A/N: …it was tearing me apart (Lisa)…this is what happens when the evil that is writer's block rears its ugly head…read on at your own peril! I don't own any of these characters, Syfy and Tommy Wiseau do. There's a phrase I'd never think I'd use. Also, no money to be had in the creation of this monstrosity…

"Deal Breaker"

"'A film with the passion of Tennessee Williams?' 'A black comedy about love, passion, betrayal and lies?' Jack, that makes no sense!" She pointed at the review quotes from the back of the DVD case. "They're not even attributed."

"Oh, it can make even less sense if you'd let us play the drinking game." He plucked the case out of her hand and placed it out of reach. The less she knew the better.

"Drinking game?" She eyed the pale amber liquid he'd placed in front of her at the beginning of this joint venture. She surreptitiously sniffed the glass. "Jack, what the hell is this?"

"Establishing shot! Drink!" The opening credits had just begun to roll. Judging by Jack Carter's fervor, they were in for a long night.

"Shouldn't we wait for the pizza? You made such a big deal about ordering pizza even though S.A.R.A.H. is perfectly capable—" As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, hai pizza guy." S.A.R.A.H's semi-robotic voice announced.

"Way to get into the spirit, S.A.R.A.H.!" Jack jumped up from his perch on the couch to open the interior door.

"We have a half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke and pesto, light on the cheese. " Looking into the teenage boy's eyes, Jack was surprised not to find even the remotest bit of judgement.

"I'm sure it's a pretty unique topping request, eh?" Carter pulled his wallet from his pocket, fishing for some sort of back-handed, weird-pizza compliment.

"Actually, no. Dr. Fargo ordered the same pie last week."

"He ate the whole pizza by himself?"

"It was for his date night."

"But Fargo's single."

"Exactly. That'll be $13.35." The Tesla student pulled Carter's order out of a warming package the sheriff was sure he'd seen on a NASA special he'd watched on A&E. "Did you need any parmesan or red pepper flakes?"

"You think of everything!" the dignified Sheriff Carter seemed to exclaim out of nowhere.

Pizza boy was not amused, but threw Jack a bone anyway as he pocketed the hefty tip the sheriff handed him. "You're my favorite customer. Happy?" The young man walked away, shaking his head all the way back to his car.

As Carter turned around, he saw that Allison had paused the movie and was taking a sip of the Scotchka. "Mmmm. This tastes good. You know I don't drink, honey."

"Close enough! Baby, I think this is love." Jack settled in next to Allison, propping open the pizza box on the coffee table. He reached over to retrieve the remote control set beside Allison's leg, stealing a kiss on his way back. As Carter was about to unpause the cinematic train wreck Dr. Blake had no way of knowing would be coming, the baby monitor came alive.

"Why don't you just invite your new friend Pete from the Warehouse over to watch this instead? He's just as enthusiastic about this silly movie as you are, if not more so." Allison extracted herself from Carter's arm around her shoulder to get up and check on Jenna, making it known she'd be in for a feeding.

"Watch what you're calling silly, woman! This is serious business!" Allison would make sure he'd pay for that statement later.

"But if he comes over in a tuxedo again—football in hand—I'm going to have to recommend a psychiatric evaluation to his immediate supervisor."

Allison would never know how truly grateful she should be to have a fussy infant to care for. She was once again spared: Dr. Blake meeting "The Room" would have to wait a little longer...

A/N 2: Trust me, I can't believe that just happened either...more serious JALLISON stories to come. I promise. :-)