Shani was tired. After everything that's happened.

First, the disturbing news of darkspawn horde defeating the King's army at Ostagar. Cailan is dead, people said, and there's no one to take his place. Ferelden is in turmoil. The Gray Wardens had betrayed us. We still have Loghain Mac Tir, the Hero of River Dane, but will he be able to protect us against the Blight, like he did almost 30 years ago with Orlesians ? A great general, said some, but not so young any more, and his judgement may not be as clear as it used to be. Korcari Wilds and the Deep Roads are crawling with monsters like no human has seen in years. Even the Chasind wilders are seeking safer ground. The Archdemon might appear at any moment.

The feeling of hopelessness and complete panic was overwhelming. Especially in Lothering, since it wasn't very far from Ostagar. Many families fled very soon after the news of Calian's death broke, expecting the worst. Other stayed, hoping that the Blight isn't a real threat.

Hawke sighed and for the hundredth time regretted that she can't bite herself in the ass. 'It's not a Blight', her own words echoed inside her head. 'And even if it is, the darkspawn will go straight for Redcliffe and Denerim. Lothering is safe and sound, the worst we can get is one, maybe two lost patrols, and we can deal with that with our eyes closed. You know, because of the smell.' She remembered the worried, skeptical expressions on her siblings faces. 'We'll be fine, I promise. I can bet my hair on that, and you know it's my greatest pride'. It was true, every man in Lothering knew Hawke for her fiery red mane. No one could figure out how did that happen: Leandra was a brunette when she was younger, both Carver and Bethany had rather fair skin and dark hair, just like Malcolm. Shani was pale as a snowflake, had fierce, green eyes and was covered with freckles. Leandra must have had a lot of explaining and convincing to do when her eldest was born.

'I'll hold you to that' said Carver with that nasty smirk on his face.

'I was way to confident when there was absolutely no reason for that' she thought, looking at Gamlen walking away to talk to his contacts in Kirkwall. 'What was I thinking ? I was at Ostagar, I saw the horde myself... I guess the power of denial is unbelievable.'

After they finally escaped the darkspawn and stopped to catch a breath, Shani sat down and started cleaning off blood covering her favorite daggers. She won them in a drinking contest from that weird chantry sister a couple of weeks ago. She was trying to remember the woman's name when suddenly Carver jumped up to her, grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her head towards him and with one, quick slash cut her ponytail off. Hawke didn't have the time to react, as the darkspawn caught up with them again.

'Carver ! I swear I'm gonna cut much more than that when I lay my hands on you !' she screamed, easily evading the Hurlock's attack and slashing his exposed throat artery. The monster gurgled and fell to the ground.

'I thought we had a bet !' replied Carver, beheading two Genlocks at once. Damn, Shani thought, he really is good with that sword. I wouldn't even be able to lift that thing.

'And I thought you knew how to tell if I'm joking or not, you idiot ! Duck, now !' she shouted and threw a knife where her brother's head was merely half a second ago. The Blight Wolf got hit exactly between the eyes in mid jump. It didn't even howl. Carver rushed towards the next Hurlock.

'Maybe I don't know the difference too well, but at least I can see a fucking Blight coming !'

'We were both at Ostagar ! There were lots of these disgusting vermin but...' Shani turned towards the next enemy, quickly cutting through his defense and kicked the sword out of his hand. The Genlock looked at her, confused, but she had no time to wonder if he was a true darkspawn patriot or an innocent kid found drunk and passed out in the street of the Deep Roads by the Official Blight Recruiting Company. She stabbed him with both daggers and pulled them apart. Blood gushed from his opened ribcage, covering her hands and chest. She has always thought of herself more as an artist than a fighter. And that squealing figure, kneeling before her, desperately trying to stop the life flowing out of its veins... That was a work of art.

'...like I was saying, Ostagar was a bit crowded, but it didn't look that bad, you said so yourself, Carver !'

'What in the Maker's holy name is wrong with you two ?' screamed Bethany, sending a fireball into the last group of darkspawn. The smell of burnt flesh and melting iron made Shani strangely excited. Sometimes she regretted she didn't have magic. That would truly expand her killing horizons. 'We've got bigger problems than your sibling rivalry right now !'

Hawke sticked her dagger into the last monster's wide open mouth. The shriek made a strange noise, fell down on the ground and started choking on its own blood. She watched it for a while, fascinated as usual. She never hurt anyone for no reason and generally tried to avoid a fight, but when she finally killed - she like to watch her masterpiece for a moment. When the shriek finally bled out, she spat on the corpse and went up to her sister.

'The Maker ?' she said quietly. 'Look around, Bethany. Our home is destroyed. Our friends are gone. Our king is dead. Our dog... Apparently, our dog is eating roasted Hurlocks.'

Carver looked over his shoulder. Dante was covered in blood and seemed very busy with ripping something out of Hurlock's chest. Somehow knowing they were talking about him, the mabari gave a loud, happy bark and continued lurking for more tempting organs.

'Maybe he wants to become a Gray Warden' he said without a smile.

Shani laughed.

'Yeah, I could totally see him killing the Archdemon.'

She slowly walked up to the Blight Wolf and ripped her knife from it's skull. It's eyes were wide open. Shani thought she saw a shadow of regret in it's expression. She forced a smile and faced her sister.

'There is no Maker, my dear. We are alone.'

Completely exhausted, she reached for a potion and discovered in horror it was the last one. Knowing she wouldn't be able to dodge and roll around much longer, Shani quickly uncorked the bottle and drunk what was left. The draught started working immediately. She felt a pleasant warmth and a cold shiver at the same time, her vision sharpened and the pain from fresh wounds faded away. Hawke took a deep breath and as she charged the ogre again, she noticed that something wasn't quite right. She felt great. Too great. Her hands started shaking so violently she could barely control them. Everything got brighter, she got blinded for a second when Bethany attacked the monster with another fireball. She was on the verge of passing out, her heart wanted to beat out of her chest at all cost. 'I must have had too much of these' she thought, when the ogre has almost ripped her arm off with a powerful blow and she didn't even feel it.

Aveline got the giant's attention, attacking it from the other side.

'What is wrong with you, Hawke ! Move !'

Shani stood in the middle of the battlefield, completely intoxicated. She dropped the daggers and fell to her knees.

'Bethany, do something !' Aveline screamed desperately. She was tired too. Without Hawke they would never kill that thing.

Shani felt someone grabbing her arm and a wave of cleansing energy went down her spine. She looked around. Her sister's face was right next to hers.

'You'll thank me later' she said. 'Now help us kill that thing.'

Shani got up. The ogre turned its horrifying face towards them. It was bleeding from multiple wounds and one of its eyes was swollen disgustingly. The whole weight of the monster's body was on its left leg, since Aveline slashed its right Achilles tendon.

'Try to get him from the right, he won't be able to reach you that easily. I'll get on his blind side.' Hawke picked up her daggers and spat on the ground. 'Let's finish this.'

As Aveline and Bethany attacked furiously, Hawke slowly circled the ogre, looking for an opening. She didn't have much strength left, so tactics was crucial. 'Come on boy, let me in, let me in...' She thought, watching his steps closely with her dagger ready. And then a lot of things happened very fast at the same time.

The ogre roared desperately and attacked, aiming for Bethany, but he slipped on the puddle of his own blood and fell down on one knee, hitting Aveline and sending her shield flying towards the cliffs. Shani saw an opportunity. She sneaked between his legs, jumped up as high as she could and stabbed him right into his sternum. The roar of pain almost made her eardrums explode, but she didn't let go. She held to the sword's hilt for dear life as her weight pulled her down, slowly ripping him open. As he tried to shake her off, he finally lost his balance and fell on his back. That's what she was waiting for. She took out the other dagger, climbed up to his face and stuck it right between his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat when her foot slipped into his open mouth, but he was already dead.

Hawke was so exhausted that when she tried to jump off of the ogre's body she just fell to the ground. Aveline ran up to her, but stopped a few steps away with a weird expression on her face. Shani slowly got back on her feet.

'That was... fun' she said, forcing a smile. The warrior didn't say anything.

'What ?' Hawke asked. 'Do I have something on my face ?'

'Well, actually... You do.'

Bethany walked up to them, carrying Aveline's shield. When she saw her sister, she dropped it, turned around, walked a few steps away and threw up.

Shani touched her head and froze. She was covered in blood and had a large piece of the ogre's intestine in her hair. She squeaked and shook her head to get it out.

'That... Must have happened when i was hanging from his chest.' She said, running her hands through her hair and examining herself closely to make sure no other organs got attached to her armor. 'Good thing my mouth was closed.'

Aveline's face turned even whiter. She looked like if she was going to pass out.

'Aveline, is there something wrong ? Apart from me looking like a butcher's apprentice ?'

She didn't respond. Her eyes were set on something up the nearby hill. Hawke looked that way and froze. This was impossible. She sighed and sat down on the ground.

'You know what ? Fuck it. I'm not even fighting THAT.'

She wanted to sit down, but didn't really know where. Aveline didn't need any company right now, Hawke was sure of that. The warrior didn't say much since she had to kill her own husband out of mercy. She just sat there, holding Wesley's shield and staring at the horizon. 'I can't imagine what that must feel like' Shani thought. 'Being personally responsible for the death of someone this close to you'. She remembered Aveline's expression, when she kissed him for the last time, held him tight and pushed the dagger in between Wesley's armor plates. The memory of despair in her eyes sent a violent shiver down Shani's spine.

She turned towards her own family, or rather what was left of it. Mother and sister. No, no place for her here either. Leandra was leaning on Bethany's arm and holding her hand with both eyes closed. She was still in shock. It's only been three years since Malcolm died and now fate decided to take Carver away too.

The image of her brother being lifted and smashed to the ground by the ogre snuck up on her again. The sound of bones breaking, his loud gasps for air, while the heart kept pumping blood into the punctured lungs. His forehead cracked open so bad, they could barely recognize him. Fingers digging into the ground to the rhythm of the last spasms. His blue eyes, still. And terrified.

Shani shook her head, trying to think of something else. No, she was not ready to make her peace with Carver's death yet. She didn't want to deal with it, now or ever. Hawke never liked him much, but he was her brother and it hurt. It hurt like hell. She never thought it would be this bad. 'And now the last thing I can thank him for is a haircut' she thought. 'Ohh, to hell with this, from now on I'm gonna cut my hair short. In memory of a brave boy who loved pancakes and got killed by an ogre.'

The fresh wounds started feeling slightly overwhelming. Shani decided to get some space.

'Beths, I'll be back in a little while' she said, trying to cover her eyes with what was left of her red fringe.

'Where are you going ? We're supposed to wait for uncle Gamlen...' responded Bethany softly, trying not to wake mother up.

Hawke sighed. Her eyes were getting dangerously watery. She didn't have much time.

'I think I need some time for myself... And so does Dante. I mean, look at him. He looks as if the last time he peed was back in Ferelden.'

Indeed, the mabari has been fidgeting delicately for some time, but his pride didn't let him just run off anywhere like a stray dog.

'Oh... Fine. But please,don't go far. I... I need to know you're safe.'

'We'll be all right, Beths, don't worry. And when we come back, maybe you could try to do something about my hair ? You were always quite gifted in that department, I mean you made Carver look good and I didn't think that was even possible... Oh my, Bethany, I'm so sorry...' she said quickly, as her sister's eyes momentarily filled with tears.

'C'mon, Dante, let's go.'

Hawke made her way back to the docks. The sun was just above the horizon. Fereldan families were trying to convince the Kirkwall guards that they had to get into the city. Templars and guardsmen occasionally agreed to let someone in if they were happy with the coin purse's weight. Small children were running around looking for their parents, screaming, crying or laughing, so caught up in some game that they didn't even notice they were lost in a strange place. Shani saw someone being robbed and thrown off the pier. She wanted to react, but the crowd cut her off.

The ship that brought her family to this strange city barely a few hours ago was already gone. 'So that's it', she thought while scratching Dante's ear, 'my last physical connection with Ferelden has disappeared. Funny, how I don't know anything about this place that's been my family's home for years.'

Shani put her hand in her pocket and found something heavy. It was the amulet she got from that Dragon Lady who saved her family when they were fleeing Lothering. 'Strange coincidence' she thought, examining the locket. 'No one I know has ever even seen the Witch of the Wilds, but when I needed a miracle - poof ! There she was. And delivering this is the only thing I have to do to pay my debt ?' Hawke looked at the amulet very closely. For a moment she thought its shape resembled Flemeth's hair.

'I wonder' Shani said out loud 'how much trouble are you going to bring me.'