Old Habits
By Shaz1
None of the characters belong to me they are all the property of CBS etc etc
This takes place immediately after Ambush so there are spoilers for that episode.
Please take the time to leave a little review for me!
Old Habits
"Seriously G, you have got to stop getting hit over the head so much" Sam commented taking in his partner's current appearance laid flat out on the sofa with his arm draped over his eyes.
"You need to stop using colour coded tabs in reports" Callen replied tiredly.
"You feeling ok?" Sam asked, his tone turning serious as he looked his partner over.
"I'm good Sam, quit worrying" Callen replied, not moving and not opening his eyes. Sam sighed, frustrated with his partner's stubborn streak. It had been a hard knock that the younger man had taken to the head, and he had been unconscious for some time- but when he had woken up he had been alert and aware, so maybe Sam was worrying for nothing.
"All right G, sofa is free at my place?" he offered softly, knowing that his partner was once more without a place to stay.
"I'm good here" the smaller man replied, again making no effort to move. "Thanks though", he finished. Sam shook his head to himself, he offered every night for his partner to stay with him, and nine times out of ten the independent agent refused.
"Ok, night then man" he bid good night, and got a tired wave of the hand in reply. He locked up behind him and within minutes he was on his way home.
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As soon as he heard his partner's footsteps leaving the office, Callen allowed the groan to escape. His head was pounding, and spinning with dizzying intensity. His stomach had been churning for the last two hours- ever since the adrenaline had stopped pumping from the fire fight. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly- trying to settle the waves of nausea. He struggled to his feet and staggered to the bathroom, just making it to the stall before he was overwhelmed. Coughing and retching, the nausea kept coming as if it would never stop. After a few moments, he leant his head back against the stall, too exhausted to hold it upright any longer. He closed his eyes against the swirling that was forcing his stomach to once more rebel, and swallowed as hard as he was able- trying desperately to regain control. He moved his hand to the back of his head and winced as it came in contact with the expanding bump that had formed there. Sam was right, he did need to stop getting hit so much- over the last twelve months he had been shot five times, hit around the head a dozen- not to mention all of the punches or kicks to the face. He didn't even want to think about all the near misses as well. This time he had at least a concussion, he knew that without even getting checked out- he also knew that Sam would be spitting mad if he realised that he had been hiding another injury from him.
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Sam laid in bed, he was tired but his mind would not shut down to allow sleep to claim him. Something was niggling in the back of his mind- a bad feeling that just would not go away, quietly he eased himself out of bed and pulled on his jeans, slipping a shirt on over his head he made his way downstairs. He picked up his cell phone and hit the speed dial for his partner- keen to quell the bad feeling that was overwhelming him- instead making it worse when the call was diverted to voicemail. Sam sighed to himself, surrendering any chance of sleep he reached for his keys and headed out of the door.
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Callen couldn't move, his head just would not stop spinning, and the nausea was not letting up, he knew he should probably call his partner to help him- but he just couldn't. His entire life he had been alone, never had anybody that he could rely on- never had a place to call home. NCIS had given him structure, a group of friends that he cared about and he knew cared about him, but old habits die hard and as usual something inside him stopped him from admitting that he needed help. When he had been a child he had lived in thirty seven different places- some of them homes, but mostly just places that he was made to stay. He groaned to himself as the pressure in his head seemed to increase even more, and raised his hands to his temple- squeezing his forehead to try to reduce the pain. Within a matters of moments he welcomed the arms of darkness and blacked out his cheek resting against the cool bathroom floor.
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"G?" Sam called out as he entered the office, when no answer met him his concern escalated. He made his way to the couch- seeing it empty, with his partner's boots still beside it. "Callen? You here man?" he shouted again. Sighing to himself, but suddenly feeling that he was right to be worried he wandered around the building to find his friend. Within minutes he found himself in the rest rooms, and his heart sank, he could clearly see a socked foot sticking out from under a stall door. "G? You in there?" he called knocking gently. No answer came so the larger man carefully pushed open the door, and found his partner pale and unconscious on the floor in front of him.
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"Any update Mr Hanna?" Hetty asked as she rushed into the ER, having come directly from her flight back from Washington.
"Nothing yet" he replied, gratefully accepting the coffee that she had brought for him.
"What happened Sam?" she asked him as she sat down beside him. The agent sighed deeply, knowing that the Ops Manager was not going to be happy with the turn of events.
"One of the militia hit a kid round the face- G stepped in to stop it and got a rifle butt to the head for his trouble. Knocked him out cold" Sam explained. "He came round about a quarter of an hour later and seemed ok- killer headache, but ok. Then in all the action he was right there, didn't show any signs of anything being wrong" he finished, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly.
"Mr Callen is strong, Sam. He will get through this" Hetty reassured him. "I have arranged his transfer to the Naval facility as soon as he is stable for transfer" she told him. Then two sat back and fell into a waiting silence, interrupted only by Kensi's arrival ten minutes later.
"Where is he? Is he ok?" she questioned, concerned for her friend.
"We're still awaiting news from the doctor" Sam replied, his frustration carried in his voice. He had barely finished speaking when the doctor arrived in front of them.
"Are you here for Mr Davis?" he asked softly, at Sam's nod he took a seat beside him. "Your friend has sustained a nasty knock to the head. The blow caused a severe concussion, we are most concerned by the swelling to the brain that has now caused your friend to lose consciousness" the young doctor explained.
"Is he going to be ok?" Kensi asked, her voice trembling slightly at the words.
"At the moment he is sedated to try to give his brain chance for the swelling to go down. It is a case of watch and wait" he replied, and Sam flinched at the use of such a familiar term.
"Can we see him?" Sam asked softly, keen to at least see for himself that his friend was alive and fighting to remain so.
"He is just being settled in his room, I will get a nurse to show you up shortly" he replied with a small smile.
"Thank you doctor, now if I might have a word in private please" Hetty requested softly- following after the man to rearrange her friend's transport to a protected base.
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Sam and Kensi followed the nurse in silence, each of them lost in their own worry for their friend. Sam cursed as he stepped into his friend's room. The lights were low, but that didn't disguise the pallor of the senior agent's skin, his face half hidden beneath the oxygen mask. An IV snaked under the sheets into the still figure's arm, and a monitor beeped steadily away beside the bed showing a strong heartbeat, but a low blood pressure.
"Aw G, why didn't you just tell me" Sam whispered as he gently took hold of the other man's hand. "Stubborn fool" he muttered, looking at his partner and feeling as if he had gone twelve months back in time when he had been exactly where he was now- sat beside his partner's bed wondering if he would live or die.
"He looks so small" Kensi commented, almost afraid to touch Callen in case he broke. "Why didn't he tell us?" she asked softly.
"Because he is a stubborn idiot that thinks he has to do things by himself" Sam replied, his tone affectionate and worried, rather than angry.
"He is being moved to the Naval hospital this afternoon" Hetty interjected, appearing in the room with the stealth of a ninja. "Get well Mr Callen" she whispered looking at the boy that she loved like a son, before turning and leaving the room- heading back to Ops to update the director.
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Sam didn't budge from his partner's bedside until he was forced to by the arrival of the transport crew. Hetty had been insistent that Callen was to be moved to one of their own facilities as soon as he was stable enough, Sam felt better knowing that his currently vulnerable partner would be receiving treatment within a secured base so he hadn't argued- he had however insisted on travelling with his friend. Within a few hours he was settled, and Sam was back by his side.
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Three days had passed since Callen's admission to hospital and he was still sedated in the medically induced coma- today was scan day and Sam couldn't help but feel jittery with nerves. He sat tapping his legs and cracking his knuckles for want of anything else to do whilst he waited the news that he was dreading, but desperate to hear at the same time. Two hours went by with no update, and Sam could barely stand to sit and wait any longer- he paced out to the hallway, almost dizzying himself with the lengths of the hall that he completed- finally his partner was wheeled back into his room- looking no different than when he had left.
"The doctor will be with you shortly" the orderly told Sam with a small smile, Sam offered a slight nod in response, before going back to his usual position beside his partner.
"Ah Mr Hanna- you really should go home, see your family and get some rest" Hetty's voice carried across the room to him. "Have the results come yet?" she asked as she moved to the other side of the bed.
"No Hetty, just waiting for the doctor now" he replied, his eyes never leaving his partner's face. The two seasoned operatives fell into silence as they awaited the arrival of the doctor, each lost in thoughts and memories of the man in front of them.
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"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting" the officer apologised. "I have got Agent Callen's scan results here and I am very pleased to say that the swelling has started to reduce" he told them and Sam let out a huge sigh of relief at the words. "He is not out of the woods yet, but this is definitely a step in the right direction. I am going to wean him off the sedation from this afternoon, we will know where he stands once he wakes up" he finished.
"When should that be?" Sam asked, keen to see his partner's baby blue eyes looking back at him.
"Anything from the next 12-24 hours depending on the level of damage" the doctor replied, choosing his words carefully.
"Thank you doctor" Hetty stated, and she meant it, hopefully her boy would do what he always did, fight his way back and survive. "Well Sam, that is plenty of time for you to get something to eat and have a couple of hours rest. I will stay with Mr Callen" she told him, and her tone made it perfectly clear that it was an order and not a request.
"Call me if anything changes" Sam asked softly, before doing as he was told. Hetty took her place in the recently vacated seat, grasping the young man's hand in her own as she allowed her thoughts to drift.
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Sam had managed four hours of sleep, and a sandwich before the compulsion to return to his partner's side got too much for him. He was back at the hospital a mere six hours after leaving, and Hetty had been replaced by Kensi during his absence.
"Any change?" he asked softly.
"Not yet- doctor says he is still stable and he should wake up over the next 18 hours" she replied, taking a sip from the coffee that she held. "How much more of this can he go through?" she asked suddenly from nowhere.
"He'll be fine Kensi- he needs to be so that I can kill him for doing this to us" Sam replied, half meaning it.
"He has been alone all of his life Sam, he gets hurt and has no one to turn to and nowhere to go" Kensi continued, her gaze locked on the subject of her conversation.
"He has us Kensi" Sam reasoned, leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest.
"But he will never come to us first- when he gets hurt he pushes us away and won't let us close to help him" she continued, her voice as serious as Sam had ever heard it.
"He loves us Kensi, he just doesn't know how to be part of a family" Sam replied, having worked with Callen for so long he was starting to work out the tiny fragmented pieces that made up the complex puzzle that was G Callen. Kensi nodded, understanding Sam's words and seeing the sense in them.
"I guess I had better get back to base- call me as soon as he wakes up" she finally said, getting to her feet and placing a gentle kiss on her unconscious friend's forehead, before turning and leaving. Sam smiled as she went, before sitting back down next to his partner and waiting.
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The first thought that came to his mind was pain, absolute throbbing, stabbing burning pain through his head. His breath sucked in as the realisation of the agony registered in his tired mind. Through his fog he heard a sound- possibly words being formed and aimed at him, but he couldn't decipher them. The voice that was speaking seemed familiar and he desperately tried to response, but his fuddled brain couldn't send the message to his mouth to verbalise anything. He squeezed his eyes shut as he rode out another wave of pain, and if he had possessed the energy he would have put his head in his hands.
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"G? Can you hear me?" Sam spoke urgently as he noticed the first movement from his partner. He observed eyes moving under closed lids as his friend struggled to come back to awareness- he watched as a wince crossed the handsome face and a gasp was drawn in. "Callen? Answer me if you can man?" Sam urged, desperately wanting his partner to come fully round- but the look of the sick man's face was one of pure pain, and he wanted to help ease it. Not letting go of his friend's hand he reached across the bed with his other hand and pressed the call button- he needed to get his friend some pain relief, he couldn't stand by and watch him suffer like this. He squeezed his hand in what he hoped would be a comforting gesture for the other agent. Sam watched in deep concern as his partner was clearly overwhelmed by another wave of pain, yet could do little to relieve it. He was still yet to open his eyes or respond to Sam in any way- lost in a world of pain and confusion. Sam was relieved when the nurse entered the room and observing the scene before her instantly left and returned moments later with a doctor.
"Has he woken up at all?" the doctor asked.
"He hasn't opened his eyes or spoken, just looks to be in pain" Sam replied, his eyes remaining firmly fixed on his partner.
"Yes I am prescribing him something for the pain- we need to avoid him having any stress" the doctor replied nodding to the nurse who wordlessly injected into the IV, within a few moments the pain lines around the younger man's face had eased and his hand had relaxed as sleep reclaimed him.
"Why is he in so much pain?" Sam asked softly, concerned for his friend.
"Brain injuries are unpredicted Agent Hanna, we won't fully know the full level of your partner's injury until he wakes up" the doctor reassured the former navy seal gently, before once more leaving him alone with his sleeping partner.
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The next time awareness returned the pain was less, his head felt fuzzy and we couldn't register where he was, but the pain that had pulsated through him had at least lessened. He searched his mind for what had happened and what was wrong with him, but came up blank. As the thought crossed him mind he once more heard the voice, dragging him towards it- urging him back to being fully aware. He winced concentrating on the voice and trying desperately to decipher the words.
"G? G can you hear me? Come on man open your eyes" Sam urged his partner, who appeared to be struggling with something in his own mind. Eventually his efforts were rewarded and he caught a tiny movement of his friend's face. A slight flicker of the dark eyelashes against pale skin. "That's it man, come on you can do it" he encouraged, keen to see his partner trying to open his eyes, and then a few seconds later confused pain glazed blue eyes were staring back at him. "Hey man" Sam greeted his friend with a smile. Callen closed his eyes against the burning of the light above him, wincing as it shot like daggers through his skull. Sam registered what was causing his partner pain and immediately turned the brightness down. "Hey G it's cool, I have killed the lights" he stated softly. Callen registered the words and slowly managed to drag his exhausted eyes back open.
"Wh' 'appened?" he asked, his voice weak and the words a struggle to force through his parched lips.
"Hey relax, just chill out" Sam replied, watching the lines on the monitor jump as his partner stressed immediately.
"My words exactly" the doctor spoke as he stepped into the room, pleased to see his partner awake and apparently aware. "Hello Agent Callen, I am doctor Jones. Do you know where you are?" he asked. Callen shook his head lightly, a mere movement to one side which caused an immediate wince and sharp intake of breath as it caused his head to explode and his stomach to rebel. "You need to try to stay still Mr Callen, you have sustained a nasty knock to the head that has caused some swelling to your brain. The swelling has started to reduce now, however it will be painful and disconcerting for some time" the doctor informed the young agent in front of him. "I will get you something for the pain, but you need to rest" he concluded, offering a small smile he left the room. Callen closed his eyes, his thoughts a whirl of emotion and pain.
"How you doing G?" Sam asked softly, noting his partner's exhausted look.
"Ok" he whispered, lacking the energy for any other words to be formed.
"Sure you are Callen" Sam stated, a slight hint of anger making it into his voice involuntarily.
"Sorry" Callen whispered, before his eyes drifted shut and sleep once more claimed him.
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Nearly a week had passed since Callen had been admitted to hospital, and he was finally managing to string a sentence together and stay awake for more than a few minutes. He still had a constant ache in his head, and was permanently exhausted but the doctor had finally stated that he was out of danger. Sam was beyond relief- he missed having his partner around. The sarcasm and camaraderie between them was unrivalled, and he couldn't imagine not having him around every day. He had faced his partner's mortality once and had prayed he would never have to do so again- yet here he was, once more sat by his friend's bedside.
"When can I get out of here?" Callen asked his partner impatiently.
"I don't know man, I am assuming you actually have to be able to sit upright first though" Sam replied with a smile. Callen snorted in response, he was still laid flat on his back, the one attempt that had been made to sit up right had resulted in a round of dry heaving that had left the injured agent exhausted and in so much pain that he had to be sedated. Neither of them wanted to relive that experience in a hurry. "How you feeling G?" the big man asked softly.
"Tired and achey" Callen replied, being uncharacteristically honest about his own feelings. He closed his eyes and grimaced- his head aching and his eyes struggling to focus.
"Wow G, that has to be the first time I have asked that question and you have replied with anything other than fine, good or ok" Sam replied. "You need the doctor?" he asked, slightly concerned for his friend.
"Just head ache" Callen replied, not opening his eyes.
"Get some rest G and I'll come back tonight" Sam promised and waiting while his friend gently drifted off to sleep.
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"Seriously, just let me go home- I've been here for weeks" Callen argued with his doctor as he sat on the edge of his hospital bed.
"Mr Callen- you have been here for one week, which is a very short amount of time to recover from a significant head injury" the doctor reasoned. "You have barely eaten or slept in the last two days and you live by yourself I cannot authorise your release" he finished. Sam stood in the corner of the room chuckling to himself as his partner fought a losing battle to get released early. The doctor walked out the room, not willing to continue the conversation. "Talk some sense into him Mr Hanna" he aimed Sam's way as he walked away.
"G, you need to chill out man" Sam spoke quietly to his partner.
"I need to get out of here Sam" Callen replied, his tone serious.
"Why the rush G? A few more days won't hurt" Sam replied, sitting on the edge of the bed beside his partner. "Come on man what's going on?" he asked quietly. Callen looked away his eyes full of sadness.
"I don't like hospitals Sam" he whispered, closing his eyes before his partner could see through to his soul. He hated being vulnerable and weak, it made it so much harder to keep the perfectly built barriers in place.
"I know G, but you need to get better- who else is going to watch my back huh?" Sam commented lightly, squeezing his friend's shoulder, before wordlessly helping him to swing his legs back onto the bed and rest his head against the pillows. "You good?" he asked, as his partner squeezed his eyes shut at the motion. Hesitating for a few moments whilst the dizziness died down finally Callen was able to nod in response. "Get some sleep, and I'll talk to the doctor to see when we can break you out" Sam suggested.
"Thanks Sam" Callen replied sleepily the small exertion wearing him out he was asleep within seconds.
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"I can't Sam" Callen reasoned at his partner's suggestion.
"Well it's the only way of you getting out of here" Sam replied with a quirked eyebrow.
"I can't impose" Callen continued.
"Ok I'll tell the doctor that you're staying then" Sam responded moving towards the door.
"Sam wait!" G called, wincing at the volume. "Fine thanks I'll stay with you- but only for a couple of days" he stated.
"Let's get ready then" Sam replied, handing his partner a bag of clothing as he did so. Callen grinned lightly, opening the bag and pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He eased himself to his feet and pulled the t-shirt he had been wearing for bed off over his head. Sam winced at all of the scars that scattered his friend's body, knowing that several of them had nearly claimed his life. He shook his head to get out of his reverie and concentrated on the here and now. Within half an hour the partners were on their way out of the building and to the awaiting car, and ten minutes later they were off the base and heading to Sam's place. Callen kept his eyes closed for the duration of the journey- his head not liking the movement of the car. He was very grateful to make it to Sam's house and even more grateful to make his way over to the couch, where he slumped with his head resting against the back.
"You and me need to have a talk G" Sam stated as he handed his friend two painkillers, and a glass of water and sat down beside him.
"What about?" Callen asked softly, taking the tablets wordlessly.
"This death wish of yours" Sam replied. "You could have died G" Sam stated, his words not accusing- just concerned.
"I'm sorry" Callen replied, his eyes once more closed as his head rested against the sofa. "I didn't know" he finished.
"I know you didn't realise how bad off you were- but you must have known you were hurt G" Sam responded, his frustration at his partner growing.
"Old habits die hard Sam" Callen stated, his tone carrying an edge of sadness to it.
"What do you mean by that?" Sam questioned, confused.
"When I was seven years old I fell out of a tree. By then I was in my eighth foster home. I was playing with one of the other kids and I just slipped- the bone snapped and went straight through the skin. I was so sick when I saw it and so frightened- I didn't know what had happened, thought I was going to die the pain was so bad" Callen spoke, his eyes still closed and his tone quiet and heavy with emotion. Sam sat back listening intently at the rare glimpse into his partner's past. "I managed to make it back to the house, trailing blood all over and crying like a baby. My foster father was a drunk- his wife had left him and taken their children with her for their own protection. He only still took in foster kids for the money" Callen continued, his voice cracking with supressed tears. "I found him and showed him my arm- I was still crying and felt so sick from seeing the bone sticking out of my arm. He grabbed me by the throat and threw me into a wall, he told me that boys don't cry and I needed to shut my mouth or he would do it for me" Callen finished, his voice now a monotone as all emotion was pushed aside. "Sent me to the room and left me there for three days. Said it was punishment for not behaving like a man- finally took me to the hospital that afternoon" Callen finished explaining leaving Sam in stunned silence. "Old habits die hard Sam" Callen concluded struggling to his feet and staggering to the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later, his face even paler than it had been before.
"Come on G I'll show you to your room" Sam offered seeing his friend's pallor.
"I'm ok on the sofa Sam" Callen replied, finally looking his partner in the eye.
"Wherever you feel most comfortable G" Sam replied, and they both know that he wasn't only talking about the sofa.
The End!
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