Escaping from myself
Chapter one – Hope to lose myself for good
Ginny's Pov
That night I dreamt of things I didn't realize I thought about. I dreamt of war. The world will soon awaken to find us in the hands of evil. Voldermort will win the ultimate battle. I'd never thought about this before and I found it quite daunting. Now the realization that there will be a war has dawned on me. I do not fear it as I always thought I would. How can you fear being lost to the world when you're already lost to everyone else?
Even as I think about this now, I wonder. I wonder why I had dreamt of tears, my tears. I do not cry. To cry symbolizes sadness and regret. It symbolizes loss and hatred and love and happiness. I do not show emotion. That is why I am confused to find my eyes damp and my heart so heavy with worry. It takes me only a second to remember these dreams and mentally revisit each of them. Slowly did I realize that I dreamt of the future.
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I groaned as I heard Beth call my name. I hated getting up to face another day. Another day where once again I am alone. I'm always alone. TO others it would seem as I were 'just another Weasley.' I hated that thought. As much as I wish it sometimes, I am not like them. I am unlike anyone I know. Beth's shrill voice erupted my thoughts. I came to the same decision I made everyday. I will go out into the world. I will face them all, mocking me with laughter and happiness.
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Draco's Pov
At this moment I do not know what to feel. I know that being back at Hogwarts is for the better. I could not face being there still, being in hell, the place I call home. As I grew up I had imagined that for me, life would be a breeze. I'd get through Hogwarts exactly as my father had; giving hell to those less worthy. I'd graduate an join the Dark Lord. No other thought had entered my head. I'm a Malfoy what else is for me to do in life besides that? According to my father nothing. I do not have other choices. He claims that becoming a deatheater was always in my path, something I was destined to do. He did not take the fact that I did in fact want a choice well. As I remember him saying, 'I'm only a boy. I don't get a say.' How could I just take that? I wanted a say. I was going to get one, because hell….I'm a Malfoy.
'What will you do boy?' Father's cruel voice still echoed in my ears. I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't know what I would do, maybe I'd try out new things. I'd do what a normal wizard would do. I'd do whatever the hell I wanted. Of course I never spoke this, only did I think it. My father laughed at my silence. 'Exactly Draco. This is your life, get used to it. I'll be sending an owl to you at school when I learn more of your future.' At that moment I wanted to yell. Fuck, I wanted to scream. But now here I am at Hogwarts, about to face the first day of my last year. One thing I am glad of; I was made Head Boy and not the bloody boy who lived. Yes, my feelings towards my father had changed, but not Potter and his band of followers. No, I still hated them.
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Ginny's Pov
I made my way to breakfast with Beth and the others. I could see Ron and Harry up ahead but made no attempt to catch up with them. Since Sirius's death at the end of Harry's fifth year he had been more reserved. Sure he still laughed and had fun, but he wasn't the same. The hurt in his eyes was obvious, and we'd always know when he was thinking about Sirius. It was like a part of him had gone missing. I know that sounds clichéd, but with Harry it's true. Sirius was the only one who really was apart of him.
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I sat next to Beth and grabbed a slice of toast. Beth was…well I guess she was a friend. Not a true friend, no. I've never really had that. Never been able to trust someone, I've never really had someone who cared. I nibbled my toast thoughtfully. At least Beth was nice, and that was enough I decided. I looked up to the entrance and watched the late comers swarm in. Hermione was amongst them. She had been made Head Girl, which meant that she shared dormitories with Head Boy. I shuddered as Malfoy entered at the back of the group. I felt hate rise up in me. I hated everything about Malfoy. The way he walked, the way he talked. I hated his smirk and his constant need to make me feel bad. I hated his family, and his Dad for what he did to me in particular. I hated that I went through such a hard time in my first year because of Malfoy's Dad. All I can do lately is hate.
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Draco's Pov
I felt eyes upon me as I was the last to enter the Great Hall. I looked over to the Gryffindor table. Potter was not looking my way. I felt disappointed. He must still be feeling sorry for himself. Last year he was no fun to make fun of. He was just…silent around everyone but his friends. Perhaps he blamed me for what happened to his precious Godfather. Maybe he holds me responsible because he knows no other with immediate family in the Dark Lord's circle. Whatever it is I don't care. I looked at the youngest Weasley as she turned her back. I had only caught a glimpse of her, but she was pretty. Hell she was beautiful. Her long fiery hair looked radiant against her ivory skin. Her hair feel onto her back with such grace. I decided to see if I were the only one who thought this.
'Hey, Goyle, what do you reckon of Weaslette? You think she's hot?' I asked Goyle as he loaded his plate with his second helping of bacon and eggs. He looked up at me.
'I only saw her on the train, but she looked ok I suppose. Nothing like Pansy though.' He answered as he shoveled food into his mouth. If this were what most thought why was one of the people I hate most at this school so mysteriously good looking to me, and no one else?
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Ginny's Pov
I don't honestly know how I got through today, that dreaded first day. This year is defiantly going to be hell. First day back and already I'm paired with Adam Zambini, Blaise Zambini's evil younger brother. God I hate Slytherins. Snape was such an ass today. Why is everyone so against me?
'Glad to be back Ginny?' Beth asked me as I snapped out of my trance. I shouldn't make a habit of thinking so much while in the Great Hall I decided.
'Yeah I suppose.' I answered. I should of made more of an effort, but she seems to be fine talking with her other friends.
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I joined the group of Gryffindor's heading up the stairs.
'How was your first day Gin?' Ron asked me.
'Great.' I say with obvious sarcasm.
'Come on, wasn't that bad was it?' Harry asks as he pats me on my back.
'You have no idea.' I mumble as I climbed through the portrait hole.
Later that night I pull back my blankets and make my way as silently as I can to the common room. Thankfully no one is up this late. I just hope I don't get caught by Filch in the corridors. Silently I creep up to a tower I found late last year while on a midnight stroll. I've only been up here a couple times but it's a great place to think, or just sit. I'm pretty sure no one knows about it, if they do I've never seen them here before. I love this place. It's so peaceful, but at the same time bone-chilling. While I'm here time seems as thought it doesn't really exist. All that exists is me and the darkness that surrounds.
'Oh God Weasley, you're not praying are you?' I jump at this sudden noise. I turn around to see Malfoy standing pretty close behind me. He's actually not as bad looking as he used to be. Like it matters though, he's still a pompous ass.
'Kindly fuck off Malfoy.' I say as I roll my eyes and turn back around.
'I don't like your tone Weasley.' Malfoy says coldly as he sits next to me.
'And I don't like you! This is my place ok? I'm sure you can find somewhere else in the castle to sit and think of ways to bring Voldermort back to power, so like I said before, fuck off!' I reply, just as coldly.
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Draco's Pov
That bitch. How dare she make assumptions like that? She has no idea about life or what it's like to be forced into things. She knows nothing. I feel my anger rising.
'Don't talk about what you don't know.' I said loudly
'I'm pretty sure I know! Let me guess, life isn't perfect for Daddy and Voldermort and oh being the Slytherin toy boy is such a hard life to lead! And don't even get me started on how hard it is to have your own room! Man that's gotta be tough not to share a room with people YOU HATE! My God Malfoy. Your father made me life hell and still you continue to do so. You're the one who doesn't know what you're talking about. Now, don't make me say it again, FUCK OFF!' Weasley said. She was clearly getting flustered.
'I said don't talk about what you don't know! Don't take the fact that you're life isn't perfect out on me. Let me guess Weasley, sick of being poor and being 'just another Weasley?' Well guess what, no one cares. No body will ever care about you or what you think you bloody feel or know ok?' I yelled. I got up and quickly storm off. I don't care if that was harsh. Any reason to hurt a Weasley is good enough for me.
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Ginny's Pov
I don't get why that hurt me so much. It's not because I care what he thinks….it's just because what he said was true. No one cares. Now I'm overcome with tears. This is the second time. I don't understand what's happening. I hate emotion. I hate Draco Malfoy!
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Author's Note – Please Review with your opinion, but please no flames.