to your every whim!" A furious Squalo stood up on shaking legs and stormed out of the room in a silvery whirlwind without a single glance back.
Standing near the doorway, Xanxus still did not comprehend the seriousness of this situation. The rest of the Varia stared wide-eyed in shock, not yet ready to deal with the consequences of having a Squalo-deprived boss.
It was the last straw. Squalo took his packed luggage and left the Varia Castle, heading for the Cavallone Mansion.
For the past three days since the argument, Squalo stayed at Dino's estate, ate the blonde's foods, hogged his master bathroom, paced the don's office and contemplated the next step in his scheme. After being Dino's freeloader for a few more days, the Varia second-in-command realized desperate time called for desperate measure.
"Bucking Horse, I need you to pretend to be my lover until Xanxus comes to his senses and does something." a solemn Squalo declared.
"Comes to his senses as in killing me in the process? No means no, Squalo!" Dino patiently declined.
"If you refuse, I will personally tell the Cloud brat that we had wild sex repeatedly in the last five days behind his back." Raising his chin, Squalo delivered his threat.
"What! But, we didn't do anything!" A panic blonde replied.
"Well, I will also let the Vongola brats know about our sexual exploits and how you broke their pal's heart, figuratively speaking of course, since the brat doesn't have one. But, you know how protective those brats can be of their own…" A casual explanation accompanied by a sly smirk.
Dino had a moment of superb clairvoyance.
The Vongola was chasing him with their proverbial pitchforks and torches…or weapons and flames…
Gokudera: How dare you destroy our only chance at happiness? How are we gonna have sex with that cock-blocking bastard brooding around?!
Yamamoto: Dino, you made Hayato and Hibari very sad! I will remedy that, please stand still…
Tsuna: Dino-san, no one hurts my family and live!
Ryohei: That's Extremely wrong, Cavallone! I'm gonna extremely avenge my drinking buddy!
Mukuro: I'm just here for the bloodfest. Pay no mind, Cavallone. Kufufufufu…
For some reasons, his new-found and short-lived psychic power did not show him what Kyoya would do. But, Dino was smart enough to figure that much out.
"Are you out of your mind, Superbi Squalo?!!! Do you want Xanxus and Kyoya to serve our famiglia roasted Horse and Shark-fin soup at our funeral while they buried our empty coffins?"
"You can die either way. Now, help me, your old friend, and you might have a chance to survive. Isn't the cloud brat traveling right now?" A satisfied sword emperor inquired.
"Okay, fine. I swear, Squalo, if anything happens…" Dread started to fill Dino's entire body.
"Good, let's make a few arrangements and make sure Xanxus will hear of our adventures."
In a sunny patio of a quaint coffee shop, two men were having an intimate moment at their table, talking in low voices and holding hands. Or so it would seem from Hibari's position across the street. An unknown rage boiled in his stomach and launched straight to his head.
Kusakabe and Hibari had just ended their trip early and the Cloud wanted to surprise his lover with a spontaneous visit. What the aloof guardian saw from the other side of Milan's busy street when the two stopped for coffee was not pleasing in the least.
Sending his bird to spy on the blonde and the silver head, Hibari took his time to consider an appropriate retribution. However, he noticed that Dino did not look that comfortable in his own skin; the blonde's stiff body contradicted whatever the pair wanted to project. When the Shark reached over, grabbed his companion's chin and attempted to pull their face closer, the Italian boss fell out of his chair in a tumbling heap.
"Squalo, Dino, Xanxus, asshole, jealous." His little fluff ball chirped his report, returning to Hibari's side, landing on his finger. A sadistic smirk emerged on the Cloud's lips.
"We're going to visit the Varia first, Tetsuya." Hibari entered his car and allowed the puzzled right- hand-man no further explanation.
The first confirmation of Hibari's theory came in the form of an ominously demonic aura shrouding the Varia Headquarter. Various dying screams were heard, followed by jumbled apologies and unmistakable sounds of objects being shattered. When the Cloud stepped inside, no servants or maids attempted to stop him. The usual Varia members did not appear randomly to bother him like before. A deadly silence now enshrined the Varia boss' office, warning all visitors of its owner's infamous wrath.
Hibari opened the wooden door and approached the sulking figure.
"Monkey King, how are you doing?" The Cloud walked slowly towards Xanxus' throne.
"Get out, trash!" The room temperature increased at least five more degrees. Undeterred, the skylark circled around and took a seat in front of the brooding Xanxus.
"Then, it's true. The Shark had left you to join my Horse." A quick tug of Hibari's lips. His answer came in twin pools of crimson rage.
"I have a proposal for you, Monkey King. Two can play at this jealousy game they started. You do want your second-in-command back, don't you?"
Before Xanxus could voice his opinion, the office door was kicked open in a loud bang. Levi rushed inside the chamber with tears in his eyes and snots running down his face.
"Boss!!! I will not let this brat corrupt your virtues! Please do not listen to his nonsense!" A desperate cry.
"Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?" An annoyed skylark spared the intruder a glacial glare.
"Ushishishi… The prince wants to see Levi's demise…" Bel and Fran chose that moment to follow the devoted Levi. However, the sight before them stopped Bel's snide comment.
"Ooh, and the drama unfolds…" Fran's attempt to narrate was halted by Xanxus' pulsing flame.
The pair alternated their gaze from Levi to Hibari to Xanxus and maintained the intense staring process as if they were watching a three-way battle to the death. Not one to be interrupted by a spoiled prince and his froggy pet, Levi continued his noisy protest, failing to notice Xanxus' glowing right hand.
"Boss doesn't need captain Squalo back. I, Levi, am willing to devote my soul and offer my body for the Boss' many manly desires…"
And, a raging ball of fire flew out of Xanxus' hand, hit Levi straight in the face and successfully desecrated a good chunk of the Varia Castle. Having relieved his 'stress', Xanxus turned to Hibari and accepted his proposal. I'd rather follow the brat's scheme than sleep with the creep Levi for the rest of my life. Dumb Shark, I thought you knew better... Hell will freeze over before I let anyone else touch what is mine!
While the Varia Leader and Vongola Cloud shook hands to seal their agreement, Bel lowered Fran to the ground after using him to shield the knife-wielder from their boss' flame of destruction. The two looked at each other and somehow the pair of assassins rediscovered their ability to fear in the identical malicious gleams shining through Xanxus' and Hibari's orbs. Running out of the room, Bel and Fran arranged for a vacation to recover from this apocalyptic event.
Hibari left the Varia Headquarter with an invisible smirk, heading for the Cavallone Mansion. Once there, the skylark and Kusakabe's intrusion went uncontested. The Cloud reached Dino's office within a minute and took a seat while waiting for Romario.
As Dino's right-hand-man, Romario was used to surprises and life's unpredictability. Still, being summoned by Hibari in his own residence definitely topped Squalo's audacious demand of his boss. But, being a sensible being, Romario understood how much this Japanese youth meant to the Cavallone Head and why no one would jeopardize Dino's happiness by upsetting the Cloud Guardian.
Upon entering his don's private chamber, Romario was greeted by an unexpected aura of dark hostility that could never associate with Dino's sunny personality. Only Hibari Kyoya was capable of turning the Italian's peaceful sanctuary into a cold dreary place. When Romario stood before the mahogany desk, a seated Hibari turned Dino's leather chair around, facing him with the sunlight illuminating the Japanese's contour, looking very much like a vengeful Mafia boss on his personal bloody throne. Even Kusakabe appeared tense and stiff in the presence of this Macbeth-esque Hibari.
"Where is the Bucking Horse, Romario?" A threat-laden question, delivered in a confident tone.
Before the Italian right-hand-man could answer, the skylark promptly warned him.
"Consider this carefully. I want his agenda with Superbi Squalo. If you know what's good for the herbivore, you will provide me the information truthfully."
Romario considered his options; after all, Dino did not anticipate Hibari's unannounced return.
"On one condition, you will not bite our boss to death, so to speak, for what he engaged in with Squalo."
"You are in no position to negotiate. I already knew Squalo's general scheme; I only need the specific locations and schedule. But, I will promise that the Bronco won't die." Hibari's answer came through clenched teeth, but approval danced in his grey orbs.
Romario relented and gave the Cloud all the details that Dino disclosed to him in case of emergency. After accomplishing his goals, the proud guardian stalked out of the Cavallone's office with an apologetic Tetsuya, leaving a worried Romario behind.
A couple of days later, a distressed Tsuna clutched his cell phone in trembling hands, trying his best to shake the last two text messages out of existence.
"Lie to me, Gokudera-kun! Please tell me they will not visit our Japanese base anytime soon." Handing over his phone to the loyal Storm, Tsuna was sweating bullets on his leather seat.
I'm coming to Japan and will stay at your base for awhile. Squalo.
Expect me at the Vongola Base, trash. Xanxus.
The brilliant guardian could not find a word to comfort Tsuna, so he patted the young boss' back and assured him nervously that everything would be all right.
Since the morning's terrifying news, Tsuna had exhausted himself with paperworks, hoping to find relief in temporary amnesia. And, relief did come when the sweet don succumbed to the August heat and its lethargic quality. So, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, Tsuna drifted happily into dreamland.
His famiglia was having a wonderful gathering. Tsuna sat on his comfortable armchair overlooking his guardians and allies in various fond conversations. On one sofa to his right, Squalo draped an arm over Dino-san in the most affectionate manner. Xanxus and Hibari-san were having a pleasant discussion across from those two. Directly facing him were Mukuro and Chrome-chan who seemed to be lost in their own happy bubble. The world was just a perfectly joyous and serene place where everybody got along. Even Reborn looked pleased with Tsuna's amazing accomplishment in uniting the famiglia. His home tutor was sincerely patting his shoulder to congratulate him…
In reality, Dino was shaking the young boss' shoulders to wake him up. Tsuna opened his drowsy eyes, still glazed over by his own fantasy. The Vongola Decimo smiled indulgently at Squalo and Dino, failing to notice how Squalo's arm entangled the Cavallone Don's reluctant one.
"Squalo, Dino-san, how glad I am to see you guys so happy together…" Tsuna complimented absentmindedly.
Stepping back, Dino and Squalo exchanged perturbed glances and announced their intention.
"Brat, we'll be staying here for a little while." Squalo resisted the urge to bellow this information.
"Um…we're gonna go to the guest room now, Tsuna. Take care of yourself, okay!" Dino cast more worried looks over his shoulders on the way out.
Half an hour afterward, Tsuna snapped out of his dream state, feeling as if he missed a major turn of event. Quickly, he laid his head down to recover from his abrupt movements and dispel his delusional daydream. Unfortunately for him, Xanxus and Hibari chose that precise moment to barge into his office.
"Worthless Trash!" greeted the Varia leader.
Convinced that the Varia boss and his Cloud could never stand in the same room without a reenactment of the Armageddon, Tsuna swiftly decided that the sight before him was simply an illusion his abused mind came up to help him cope with the brutal reality. And, what would a sensible person do to wistful products of one's overactive imagination? Deny their existence, of course!
"Go away, hallucination! Go haunt someone else, will you! Get out of my sight!" A tired Tsuna waved his arms around, trying to make them disappear.
And, BAM, real life hit him with its full vengeance.
Xanxus' gun was pointing dangerously close to his forehead, the heated weapon evaporated Tsuna's sweat in an instant. Hibari stifled his laugh through a small cough. Watching Tsuna dismissing Xanxus was a great treat!
Tsuna almost peed his pants when Death, in Xanxus's form, once again gave him an up-close and personal demonstration. World peace and famiglia harmony were gone in a flash. If things kept up like this, Tsuna would not reach retirement in one piece. Heart attacks for free, anyone?
"Now that you know we're here. Stay out of our way, scum!" Xanxus stormed towards the exit, following an amused skylark. Tsuna was unable to utter a single syllable in protest.
Slumping back against his large chair, Tsuna shook his head a couple more times just to be sure. His senses had caught up with the reality of Squalo's and Xanxus' appearance in the Vongola Japanese Base. Tsuna's daydream of a peaceful and loving Famiglia turned around and bit him squarely in the butts. With Squalo accompanied by his 'older brother' and Xanxus in Hibari's company, the young boss did not need his exalted Hyper Intuition to foresee a nightmare coming true.
Now, Tsuna had two choices. He could either accept this apocalyptic turn of event or admit his insanity and uncontrollable hallucinations. Fortunately, or not, Tsuna's Mist Guardian hand-picked this moment of the don's self-doubt to materialize in front of his desk.
"Kufufufu… Tsunayoshi-kun, I have come to renew the promise I made. Would you like me to fulfill it now? Possessing your body will be a …"
Before Mukuro could finish his sentence, Tsuna practically jumped out over his desk, eyes brimming with tears.
"Mukuro, you don't know how HAPPY I am to see you now! Thank Kami you are still normal! I am still sane and the world is…" Tsuna exclaimed emotionally.
Tsuna's attempt to hug the Mist was stopped short by Mukuro's extended left hand. Holding Tsuna at arm-length, pushing against the brunette's forehead, the elusive guardian switched his pointy trident into a horizontal position, ready to make a Tsuna kabob when his survival dictated. What the hell happened to you???
While Tsuna was flailing his arms around, still trying to embrace his 'sanity', Mukuro looked over towards the exit and bolted for the opening.
"Perhaps I'll come back another time, Tsunayoshi-kun!" His sweating palm removed from the boss' head. When you return to your senses for example. For the first time, I sincerely thought taking over your body might not be such a good idea…That wasn't fun…
When Mukuro left the office, Tsuna dropped himself on the floor, wondering whether he should feel relief or self-pity. Good things first, of course, because without optimism he would never have survived this position for so long.
Mukuro will not pester me about possessing my body anytime soon after this fiasco…or so I hoped.
I am sure of my fragile mental state. No, I did not hallucinate the presence of Squalo and Xanxus in peaceful company with the least likely people.
On the other hand, Tsuna's inner self was banging its head against the wall for the exact same reasons.
It knows that when your infamous obsessive stalker refused to let you touch him, treated you like a contaminated animal and ran away in fear, you are not in the best of shape (translation: I'm too insane for the psychotic maniac!).
Squalo and Dino! Xanxus and Hibari! What on earth is going on? Somehow it knew this will turn into my custom-made hell.
Back to the outside world, Tsuna felt he needed to take up a vice quickly to preserve his humanity. For Xanxus, it was the alcohol. For Byakuran, it was the marshmallows. Obviously, every leader needed something to relieve the pain of leadership, or so Tsuna reasoned in his search for such healing substances. Hmm, which one is better, smoking pot or sniffing glue? Maybe both, that oughta show them…
Hello everyone! I'm getting addicted to reviews and comments. It doesn't have to be long, just let me know what you think! I'm hoping for ~5-6 reviews for this chapter. It would really motivate me in writing more… Thank you for reading, see you next time :)