"Im glad...things are different now. I'm glad you find me, night after night. When I step out of the Animus, your face is the first one I look for. Your voice...is all that keeps me going. You're the reason I haven't gone insane-or 'barmy', as you put it. So thank you. Thank you, Shaun."
*Assassin's Creed III. Desmond/Shaun. The title came from an Ellie Goulding song of the same name.*
*The featured image was found on Google.*
Warning: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN/READ ABOUT DESMOND'S AC3 ENDING. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT KNOW ABOUT DESMOND'S ENDING.
ONLY READ IT IF:
-You have seen/read about Desmond's ACIII ending
-Do not know about Desmond's ending, but would not mind reading about it
He wasn't oblivious to the suffering.
He wasn't oblivious to the vicious ice sweeping through the pit of his stomach. He felt the other's pain and loss, even though Desmond smiled. William's son tried to hide behind carefree smiles. Tried to have the whole world believe he wasn't weighed down by a dark destiny. But Shaun saw right through him. The smiles weren't anything but masks, devices used to conceal emptiness. Fear, longing and grief.
Desmond smiled, but Shaun saw the truth.
He knew the raven haired bartender was losing himself, day by day. Some days and nights were all right, but others encouraged Shaun to hate every last minute of their missions. They encouraged the ex-Professor to loathe everything at his desk, the power sources he sought, and everything related to Connor. There were times he wanted tear everything apart, compelled to wish for such destruction because of an Assassin's pain.
The line between day and night was blurry. Dreams and reality were one and the same. But dreams were far from magical. They were empty, filled with everyone's voices but Desmond's. Filled with the sights and sounds of other worlds. Saturated in the deeds, battles and dreams of the American Revolution. But when it came to Desmond's past, all dreams were cold. Empty. Lifeless.
Shaun was increasingly quiet. Uneasy. History no longer whet his appetite. He loathed the places and people he once loved. His past profession as a History professor grew into a curse. A nightmare that tore his soul apart.
The professor approached the Assassin one night, after another lengthy plunge into Connor's world. He found Desmond staring off into the unknown, eyes glazed over in an undecipherable trance. Shaun's heartbeat quickened as he walked towards William's son, hoping he wouldn't run into Connor or Ezio again. He collided with Connor most of the time, but as soon as Desmond got a good, strong look at him, he became the charismatic Auditore. Shaun, through the eyes of the Italian, was Leonardo da Vinci. The ex-professor was fortunately fluent in both Connor and Ezio's native languages, but-
Shaun wanted to talk to Desmond.
"Ey. Desmond. You there?"
The Miles slowly turned to face him. His eyes were blank but piercing, filled with endless devastation. Longing and relief, over Shaun's presence. The former professor took a sigh of relief, immeasurably appreciative of the angels that blessed him with Desmond's presence, not one of his ancestors. "Remember what I said to you before, about wanting to dig into the First Civilization, when all of this comes to an end?"
The ex-bartender's voice was weary, but filled with light. Seeing Shaun infused warmth into a soul that was so close to being broken. "Yeah. You said you wanted to use the Animus to check it out."
The historian rose a finger, trying so hard to keep up a smile. "Well, how about this. Why don't you and I take another journey instead? Without the Animus?"
Desmond instinctively reacted as if Shaun suggested sprouting unicorn wings, and flying to Mars. His face became a wreath of shock and equally intense appreciation. "You see, there's a little something I'd like to take," the Hastings went on. "And its called a trip around the world. Desmond, you're coming with me."
Connor's descendant did something he hadn't done in weeks. "You've gotta be kiddin' me."
Shaun's facial expression told him otherwise. The raven haired Assassin continued to drown in disbelief, but only for a moment. His eyes lit up like diamonds from a midnight sky.
"Thought you didn't want to take me anywhere, Professor."
Shaun found it increasingly difficult to suppress the urge to reach out and embrace him. Desmond, although tired beyond measure, had come to life, right before his very eyes. He was very much like an abandoned dog, on the verge of being drawn into a new life. "That was then," the Hastings retaliated, his voice a little sharper than he would've preferred. Fighting against the reference Desmond made to an old database entry, that spoke of an old desire to go fly fishing-without the Miles in tow.
"We're in the present,Desmond. Get with the program."
The eyes of William's son twinkled with revitalized magic. "You really want me to go with you?"
"Its not a question of what I want, you batty wanker. Its something that needs to be done, without any questions from that poor excuse of a brain that sits inside of your skull!"
A smile took flight on Desmond's face. Once upon a time, Shaun berated him because he believed Desmond to be lower than horse manure. In present times, the tech only pretended to scold him, to give his life a sense of normalcy. To keep just one bridge to sanity, while the world approached destruction. "You're going with me, and that's that," the Hastings pretended to snarl. He turned around to leave, concealing his drive to hold Desmond and never let him go.
"End of discussion. I'll leave you to rest, you barmy-"
His departure was cut short. The Miles grabbed him by the arm before he could vanish, and pierced his soul with heartache, adoration and gratitude. "Thanks," he said to Shaun after a moment of silence, squeezing his arm. "Shaun?"
The historian didn't turn to face him. "What do you want now?"
"I'm glad...things are different now. I'm glad you find me, night after night. When I step out of the Animus, your face is the first one I look for. Your voice...is all that keeps me going. You're the reason I haven't gone insane-or 'barmy', as you put it. So thank you. Thank you, Shaun."
Shaun was frozen, forcing himself to drown underneath cold, penetrating silence. He then wrenched his arm out of Desmond's grip, and spoke with a voice that was small.
"You're coming, right? With me, on my trip?"
"I thought there was no question."
"If you don't, you'll never hear the end of it."
"Don't worry. I'm going with you. It'll be great."
Without another word, Shaun tore out of Desmond's sleeping area, and never looked back. It was impossible to sleep that night, because of the poison that tore into him. He felt very much like a schoolgirl, one that made plans for the perfect date-but feared the date would never happen.
Shaun didn't sleep that night, hoping Desmond wouldn't disappear. And wanting everything related to the war to burst into flames.
The perfect date would never happen. Shaun's greatest fear was about to come to life.
The anguish, frustration and rage from so many memories struck his eyes, engorging them with a million tears. He hadn't cried ever since the death of a beloved Professor from University, and that was three years ago. But losing everything that made him whole, losing the only one he would ever love, broke him.
Desmond was peering into his eyes, hands clamped onto his shoulders. His eyes were not those of his ancestors, but hiseyes. They were filled with conviction, happiness, courage and heartbreak. The eyes from an eagle's soul. A few moments ago, he received instructions from both Minerva and Juno, on how to prevent either the destruction of civilization, or Desmond's own death. Minerva urged him to refrain from touching a certain orb, and allow world devastation-with his life intact. Juno encouraged him to go into another direction-touch the orb and save mankind from devastation, but give up your life in the process.
Desmond chose Juno's option.
William pleaded him with to find another way to end the chaos-without throwing away his life. His son, smiling at him with genuine affection, for the very first time, chose to remain on Juno's path. Through her option, she would have the perfect chance to seize control of the known world-but that didn't change the Assassin's mind.
"I believe in all of you. I spent enough time to figure out you'll be all right against an all-powerful goddess."
Desmond urged them all to escape. Rebecca and William quietly gave in, their bodies tormented by grief. Connor, Ezio and Altair's descendant said his goodbyes to both of them, giving his father a second hug, and a kiss on the bridge of Rebecca's nose. He then turned to Shaun, whose eyes were filled with pain. The historian was at his most vulnerable, suffocating underneath pain no human should've had to endure.
He was one with Leonardo da Vinci, who gave Ezio similar looks whenever the Assassin was broken.
Desmond cupped Shaun's face in his hands. The Hastings instinctively pulled away, looking as if Desmond had stabbed him. Rebecca cupped her hands over her mouth as the ex-bartender forced Shaun into his arms. Neither of them spoke, their hearts breaking within their chests. They felt their insides being torn apart by sadness, an emotion far stronger than any weapon or destiny could ever hope to be.
Shaun encased Desmond in an embrace so tight, it was almost impossible to breathe. His fingers tore through Desmond's clothes and pierced his skin, with enough intensity to draw blood. Connor's descendant cupped his hands on the historian's head, peering straight into grief-laden eyes.
They spoke to each other, breathless from something they were unfamiliar with, for so long. Something other humans called 'emotion'.
"You know, you're really cute. When you aren't being an asshole."
"You lied to me."
"No I didn't. I'm going with you."
"How?"
"I'll be there."
Desmond pressed Shaun into a kiss. A kiss that symbolized the birth of a new world, but the death of a dream. "You're going to go with them," he instructed the historian, his voice laden with tears. Sorrow and happiness, the happiness one felt at being loved, united in his eyes.
"You're going to go with them. You're going to live. You're going to keep on fighting, and nagging, and telling everyone you meet about every damn landmark in every damn country, because that's who you are. You're going to live and you're going to be fine."
The look of horror on Shaun's face compelled Desmond to bring up Minerva's solution to the chaos. "If I don't go through with this, billions of people will die. So many people will die, Shaun. You'll die. And I can't let that happen. I just can't."
Sorrow was limitless in the historian's eyes. "Frankly, Desmond, I'm left out of the equation."
They gripped each other's hands, then shared another kiss. Shaun kissed him with desperate attempts to capture Desmond's heartbeat and taste forever. The tech was Desmond's only source of air, light and warmth. "Thank you," the Miles said.
"Thank you for bringing me to life. Thank you for being stupid enough to love something like me. The time I spent loving her should've been spent on loving you. You were the one. The only one. The one that taught me how to live, love. I love you, Shaun."
Shaun wanted to say it back. He wanted to say the words he had never before said to another human being, outside of his parents. But coffee breaks and supply runs with Desmond made it impossible to speak at all.
"Can you do something for me?"
Shaun's eyes replied with the answer Desmond hoped to hear. "Live," William's son said with a smile.
"Live. For me."
The former professor heard nothing else. He could only watch as Desmond gave more instructions to a quietly sobbing Rebecca, and a heartbroken father. He soon felt Rebecca's hands on his shoulders, and heard her urgent, grief-stricken voice pour into his ears. A moment later, his legs began to carry him out of the temple. His body shattered as he forced himself away from the other half of his heart.
Rebecca and William supported him, even though they were barely able to run themselves. As soon as they returned to the outside world, white light engulfed everything. It knocked them off their feet, and consumed the world around them. In time they could not measure, the white light vanished, replaced by a devastating, disorienting emptiness.
Shaun Hastings remained still, unable to move without a heart. "I love you too," he whispered, then fell silent.
We humans are strange creatures.
Try as we might to run from the ways of the heart, emotions have a brutal way of catching up with us. We try and we try focus on things like world domination, and goals to fulfill our own wishes. But in the end, we're all susceptible to the heart's cruelties. I could not escape the plague of guilt that tormented me, over the life I gave my son. Warren Vidic, despite his cruel intentions, actually revered Daniel Cross as a son.
My son fell in love with Professor Shaun Hastings. Someone he initially couldn't stand to share the same room with.
Rebecca told me everything. Desmond and Shaun initially wanted to rip each other's eyes out of their sockets. Shaun was a History professor from a prestigious university in Britain. My son was an aimless bartender, wandering around New York.
Over the course of several months, they realized they were meant for each other.
Shaun hasn't spoken in hours. I'm not sure if he'll ever speak again. Rebecca says if Desmond hadn't made that final wish, we would've lost our best historian as soon as we left the temple.
The heart is a deadly weapon.
I asked her if he should be taken off our team, and given a chance to recuperate. Rebecca told me putting Shaun on the sidelines would encourage him to feel utterly useless, unable to honor my son's wish.
We don't know where to go from here. Is Juno planning to unleash her own brand of Hell? Or will we peons be left to our own devices, finally able to breathe without the threat of eternal destruction? Rebecca and I have agreed to prepare for the worst: a battle against the goddess.
We'll be on guard for a short while. In the meantime, I'll reflect on how I could've given my only offspring a better life. I'll reflect on how a Professor from Britain saved a lonely bartender.
I'll reflect on the sacrifices my son made, to give his only love, and the rest of the world, a fighting chance.
Author's Notes:
I haven't played Assassin's Creed III. I probably won't be able to. So I went ahead and read the end to Desmond's story. While the canon scene probably just had Desmond saying 'okay, go on and get out of here', his sacrifice broke my heart. It made me think 'omg wtf so sad, all of that shaun/desmond fan art has gone to waste because desmond died' *cries*
This was inspired by the Ellie Goulding song of the same name. The way Ellie says 'wish I stayed' makes me think of Shaun regretting all the times he was cruel to Desmond, and Desmond wishing he could've lived a happy life with Shaun.
The couple seems so tragic now. All of the cute art and fanfiction ends up with Desmond dying.
I paid a reference to the Desmond/Lucy pairing. She was amazing, because I was never a Lucy fan and she turned out to be Templar anyway.
The end with William's narration was cloudy, because I don't know of anything that happened before or after Desmond's death. I don't know if there are any signals of Assassin's Creed IV, other than Juno possibly taking over the world.
After learning about Desmond's death, I had to write this. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. From the bottom of my heart.