As much as I boycott AU fics on principle, I couldn't resist writing this one. The characters are a bit more as I would have liked them to be, but are also all owned by Stephenie Meyer, the woman responsible for my current Twilight obsession. As far as setting goes, Bella moved to Forks exactly like in the books, but became best friends with Edward instead of forming that immediate romantic connection. Everything afterwards is consequently different. I love witty banter, so I hope y'all find it funny and, in the end, endearing.

EPOV

Do you dream, that the world will know your name? So tell me your name. And do you care, about all the little things or anything at all? I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside, I wanna feel, I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive, to know I'm alive…

I pulled into Bella's driveway with a deft shift of my wrists, turning down the radio slightly. It was 7:55. We were going to be late if she didn't come out in the next 2.5 seconds. I sighed, and beeped the horn impatiently. She was always taking forever and making me late. Not that I was particularly eager to get to school, but it's the principle of the thing. I was about to beep the horn again when a quiet, buzzing noise distracted me. My phone. It was flashing 'new message.' I clicked the button.

Take a chill pill.

I rolled my eyes. Honestly, I do the girl a favor and drive her to school every day so she doesn't have to be seen in that ridiculous truck, and she can't even manage to be on time.

You have twenty seconds before I pull out of this driveway. Have fun walking to school, I text back.

A loud bang comes from within the house, followed by what sounds like muffled cursing. Chuckling to myself, I check my reflection in the rearview mirror. Perfectly tousled hair (an effect produced with an exact ratio of hair to gel that took me years to develop), piercing amber eyes framed with thick lashes, and a strong, angular face looked back at me. I don't mean to brag (much), but I am rather attractive. It's both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I can get pretty much anything I want by turning on the charisma and the brooding stare. On the other hand, I constantly get attention from all sorts of unseemly people. Mostly girls who for some God-forsaken reason think that because they throw themselves at me in an obvious and pathetic kind of way, I will drop to one knee and propose marriage. Or least make out with them. Why they don't understand the fact that sluttiness is extremely unattractive, I will never know.

The front door flew open with a bang, pulling me out of my reverie. Bella flew down the steps, obviously in a state of slight disarray. She had her book bag and her purse slung over one arm, while the other held several other books. A large coffee mug was clutched in her left hand; the right fumbled with her keys, trying in vain to lock the door without dropping anything. I could hear her groan of frustration.

"Honestly, Swan, why bother locking the door? No one in this town is going to steal from their beloved Sherriff."

She made a noise of relief as the key finally clicked in the lock. "It's 2008, Cullen. The world is full of murderers and rapists," she yelled as she walked to the car and opened the door to the back seat. I felt the thud as she dropped everything expect the coffee, thank God, on the floor. The second she was entirely inside the vehicle, but before she had quite got the door closed, I screeched out of the driveway and floored the accelerator down her street. Caught off guard, she lost her balance and slammed into me.

"Holy crap!" she squeaked indignantly.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but…I'm just not that into you," I quipped with a smirk.

She straightened up with a scowl. "That feeling is completely mutual. You drive like a maniac." She glanced in the visor mirror. "And dammit, you messed up my hair!"

I grabbed my phone and opened my inbox, showing her a text. Take a chill pill!

She smacked me. "I never try to do anything with my hair, and this morning I actually got up an hour earlier to make it nice, and you manage to ruin it in 5 seconds. God, what a waste. I should have just slept in."

I glanced at her. Her hair was sort of pulled back, with pieces whisping down around her face. It did look a little disheveled, but it suited her. "It looks fine. Who're you trying to impress?"

"This part was supposed to be up with the rest," she muttered, her fingers combing through the hair at the nape of her neck as she studied her reflection in the mirror.

"Really. I like it."

"You're just saying that." She sighed, and stared out the window.

"No, I'm not. You know how much I enjoy brutal honesty. It looks nice."

"Shut up."

"What a graceful way to accept a compliment. Such a lady."

"Compliments don't mean anything when you say them like that, Edward. Besides, you're my best friend. Like you're going to tell me I look like crap."

"Alright then. Would you believe me if I told you that you're being a drama queen?"That got a smile out of her. "Because you are, you know. And I really do like your hair. There's just something about a woman when she looks ever so slightly disheveled…"

"Okay, gross. Don't be perverted." I pulled into the parking lot, coming to a stop in my usual sport between Alice's ferrari and Emmett's jeep.

Bella leaned around to dig in the backseat for her things, giving me a rather enjoyable view of the small of her back, complete with two tiny dimples, above the top of her jeans. "Thanks for the ride, jackass." She flashed me a grin. "See you later."

And she was gone, hurrying towards the school, barely managing to avoid dropping everything on the floor. I watched as she receded onto the distance. "Like you could ever look like crap," I muttered to myself.

"Gee, thanks Bro." I hadn't noticed Alice come up beside the car. She pirouetted for me. "You're the first one to notice my new dress." It was impossibly short. I grimaced.

"Alice, I don't know if anyone's told you, but…clothes are required while you're at school."

She raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow. "Edward, I don't know if anyone's told you, but…some guys like it when a girl shows a little leg." She propped one foot up on the front of my car. I caught a flash of frilly pink underwear.

I was out of the car in 2 seconds flat, forcing her foot back onto the ground. "First of all, don't ever put your feet on my car. Second, you're my sister. I don't ever want to accidentally see your…panties…ever again. Save it for someone who is capable of appreciating the sight."

We started walking towards school, Alice prattling on all the way. "We're not blood related. And if you weren't such a monk, maybe you wouldn't be perpetually single. I swear you don't even appreciate a beautiful woman, whether or not you want to date her."

"I'm not a monk, I'm just extremely selective."

"You spend all your time with your family or by yourself. You scream 'monk'."

"I spend time with Bella too." My thoughts flashed to her disheveled hair for a moment, and I bit back a smile.

"Oh Bella doesn't count."

"Why not? She's a female, and an attractive one, and she isn't related to me."

"Yes, but that's a platonic relationship."I felt a sudden rush of adrenalin. Alice continued, seemingly oblivious. "Half the girls in school would give their right hands to date you, you know."

We had just passed Jessica Stanley and Lauren Malroy, both of whom were giving me what they probably thought were come-hither stares. Alice smirked, nudging me.

"I think you mean all the girls at this school, Alice. Except for you, Rosalie, and…Bella." I cringed slightly. To my ears, my voice had sounded strangled as I pronounced Bella's name.

Alice didn't notice. "You certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence, or looks, so I really don't understand…"

I tuned her out as we walked to Calculus. It would be too hard to explain it to her, because she wouldn't understand. I had always had my pick of females, it was true, but I almost never took advantage of it. It probably had to do with the fact that I couldn't enjoy myself if I knew that the girl was an idiot, regardless of how attractive she was. That ruled out everyone at school, except for my sisters and, again, Bella. I have very high standards. Consequently, I didn't date much.

Alice had finally stopped talking, due to the fact that class had started, though she looked annoyed that she'd had to do so. I welcomed an excuse to avoid responding to her queries about my love life. Before I zoned out completely, however, and began to play my favorite fantasy in my mind (the way I spent all my classes), I noticed Newton staring unabashedly at Alice's legs, which, because she was sitting down, barely cleared her pink panties.

If he stared any harder he would start drooling. I rolled my eyes in distaste and discreetly tossed a note on his desk. He opened it, and his eyes widened. Don't try to buy what you clearly can't afford. He flipped me off. I shrugged, and turned away, letting my mind wander to my favorite place.

I strode into the cafeteria at lunchtime, heading for the table where Alice and Jasper were already seated.

"You let her out of the house like that?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "This one's got a mind of her own. She refuses to wear a burlap sack when other guys are around, so…this is the compromise she suggested."

"Some compromise!" I snorted.

Alice kissed Jasper sweetly on the lips. "I see Bella in line; I'm going to give you boys some privacy so you can get all your macho, cave-man urges out of your systems. Back in a sec!" She pranced off, completely aware that many male eyes followed her.

"Newton had his eyes glued to her ass in Calc this morning," I informed Jasper. "I'm surprised he didn't lose control of himself right there in class."

Emmett plunked his tray down. "Can we kick that dude's ass already? He's got a serious case of Cullen envy, and it's starting to piss me off."

Jasper shook his head. "Newton's harmless. And if it weren't him, it would be someone else. No one's going to be able to get Alice to dress less flashily."

"Not that you're complaining," joked Emmett, mouth full of pizza. Jasper smirked.

Bella, Alice, and Rosalie appeared, giggling conspiratorially and nudging each other as they sat down.

"What's up?" asked Emmett, grabbing Rosalie and planting a big, noisy kiss on her lips.

"Emmett!"she squealed. "Pizza! Gross! Swallow first!" Everyone laughed.

"Sorry, babe. What's going on?"

"Well," she said with a smirk," Bella's got a – "

"Rosalie!" Bella interjected, looking horrified. "Don't!"

"You've got a what?" I asked her, stealing a fry from her tray.

"Nothing." She smoothed her hair unnecessarily, nervously. "How was your morning?"

"Don't change the subject. What happened that you don't want me to know about?" Alice and Rosalie were both stifling laughter.

"It's nothing Edward, God. Your sisters and I were just joking around, that's all."

"Please tell me you didn't give my number to Lauren Malroy again. I just got a new phone, and I really don't want to have to change the number already."

Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing, remembering that little prank that the girls had played on me.

"That girl has the hots for you, man," Emmett started to say. My gaze was on Bella, however. She was texting on her phone, a small smile playing on her lips. My hand went immediately to my phone, waiting for it to vibrate. We did that sometimes, texting each other when we were in a group, if we had something we only wanted the other one to hear. I figured maybe she didn't want to tell me whatever was going on in front of Emmett and Jasper. They did enjoy mercilessly teasing her about everything.

She clicked her phone shut and stood up. "Sorry guys, but I gotta go. Research paper I need to finish in the library."

"I'll walk you," I offered, starting to stand.

"No, no, don't get up. It's fine, I'll see you later." She smiled brightly at me for a moment and then turned and hurried out of the cafeteria. Rosalie and Alice exchanged grins.

A second after she'd left, I realized that my phone had never vibrated.