A/N: Hello, Fanfiction! I'm baaack! From a really long hiatus, too. Yeah, sorry, I got lazy and stopped writing. But now, after like 3 years (lulz) I'm back, and BETTER THAN EVAH. So here's a new story I'm working on; Sirus's Diary!

Sorry to any female readers who might get offended by the story, but you know Sirius, the sexist pig! :P

DISCLAIMER: Since I still have a penis, I fathom that I'm not J.K. Rowling, eh?

Hello, book. My name is Sirius (Lee) Black. Haha, I MADE A FUNNY. No, I'm just kidding, my real name is Sirius Orion Black. And I am writing in this diary JOURNAL because I am forced to by a certain, temperamental red-head whom my best mate, Prongs, happens to fancy (though Merlin doesn't even know why).

Oh, the woes and worries of a teenage boy.

I'm just going to take this time to state that this is NOT, I repeat, NOT, a diary. It is a journal. A journal in which only the most masculine, sexy, and beautiful yet handsome man can write in.

In other words, this is a journal in which only I, Sirius Orion Black, can write in.

I suppose I should tell you how I got into this mess, eh? Well, it all started when my dear friend Jamsie-poo tried to hold Evans's hand after dinner one day, like he attempts pretty much every day, but his punishment didn't have to do with magic, for once. She promptly judo-flipped him over the couch in the common room (apparently she had taken lessons at some Muggle place when she was young. She probably had this weird premonition of a guy trying to hold her hand in the future. . . yeah, I have no idea.. Bite me).

Meanwhile I, the beautiful yet sexy Sirius Black, was innocently minding my own business when, having witnessed the scene, merely expressed my mild disbelief that a girl could ever overpower a man.

Lily then promptly judo-flipped ME over the couch. Can you believe that? Just from an innocent gesture of the teensiest opinion, the red-headed demon causes me extreme pain.

And I mean extreme. Honestly, how can a girl be that strong? I thought boys were stronger. Girls were just used by men for . . . ah . . . BREEDING purposes, right?

I then suggested anger management to her. She then suggested to judo-flip me again. I said no. But then she hexed me. . . .

My groin will never be the same.

But I digress. The point is, is that after Lily had caused me physical and somewhat psychological pain in many different ways, she dared me to do something a girl could do. She accused me of "not even surviving a week in our shoes, you sexist pedo."

This, by the way, didn't even make sense since I wasn't even old enough to be a pedo.

Anyways, since Lily, a girl, dared me, a guy, I had to do something. I couldn't have her think that females were the dominant race! So I have now decided to log my thoughts in a book I bought at some Muggle store. That's what girls do, right? Other than emotionally crying every few seconds . . .

We shall see who has the last laugh, Evans. We shall see.

A/N: So what'd you guys think? Leave me a review and tell me :D Also, if you think Sirius is being a bit too sexist, I'll tone it down a bit. But you know him; I can't promise anything :D

Additionally, I'd like to give HUGE thanks to my beta reader, KrisCheshee! She really helped get this story going. Thanks a bunch, Kris!