Disclaimer: i do not own Twilight, but i own the plot!
ENJOY! :D
Bella's POV
Relationships are meant to be built on trust. If there was no trust in the relationship there was nothing, we had nothing. I knew I should trust him, if he wanted to tell me he would, he would tell me in his own time. I knew what I was planning on doing was untrustworthy and something no one should ever do to someone else, especially someone they loved. I knew I would break his trust, but in reality I don't think he trusted me as it was. He would never tell me things; there was always a side of him that he never shared with me. It broke my heart that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what it was. It was almost as though he had a whole separate life from me, which I was being excluded from.
I knew I should simply trust him and believe him when he says that its nothing, but I cant. I have been too generous when trusting people before, I have been hurt beyond anything I've ever experienced before. I never plan to go through that again, which is what helped me to make up my mind about my choice. I felt guilty for not trusting him, if he ever finds out it would hurt him, but I couldn't let myself get hurt. I had to protect myself for once. Protect my heart.
Edward wouldn't let me spend this weekend with him. I knew he wasn't telling me something and it was driving me insane. There were endless possibilities that I could think of: what if he was angry with me? What if he was leaving me? What if he was planning to do something illegal? The next thought put a horrendous amount of weight upon my heart, crushing it until I was almost crushed: what if he was having and affair? Cheating on me? What if he had another family; a wife and kids? What if I was the home wrecker?
These thoughts are what kept me trapped in my thoughts, wondering if it was really necessary to perform the plan I had thought out. I knew I would never get any closure if I didn't find out what he was keeping from me. I had to find it out for my own piece of mind, before it ate away at me leaving me in a state where I wouldn't be able to trust anyone else ever again. Before I drove myself mad with all the possibilities.
I heard a car pull into the driveway, it didn't sound like Charlie, my father's. It would be Edward arriving to say his goodbyes for the weekend. I pushed myself up from my bed and made my way down the stairs. As I reached the top of the stairs, taking me all of a couple of seconds, I heard a knock at the door. How did he get there so fast? He was only just turning into the driveway when I heard him. How is that possible?
I opened the door to find Edward standing there in all his glory. His dark, almost black eyes were staring intently at my face. His messy bronze hair was as perfect as always, looking as thought it were styled by a professional. His face was flawless and the colour of alabaster. His jaw line was sharp and ridged; softening slightly as he smiled a smile at what must have been my jaw hitting the floor at his beauty. It surprised me every time; I was always expecting to be blinded by love and one day realizing that what I was seeing was an illusion.
"You alright there, Bella?" Edward teased. His voice was like velvet and honey, so smooth and inviting. As he spoke his voice came out as a beautifully composed piece of music, leaving me weak in the knees.
"Fine," I said with a little too much ice than I intended. I was angry with him, for still not telling me where he kept going, but I think I was mainly angry with myself for having such thoughts about him. Someone as perfect as Edward wasn't capable of any of those things I had thought he might have been doing.
"You okay?" what was up with him asking if I was okay?
"I'm fine," I nearly snapped again.
"No your not. Something is on you mind. You want to talk about it?" his smooth talking, his intent stare at my face and his crocked smile that he knew I couldn't resist, almost won me over, confessing what was really wrong with me.
"No," I stated simply.
He looked taken back by my answer I saw his face fall. He cast his eyes towards the ground and looked at me though his eyelashes, "You can trust me you know."
"Can I?" oh shit! That hadn't meant to slip out!
"What?" he gasped. "Of course you can. What ever gave you that obscene thought?" He sounded as though my words had really hurt him. I continued beating myself up internally for letting those two words slip out of my mouth. I had inflicted pain upon him, which was in excusable.
"I'm sorry. I know I can trust you," I answered looking him in the eyes for the first part of my answer. I cast my eyes away from his eyes before speaking the second part of my answer. I hated lying to him but I knew I couldn't hurt him any more. I adverted eye contact because he always knows when I'm lying, I knew I was a bad liar but really, was I that bad?
"Good," Edward said before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss against my lips. "I just came to say my farewell before I leave for the weekend," he answered formally as though he were speaking from a different time era.
"You never did tell me where you were going," I prompted hoping that he would actually tell me the truth as to where he was going.
"I told you that I was going to spend some time with my brothers," he answered gently.
"Where are you going?" I pressed for more information.
"No where of importance." That answer! I hated that answer so much! That's what he usually said. It drove me insane. Why couldn't he give me a straight answer?
Once Edward had finished saying goodbye I watched him get into his car and reverse down the driveway. Once I saw his car start to drive down the street I ran inside and grabbed my keys. It was lucky my faithful truck was getting repaired and I had been given a rental car, because Edward would have been able to hear the deep rumble of my red Chevy truck a mile away. At least with the small black car they leant me, it was silent and Edward hadn't seen it before seeing as though it had been in the garage. All of this helped with my plan because he wouldn't recognize it was me. I could drive behind him and he wouldn't be able to see through the windshield seeing as the windows are tinted.
I slid into the driver's seat of the small black car before reversing out of the garage and speeding down the road to catch up behind Edward's silver Volvo, which I could slightly see in the distance. As I pulled up behind his car I began to panic. I was terrified that he would be able to tell that it was me. I was crushed under even more guilt at the fact that I really didn't trust him, not to mention the fact that I was following him. All the guilt couldn't get me to place my foot on the brake and turn around and head home. The desire to know what he was keeping from me was much too strong for that.
I followed Edward along the main road away from town, past his house. I thought he was going with his brothers. That was weird, if he was going with is brothers why isn't he stopping to pick them up? Maybe he was going to meet them there? I had no idea.
I continued to follow him for a good three or four hours, until he turned onto a thin windy road with trees and natural vegetation growing. The whole journey I had been contemplating what I was going to discover. So many thoughts were flitting around my head. Two of the worst possible things I had come up with were; one: Edward was having an affair, maybe there was a house nestled somewhere in between all the natural greenery. The second: he was hiding a dark past, very dark as a matter of a fact, possibly even harboring a deadly secret. No. He wouldn't have a deadly secret, there was no way in hell he would be able to physically hurt someone, or take his or her life. It was preposterous.
I slowed down to a crawl and pulled off the road, hiding the car behind a wall of green. He had stopped his car at a dead end before getting out. He was standing next to his car and gazing into the forest. I could see the rise and fall of his breathing, his head would whip in a different direction so fast I couldn't catch the movement, maybe I was imagining his movements, they were to fast, but I swear he was looking in the other direction.
I'm not sure if I was feeling relieved at the fact that I was going to find out what he was hiding from me. I was sure I would feel partially relieved no matter what he was doing, but I'm not so sure now. I really felt as though I was doing something illegal. If I would have been closer to Forks I would have turned around and gone home, seeing as though he apparently wasn't meeting anyone here, it was in the middle of nowhere. There was no way in hell that he was having an affair. I felt guilty as though I were the ne having the affair, as though I were deceiving him, which technically I was doing in a way. I had driven all this way out here and there was no turning back, I might as well find out what he was doing here.
I cast my eyes toward the digital clock on the dashboard to check the time. It was four thirty that means that there are still a few hours before it gets dark. I cast my eyes back to were Edward was standing, I blinked and suddenly he wasn't there, he was no where in sight, the only thing indicating his leave were a few leaves fluttering and gently falling back down to the damp forest floor.
What on earth would he be doing in a forest? A memory of a CSI episode flashed before my eyes, a serial killer had been bringing young girls to a house in the forest and when he was done with them he would 'expose' of them. But there was no way in hell that that's what Edward was doing, he wouldn't, he couldn't, he would never. After thinking about all the reasons as to why Edward would never be able to do such a thing I was finally able to will my legs to move. I moved toward the forest slowly and hesitantly.
Everything around me was green. Some dark green and others light green. Everything that was supposed to be brown was green. The tree trunks were covered in moss. The ground was no longer shades of brown and grey it was all green due to fallen leaves and the moss covering the ground. Air seemed to be clinging to my face in a warm sheet causing a sweat to break out across my forehead. The air felt as though it was smothering me or trying to make me turn back. I had gone this far and wasn't intent on going back. I forced my feet to move along the ground, to where exactly I'm not so sure, all I knew is that I had to find Edward, to see what he was doing and possibly with whom.
Everything looked the same, all green. I wasn't sure whether I was walking around in a circle, backtracking or actually making some progress. I'm guessing that I must have been walking around aimlessly for about half an hour and I feel as though I haven't got anywhere. I was ready to go home, I just needed to find my way out of this forest. At the moment I couldn't care less what Edward was doing; all I cared about was getting home and getting to the car before darkness set in.
Due to my clumsy nature I had tripped a few times already, staining the knees of my jeans in a combination between green from everything and brown from the dirt. My palms were covered in a thick cake of mud. I felt the panic beginning to bubble up with in me, threatening to send me over the edge into a nervous break down.
I had been stumbling around the forest for another immeasurable amount of time, I could sense by the air and the atmosphere around me that it was going to rain soon, plus to make matters worse the sun would be beginning to set soon covering everything in darkness.
It was a stupid, pathetic, childish idea to follow Edward out here in the first place; he had a right to do what he wanted when he wanted. Who was I to stop him from living his life? Just because he was the one person in the dreary town of Forks since I had moved here that I found I connected with, doesn't mean I have to follow him and know every move he makes, he's his own person. Free to do what he wants.
A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I was going in circles and in the wrong direction from my car. I tried to go in every direction, but I never seemed to get anywhere, all around me was a maze of green threatening to swallow me, hide me from the rest of the world. So far it was doing a good job, I was submerged by green, I would never be seen.
Finally I heard movement, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest at the sound. I could hear footsteps followed by people talking. The voices were speaking to fast enabling me to understand what they were saying. The light was limited, only a small mount creating a dim atmosphere around me. Luckily the voices kept talking, it sounded like there were three of them. I strained my ears out further hoping to pick up the general direction from which they were coming from. It definitely sounded like there were three males.
I realized that I have found myself in a very dangerous situation, what with being out here in the evening and following the voices of three men. My instincts were telling me to run in the opposite direction but I knew if I wanted to get out of this predicament I had got myself into, they were my only hope. I needed them to help me.
As I advanced towards the voices the sounds were being drowned out by the noise of my heartbeat. I could hear my pulse pulsing behind my ears, and my heart trying to escape through my mouth, preventing me from calling out for help.
In the distance I was able to see part of a man standing, he looked as though he were watching what was happening in front of him. My best guess was that they were hunters and had come hunting for the weekend, I hadn't seen a house anywhere around so I presume they must be travelers and had set up camp somewhere around.
Didn't recognized the one who was in my view, I tried to call out to him but no sound came out of my mouth, my throat felt as though it had closed, it was rough, dry and very painful, it even hurt to breathe and to try and swallow. The one in my view was extremely muscular and had black curly hair.
I was still a fare distance away from where he was but as I rounded a corned I could make out the second person; he was taller and lankier than the other one. He had golden honeycomb hair, which was slightly wavy and fell over his forehead and into his eyes. Neither of them had noticed my presence, their attention was directed straight ahead of them. I swear I saw the dark haired one lips his lips.
As I rounded the bend more I was able to make out a form of what looked like a man on the ground leaning over an animal. The animal looked like a mountain lion. I wasn't sure whether it was a mountain lion or not, it was the right golden colour and had the body of a large feline. Its tail which once whipped around furiously was getting slower and slower until it eventually stopped moving. The hair of the man on top of the great cat was a startling shade of bronze, messy but perfect. The man was wearing a pair of grey jeans and a white tee shirt.
Despite my throat a rasped gasp escaped my lips. I knew exactly whom it was leaning over the dead animals body. He was wearing the same clothes and his hair was how it had been this afternoon.
All three men were suddenly facing where I was standing in the middle of the forest on shaking legs. I didn't really pay much attention to the blond and the dark haired men; my eyes were as wide as sources and focused on the one standing in the middle. He was standing looking at me with a look of disbelief. That wasn't what made me feel light headed and feel like screaming, dripping from his lips were trails of fresh blood, glistening in the limited light remaining. His lips and chin were covered in the thick red liquid, which belongs –belonged- to the mountain lion, which was alive a few moments ago. A few trails of blood escaped and were running down his throat. He himself looked like and animal, a predator for that fact. I didn't know what he was.
He stared back at me with wide golden eyes. When he saw whom it was his lips parted slightly, his muscles seemed to shut down and keep him locked in his place. While he was being held in his place my instincts took over causing me to run away into the trees, I knew I was going in the wrong direction but I just had to get away from him, from what ever he is. I felt a cold familiar hand grab around my wrist attempting to pull me to a stop. A scream bubbled up through my throat and out through my lips.
"Bella! Its okay, I wont hurt you. I promise," I could hear the effort Edward was using to keep his voice gentle and soft. I realized his hand was still holding my wrist so I pulled it away, and tried to carry on running but being me I managed to trip. Whilst on the floor I scrambled around until I was facing Edward, all the while shuffling away from him.
"Bella, trust me, I wont hurt you I promise," he was pleading with me to hear him out. He must have sensed my gaze upon his chin because one minute he was crouching down in front of me with blood smeared across his chin and the next minute he was standing in front of me with a clean face.
I continued to scramble backwards along the floor, I could feel the sticks and bracken digging into my hands and a few places where they must have pierced the skin. My back came into contact with the trunk of the tree preventing me from moving away any further.
I watched as Edward bent down into a crouch with his hands extended in front of him about twenty meters away from me. "I'm not going to hurt you Bella, please trust me. All I ask is that you give me chance to explain. I'm begging you, please. Just let me explain and if you still want nothing more to do with me then I promise I will leave you alone, you will never have to see me again. Just please let me explain," his voice was soft and gentle as he pleaded with me. I could see the sincerity behind his words, I knew he wouldn't hurt me but that didn't stop the fear I experienced for him.
"O-okay," I managed to croak out through my dry throat.
"Please let me finish what I'm going to explain to you, it's all I ask," I nodded my head in response. He carried on, "I know your scared of me and you should be, just know that no matter what happens I wont hurt you, I love you too much to loose you." I realized that I still love him to, even with what I had just seen. There was something about him that I found trustworthy, that I was able to believe. I knew I shouldn't still have these strong feelings to him but I couldn't help it. Even in spite of the act I had found him doing t was still a relief to know that he wasn't cheating on me, he never had been.
"Where to start…?" He mused to himself. "I was born in the year 1901, I lived until I was seventeen years old. I lived in Chicago and was dying of the Spanish influenza," as he remembered the story his facial expressions were wiped clean as he looked at his hands in front of him. "Carlisle was my doctor and could tell I wasn't going to make it. He had been living alone for centuries never having another soul to confide in, to share the real Carlisle with. He reacted out of loneliness; he pulled me from the ward where no one would even realize that I was missing." I could almost picture it in my mind as Edward explained it.
"I don't remember anything that happened for a while, I must have passed out, but the next thing I remember is being in so much pain I would have welcomed any death easily, just to make the pain of what I was experiencing go away. It felt as though my whole body were being on fire, being in millions of car accidents, being run over multiple times," I felt my heart go out to him as he remembered the memories of his past. Although I had met Carlisle many times I had always liked him, but hearing about the pain he put Edward through I lost a lot of respect for him, I was appalled that he put Edward through that kind of pain.
"After a while the pain bean to subside, in place of it my throat was parched and burned with a fire with a great deal of intensity. Carlisle sat me down and explained to me what I had become, that I had become… a… vampire," His voice broke and came out as a strangled whisper as he said the last word.
"But you… you…?" My mind couldn't process the new information I was being told. It all overwhelmed me, creating it to be almost impossible to think or speak. I leaned against the tree for a long time staring at Edward's face, trying to believe and process the new information I had been given. It didn't make any sense, those kinds of things don't exist, and they are from horror movies, not real life.
"But I what?" Edward asked confused as to my mumblings earlier.
"Don't v-v-vampires, " I had to force myself to say the word, "feed on humans?" I asked automatically squeezing my bloody hands together, hopefully preventing him from noticing them.
"I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to hurt people," his face was drawn and he took a deep breathe before continuing. "Carlisle was the same, he refused to touch a human, refused to end a humans life for his own need. He separated himself from humans, starving himself. When the need was so strong his instincts took over. He began to feed off an elk. It helped the burn and satisfied his thirst. He realized that he didn't have to hurt humans because there was another way. As a family we only hunt animals, we don't touch human," when he was finished taking he brought his eyes back up to eye level with my own. I stared at his face in shock and amazement. As he assured me he wouldn't hurt me I began to realize the truth within his words, I began to realize why he would keep things from me; he was in a way protecting me from what he was.
Slowly and hesitantly I pushed myself away from the tree and to my feet. With slow deliberate steps I began to close the distance between Edward and myself. He straightened out of his crouch and stood intently watching my reactions. After I closed the distance between us I stood about a foot away from him. His golden eyes bore down into my chocolate brown eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered sounding appalled.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have followed you, I just… I just-" and the tears began to fall relentlessly. "I'm sorry," I whispered out between sobs.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," Edward's voice was closer to me as he slowly closed the remaining distance between us, before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into an embrace. As I rested my head against his chest the tears began to speed up. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself closer to him, holding on for my dear life.
I don't know how much time had passed but the blanket of darkness covered the forest around us. As I thought back on everything he had told me this evening I began to put little things I noticed about him together and realized that all the signs were there; the shifting of eye colour, the coldness of his skin, the way he sometimes talks as though he were from a different time zone, the way he never ate or drank, the inhumanly good looks. Just these little things made so much more sense.
I felt even more respect for him that I did before when he told me about fighting against what he had become. I couldn't imagine the amount of effort and self-control he must have in order to prevent such things, to go against his nature, against the grain.
I looked up at his face through my watery eyes, he looked back down at me with what looked like a glint of relief in amongst all the other emotions. I stood on my tiptoes until I was at his level.
"I love you," I whispered from my heart.
"Even though you know what I am?" he asked.
"Yes, even more so that I did before. I love you so much that it hurts. I don't care what you are, all I care about is you," I answered looking deep in his eyes, proving that I was not lying, that I was telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"Thank you. I love you more than you will ever know," he whispered before leaning down and kissing me with a passion that we had never experienced before. We were both open and honest and not holding back, we both threw our selves into the kiss with everything we had.
Well that turned out longer than i expected. lol.
Please review and tell me what you think! i would really appreciate it!