A/N I know, I know, this is my third work-in-progress, but it's only going to be a two-shot, I promise. ;)
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Suzanne Collins, the thoughts to me
Right before the explosions started, I found a star. And that's the last thing I remember.
I wake, surprised; by all means, I should be dead. I'm considered a traitor to the Capital, and every small child knows that traitors deserve to die. But I know why I'm still alive; they're planning to question me, to get information out of me. But I can't let them! Katniss is the only thing that matters here; she alone will pull everyone out of this age of barbarianism. But in order to do that, she must survive. And I, one of the few people she truly respected, I don't even know if she's alive or dead. I must hope for the former, but in truth, I don't know what to think. If the Capital somehow got her, she must be dead by now. But if somehow those explosions helped her escape… There's a small chance, miniscule really, but still. I must hold on to it. It's the only thing I have left of her.
I wonder if she ever truly believed I loved her from the start, from the time I first set eyes on her. I always thought that she scoffed at my professions because she felt uncomfortable, but now… Now I don't know. Perhaps she doubted me in some way, thought me a liar. But that begs another question; did she ever truly love me? I loved her with all my heart, but did she ever truly love me? Because of these cursed games, I have never really gotten to see her, see Katniss in her true form, with her true emotions.
And that's about all the thinking my head can take right now. I feel my thoughts slipping away from me, like smoke from a chimney.
When I wake, there's an avox with a cup of something at my side. It is only now that I think to examine my surroundings. I'm on a bed in a simple room with a desk and chair and white walls. The room looks rather banal to me, but then again, it's probably a torture chamber anyway, with twisted metal instruments in the drawers of the desk.
Suddenly, my thoughts come back to me. Perhaps this avox can tell me what's happened to Katniss. At least, he can nod, if not talk.
"Please," I ask, "was there a girl brought in with me?" An almost imperceptible nod. A smile appears on my face. "Was it the girl on fire, was it Katniss?" I ask hurriedly. The man withdraws after her name, his face shadowed. He simply shakes his head and places the cup in my hands before standing back. I assume he's meant to stay until I've drank the contents of the cup. But I can't. Not yet. It wasn't Katniss who was brought in with me… It must have been Johanna! I remember her beside me just as the explosions began… But what does this mean for Katniss? Is she… dead? No, I refuse to believe it! She was the strongest person I know, she wouldn't have gone down that easily. But what if it was one of those four pronged poles that drop from the hovercrafts to collect the dead… a small voice in my head questions. I ignore it. If they did get her, they would at least be questioning her before they killed her. But in truth, I know that if they've gotten hold of her, there is nothing I can do. She will die. And it will be the Capital who killed her.
My anger finds its way into my hands, which are holding the cup. I don't know what's in the cup, but at this point, I don't care. I drink down the contents of the cup, gulping furiously. The avox looks surprised, shocked at this sudden change in me. I narrow my eyes at him. And then I taste the contents of the cup. It's sweet; sickeningly so. I've drunk this before, I know what it is… Sleeping syrup. They're hoping to steal truth from my lips, but I won't let them. I must fall asleep, but just before I do, I have some control over what I say. I feel my lips open without my bidding. In some strange realm between that of the living and that of the sleeping, I feel my lips give way. From them emerges a word, something I wish for, something I want right now. "Katniss," I murmur, "Katniss…" I know no more.
My dreams are frightening, as usual. I am on an island with water all around. Katniss stands beside me. She kisses me softly, and offers to swim me to land. I nod, sleepily, too tired to argue. She takes my hand and together we jump into the water. She grabs my waist, and somehow manages to keep my head above the water. Suddenly, there is a loud bang and blood spills from her body. "Katniss!" I scream, drowning.
I wake with a scream, covered in sweat. I breathe heavily, trying to figure out what's just happened. I can't erase the picture in my head; she was falling into the water, drowning, after having been shot in the head. I sit still in bed, trying not to think. It was only a dream, right? No, no, there is no possibility of that happening; Katniss definitely got out of the games, I just don't know where she went.
At this thought, I can hold back no longer. The tears come streaming, I start gasping quietly. I can't bear it. I can't bear the thought of her dead. She was everything to me, she changed me, made me realize who I am, and now she's gone, if not dead. They should have brought her here, with me! They shouldn't have killed her; I should have died! She didn't deserve this; Prim and her mother… And Gale… She had so much waiting for her, and now she's gone.
I keep crying, unable to stop, gasping for breath. I am so sorry. But then, what could I have done? Anything, you could have done anything, an angry voice in my head replies. And I can't keep this last thought away, did she truly love you? Of course she did! Of course, she was confused at first, but I can't think that everything in the games was false. Especially not her. Not Katniss.
I can't think anymore; I can't keep doubting her. So I do the only thing I can. I rest my head against the pillows, close my eyes, and don't sleep, waiting for the next instrument of torture to reach me.
A/N Enjoyable? Second part should be out soon! Leave a review. Bisous ~ the shattered star