Unintentional Cruelty

Outside, the rain poured and I shivered in the cold. I looked around me, my surroundings bleak and my future too. My life, had been so for the past 10 years. No one is coming, no one can save me form this hell. I look at the mice scurrying on the concrete floor, at least they had someone. I had none.

Then, he came. He said that he would pay "them" a sum of money for the return of his son. I peeked curiously, and frightenedly, the exchange of deal between him and "them" from behind a wall. Nods, words and money were exchanged. Gold, I see gold as he purposely dropped some of them on the floor, making "them", those vile villains, crawl after them. One of the gold coins rolled to me, stopping at my knee. I bent down and pocketed it, desperately hoping that "they" will not notice.

Alas, when I raised my head, they were right in front of me, with scowls were evident on "their faces. Scowls that told me that they had seen my little act of thief. One of them raised his right hand, and I instinctively curled into a small ball.

It always happens everyday, everyday new bruises and wounds would be added to my body.. Even so, I still cry silently as the whips come into contact with the surface of my skin. They forbade me to speak unless it was to answer their command. Even so, there was still ways in which they find fault in me.

"You bastard! How dare you look at your master in the eyes!"

A metal object was thrust in the side of my head.

"You idiot! Speak louder!"

A kick would send me sprawling on the ground.

I waited for that blow, that blow that would knock my soul out of my body.

But that blow never came.

Meekly, I raised my head, expectant some painful punishment. Instead, I saw that man held his hand up, commanding them to stop. I was surprised and shocked that they did as he commanded. I had never seen anyone who defied their meanings. They bowed reluctantly and motioned for me to come forth.

I hurried over, even though I hate to be anywhere near them. They said that slaves are properties and we should act like one.

"From now on you are going with Count Trancy. You will be called Alois Trancy from now on."

My mind could not register what they said. Going with Count Trancy? What does it mean? I'm a slave of this Count Trancy now?

The Count smiled at me, holding a hand out "Come here my son, I have been looking all over for you."

Son? I'm a son of a Count?

So I went with him, I was in no position not to do so. He was nice to me, he clothe me, fed me and made sure that I was contented. I was truly happy for the first time in my life and I had no worries for the future. There was no pain, no sufferings, it was heaven there.

The servants were friendly to me and often played childish games with me. I was able to roam freely in the mansion and in town, mingling with the street kids there.

Until that day.

Father came into my bedroom and I sat up in immediately. Whenever he comes in, he would be sure to keep me entertain with stories and magic tricks of his. I love Father and I like to be in his presence, it felt safe and secure.

However, this time, Father seemed different. His face was solemn and he was silent. I tugged his sleeves, wondering what was the matter with him. Suddenly, he pinned me to the bed. I was stunned, and shifted uncomfortably under his weight.

"Father?" I enquired softly, my voice quivering slightly.

Without warning, he started tearing my clothes apart, his eyes now of the greedy wolves. Panic gripped me as I struggled vigorously. I didn't like it, I hate it. I don't know what my beloved Father is doing but I know it is wrong. His hand made its way down my spine as he licked me on the lips. I squirmed, tears now brimming in my eyes. Why is he doing this? Why?

I felt his hand going up my thighs. It was sickening, disgusting and appalling. An excruciating pain caught me off guard as I yelped in pain. But no sound came out form my mouth as he had his lips over mine, mouthing any sounds coming from my mouth.

Hands gripped me, all over me.

I tried to break free but I couldn't, I was being bounded too tightly, too tightly by that despicable man who calls himself my "Father". I wept silently as he continued violating me, trampling my only dignity as a human. It was far worse than I had been at the village, at least they had made clear to me from the start that they hated me and looked down on me. The beatings were a one off thing, it hurt for a while but it was not permanent.

Outside, the crows cawed, as if mocking at my sullied body.

I couldn't remember what happened next. I only know that by the time I woke up the next day, my body ached badly, in such agony I was that even sitting up was a challenge to me.

I stared at the mirror which reflected a bruised and pathetic me, instantly feeling ashamed of myself. I burrowed myself into the covers, aware of how dirty I am now.

Every night, I was sullied at the same covers that had given me the limited protection. I whimpered to myself over and over again, aware that no one can save me, no one can save me from this monster. I reached out for the ceiling, where a spider web hung limply, wishing that it can somehow support me and pull me out of this hell.

I heard a creak sound and made out the emerging figure of a servant in the dim light. She appeared shocked and stood paralyzed, with her hands still on the door handle. I reached my hands out frantically for her to rescue me, to save me from the beast of Father I had but she only closed the door hastily, leaving me in the lurch.

All hope, was lost.

The next morning, I was woken by the knocking on the door. I called for whoever was there to enter and I lifted the covers a little, just enough for my eyes to see who entered. The same servant entered, with my clothes in her hands. She was a young lass, about my age or younger. That explains the stupidity yesterday. Her eyes were cast down, as servants were supposed to.

"Young Master," She said submissively. "It's time to change into your day clothes."

I only wrapped myself tighter.

"Please don't make things difficult for me." She pleaded.

"You knew." I whispered venom in my voice. She looked away, her hands trembling. "But you didn't save me. Instead, you allowed that beast to trample over me while you ignored my calls for help."

She backed away uneasily, "I-II I didn't mean…"

I smirked, "Oh really? Let's see how I didn't mean to do this now, shall we?"

I backed her to a wall and slammed my hands beside her face, startling her. I held her chin in my hand, stroking her hair with the other.

"What would you say if we enact the scene yesterday?" I smiled evilly.

She shivered, tensing her shoulders. I glared irritatedly at her. What was the meaning of this? She looked into my eyes with frightened eyes, like a prey. It sickens me, to be pleading for me to stop with she did not answer to my pleas last night. In fury, I pushed her to the ground before kicking her in the stomach.

"It disgust me to be in such close proximity with vermin." I stared coldly at her ragdoll like body. "Get out of my sight. Forever."

She stood up, albeit with some difficulty and hurried out of the room, leaving me laughing hysterically at her.

It feels great, great to be in control, to be in power. I clenched my fists. No longer am I going to be the Alois Trancy who is kicked around like a helpless doll. No longer is anyone going to tarnish my name, my body and my soul. I will be in charge of my life and anyone who opposes me shall be eliminated.

I curled myself into a ball and sobbed.

That night, I heard footsteps. I smiled.

He's here.

I hear him opening the door and felt his hungry eyes staring at me. I let the my shirt slip, just a little so that it exposed my shoulders. I turned and look seductively at him, waiting for his response. He blushed a crimson red and started to approach me.

He tried pouncing on me but I had predicted this and neatly stepped away. He fell on his face, prompting me to laugh at his clumsiness. What a rat.

I sat on the bed, watching him with my eyes. He came once more and pinned me to the bed and licked me on the neck. I laughed in pleasure. This time I will not be the one at suffering end.

I allowed him to fondled me, touched me and right he placed his disgusting mouth over mine, I slipped a death pill between my teeth, and slot it into his mouth.

Never again will I be humiliated to such state again.

Never again will I be made so filthy again.

Never again will I be tainted.

I watched him collapse on me, and eyes widened, in happiness or surprise, I had no idea. A mixed of both, I supposed. It seemed so surreal, finally I will be relieved of my suffering but there is still something missing.

That's right, it didn't change the fact that I have been sullied. I hugged the blankets close to me, afraid of what may happen if others should know.

"Darkness. Darkness. I am enveloped in darkness." I whispered.

I have willingly allowed him to taint me, again and again. I am truly a filthy being now.

"But."

My ears pricked.

I looked up, and saw nothing else, only a moving spider.

Wait? A spider? Could it be….?

"But" I echoed the voice.

"I desire." I said softly, sub-consciously voicing out my inner feelings.

"Then," I can see that it was the spider which is calling out to me

"Let your scream pierce into the darkness"

"I want you!" I cried loudly. "I WANT YOU!"

My knight in black materialized before me and knelt down before me, offering his hand to me. I looked at him stupendously. No one ever treated me this way before. I had half expected him to kill me.

I took his hand, a frightened child seeking solace from the harshness of the darkness.

That man served his duties as my butler. He was the only one that truly wants me, who did not hurt me. He never scolded me even when I did nasty things to others or when I made things difficult for him. He always followed my orders, no matter how ridiculous it was.

At first, I only watch silently as he helped with administrating the household. I didn't speak to him, only giving occasional nods as he informed me about the daily happenings. He did every thing perfectly, even tasks that were deemed impossible. I was curious but I didn't dare to ask. I learnt from experience that keeping quiet is the only way to be secure your life. Gradually, I became bolder and I tried distract him, wondering how he would respond.

While he was serving the meals, I 'accidentally' knock the plate off the table and onto the floor and my pants.

He gave me an icy stare. I shrunk back a little, wondering how he had known. I braced myself for a beating or harsh words. But that never came.

Instead, he calmly walked over to me and carried me back to my room. As he unchanged me, I couldn't help but ask, "Who are you?"

"The butler of the Trancy household." He answered without any hesitation as he undressed me.

"Who are you before that?" I insisted.

"Whatever my previous master wanted me to be."

I sighed in exasperation.

From then on, I tried to coax his identity out of him. The reply was standard. "The butler of the Trancy household."

Because of him, I came out of my broken shell. Like the melted ice, the barrier inside of me dissolved. I came to accept who I was. I was no longer the tainted, filthy beggar. Instead, my new status was Count Trancy, even if I hated that name. However, it gave me countless of advantage, being of nobility. I learnt to use that for my benefits.

I had my Father to thank.

I resorted to pranks, it was fun fooling the villagers, the servants, the other stupid nobles.

I loved how they thought I was a naïve kid.

As naïve as they thought.

It was hilarious to see their when I flirt with one of the old men, who would get so flustered. Boring, I expected them to be more fun. Oh, but it was fun to see their wives beat them up with their parasols when they mistook their husband for hitting on a young boy.

However, what I really wanted was to see if he minded. He didn't say anything. In fact, I do not think he had ever oppose against me on anything. He never snapped at me. Not even when I gorged the maid's eye.

I feel secure in his presence but it was so lonely. He never initiated any conversation with me. He was predictable, his response, "Yes, your Highness", to all my commands.

Who are you?

I looked at the tea box in my hand.

"Who is he?" I whispered to it.

"Who are you, Mister-in-a-tea-box?" I held it up against the light, "I wished you can talk to me, only you understand my pain. But if I let you talk, you would be snatched away by the other butler. You will never return."

"Like me."

"One day."

One day, a queer traveler came, in the midst of a heavy rain. I knew he would come, I've expected him.

He looks interesting. I walked confidently to him and tiptoed, "You smell nice."

Would the traveler just stare at me like him? Or would he be like them and be all flustered?

I was surprised when he smiled.

He smiled.

It was just like that day, he came and offered me a smile and a chance to leave that place. Our destination would be this mansion, a new chapter with new tortures.

What would this man offer me now? Another stage of hell?

He merely came and did some things to annoy my butler. Not that I minded.

I knew that he was more interested in the basement, than to annoy my butler. However, I liked his response. He provided more entertainment than any other people did in my life. I envied him, I envied his freedom.

But I couldn't let him take it away. It was the only thing that provided me comfort, that I am not alone. However, my butler said it was okay, so I didn't pursue it. He said he had a plan, so I believed in him.

He was perfect, he gave me a chance to meet Mister-in-a-tea-box.

That young boy, the only other boy to be in the same situation as me. I wanted to know more about him.

He did not remember me but I can feel his hatred towards me.

Why?

Why did he hated me?

I rescued him from the demon, so why?

I tried so hard, so hard to persuade him to join me, but he refused. I even tried to make him like me by going in a pretty disguise, yet he remained indifferent. He resembled a little like my butler and that traveler.

I thought that if he adamantly refused to join me, I can kill him and merge his soul with mine. At least he has a chance to go to heaven instead of vanishing into the bellies of the devil itself.

However, he still refused, and he even stabbed me, shouting that he wanted me dead. I was hurt, hurt by his refusal.

But it was alright, I still have him, he would always stood by me.

"Help me," I said.

He would help me.

When he didn't move, I repeated, "Help me."

He merely turned his head and looked down at me. As if I was some appalling little bug.

Still, I believed in him, he would save me, he said he desired for me to the very end. I trust him.

"Help me," I pleaded, holding on to his leg.

Why? Why is he not helping me, what's wrong? Instead he left me bleed there. My tears flow, together with my blood.

So I was alone in the end.

I chose to blindly trust him. I submitted myself to the illusional security and warmth that he had replicated for me.

Just for me.

I thought his life revolved around me. But I was wrong. It was MY life that revolved around him.

I was but an empty shell without him. All the titles and the luxuries that I have, it was all due to him. He can give it to me as easily as he can take them away from me. Even my new life was given to me by him.

Even as he slowly stole my soul away, I had no complains. My life was pathetic, nothing much to be missed. As he leaned in to end my life, my life replayed before me.

My dearest brother Luka, the only person I loved and the only person who truly love me. I'm sorry that failed to protect you, even if we can't meet in our afterlives, please make sure you are fine alright? Don't let yourself be bullied anymore, even if heaven permits it not.

Mister-in-the-tea-box, I'm sorry if I annoyed you. I thought I did what was the best for you. I am selfish, I know. You're the only one that understands my pain but you handled it better than I am. It's okay if you hate me, I prefer being the evil, sick kid than the pathetic, filthy victim.

The mysterious traveler, I still think you smell nice. In the end, no matter how I tried to hide my hideous past, I still appear as a filthy kid. So I was self-deceiving myself. I never realized that.

Finally, my butler. You're the one who made me less lonely, if it was only for that short period of time. Maybe ending my life was for the best, at least I wouldn't have to live with a sullied body and name. I don't blame you, after all I agreed to this, I just wished that you could have stayed with me longer, just a little—

That day, the winds howled, and the rain poured with such hostility that it can only be compared to 4 years ago. The crows were seen perching on a large boulder. As long as they are there, neither insects nor spiders are seen. They said if you look closely, the stone seemed to bear the smile of a young child.

Pure and innocent.

Like the angels that know of no pain.

(終)

Author's note

Finally I wrote this out~ (smiles)

Feeling quite emotional now. I chose to write on Alois as he is a complex character, more complex to Ciel, I daresay. He is twisted but for a reason. Hate him, love him, it's up to you but he is definitely one to be sympathized. Even if you have never gone through the pain he has, it really is still enough to make one go insane.

It is not entirely accurate to the anime but I wrote it anyway.

Hope you enjoyed it and sorry for the very disturbing scenes! (bows)