A/N: Hi guys! I'm incredibly excited about this one. There are some things that you should be aware of, though. This is most definitely AU. Kurt never transferred to Dalton in his junior year, and this is taking place in his senior year. Also, I know this is marked Kurtofsky, but it starts out with Klaine together. Although, I wouldn't worry too much about that for now, because you rarely see him at this point.
The whole mess started with Taylor Swift. Kurt felt okay blaming her for this, because he had to place the blame somewhere, and it wasn't going to be on himself. He could blame Blaine, but then that wouldn't really be fair, would it? Blaine had been sweet and thoughtful, and Kurt really couldn't bring himself to blame Blaine.
But it was in his car that all of this started.
Not in a dirty way. Perverts.
No, it happened when Blaine was picking him up for dinner, and Blaine started the car and suddenly Taylor Swift was blasting through his speakers. Kurt's first thought was, Who blares Taylor Swift like it's dubstep? and his second thought was, I love this song, quickly followed by, This song fits my life so well.
And then he realized he was thinking of Dave while he was in Blaine's car and he immediately felt guilty and uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault he was thinking of Dave. It was Taylor Swift's fault because she wrote this stupid perfect song that explained his entire situation so well that he almost wondered if maybe she could get into people's heads.
It'd been four months since he and Dave had broken up, and a month since he had started seeing Blaine. So, all in all, it had been five months since the break-up and he knew he shouldn't still be thinking about this. Especially not since Dave had someone else, too. He was getting into dangerous territory now, because he only ever got angry when he thought about Dave and Sebastian, so he turned his attention to Blaine.
If Blaine noticed Kurt's discomfort and how he was suddenly detached, he didn't mention it. Kurt sometimes wondered if Blaine could read him as well as everyone thought he could. Dave could take one look at his face, hear him say one word and know exactly what was going through Kurt's head. Blaine hadn't shown this power yet, if he possessed it.
Damn it. He was thinking of Dave again.
He really needed to stop comparing them.
He can't see the smile I'm faking.
Kurt decided that he hated Taylor Swift. He also decided that he was going to go through his music tonight and make a mixtape. For who, he didn't know. Maybe it would help him get all of these feelings out and he'd be able to move on. Honestly, he should have moved on by now. Especially if he was already seeing someone else, but it wasn't that easy. Nothing was ever that easy. Why couldn't everything be cut and dry, black and white? Life would be so much easier.
He discovered that Taylor Swift actually had a number of songs that made him really think of Dave. The Way I Loved You, the one that played in the car on his date with Blaine, being the most relevant. He wondered for a moment if maybe there was some god up there and this was his sick way of getting back at Kurt for saying that he didn't exist. He eyed his ceiling, giving a shake of his head before looking back at the music on his laptop. He brought the song up, knowing it was going to take him down memory lane, but almost welcoming it because as much as he hated to admit it, he missed Dave.
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
Maybe not all of them were jealous, but they were all happy for him. Or so they said they were. Sometimes Santana brought up Dave, which usually made him shoot her a glare that could kill, but she usually shut up after that. Santana was pretty much the little demon in his brain that never hesitated to tell him that he missed Dave. He wondered what Santana was gaining by doing that. She probably just liked seeing him get all uncomfortable, if her satisfied smirk was any indication.
He says everything I need to hear
And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better
He realized that this was true, at least partly. Blaine was sweet, and Kurt found that whatever the problem was, Blaine could say anything to make it better. Kurt thought it was part of the charm that attracted him to Blaine in the first place. If he was going to be honest with himself, Blaine wasn't really even his type, but he was just so... together. He was pretty much the opposite of Dave, and Kurt couldn't help but think that maybe that's the real reason he started seeing Blaine. But he did like him.
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine
Kurt took a moment to laugh at the irony of this song playing when he got into the car to go out to dinner with Blaine. He would have been fine if this stupid song hadn't started playing, and why was he torturing himself with it now? He was opening pandora's box, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd already stepped into it and there was no going back. Maybe this would help. Maybe he'd get all of those feelings for Dave out, and then he could focus on his relationship with Blaine.
But I miss screaming and fighting
And kissing in the rain
And it's two AM and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a rollercoaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
The chorus hit him hard. As ridiculous as it was, he missed their stupid, messed up relationship. Their ridiculous fights over the dumbest things. He'd always known that no matter how big the fight was, no matter how much they screamed at each other, they still loved each other more than anything else in the world. He just never thought there would be a fight big enough to break them up. He wondered if maybe it was twisted to miss a relationship that seemed so unhealthy from the outside. Mercedes might even bitch him out if he told her that he missed Dave. Better not go to her with that.
He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
Kurt couldn't help but laugh. Normally, he had been the one making Dave wait. Sometimes Dave bitched and groaned about it, but Kurt knew that the moment he stepped out looking all sexy, Dave would stop. Dave would give him the up-down, and Kurt could see that glint in his eyes. The one that said Kurt's hair definitely wasn't going to be in place when he got home. Kurt had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone look at him like that. Blaine never did, but Kurt thought maybe that was because he was trying to be a gentleman. And Blaine never complained about how long it took for Kurt to get ready, but Kurt thought that maybe it took Blaine just as long.
Blaine did always call when he said he would, unlike Dave. Kurt was kind of back and forth on this, because it was nice to be able to say when Blaine was going to call him and have nothing else going on at the time. Unlike Dave. Dave's calls were sporadic, beginning with apologies about losing track of time while playing video games. Kurt just usually rolled his eyes at this point and carried on with whatever he was doing while he talked to Dave. He missed Dave's calls, though, because they usually lasted all night. He'd wake up the next morning with the phone close to his ear, and he'd thank god for the fact that he had unlimited mobile to mobile on his plan or that bill would be so high. Blaine's phone calls were usually shorter, though they did go through skincare routines together, which was fun. Although, he kind of missed Dave making fun of him while he did it, which was weird to say. Who missed their boyfriend picking on them?
He's close to my mother, talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable
These lines were also so true. Blaine connected really well on some level with his parents, and he couldn't be happier about that. But then, Blaine had a clean slate when he came around. Dave had been on shaky ground with his parents because of his and Kurt's history. So maybe it wasn't really fair, given that Dave had to mend things, and Blaine had a perfectly clean slate. Then again, that had been Dave's fault. If Dave hadn't done what he'd done in the first place, Dave never would have anything to make up for. But Kurt also understood why Dave had done the things he'd done, and he couldn't say that he was okay with that, but he'd forgiven him. Obviously.
The chorus repeated, and Kurt shut his eyes, remembering a million fights, a million apologies. He felt a twinge in his chest as the memories flooded him. He hadn't really allowed himself to think about it, to remember for a long time. It had been too painful all those months ago, but he felt that he was stronger now. Strong enough to face it.
He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
That wasn't exactly true, he thought. He genuinely liked Blaine, but he also could feel that something was missing. Something he'd had with Dave that he didn't have with Blaine, and he hadn't yet been able to put his finger on it. He'd shied away from that thought for the past month, hoping that whatever it was, it would eventually find its way into their lives. Maybe they just needed time. Maybe he just needed to let go of Dave. Whatever the case, he was giving Blaine a chance.
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now
Dave in a nutshell, he decided. He knew that Dave would say the same about him. At least that was something they had been able to agree on. They drove each other insane, frustrated each other... He listened as the chorus played again. He was insane for missing Dave, wasn't he? Insane for thinking about his messed up relationship with Dave when he had an incredibly sweet relationship with Blaine that was going so well. He chewed on his lip as he glanced at his laptop. He wasn't going to go through anymore music right now. This was enough for him for one night, he told himself as he powered it down.
If his relationship with Blaine was going so well, then why was he missing Dave?