A/N: I don't own Naruto. This is an in-universe story (except for the references to Cupid), but I wouldn't say it's exactly canon. It takes place a few years after the current manga arc, although I'm playing a little fast and loose with dates.

Chapter 1: The Plan

It was a perfect day. The air was warm with soft, flower-scented breezes wafting across the hillside. Overhead the clouds drifted lazily across the serene blue sky. The perfection of the weather was matched by Shikamaru's mood; it was his first afternoon off in more weeks than he cared to count and he was finally by himself, away from the activity and noise of the village below. He leaned back against the sun-drenched hillside, hands behind his head, and as the warm grass gave way with a light scent of broken greenery, he prepared to relax, his entire afternoon spreading out before him in a rosy vista of complete and utter contentment.

This idyllic state of being lasted nearly ten minutes.

"Shika! SHIKAMARU!! I know you're up there! Don't think you can hide from me! Chouji, get up there and find the lazy-bones. Oy! Shika! If you don't get your lazy ass down here right now I'm coming up to get you!"

Shikamaru groaned and closed his eyes. How could this be happening? Ino was supposed to be on a long shift at the hospital. He had checked. He had made sure that no one could interrupt him. All he wanted was this one afternoon of peace and-

"SHIKAMARU!! STOP DAYDREAMING AND GET UP!!"

He shaded his eyes with one hand and looked up into the glaring face of his female teammate. She was standing above him, blocking the sunlight and his view of the clouds, her hands on her hips.

"Why are you wasting your afternoon off?! This is the only one you'll get for weeks. Our training schedule isn't enough. How are you going to make jounin if you keep slacking off? Well?? What have you got to say for yourself? What kind of pitiful excuse have you got today?"

You had to hand it to Ino, he thought. No one could overuse italics quite like she could. Surely there was a market for that kind of talent somewhere.

It sounded like she was starting to tap her foot. Squinting in the sunlight, he looked up at her again. "Troublesome woman." He finally muttered. "This is how I want to spend the afternoon."

The gritting of Ino's teeth was probably audible down in the village.

"I am trying to help you." she hissed. "You are missing out on life because you're too lazy to do anything about it." She gave him another glare. "Fine. I was going to help you and do this the easy way, but if you won't cooperate, I'll have to do it myself. Don't say I didn't warn you: so help me you are going to stop being such a lazy-ass and make jounin whether you like it or not."

After a final glare for good measure, she stalked off. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Why had he been saddled with such a drama queen for a teammate? He'd thought she was getting over that kind of thing. Obviously he'd been wrong.

With a mental shrug, he dismissed the thought. Ino would get over whatever was eating her soon enough and he didn't intend to let her interruption spoil the rest of the afternoon. He let his eyes wander as peace settled over the hillside again.

People, animals and a few inanimate objects jumped out of the way of her simmering bad temper as Ino stalked back into the village. While her rage didn't tend toward the wholesale destruction that her best friend, one Haruno Sakura, preferred, Ino was both creative and single-minded when venting her anger. No one and nothing wanted to be on the receiving end of it.

She soon spotted the person she was looking for and made a beeline for her. "Hey! Forehead!!"

Sakura turned, answering just as loudly. "What, Pig? And what's your problem? Run out of conditioner?"

"Shut-up, Forehead." Ino replied, her bad mood abating just a bit at the familiar banter. "Shikamaru is being a lazy-ass. Again. He won't get off his stupid cloud-watching butt to train for the jounin exam. He's wasting his afternoon off and ruining his life in the process."

Sakura's response, to Ino's intense irritation, was both reasonable and sympathetic to Shikamaru. "Um, afternoon off, Pig. That means you don't work. And in case you hadn't noticed, he's pretty much been working non-stop since he got back."

Ino scowled. "Quit being so nice to him. He doesn't deserve it. Like he doesn't have years of not working to make up for. And I have his best interests at heart."

Sakura snorted skeptically. "Right, Pig."

Ino pursed her lips and tossed her blond hair over her shoulder. "Fine, don't believe me. I'll get Tenten or someone else to help then. And I won'ttell you what I know about Shikamaru or what my plan is."

Sakura failed to look suitably impressed by this threat. "Plan? Since when do you plan? And why would I help you make Shikamaru miserable again? Besides, it's not like you seriously know anything about him that I don't. He and I have been working on reconstruction together for weeks."

Not for nothing had Ino been training with the interrogation squad, nor had she put years of mind-reading jutsus and flirting to waste. She could read people and conversations like an open book, or at least an open fashion magazine, and this was Sakura for heaven's sake. So she immediately saw her opening and seized it.

"Oh Forehead," she said, her tone switching from bone-crushing anger to condescending pity faster than Sakura could blink, "I was on his team for years. Shikamaru is usually the one who does the planning, but he over-analyzes everything. So of course he doesn't know how to deal with emotional situations. That's why I'm trying to help." With an absent, almost fond smile, she went on. "He's my friend, you know. I really do just want to help him. But he's being such an idiot."

It was an excellent act, and Sakura couldn't help but admire her friend's skill at lying through her teeth. Ino really had been working hard – she'd made getting her own way into an art form. And the worst part was that she was succeeding, even though Sakura knew exactly what she was doing. Sakura resigned herself to the inevitable and gave into her now-piqued curiosity to ask, "Alright fine, what's this emotional situation you're going on about, Pig?"

Ino's eyes gleamed with unholy glee and more than a spark of triumph as she dragged Sakura away from the weapons stall they'd been standing in front of and over to an open air café. She seated Sakura in one of the delicate, uncomfortable little chairs and then sat down across the table, leaning forward conspiratorially.

"Well you see," she began, and Sakura sighed; she was in for it now. Unperturbed, Ino went on, "I've been Shikamaru's teammate for years, right, and he's never shown the slightest bit of interest in me, except as a teammate. So of course I'd been suspicious all along."

"Ino," Sakura interrupted, "contrary to what you clearly think, not every male who comes within a fifty-foot radius of you will immediately fall at your feet."

With magnificent unconcern, Ino continued. "Of course, he and I are friends, especially since you and I both stopped being such idiots after Sasuke left." She paused, but Sakura merely lifted an eyebrow, instead of thanking her for this clear and generous sharing of blame. Ino magnanimously decided to overlook this as well, and persevered in spite of Sakura's ingratitude.

"He's sort of like that younger brother you can't get rid of, you know? So of course I've been worried about how abnormal he is." Sakura made an inarticulate sound. Ino decided it was agreement. "I know, right? It was very upsetting. But as soon as I'd seen him escorting the ambassador from Suna I knew what had been happening."

She stopped triumphantly. But Sakura merely looked at her blankly. "Sa-ku-ra." Ino said slowly, "think for a minute. Of course the reason he was never interested in me is because he was destinedto fall in love with someone else – he and Temari are meant to be! And they're both too stubborn – and he's too lazy – to do anything about it. But luckily they've got me, and I need your help to make sure they get together."

Across the table, Sakura was looking at her carefully, judging the best response. Finally she said, "Ino, howdo you know that Shikamaru and Temari are even interested in each other?"

"Oh, of course you didn't see them fighting the team that had captured Matsuri, you know, the Suna girl that the Kazekage is totally head over heels for? Anyway, that was before I started training with you, and I wasn't much use in the fight. But the two of them worked together sowell. It was like they could read each other's minds. And they were totally teasing each other, and you know Shikamaru only jokes around with people he likes."

Sakura considered all this. One thing you could say for Ino – with the notable exception of their own multi-year feud, she wasn't one to carry a grudge. Not only did Ino not mind that Shikamaru, whose life she'd been trying to run for years, wasn't interested in her, she didn't seem to feel at all threatened by Temari - and this despite that the older girl was powerful, talented, and in the running for the position of most popular blonde bombshell; Ino was actually actively working to get Temari together with Shikamaru.

But the fact remained that Ino suffered from a serious case of single-mindedness, and that she had a history of talking herself into any number of absolutely ridiculous schemes in order to "help" those around her.

Deciding to focus on the most grounded part of Ino's explanation, Sakura said, "Well, I hadn't realized they'd worked together before, so at least they know each other …" she trailed off. After a moment's thought, she went on. "But that's only one time. How do you know that they're 'meant to be'?"

"Oh, well, I watched them when she was here for all the chuunin exam preparations." She waved a dismissive hand. "But that was just confirmation – I could already tell." Sakura did not look convinced. "No, seriously, it's like I'm, oh, Cupid, or something. I just look at people and bam!" she slapped her hand on the table, "I know."

Sakura put her face in her hands. "Ino … you are not Cupid. And he didn't know when people were in love, he decided when two people ought to be together and made them fall in love."

Ino grinned suddenly. "Oh well, same difference, right? So are you going to help me or not?"

"With what?" Sakura asked. "All you've said is that you want them to get together and that you're mad that he's not training today. And how are those even related?"

In a slow, patient voice reserved for the very young or terminally stupid, Ino said, "Sakura, Temari is a jounin. Shikamaru is still a chuunin. She's not going to consider going out with him if he isn't jounin. She's probably already worried since he's a couple years younger than she is, since it's illegal-ish and all that. So the first step is to get him to jounin. Then we can start phase two!"

"Ino, I haven't agreed to phase one." Sakura reminded her.

"Oh, but you will. First, you don't want Shikamaru to be unhappy for the rest of his life, do you? I know you like him – as a friend – and you respect him and all that crap, so of course you want him to be happy." She held up a hand to forestall Sakura's retort. "And this is the only way for him to be happy. Second, if you help with this I'll tell you my plan to get Hinata to realize she's only in desperate admiration – not love - with Naruto. Third, I'll help you get together with Naruto –" Sakura made an indignant and strangled noise of dissent, but Ino continued talking and ticking points off on her fingers. "Fourth, I will tell you what brand of shampoo I use."

"Ino, you know I don't care about that, I-"

"I'll even buy the first bottle for you,"

"Ino–"

But Ino was already pressing her advantage, "andI'll deal with Kakashi the next time he's in the hospital." She could see it was working. Of course, it helped that Sakura was a ridiculous and hopeless romantic. Actually, Ino thought suddenly, perhaps she shouldn't have offered to treat Kakashi; Sakura would probably have given in without that.

Sure enough, Sakura said, "Well, I suppose it can't hurt just to hearyour plan, but Ino-"

"Perfect! C'mon, we'll pick up the shampoo – can you lend me the money, by the way? I haven't got my pay for the last mission yet – and then head to my house." She stood up, bestowed a blinding smile on the waiter who had been hovering nearby with some impatience, and dragged Sakura down the street.