Summary: When there are wounds, they are healed. When things go bad, more than physical wounds need to be mended. In that process, knowledge and wisdom is gained, for better or for worse. (Intentionally vague, but the later focus point will be on Anders).
Ok, this story has a good mix of everything I'd think, happy moments, funny moments, really sad and depressing moments, anguish and what not, maybe love if I decide to go that way, quite likely though. Mostly I thought it best to warn those to the really sad depressing parts, I do try to write to evoke some emotion out of readers so if you don't want to go through that right now or something, well perhaps don't read the *~* section. Anyway I don't want to keep people sad for too long, but it builds the characters. Enjoy.
Healing indefinitely
They were on the wounded coast again, much to his annoyance, to assist Hawke in her endeavours. One would think that after she turned him down after Fenris' advances, his infatuation would have ceased. No such luck, so he followed behind Hawke and Merrill who were happily chatting away about something or other, Anders didn't really care. Of course Aveline in front of them was too preoccupied by scouting potential threats to listen to the silly banter.
Anders huffed a little in irritation. He was good looking right; it wasn't that which had swayed Hawke away. He sighed, he knew better than to get his hopes up. Hawke would have many chasing after her. He watched as her hips swayed in front of him. No stop looking, it's not productive, Anders thought scratching his rugged chin wondering whether that was a Justice influenced thought. Not that being 'productive' was something he could do at this point in time anyway, or location for that matter. Not many productive things to do on the wounded coast, except think, talk, kill bandits or slavers or whoever was unfortunate enough to attack them.
"...so Hawke, you see that type of tree there? It reminds me of the time when the Keeper was teaching me about..." Merrill elaborated. Dear maker now she's going on about her education with the Dalish, Anders thought. "Really? I vaguely reading or being told something about that kind of thing." Hawke replied to Merrill. Merrill's voice saddened slightly, "Yes, because throughout all our history we lost so much information of my ancestors." She paused and looked up, smiling again, "I still wonder about how they lived so long." She shook her head. "Maybe something to do with the Creators." She giggled. Anders rolled his eyes, he still couldn't see much more than a little naive elf girl using blood magic, biting off more than she can chew in regards to that blasted mirror.
Well what a truly unproductive week. Didn't even get to kill any fools, which disappointed him more than he thought it should. Then again it really wasn't that unproductive. The people he helped in his clinic were still worth it. Anders smiled at that, but shook his head afterwards. What little he could do for them when he wasn't off gallivanting with Hawke. He sighed thinking of Hawke, he shouldn't complain. She provided him a means to earn some coin for the clinic, despite how frustrated she made him. He remembered kissing her, her soft lips against his. Her body pressed against his, holding her to him. That warm breath and tiny taste of lyrium on her tongue. He furrowed his brows, looking down at his hands he had been scrubbing. He knew he was possessed, but he had hoped she would look past that, if that was even what bothered her about him. And then there was Fenris.
Growling he shook off the water on his hands and moved over to grab a small handful of bread, making his way over to bed, brushing aside his thoughts to get at least a few hours of sleep before tending to more patients once dawn rose.
Fenris looked at his hand. He would have put on a scowl look but he knew better. Not a good hand but he figured that was likely because Isabella was hiding all the good cards for herself. Nonetheless he could still prevent the others from using his bad hand to their advantage. "Hawke I think I see you smirking honey." Isabella winked at Hawke who threw her a look and stuck out her tongue. "I was merely looking at Fenris, he is looking admirably pleasing tonight." Hawke teased. Fenris let out a small chuckle, whether that was true or not, it was a gimmick to distract the others as well, Fenris knew this.
"Now that you mention it..." Isabella leaned slightly over the table, proudly blaring he breasts to whoever wanted to have a look. "...he does look rather dashing tonight doesn't he?" Isabella raised he eyebrow. "You think he's using that new bathing kit I sent him some time ago to freshen himself up to look so lavishing?" Fenris merely raised his eyes from his cards for a second before leaning back, "I fold," Fenris said. Isabella pouted a little, disappointed in being unable to provoke him. "You sent him a bathing kit? Hmmm..." Hawke smiled slyly. "Wouldn't he smell like flowers like your room Isabella?" Merrill sniffed the air a little. Isabella leaned back laughing, "Kitten, I wouldn't send Fenris bath soaps that I used. They are part of my allure..." She winked at Fenris, "...not his." Merrill looked slightly confused at that.
Hawke quipped up, "You know, I have been getting a slight whiff of some sort of oak when I was visiting the other day." Isabella and Hawke both grinned at each other who then looked over at Fenris. The attention was slightly unbecoming for him, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Aveline huffed, "Ok, I fold, unlike you guys, I still have work to do in the morning," she folded her cards down and stood up from the table, "especially now with the heightened upheaval with the Qunari." "Aww, Aveline we don't discuss depressing stories here remember?" Hawke moaned a little playfully looking at Aveline. Aveline smiled and shook her head, "Good night everyone, stay safe." And with that she left. "Well if she's not going to finish this ale then," Varric said reaching over to Aveline's drink, snatching it away a few seconds before Isabella could. Taking a nice long sip he said to Isabella, "tough luck Rivini."
Fenris looked over the scene in front of him. Isabella glared at Varric while he smirked at his minor accomplishment. During the banter Fenris noticed Varric had been able to take a good look at Isabella's and Hawke's hands. He knew Varric wasn't worried about Merrill's hand. It was more often than not to be a bad one. Depending on his own hand, Fenris deducted that Varric would either play a bluff or up his bet in knowing victory. Fenris knew well enough, but he wouldn't cheat, and knowing how Isabella played, he did not win too often fairly. When he knowingly had a good hand he did win, a hefty win sometimes, but he didn't come here for that.
He looked at Hawke who was trying to allude Varric into revealing his hand to her. Yes, she was a mage, but that didn't seem to bother Fenris as it seemingly did on their first meeting. Hawke was without the need for extra power and was a strong willed woman. He smiled to himself, only slightly without the notice of the others, seemingly as though he found their banter humorous. No, he was smiling because of Hawke. Her attention to him and her seemingly favouring of him was rather welcomed. Her cheeks a slight hue red from the drinking through the night made her seem a slightly different kind of beautiful. He enjoyed her laughter, a small pleasure he held onto.
She was still waiting for him it seems. He had hoped their night had not ruined everything in her mind, and to his relief, it had not. He had needed to think, but failed in his control of keeping Hawke at a distance. They shared looks, small smiles and touches. Perhaps after some time, Fenris thought to himself, he will have figured out what he needed to, he will be with Hawke. Thoughts for another time though, for now he will delight in her company and that of the others.
"No Varric, you're taking most of my winnings tonight's." Isabella sulked to Varric. He chuckled, "Well there is always tomorrow night Rivini, here," he tossed her a coin, "A drink on me, for being such a good sport." She gave Varric a playful look, "Well then I'll go cash in now." She got up to make her way over to the bar. "Coming Hawke?" Isabella ran her hand over Hawke's shoulder. "Wrench you bring me my ale, I don't pay you to dawdle." Hawke tried her best to seem stern through her giggling. Isabella wooed at her, "Aww honey, you don't pay me, that's the whole problem." She said leaning down to Hawke's ear. Hawke feigned shock, "What? And all that coin I gave you on that last job?" Isabella chuckled and stood up. "Come on honey, this ale won't carry itself." Hawke, giving up on the playful drunken banter worded her acknowledgement, dragging Merrill with her as she followed Isabella to the bar.
Fenris turned towards Varric, "I suppose I will take my leave." He shifted forward and stood up. "So soon Broody, it's still early? It actually looked like you were having a bit of fun tonight." Varric said. Fenris smirked, the dwarf's 'early' was anything but. "Good night Varric." Fenris took up his sword which he had left resting on the back of his chair and made his way out of the Hanged Man. Varric just grinned and drank more of either his or Aveline's left over ale.
The night was warm outside, at least a bit warmer than it had been inside. Lacking the smell of the Hanged Man but not by too much, it was still Lowtown. Fenris made his way to the mansion and thought on this evening. Varric had been right. Varric was good at reading people, as Fenris did enjoy the evening. This was especially because of Hawke. She was smiling often, sending him frequent winks, not that Isabella was sending any less to him, but he enjoyed the attention from Hawke. He wondered if he should just go and talk to her sometime soon. Explain his fault in their abrupt separation and seemingly, need, for her. He shook his head. It wasn't that it was his fault though, he had needed time to figure out what had happened and all that had overwhelmed him.
Looking up at sky and the stars, he thought to himself that in the time of his escape he hadn't taken time to appreciate small things, which he could do at any time he wished. Perhaps he would have to have some more wine to drink once he returned to the mansion to muse over what should be done with his and Hawke's relationship.
Hawke was irritated to say the least. Having everyone wanting a piece of her right now was not making her mood too grand. As soon as she had stepped into her home, Isabella and Aveline turned up demanding her help with something of other. "Ok wait, WAIT!" She interrupted the argument between the two women, rubbing her temple she turned to Aveline. "I haven't seen you in a few days since the night at the Hanged Man and now all of a sudden, poof" Hawke made a boom gesture with her hands, "and suddenly you can't handle the Qunari anymore and need my help? Not even a 'Hi Hawke, how are you doing today?'" "Hawke this is urgent, you know I won't come to you unless I know can't do more on my own." Aveline explained. Hawke sighed, yeah she was right. Isabella threw her hands up in the air, "I'm going to die!" "Wait, what? Die?" Hawke looked at Isabella. "Well, now that I have your attention, you know that Relic I was talking about? Well I know where to find it and I need your help to get it so Castillon doesn't kill me." Hawke sighed again.
So they talk and dear maker Isabella is such a troublemaker. The 'relic', Hawke finds out, is actually why the Qunari are still in Kirkwall. So off they went with Isabella and what do you know, she runs off with it. Hawke closed her eyes at the memory and took a deep breath. Why when things seem to be getting better, something always kicks her off her feet. She thought of mother, holding back the urge to sob at the memory. She wasn't able to though and felt tears run down her face as she sat on her bed. Why can't things just stay well and stop falling apart around me? Hawke thought.
She held her pillow to her face, soaking the tears. So many things were getting to her lately. Fenris hadn't come to her since that fateful night, Mother... and now Isabella, someone she considered her best friend, left for her own selfish gain. She shivered and welled up at the thoughts of being all alone, feeling her insides wanting to give out as she sobbed. She always tried to do things the good way, but that didn't seem to matter, she thought. She lay down on her overly large bed, seeking comfort in holding her pillow to her, so it that somehow, it felt a little less like her body would swallow her up whole. Just the other day things where perfect, she had a good time, she was happy even. It didn't matter, it never lasted.
She bit the pillow and opened her teary eyes. I don't know what to do anymore, she thought in self doubt. Tomorrow is when we try and confront the Qunari, and I can't even hold myself together, how can I help anyone anymore. She thought, while crying herself to sleep.
So this was it. This was how it would play out. Beside Hawke stood Aveline, Fenris and last but not least, Isabella. Smiling as she looked over to the women she thought had betrayed her, but in the end she had returned and brought that book. Hawke turned to the Arishok, and her gaze became stern. He wanted to take Isabella way from her again. She would not let it. She would not let the Viscount die for nothing. She would duel him. She would protect what little she had left. She would be strong.
"Let us commence." Hawke said. The Arishok and Hawke went to stand a few feet in front of each other. Everyone else backing away, anticipating the fight that was to start. The Arishok yelled out and it started. Hawke didn't think, it was reflex at this stage. Swinging out her staff she let loose flames to the Arishok. Barely flinching through the flames he brought down his duel weapons towards her position. Rolling back, just out of its reach she stood, hitting him with lightning, fire, frost, stepping back each time. She knew this was going to be hard; he was the Arishok for a reason. Swinging to cleave her side she used a quick mind stun to get away. Not quickly enough, he nicked her clothing enough to tear a gash revealing her hip.
She nodded to herself, coning frost his way to delay his pursuit towards her. To her luck it froze him. Not for long though, she threw what she could at him. Shaking his head to gain his senses he seemed rattled but driven. She took this as a good sign despite the determination he held. They fought, Hawke dodging, just enough to not get sliced, and when she couldn't she'd hold him at bay with her staff. Hawke's companions and the on lookers watched. With each movement it looked like Hawke was slowly, but surely on her way to victory. She staggered, often after a while, she was tiring. As a mage moving about as a warrior does was drawing more out of her than she had anticipated. The Arishok looked worse for wear, but still as energized as ever.
Hawke was getting hurt now. There were slight cuts on her arms and thighs, having been unable to get away in time and getting nicked. Her breathing ragged and she was sweating profusely were a clear indication that she was being severely worn out. The Arishok cleaved through the air with his one arm, hitting Hawke square in the stomach. She bled.
Hawke felt her heart grip in fear. She could hear it thumping in her ears. She was nothing without the others by her side, she thought as she staggered backwards into the wall behind her. She held onto her stomach, seeing the blood but not really feeling the pain. Time seemed to slow down as she watched her doom advancing towards her. She was not strong enough. They would take her friend away because she was too weak to protect her. She would die and be unable to help anyone.
She winched as she held up her staff to prevent the blow the Arishok threw down at her. He pressed how with a mighty force and she felt her muscles trembling to compensate. Another mind stun and she rolled out to the side. She couldn't keep this up for much longer.
I have the power you seek. At first Hawke wasn't sure what she heard. Power beyond all your dreams, all you needed to do is ask. Oh... Hawke thought. It was a demon. Come to pester her when she was weak. But you are weak. I can give you what you need. Hawke frowned; she didn't have time for this. How could you ever dream to know what I want demon, she hissed in her head. You cannot protect those you love when you're weak. Hawke froze. I've been watching you Hawke, for a long time. I see how unhappy you have been, how unhappy you have become, all your dreams filled with loss and hopelessness. You will lose, but I can help you win. Just ask. Hawke shook her head. The Arishok was up again, irritated to say the least. Hawke didn't have time.
I will never let you possess my body, Hawke said to the demon. Hawke backed away from the Arishok, using pillars and status to defend herself as best she could. She could feel the smile behind the demon in her head. I just want to give you power, just ask and I will give you this and you will be able to protect those you love so dearly, you will have happiness. Hawke was at a loss. She knew demons should never be trusted, but at this point, what did it matter. Without the power offered so freely to her, she would die. This had to be a better option than that. She would lose more dying than anything else she could lose if she did this deal. She sighed. Yes, ok. But please, hurry. She all but whispered to the demon. As you wish.
Hawke felt her body become invigorated. She stood up, wielding her staff, bladed on the one side, her eyes burning fire. The Arishok swung at her and to Hawke, time was on her side. The bladed side of her staff burst into fire, drawing power from her stomach wound, the blood energizing and her blade cut right through the Arishok's one-handed weapon as a hot knife would through butter.
The onlookers stood, unknown to them the change in power Hawke had gained, just that she was winning again. That is all except Fenris. His eyes narrowed, no. He knew. He felt it. He was accustomed to the different types of magic. "NO!" Fenris yelled, trying to lung to where Hawke and the Arishok fought. He was held back. He couldn't think, his mind just focusing on Hawke. He could feel it under his skin, crawling in the lyrium, making him itch. No Hawke, no.
Drawing one more cut along her arm, Hawke used her blood, infused with fire to make her final attack. She would cut him, she would burn him. No one will take those she loved away from her again. Her staff's blade burst with an almost blinding light of fire. It was white, almost pure. The Arishok moved to block, Hawke just smiled only slightly and with both hand on her staff she forced her blade from above right threw his block and right threw body. She cut from his shoulder, to his chest and out his abdomen, in one diagonal slice. The Arishok screamed in pain, but Hawke had not heard it, her blood was pumping too loudly in her ears to hear much at all. The Arishok slumped to the floor, defeated, she had won.
She could not believe it. It seemed so easy. So simple. She laughed a little at the thought of it. She protected Isabella. She could do it. She was strong enough. She would protect everyone, she would. Hawke staggered back and fell to her knees, exhausted beyond belief.
The others were already rushing over to her, all but Fenris, who stood rooted to the spot he was just a few moments ago was being forced to stand. The servants of the now defeated Arishok were removing his body. It was Isabella who first spoke to her, "Honey, are you ok, come on Hawke talk to me." Hawke looked up, smiling and looking a bit dazed, "I did it, I defeated him, I saved you Isabella." Isabella hunched down, smiling, "Thank you, Hawke." She pressed her forehead to Hawke, she appreciated what she did, she did save her, she was grateful at how much Hawke actually did for her, for everyone. "Hawke? You're kind of cold." Isabella moved back, catching Hawke just as she was about to fall backwards. "I think I just want to sleep for a little while," Hawke said, eyes glazing over.
Aveline having spoken to the Qunari and now next to Hawke spoke, "Is she all right?" Isabella could feel Hawke beginning to lean more into her grasp, "She's falling asleep I think." Aveline leaned down to look at Hawke better, she saw how much Hawke was bleeding, from her small cuts, and her arm and stomach. Her eyes widened. Hawke was beginning to look paler by the second; she reached down, feeling her pulse, terribly weak. "We have to get her to Anders." "Sure, just going to take a bit to get her down there and she's actually quite heavy." Isabella said, holding Hawke up. Aveline looked a bit panicked. "No, right now. Fenris!"
Fenris blinked, snapping out of his daze. "Fenris, pick up Hawke, quickly we need you to rush her to Anders, now!" Aveline yelled over to him. He frowned, "She turned to blood magic, I will not help her." Fenris boomed back. "Fenris if you don't help her now, she will die!" Aveline yelled. Isabella shot her a surprised and pained look, "What?!" "She has lost too much blood, she's going to bleed out and die, NOW Fenris, hurry!" Aveline was already helping Isabella stand Hawke up. Fenris growled, he did not want Hawke to die, rather to live with what she did, as much as he hated blood magic, he would not let her die. He went to her quickly, scooping Hawke up with ease, glaring her unconscious form, he practically ran to Ander's clinic.