A/N: Getting tired of reading stories with Mary Sues? Yeah, me too. So, I thought I would make the biggest Mary Sue I could think of and take a more...realistic approach. Expect humour. This idea wouldn't leave me alone, and I couldn't choose which fandom to write for. I decided to work with the ones I know, so expect this character to make appearances in other fandoms. Anyways, away we go. I guess this would be called Trolling, though I love the show...I don't know, you decide.

Mary Sue: Vol. 1.

Vampire Diaries.

Her black hair hung loosely around her shoulders, the purple streaks standing out in the bright light of the hallway. Her lowly cut shirt showed off her breasts in such a way it made her look trashy. She wore tight black jeans and high heels, almost tripping in them more than once.

But she didn't care.

I'm so hot. She thought, not noticing how narcissistic her thought was. She walked down the hall of Mystic Fall's high school. Her bright pink eyes scanning the people who were ' totally checking her out'. But if she looked closer, she would have seen the looks on their faces.

There was no admiration or lust in the gazes she was getting, mostly they were wondering how that girl managed to get her eyes so freaking pink. It was unnatural to have such a shade of eye colour.

The bell went off as she walked into the History class room, taking a seat near the front. Mr. Saltzman walked into the classroom, watching as his students filed in.

" Hello class." He greeted, " we have a new student, Mary-"

" -I will introduce myself!" Mary said, standing and moving her black hair behind her ear. " Thank you." She strolled up to the front of the class, Alaric moving so she could take charge. He looked around awkwardly, Mary cleared her throat.

" My name is Mary. Mary Sue." She started, " but I prefer the name Raven. Black Raven would be better, but of course you can call me Raven."

Elena frowned. What the hell? Raven is not even close to her real name, she obviously chose the name for herself.

" Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself, Mar-" Alaric started, but Mary rounded on him.

" Raven! My name is Raven!" She yelled, before stepping back. " And I think I will, thanks Alaric."

Alaric blinked, " how do you know my name?"

" I just do." Mary said, before smiling brightly. She obviously thought that was the best smile, but it looked like she didn't brush her teeth in a while. A student covered her mouth to keep from gagging.

" I moved here with my father after our mother was killed in a freak 'accident'." Mary paused to make air quotations before carrying on. " My father totally beats me, but you couldn't tell that because I don't have bruises! My hobbies are ice skating, drawing, dancing, singing, running, photography, knitting, advanced martial arts, and kick boxing." She said, boasting. " I play piano, guitar, fiddle, violin, bagpipes, drums, flute, trumpet, tuba, clarinet, trombone, and the triangle. I'm a kick ass climber and a bad ass vampire hunter. Oh! Right, sorry, bunny hunter."

A few of the students gawked, others shook their heads.

" Yeah, right." Stefan muttered to himself.

Alaric cleared his throat. " Okay, well thank you for all of that, Mary." He paused when she glared at him. " Raven, sorry."

" Thank you, Rick." Mary said, turning and walking back to her desk as Alaric continued on with his lesson. She placed a hand to her cheek as her elbow rested on the desk. She winked a pink eye at Alaric.

He so wants me. She thought, not bothering to take notes.

Why?

Because Mary Sue could ace this class without trying.

" Stefan!" Damon called a couple hours after Stefan had left school. Elena looked up when Damon came strolling over.

" What is it, Damon?" Stefan asked, standing.

" Some pink eyed bitch kicked down the door." Damon stated, removing his hand from his mouth. " I was going to bite her, but she smelt so bad I had to get out of there."

Stefan blinked, looking confused.

" What?" Elena asked, " that Mary- Raven chick is here?"

" You know her?"

" Yeah, she was in our history class." Elena muttered, watching as Mary came around the corner, falling on her face because of her heels. She stood up and brushed herself off.

" Oh, silly me." She laughed, " I'm so clumsy."

" Mary?" Stefan asked, " what are you doing here?"

" Actually, I'm Mary-Black Raven Sue, now." She said, " and I'm here because I needed to talk to you!" She yelled.

Stefan shared a look with his brother and Elena. " About what?"

" You don't know?" She asked, looking at him like he was a moron.

" No, we don't." Elena, Stefan, and Damon said that the same time. They had the same deadpan stare on their faces.

" Wow." Mary said, crossing her arms. " You guys really are out of the loop. I thought you all would be awesome, intelligent, and beautiful- like me." She shook her head, " man, am I wrong."

Damon looked like he wanted to strangle her. Stefan cleared his throat.

" What are you here for, Mary?"

She crossed her arms, stomping her foot and looking away with a huff. She looked like a three year old, but, of course, Mary thought she looked drop dead beautiful.

" I'm not going to answer until you call me by the right name." She said, pouting like a bratty child.

Stefan sighed, " Fine. Mary-Black Raven Sue, what are you doing here?"

Mary beamed at him, " Oh, I love you Stefan!" She said, " but to the matter at hand, I came to tell you that I'm the only option that you have at killing Klaus!"

Here's first chapter, feel free to drop me a review. Or a flame, whatever you feel like doing.