The Butler Returns Part 1

"If you find yourself troubled by something mysterious or problem that's hard to solve; there's a place where you can always find help. You just need to look for it."

The Butler opened his eyes, not to say he was sleeping. The Butler never sleeps. He was simply dreaming. He was never meant to be a butler, and now he had been reduced to one for two years. He looked out the window and knew it was time. He simply stood up, dusted himself off and walked to the young master's chambers, ready to wake him for the day.

I am that young master and I very much hate being woken up. Even so I have my duties and eventually rise from my slumber. I'm lying of course, Sebastian makes me get up. Still I am a dignified young noble man, I should never have to verbally admit hating waking up; the world sees m child as it is. Right on time, waking me from a nice empty dream, comes my Butler.

"Good morning sir, for breakfast we have a selection of poached salmon and a delicate mint salad or a scone."

"How about roast cat?"

He flinched. Then he smiled at me, "You'll have a scone."

Today we are in London, it's off season and pretty much everyone who's anyone comes out here. I personally hate it but that's just me. Everyone else seems to love London. It's actually not that I hate the city, no, I just hate the people- all people actually.

"Sebastian I think you should be rewarded," I said callously.

"Why is that my lord?"

"Because you're not actually a person," there was a pause, "I hate people."

"Yes, my lord."

Essentially this has more or less been every morning for the past two years. He wakes me up, he gives me food, he sets my schedule for the day, he runs my errands and other menial tasks, he beats up some thug that wants to kidnap me, he brings me more food, and I shit on his dreams of eating my soul. I have to say it's the best companionship I've ever had, and of course it isn't with a person. Sebastian is always there when I need him and I am always here to exploit his services.

That's why I never thought in a million years he would vanish from my sights. I was at the London townhouse; Sebastian had gone out to run a few errands for me while I did some paper work. He had been late, something impossible for a demon butler. I wasn't worried, just annoyed. Where had the oaf gone to (yes that's how I show my worry you damn weeaboos)?

"Maybe he was distracted by some cats," I laughed to myself.

"Right you are, only it was just one cat, not some," said a voice.

I looked over to the open window to see a posing red headed grim reaper I had a personal vendetta for. What a pain.

"What do you want Grell?"

He smiled his toothy smile and changed sexual positions, further infecting my window with his drag queen bodily fluids.

"The same as you, I want my dear Bassy back."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I was in town killing some mo fo when…

Sebastian walked along the streets carrying the ingredients for the cake he was going to bake for the young lord. Not that someone like him could feel anything but hunger but if he could he could say he wasn't feeling happy. He was just beaten up and bullied constantly. If it wasn't for the fact that that little boy was so damn edible and the fact they have a contract, Sebastian probably would have quit. And then he saw it, a cat shop lifting.

He was such a regal creature, the demon stood in awe of it, almost dropping his ingredients for his confection. He had shining and soft looking black fur, a golden hoop around his strong neck, and eyes of different colors. If that cat was human, he would hop and turn up on that soul. Those paws didn't deserve to touch the harsh and crusty and disease ridden streets of London, he was simply too good for them. The cat looked as if he were about to cross, and Sebastian saw a car coming. The stupid regal cat walked out into the street like a dumb ass and Sebastian went at the speed of cat freak and saved the little guy.

He set the cat down, mildly scolding it, only for it to stand back up on it's hind legs like a person and dust himself off, "That was quite a brave act your performed on my account. I am extremely grateful. I hope that you have not injured yourself."

Sebastian was not surprised like Grell, who had been watching from afar. The butler only smiled, bowing his head, "Of course."

"Well, I don't mean to be rude but I'm in quite a hurry. I'll return later to thank you properly," bowed the cat.

"That's alright, it was my pleasure."

You could see it in the butler's eyes, he was way too happy to be talking to a cat

And that's what happened," finished Grell.

We were quiet and the reaper was confused. I only glared at him, "What a ridiculous story."

"Are you saying you don't believe me!?"

"Why would I believe you? There are so many things wrong with your story."

"Like what?"

"Well for one Sebastian would never drop the ingredients for my cake because of some dumb stray cat."

"Envy isn't becoming young Ciel."

I ignored that comment, "And second, Sebastian doesn't smile, not for real. And he's also never happy."

"I'm still waiting on the obvious elephant here."

"Yes, and third! Cats don't talk!"

"Well this one did! Why would I lie about something like that!?"

So cats can talk, how completely moronic. Even so it sounds familiar, perhaps it was a book I read once or maybe some sort of scrapped product? Maybe Sebastian wished for it once a long time ago? I don't know, nor d I really care. This is becoming boring. When will Sebastian return so I can have my cake and have this freak slain? I sighed, trying to tune out the rambling idiot. He wouldn't shut up though. Finally I gave in.

"Okay, so this story, how does it have anything to do with Sebastian being an hour late?"

"Because the cats took him," he said very seriously, "And he didn't even put up a fight."

"The cats… took him…"