How to Save a Life
By rainxface
Just read… you'll like it. I promise.
Disclaimer: The Fray owns the song, Jimmy Pats owns the character of MR, and I own the plot outline.
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
"Fang?" I called through the open door. Cots, all about extra-long twin size, lined the four walls. The room was white, water stains dotting the top of the room. A window, though barred, brought the only light to the room. Only one kid sat in the room, his dark hair matching his black wardrobe. He was facing away from me, his head looking down into his lap.
I sighed and walked into the room.
I sat next to Fang, close enough to feel his body heat, but far enough away that he wouldn't yell at me for being too close. Slowly, my hand weaved through his arm and to his hand. He flinched, but didn't say anything. I started stroking his hand softly.
"Fang?" I repeated. He didn't move. With my free hand, I lifted his face to look at me. His eyes were dark and slightly dank. With my hand cupping his face, I caressed his cheek. His skin was warm, but his breath came out cold.
"I miss you. I don't want you here… you don't need to be here," I told him. Even if he wasn't listening to me, it still felt good that I could get it out of my mind. "I need to get you out. I promise you that I'll get you out. I promise." I kissed his lips gently.
That's when I got his first response.
As I was pulling away from him, Fang brought me back for another kiss. His lips, so strong and passionate, almost made me melt with the touch. For a while, I didn't think this was going to end – I didn't want it to end – but he broke away, his eyes sorrowful. He wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek and kissed my forehead.
"I don't want you here. You shouldn't be here. I belong here, trust me," Fang whispered.
"I need to be here. And I know that you don't belong here… you did nothing wrong," I tried to argue. Many tears were threatening me now.
"Max, I did so many things wrong!"
"You made a mistake… everyone makes one now and then." My voice was thick, and I hated for him to see me like this.
"Does everyone make about 365 mistakes in a row?" he countered.
"You've seen me; I'm the mistake queen it seems like."
"No, not like I have." He sighed and kissed the back of my hand. He pulled back the sleeve of his left arm, exposing big puffy scars. Some were faded and small, others huge and very noticeable. Most of them ran the same way, but others went perpendicular.
I raised his arm and kissed the scars.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As I left the place, a feeling of regret and pain clung to me. I had stayed with him until I was practically dragged out of the place by the nurses. The dull glow from Fang's ever longing eyes haunted me as I flew back to the flock.
I slammed the door behind me, and I flung myself onto my bed. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
How to Save a Life
Fang laid in his bed. The barred window whisked the white room with the moon's glow. Shadows danced around as kids moved in their sleep. A quiet hum echoed through the room as the kids breathed heavily in their coma.
Fang wasn't going to sleep.
Max's visit was unexpected and almost unwanted on his part. She knew that he was a threat to himself – who didn't? – but refused to believe it. She was thinking that the reason why he was here was because of her, because of her bad leadership. She didn't want him to be the guilty in her mind of court.
Yes, that was what she didn't want. She didn't want her Fang to be known as a criminal in her mind. She wanted to be the criminal to save him.
It was the first time, in the few months he had been in the hospital that Fang had actually realized what Max was doing.
That haunted him through the night.
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
I visited Fang again the next day. He seemed almost more reluctant has he had the day previous. He wouldn't look me in the eye, wouldn't let me touch him. About three feet was put between us as we sat down on the floor of his room.
"Fang?" I asked, wanting to reach out and grab his hand. Luckily, I held my hands in my lap, away from him. "Fang?" this time, my voice broke. I choked back the lump in my throat and put on my serious face.
"I don't see why you've put yourself in here. I know what you've done, I know that you've tried to kill yourself. But that's okay," I cooed. At this point, I had a few stray tears falling down my face.
Minutes passed but still Fang stayed silent.
"I love you, you know that, right?" I told him. "I love you. You are my best friend, and I love you. Please stop blaming yourself for everything. Nothing is your fault." I moved to squat in front of him. My eyes were pleading and my cheeks were blotchy pink.
I didn't hesitate to take his hands in mine.
"I love you."
A smile, however so small, played on his lips. He lifted his eyes to meet mine. I was afraid that in any second, Fang's graze to me would be broken. It was the first time in months that I had actually seen any emotions in his face.
"I do love you," I repeated. I don't think he wanted me to see, but I saw his eyes start to swell up with moisture.
And then, like a burning passion that I longed for as long as he stayed here, he was on top of me. His hands were everywhere, his mouth caressing mine. In between kissing me, Fang whispered, "I love you, too, Maximum."
That did me.
I fumbled to find the bottom of his shirt. I quickly pulled it off. Knowing what I was thinking, Fang took off my shirt. This didn't bother me, oddly. I heard a low thump as Fang's shoes hit the floor, off of his feet. I struggled to get my shoes off. Once those were off, I noticed that Fang was getting irritated by my bra.
I smirked.
"Need some help?" I asked him. Fang glared at me playfully.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
The door clicked open and we quickly sped to opposite sides of the room, me hiding behind a cot with Fang sitting on his bed. I found a spot to look around from, and the person at the door shocked me.
It was Iggy. And he had Nudge standing next to him.
Nudge was eyeing Fang weirdly, and, thankfully, Fang's emotions had all dropped from sight.
But that didn't help that Fang was shirtless and clothes – my clothes – were scattered around the room.
Nudge smiled.
"Max, I know you're in here. Just come out," she said. Reluctantly, I pulled out of my hiding spot and walked over to Fang's cot.
"Hi," I greeted.
Nudge's expression changed from confused to accusing. It was almost horrible.
"Max, it's getting late. They're going to kick us out in a few minutes, and I would like to talk to Fang," Nudge stated. Her voice had not been the usual pre-teen bubblegum pop, but stern and almost demanding.
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
I waited outside Fang's room as Iggy and Nudge spoke to Fang. I nervously picked the hem of my shirt. Last that Fang had seen of Nudge and Iggy was in a huge fight that led to this hospital – if you could even call it that.
Fang was not thinking straight that night. Iggy, who had mistakenly angered Fang, had jokingly suggest that Fang go consult someone about his habit. Fang, not in the mood Iggy's jokes, took him seriously. The next morning, I woke up to find a note laying out with Fang's writing on it saying where he was going to be staying.
Luckily, he didn't branch far from our refuge with my mom.
But I was nervous about Iggy and Fang in the same room together. It didn't feel right to me. Many things could make Fang go off, make him break his work.
Make him go farther than before.
Over an hour passed. I tensed more after I heard the door open and close. Iggy and Nudge walked out, both looking rather disappointed. I quickly rushed to them.
"What happened?" I inquired.
"Exactly nothing. Fang said nothing, we said nothing," Iggy replied.
"Did you attempt to say anything?" I pressed on. There was no way that they said nothing, did nothing, for well over an hour.
"Nope," said Nudge.
"Fine, we're going home," I told them.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As I went to visit Fang the next day, something didn't feel right. Everything looked right, though. Fang's lone figure was still in the back of the room as I went to visit him. He seemed almost happy as I came to watch him this time. Nearly instantly, we started.
Fang seemed eager as he impatiently tore off my shirt. I flung off my shoes to the opposite end of the room. I managed to pull off Fang's shirt easily.
How to Save a Life
I pulled on my shirt while trying not to stumble around, laughing. Fang was smiling widely, too. We were hunting down our clothes. Fang easily found all of my clothes, but we were having trouble with his clothes.
The whole time that I was there, we didn't think about why Fang was there, why he wasn't out yet. We were just two teens that had over raging hormones that didn't care where they were or if anyone would walk in on us. We just went by instincts.
As Fang pulled on his last article of clothing, he linked his arms around my waist and kissed me tenderly.
"I love you, Max. You have to know this," he told me sweetly but seriously.
"I love you, Fang. You must know this by now," I teased. Fang smiled before kissing me again.
I checked the clock in the corner of the room. It read later than I was supposed to be there.
"I have to go. They'll kick me out," I told him. He just secured his arms around my waist.
"No… you have to stay with me tonight," he said seductively.
"I'll try and stay."
That night, I hid under Fang's cot. His sheets were long enough to cover all of the sides. Once the night checker was through, I crawled from beneath the cot to the top. I laid down next to Fang, my face buried deep into his chest. Fang's arms were around my waist as I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, Fang's arms limp as was his body. Blood was freshly staining the sheets. On the pillow behind my head was a note written with Fang's scrawl.
I'm sorry, Max. I had to. There was nothing else I could do, and I wanted out of this life. I hope you can forgive me. Sorry for the pain I'm causing you, the pain that I'm causing everyone in the flock. And I'm sorry I had to do this.
I love you.
Tell Iggy that I accept his apology.
Don't forget me.
Love,
Fang.
PS: keep up the old blog for me, alright? I trust you, Max.
I was crying at the end of the note. I ran out of the room, and to the main office. The workers stared at me with horror. I was practically all covered in blood.
"Fang… or Nick… I don't know what he goes by, but he died last night. He committed suicide," I sobbed.
I dropped down to my knees and cried.
Sorry for the sadness. I don't know if you guys have heard, but recently, I have been against teen love. That's why a lot of my newer stories don't have love working for them.
I was originally planning for Max to announce being preggo, but then I just decided to leave that out.
Smiles,
rainxface
PS: this song got me through a suicide attempt a few years back. I can't believe that it's only two years ago…