So my friend forced me to watch the whole thing from season one to the movie during the weekends.
Everything hurts so much gods.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam 00.
ache
It goes beyond his smiles.
He truly is impossible.
Laughter, laughter would fill the air (his, his, his) and she thinks it's the most wonderful thing she had ever heard. Then, something would shift, previously stiff and unwelcoming, then—
Again, laughter.
But this time, it's not just his.
She would want to touch his hair sometime.
Maybe soon, maybe never, but it is a wish.
It's brown, rich, deep, dark, and slightly curly, long, unruly but surprisingly she likes it just the way it is.
(Oh, she likes everything about him just the way it is because it what separates him from others.)
She wonders and speculates what it would be like? Rough? Soft?
Ah, sadly wondering is only thing she could do.
Stupid butterflies.
It flutters around, twisting and turning wildly in her stomach.
"What's wrong, Feldt? You don't look very good."
He leans closer, down, down, down and she realizes too late that his forehead is leaning against hers.
Her stomach wouldn't obey her and it tightens, the butterflies inside are threating to fly up her throat.
She swore that the only thing she could see then was the hot, hot burning red of embarrassment, joy, bewilderment and—
And…
Love.
Of course, they will say that it's the age, she knows.
Wrong, inappropriate, unsuitable.
But does it really matter?
Why is it so different from others?
If they're happy in the end- together- would it really matter?
Besides, she thinks that ten years isn't so far away anyway.
(But in the end, there are no happy endings.)
(Reality is never kind, after all.)
Lockon, Lockon, Lockon, Lockon, Lockon—
It hurts.
It's painful.
There's no air.
The gaping absence is ripping her apart.
It burns, it freezes, it shatters.
She is numb, she could feel nothing.
The warmth in her chest dies away with him.
(And that terrifies her more than pain ever could.)
"Feldt?"
There is nothing but the echoes of her knocks.
She sighs, exasperated, frustrated, exhausted.
It felt as if the world had crumbled right before their very eyes.
(It's not merely a feeling however. It's the truth now.)
And then suddenly, she hears them.
Muffled screaming.
Muffled, but oh so clearly tortured, agonized, heart-wrenching—
She didn't exactly know when she had slid down and sat on the floor, but there she is, face in her hands, old wounds scratched open, her own sobs syncing with the ones behind the door.
Green is refreshing.
(For one reason or another, green had always been his colour.)
She fills up her lungs with the cool, gentle breeze, taking in the blues, browns and greens that surrounds her, as though enveloping her yet freeing her at the same time.
"Lockon- no, Neil Dylandy."
(Is this the first step to moving on? Will she ever? Or is this a release of buried emotions for her own self-satisfaction?)
The wind continues to blow on her face and the sun shines down on the grass, illuminating its blades, some of its bright rays touching her fingertips, warming them.
(But in the end…)
"Thank you."
(…it wouldn't matter anyway.)
"And I love you."
I really didn't know what I just wrote. On the other hand, excuse me while I die from all the feels because Gundam 00 is just so- ugh.
My heart says goodbye world.
(I really don't mind the age gap of this pairing, to be honest. My parents have a larger, yes you better believe it, age gap than the both of them.)