Wrote this after discussing a picture of David Tennant and Danny Wallace holding hands. AgentNoSmile wanted a background story. I decided to write one. The peppermint Freddos I rewarded myself with were delicious. Now I'm publishing this as a birthday gift to her, and telling you all to check out her stories. Especially if you love Doctor Who, David Tennant, and slash fics. Happy Birthday AgentNoSmile. Who better be smiling now. ;)
"But Shaun..."
"Oh for the love all that is BLOODY holy, NO," he replied as he stormed out of the restaurant and into the inconspicuous blue phone box like a petulant child. The Doctor pouted.
"It's just a photo of the two of us on a date, what harm will it do?" Shaun ripped off the coat he had been wearing and nearly tore the buttons off his dress shirt as he threw them haphazardly, leaving himself in a tight black undershirt, jeans, and sneakers.
"What harm? You want a bloody photo of me dressed in this?" Here he gestured to the discarded clothing. "Over my bloody dea—"
The Doctor was suddenly in Shaun's face, pointing for emphasis, with hurt in his eyes. "DON'T finish that sentence. Don't even THINK about finishing that sentence."
Shaun gave his patented caustic smirk. "...—d body." The Doctor stormed away half a dozen paces, then turned back and was in Shaun's face again, pulling at his hair and gesturing frantically.
"You are utterly incorrigible tonight, Shaun. Is it the fact I wanted us to have a nice night out? The being in public? Or is it the being seen with me? It can't be a bloody set of clothes that leave you looking approachable as opposed to your usual uptight attire."
Shaun snorted, rolled his eyes, and replied "Uptight, says the one in a bloody suit," as he glared at the Doctor and made to storm off. The Doctor grabbed him by the upper arm and shook him slightly.
"For the gods' sakes, will you TELL me what is so bad about this, Shaun."
Shaun wrenched his arm free from the Doctor's grip and ran his hands through his meticulously tidy hair.
"What's so bad? I'm in clothes that make me look and feel absolutely ridiculous and do absolutely bugger all to flatter me. You've dragged me into my OWN bloody time with fucking Templars all over the place obliterating the fucking Order. I haven't seen any of my fucking teammates in weeks, I haven't been updated in almost as fucking long, I don't even know if my friends are fucking ALIVE right now, and I don't know just how many mission failures, casualties, injuries, prisoners being taken I could've fucking prevented had I been doing my -FUCKING -JOB -THESE -LAST -FEW -MONTHS!" he accentuated each of the last string of words with a push to the Doctor's chest, the Doctor slapping Shaun's hand away on the last push and pushing back at Shaun.
"Well now. Should I remind you that if I hadn't SAVED you, you wouldn't even be here to argue this in the bloody first place?"
Shaun's face revealed his hurt at how far the argument had escalated for just an instant before hardening again.
He shouldered past the Doctor to head off towards the sleeping quarters, muttering "Wish you hadn't fucking saved me at this point" as he did. The Doctor couldn't hide the wounded look on his face as Shaun said this.
He followed Shaun to the sleeping quarters to see Shaun heading towards the bedroom he first occupied when the Doctor brought him aboard the TARDIS instead of the Doctor's bedroom, which they had been sharing since they had started dating (soon after rescuing Shaun), and found they both had less dreams since sleeping together.
He opened the door to his bedroom and caught Shaun with a broken gaze. "I'm sorry I saved you from a horrible end at the hands of the Templars. I'm sorry I wanted to have a nice bloody dinner and try and get you to relax for a night. I'm sorry. I'm going to sleep," he looked towards the floor. "I'll drop you off at the Assassin HQ tomorrow if that's what you..." There was a glint of complete fear in Shaun's eyes as he slammed the door to his own room shut behind him. "...want.
The Doctor sighed and wearily stripped off his coat, suit jacket, and tie. Then he unbuttoned and rolled up his shirtsleeves and undid the top few buttons of his shirt, before sitting on the end of his bed to kick his shoes off. He flopped back onto his mattress, frustrated tears in his eyes, and kneading his temples. He let out a shaky breath before trying to fall asleep, figuring sleeping was better than thinking at this point.
He didn't even get to pull the covers out from under himself before he dropped off into slumber with Shaun's scent on his pillow.
Shaun paced around the room manically, replaying the argument that had just transpired in his head, and unable to breathe properly. 'Shite, I'm going to hyperventilate. Did he really mean that? He wants to send me back to the Assassins? I said some stupid fucking things back there.' He shook his head madly and gave a morbid chuckle. "I just royally fucked up, didn't I," he muttered. "The only man to show any interest in me since Desmond – it still hurts to even think his name – and I fuck it up. He went and fucking saved me, and how do I repay him? I take my fucking anxieties out on him, and throw everything back in his face. What a good fucking boyfriend I am."
He pulled off the undershirt and kicked off his shoes, and curled up under the sheets, hands shaking as the first tears fell, missing the smell and warmth of his Doctor, not knowing how he could even attempt to fix this.
'I messed up,' he thought, as he fell into a restless sleep.
The Doctor sat up suddenly, in a cold sweat, and unable to catch his breath.
He shakily lowered himself back to the bed, his mind replaying all the potential ways Shaun could have died if he didn't get to him before the Templars did on that fateful day over and over again. He sat up on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath to try and dispel all the nervousness his dream had left him with.
He stood and stretched, and crept quietly into Shaun's room, hoping to see him sleeping peacefully once more before they parted ways in the morning – if it came to that, only to see him thrashing about, crying out and sobbing heavily, the sheets tangled about his stomach and displaying the waistline of the jeans he was still wearing.
Immediately he ran to the side of the bed, hoping to wake Shaun and jolt him from the terror he seemed to be experiencing. He sat at Shaun's side, reaching out to shake him gently, only to in the next moment have Shaun sitting up, clinging to him and crying freely into his shirt.
The Doctor held him tightly, rocking him back and forth as "Please don't leave me, please don't leave me" was repeated like a mantra on Shaun's part.
He shushed Shaun soothingly, holding him firmly about the shoulders with one hand and running his other hand calmingly through Shaun's light auburn hair, as Shaun wrapped his arms around the Doctor's waist like a vice.
The crying turned into sobs, which slowly subsided, Shaun's grip now more comfortable around his waist.
"I'm... sorry to have woken you, Doctor."
"Nonsense, love. I was already awake. I... I was coming in here anyway."
"Why?"
He paused in his stroking of Shaun's hair, tensing up as he expected things to blow up again. "I..." he sighed, and closed his eyes. "I wanted to get a clear memory of you sleeping so I'd have something to remember you by."
Shaun wrenched himself from the embrace. "Please, no! I said stupid things, I know I did! I'm glad you saved me, I am! I–" He found himself gathered in another tight embrace in attempt to calm the oncoming hysteria.
"Please," Shaun whispered, "Please don't leave me. I already lost Desmond, I couldn't bear losing you too," bursting into tears again.
The Doctor paused for a moment. "That's what you dreamt of?" Shaun nodded.
"I saw both you and Desmond dying at the pedestal in the Grand Temple," he said into the Doctor's neck. It unnerved the Doctor to see Shaun so fearful, anxious, clingy. This was not the intelligent, caustic, witty, brilliant British historian he had come to know.
"Shaun, I—"
"Please, just let me say what I need to. Let me get it all out before you decide anything."
"Alright."
They shifted to get comfortable, the Doctor sitting against the headboard of the bed and bringing Shaun to curl up against his chest and began gently rubbing at his bared shoulders and back.
"I discovered at a young age that despite my intelligence I didn't have much control over my life. Idiots finding humour in cruel and foolish entertainment, the usual teenaged angst, into my early twenties.
I dress the way I do, act the way I do, use sarcasm, all as a mask, a defensive wall. I never let anyone past, and they couldn't get through. It was easy.
Then there was Desmond. And I had hope. And then he was taken from me. And the walls came back up.
I was getting angrier and angrier, and more reckless on the missions I was sent on.
Then you found me fighting off that group of Templars. I was relieved, you know. I didn't know who you were but I knew it was a better outcome than the Templars getting me. I'd been such a royal pain in the arse to them that I'm told Alan Rikkin himself wanted to handle my interrogation and execution. The very CEO of Abstergo Industries." Shaun let out an involuntary shudder.
"And I got to know you. And I liked you then. But the walls, I was too scared to let you through them. You fought through them just like Desmond did though, and it scared me. You didn't let me rebuild, either. I get so ridiculously illogical and childish without my defences, that I'm surprised you saw it through.
Then I realised, around you, it's okay to let the walls crumble. But yesterday it was too much. You wanted me to remove my defences in public, and keep a record of it. And I couldn't face that and the risk of the Templars, and the reminder of my neglected profession and my most likely concerned friends and colleagues all at once.
I didn't mean what I said last night. I was rude and foolish, and now that I've been faced with the thought of losing you, I'd take back everything that I did last night if I could." In a voice that reminded the Doctor of a desperate, vulnerable child, Shaun finished his explanation with a whisper of "I'm sorry. I'm so bloody sorry."
"Don't be sorry Shaun. Had I known all this, I may not have forced the events of last night upon you. It probably didn't help that I never really gave you any choice in the matter – I did after all lock all your clothing away to ensure you put that particular outfit on when you got out of the shower..." They both gave an abrupt chuckle at that.
"I just wanted you to relax, I wanted you to stop thinking about everything for a little while. I didn't do a very good job. Can you forgive me?
Shaun looked up at him. "Can you forgive me?"
"You know the answer to that" the Doctor retorted before kissing him gently. He retreated when Shaun was breathless, and started rubbing his back again.
Shaun tried to yawn discreetly, but was caught by the ever alert Doctor. "Sleep, Shaun, my love. We're okay now. I'm not leaving. I'm not making you leave either."
"Mmm. Love you Tenny. Love you so much" Shaun mumbled as the Doctor pulled the covers up Shaun's chest, and stroked his head until he himself had fallen asleep, long after Shaun had.
Shaun woke up again to realise that he was alone in the bed, but his Doctor's spot was not yet cold. He began walking to the bathroom only to hear splashing from the pool.
He walked into the room to find his Doctor doing laps of the pool, in a pair of Shaun's boardshorts. Surprised by it, Shaun laughed heartily. The Doctor looked up to see Shaun curled up in a ball, laughing deeply, and swam to the pool edge.
With a grin, he said "I decided I wanted to go for a swim. They looked comfy." By this point Shaun was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. He stood suddenly, and bolted from the room, coming back a couple of minutes later in a near matching pair, diving in and surfacing by his Doctor. They dunked and wrestled for a minute, before wrapping their arms around each other and sharing a few sweet kisses as they treaded water.
"You're back in our room tonight. It was horrible trying to sleep without you next to me."
"Hmm? I know Tenny. It was bloody shite knowing you weren't there." He pulled back, leading his Doctor to the pool steps.
"Come on, out. I have a gift for you." They dried quickly, and headed to their bedroom. Shaun pulled his camera out, and put it on the dresser, and walked over and kissed his Doctor heatedly. They rested their heads on each other's shoulders just as the flash went off.
Shaun hurried over and grabbed the camera and showed his Doctor the photo. Shaun saw the tears begin just as his Doctor kissed him senseless.
They stood back to catch their breath, and Shaun tenderly wiped the tears away. "I love you Tenny. So much."
"I love you too Shaun. I'd give both of my hearts to keep yours." They stumbled to the bed, kissing and laughing like lovestruck teenagers.