Curse of the Chicken
Author's Note: Random inspiration made this one. It's just a short little one-shot of Damon getting chicken pox. I know vampires can't really get sick, but blah. I'm bending the rules for comedy.
"Why hello, Salvatore Boarding House residents," greeted Damon cheerfully, his trademark smirk plastered on his face as he made his way down stairs to the crowded living room. If their were replies they were grunts or some vague noise like a 'hey' around a mouthful of pancakes.
The house was so much fuller now that everyone moved in, with Bonnie, Jeremy, Jenna, Alaric, and even Elijah.
"Why are you so happy?" Stefan asked cautiously, eying his brother suspiciously.
"Can't I be happy for one part of the day without a reason?" Damon asked annoyed as he absent mindlessly scratched his arm.
"No." came everyone's immediate reply.
Damon scowled at them and went down to the basement for a blood bag.
"You should go search him, make sure he's not carrying any bombs," Bonnie suggested, pouring more syrup onto her plate of pancakes, made from Elena and Jenna's hard work.
"Fire is more his style," Elena corrected. "Go search his room for gasoline and matches."
"You all suck," Damon informed them, coming back up the stairs scratching at his face furiously so hard red was starting to sprout up.
"Damon, what's with the constant itching?" Stefan asked curiously as his brother slumped down on the love seat, scratching at his leg now.
"I don't know, everything itches," mumbled Damon, busy itching.
"Everything?" Jeremy asked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. Damon scowled at him in response.
Elena came over to inspect him and a grin broke out on her face as she did. "Oh my god. Damon, you have chicken pox!" Elena cried out, laughing herself into hysterics.
'What's' spread like wildfire in the room as they all crowded around Damon to see small little red spots form around his skin. He looked paler then usual and his eye brows were furrowed as if he an intense head ache.
"That's impossible, I'm a freaking vampire," Damon snapped, looking over to Elijah. "Right?"
"Actually vampire's aren't immune to sickness, they just have stronger immunities then humans. You can, in theory, get sick but it's rare. It's entirely possible that you have chicken pox."
Damon looked outraged at that and was about to pounce on the elder vampire when Stefan stood up and stood in front of him.
"Did I have them when I was little?" Stefan asked Damon, inspecting the red bumps as Elena called Caroline and asked her to bring over some lotion to ease the itching.
Damon scrunched up his face in concentration, still itching. "I think so, yeah," Damon answered.
"Stop scratching," Stefan ordered, placing his hand on Damon's forehead. "God Damon, you're burning up."
Damon smiled about to crack some lewd joke but Caroline coming in the door cut him off.
"What's the lotion for?" she asked curiously.
"Damon's got the chicken pox!" Bonnie announced excitedly, an evil grin on her face.
Caroline and Bonnie burst out into laughter over this, as did everyone else making Damon scowl again.
"I hate you all."
Stefan patted his leg, offering his hand. "Come on, let's go upstairs and get the lotion on," he announced pulling Damon up off the seat.
Damon wobbled a little bit, about to fall over when Stefan steadied him.
"I am grown man Stefan, I can put the lotion on myself, thank you very much!" Damon snarled in frustration.
"I bet you can walk upstairs all by yourself too, big man?" Stefan asked with a smirk.
"As a matter of fact, I can!" Damon snapped and continued to walk forward, taking one step and crumpling to the floor with a curse.
"That's what I thought," Stefan announced, picking his brother up bridal style, taking the bottle from Caroline and carrying a protesting Damon up the stairs.
The laughter subsided in the room and they all went back to their breakfast when an outraged cry came from upstairs and a half-naked Damon, clad in only his black boxers, raced downstairs, covered from head to toe in pink lotion.
"He's trying molest me!" Damon yelled, racing to the other side of the room and hiding behind the desk.
"I am not Damon, you need to put lotion down there!" Stefan growled out coming down stairs, stray pink lotion covering him. The result of him trying to catch Damon.
The others were in hysterics and were no help in pointing out where Damon was hiding but Stefan found him soon enough.
"Damon, come on, it's going to itch really bad down there," Stefan pleaded.
"You are not slathering lotion down there perv!" Damon yelled and made a break for the door, his hand yanking open the door.
"Damon, do you really want to go outside looking like that?" Stefan asked with a raised eye brow.
Damon 'hmphed' and closed the door.
"Here, you can do it yourself, just do it!" Stefan ordered, handing him the bottle.
Damon stuck his tongue at him and went back upstairs to do the deed.
"This is the best thing that happened all week!" Bonnie announced, excited about Damon's discomfort.
"Stefan, are you sure you had chicken pox before?" Elena asked, staring at him curiously.
"That's what Damon said, why?" He asked confused.
She led him to the mirror where he could see small red spots forming on his face. He looked down aghast to find similar bumps on his arms.
"DAMON!" He screeched and Damon came out on the landing and caught a good look at Stefan and soon fell to the floor in a fit of laughter.
"Serves you right handsy!" Damon yelled down in glee.
"I thought you said I had it before!" Stefan cried out.
"That must have been Victor Fell's that had it, remember we couldn't hang out with him for a week," Damon admitted with a pondering look.
Stefan emitted a war cry and raced upstairs and proceeded to strangle Damon.
XXX
After all the commotion Elena had calmed Stefan down enough to be able to apply his lotion. Alaric pulled out the couch, making it into a bed and they sat the Salvatores their for easy access to them.
It was a hilarious sight, the brother's wrapped up in blanket after blanket, covered in pink lotion and speckled, Jenna and Elena doting around them like the maternal people they were, giving them chicken noodle soup and checking their temperature every hour.
The funniest part for all of them was how close the Salvatore brother's were acting. Their feud dying down as the sickness made them increasingly miserable.
"Damon, if you don't stop scratching it's going to leave scars!" Elena warned as Damon started to scratch his nose for the millionth time.
Damon stuck his tongue out at her.
"Here, let's try these," Jenna offered coming out with four oven gloves.
"I hate chickens," Damon whimpered as the oven gloves were shoved on his hands.
"You look ridiculous," Stefan mumbled sleepily, waking from his nap to see the oven gloves on his hands.
"So will you," Elena chastised as he put his gloves on.
"I blame this on you," Stefan snapped at Damon with a weak glare.
"Like I said Stef, brothers should share everything," Damon responded with a smirk.
XXX
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