A/N: I do not own the Mighty Boosh characters or plot, although I wish I did.

What Goes On Tour…

"Down in one! Down in one!"

Naboo, in a daze, set his turban down and proceeded to collapse.

"Naboo? Naboo?" Bollo slapped Naboo over the face.

"You batty crease! I'm awake!" Naboo sat up. However, the sun was far too much for him, and he laid back down with his vodka soaked, peacock coloured turban covering his face. Bollo grunted before walking over to Harrison. On the way, he saw Kirk running around, kicking the air.

"Kirk, what you doing?"

"AAAAARGH! The pinecones, the pinecones with their squinty noses shining in the rainbow hedgehog, I tell you!"

Bollo was shocked. One, because Kirk was, what, about eight, and obviously high, two, because he'd heard Naboo saying the same thing before he passed out, and three, because he had never heard Kirk talk before.

"Sorry I asked." Bollo made his way to Harrison and Dennis.

"Bollo!" Tony Harrison said in his ever-so-droning voice. "How's it going?"

"Good."

"Ah, Bollo. How about a spot of thin soaking?"

"What?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Dennis! We've been through this. Skinny dipping! Christ…"

"Shut up, Harrison. Or I will unleash the sexual power of Kirk onto your face."

"Ha. Kirk will have been all over your body."

"Lay off it, you hairy sod."

"Why would I lay off you? You are pink dickhead. Literally. You pink, you have dick for head."

"Yeah, well you… FUCK!"

"Why would Bollo want fuck Harrison?"

"Turn around! Prepare for the ultimate mental scarring…"

"What?" Bollo said, but before he could ask, he turned around. All there was was Dennis, flailing around in all his glory (If you could call it that) running into the ocean.

"Ooh, I coulda lived without seeing that." Harrison exclaimed.

"Come on, everyone!" Dennis yelled, now submerged in the salty sea. Not surprisingly, nobody moved. For a while, anyway.

"Coming, Dennis!" Naboo slurred. Naboo was stripping down whilst spinning with a bottle of vodka in his hand. It wasn't quite as bad as Dennis, as Naboo has no genitalia, or as I prefer to call them, "dangly bits," but it was still a sight to behold.

"Weeeeeee!" Naboo yelled, as he span around one last time before falling into the sea.

"Naboo! Christ…" Bollo ran down to try and get Naboo out of the water.

"Bollo, you fuck knuckle! They'll never let you out of there!" Harrison slowly made his way down to the ocean.

Nobody knows what happened after that. Some say that Old Gregg emerged from the sea at about 2am and gave everyone watercolour lessons. Some say that Dennis thought he was getting raped by an octopus but really he just sat on Harrison. Some say that Vince kept calling Naboo to same himself and Howard from the Hitcher, but instead forced Naboo to drink 16 more turbans full of grog. Some say that it was more "sexually oriented." But we'll never know. And do you know why?

We are the magic men,

We stay up 'til 5 a.m.

Although we're bound by Shaman Law,

What goes on tour,

Stays on tour!