Yay! My first fic! And my first songfic. I actually finished something. I'm so proud of myself for finishing, I think I'll treat myself to a big bowl of ice cream XD
I wanted to write something involving Sasuke and his relationship to Itachi. And I got to thinking, what if Sasuke wasn't really as strong as most people portray him. I wanted to show another side of Sasuke. I wanted to show how hurtful words can damage a person and break them apart. As a side note, I don't really like to write happy endings because to me, nothing can ever end happily.
Rated M for mentions of rape, murder, and suicide.
I don't own Naruto or any of it characters. The song "A Stroke Of Luck" belongs to the band Garbage. I so don't own anything fun. sad
Anyway I hope you enjoy! And if you don't, that's ok too. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are welcome :)
A Stroke Of Luck
Hanging by threads of palest silver
I could have stayed that way forever
Bad blood and ghosts wrapped tight around me
Nothing could ever seem to touch me
I lose what I love most
Did you know I was lost until you found me?
Sasuke sat down at his desk and took out his journal. He stared for a moment at the blank pages. "It's been a long time since I've written anything," he thought to himself. Sasuke wasn't the type that liked to write down his deepest darkest thoughts but that's all he had now. He had himself and no one else. He needed some way to let out his feelings. He so desperately wanted someone... anyone, to talk too. He needed someone to put their arms around him and tell him that he was all right, that everything would be ok. He would get down on his knees and pray every night, begging God to send him someone he could trust.
Sasuke put his pen to the paper. "What to write?" he thought. He began to write, "I". "I what?" he said. Sasuke let out a soft growl and continued to write. "tachi". "Itachi..." Sasuke sighed and went over to his bed. Itachi was all he'd been able to think about since he left.
He loved his older brother, he respected him, supported him no matter what. But Itachi betrayed him. He raped him. He told their mother and father that he was going for a walk with Sasuke. But instead, he took him to an abandoned cave and raped him. He raped his little brother mercilessly and made him beg for more, made him tell him how much he liked it and how he never wanted to stop.
Even after that, he still loved his brother. Itachi said that he did what he did out of love, and Sasuke was so young, fragile, naive, that he believed it. He believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that his big brother loved him. And then, Itachi killed every member of the Uchiha clan, except for Sasuke. Itachi was leaving. He was leaving Sasuke all alone in the world. He wanted to go with his big brother but Itachi had turned on him. He told him how weak he was, how worthless he was, and that no one could ever love him. He said that it was Sasuke who drove him to kill the entire Uchiha clan.
Sasuke didn't understand why someone that he loved so dearly would turn like that. But he thought that deep down, Itachi still loved him. He must have. Itachi let him live. He could have killed him so easily but he let him live. If not out of love, then what? What other reason could he have for letting him live? He couldn't think about it anymore. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Stroke of luck or gift from God?
Hand of fate or devil's claws?
From below or saints above?
You come to me
Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
It's falling down
And all around me, falling
You say that you'll be there to catch me
Or will you only try to trap me?
These are the rules I make
Our chains were meant to break, you'll never change me
One Year Later
"Hey Kakashi. Can we talk?" Sasuke asked.
"Of course. I'm here for you," Kakashi replied as he lead his student out to the forest where they could talk in private. Sasuke sighed.
"Kakashi... do you... think anyone could ever love me?" Sasuke asked in a somber tone.
"Sakura loves you."
"I mean really truly love me. Sakura cares, but not like a lover should. So, do you think I can be loved? Or am I just worthless?" Sasuke replied.
Kakashi stayed silent for a moment and sighed. "Oh, Sasuke..."
"What's wrong Kakashi? Why won't you answer me? Is it that you're afraid to tell me the truth? Or do you not want to be the one to destroy me?"
"Sasuke! Don't mistake my silence for something it's not!" Kakashi yelled. "What's gotten into you lately? You barely train anymore."
"Nothing. I just haven't felt like training. I've got a lot on my mind." Sasuke said coldly and turned to walk away.
"Fine. Run away Sasuke... run from your problems just like Itachi did." Kakashi said harshly.
And Sasuke was gone.
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Sasuke sat in his room. "I am like Itachi. I always run," he thought. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about everything Itachi had done to him. Kakashi knocked on his door.
"Sasuke... open up." He demanded.
He opened the door to his sensei. "What are you doing here?"
"I was worried about you. I didn't mean to yell at you. I didn't mean what I said." Kakashi apologized.
"I'm not mad at you. You were right. I'm just like Itachi, always running away.," Sasuke replied and stared up at him with lifeless eyes. "Raping me was a way to escape from his own pain. Killing the entire clan was a way of running from raping me. And leaving the village was a way to get away from killing the clan. To think that I thought he loved me. To think that anyone could love me. I'm just like him." Sasuke began to cry and Kakashi wrapped his arms tightly around him.
"You're nothing like Itachi."
"Yes I am."
"Sasuke listen to me..." Kakashi paused to make sure Sasuke was looking at him. "I love you Sasuke."
"Why?"
"You're my student..."
"Yeah... that's all I can ever be to you." Sasuke sighed. "But at least I have you. I can talk to you..."
Kakashi pulled Sasuke close and held his fragile body. He seemed almost like glass about to shatter. He stroked his hair as he cried in his arms.
"I'm here for you Sasuke. I'll always be here." Kakashi said, trying to provide some comfort.
Sasuke took his final breath and his body fell loose against Kakashi.
"He poisoned himself..." Kakashi thought. He took Sasuke's body and laid it gently on the bed.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you Sasuke," he said with tears in his eyes as he pulled his mask down and kissed Sasuke's deadened lips.
"Rest peacefully my love."
Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
You're falling down
And all around me, falling
Stroke of luck or gift from God?
Hand of fate or devil's claws?
From below or saints above?
You come to me now
Don't ask me why
Don't even try
Stroke of luck or gift from God?
Hand of fate or devil's claws?
From below or saints above?
You come to me
Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
It's falling down
And all around me, falling
Falling...