Greeting there folks. Now, right off the bat, let me just say that if you're looking for a tale of adventure, drama, and romance, I would recommend looking somewhere else. This story, if you even wanna call it that, is just character dialogue. Nothing more. Ya see, a while ago, I found out about a game called "Poker Night at the Inventory" which was basically a computer poker game, but you play against popular characters like Max from Sam & Max or Heavy from Team Fortress 2. In the game, the characters would talk and have humorous conversations with each other. Anywho, since I am addicted to Fire Emblem: Awakening and it's characters, I thought I'd sort of write sometime like that here. So, just consider this a big, grand Support Conversation with four characters. While they play poker. Anywho, the four characters I have chosen to write for are Henry, Sully, Gergor, and Gaius. Oh, and Tharja will be the one dealing the cards. So, just imagine the five of them talking and playing poker. First off, let's start with how our poker buddies began their game.

Introduction

Robin: Chrom, we are starting to approach the famous town that we have heard so much of.

Chrom: Yes, the town is apparently very infamous for it's games of risk and chance. Many come here in hopes of gaining fortunes, but wind up doing quite the opposite.

Frederick: Milord, while I understand our need to restock on supplies and the like, I must advise caution in entering a town such as this. It would look poorly on The Shepherds' reputation to be associated with a village of gamblers.

Chrom: No need to worry Frederick. We will simply rest and have some meals. I'm sure the other's will find it a welcomed change from the tents and bear meat.

Anna: Well, if it isn't the Shepherds. It's so super to finally have you here. You guys are pretty popular in this town.

Chrom: It would seem that's the case for all the Outrealm.

Anna: Well it's even more so here. In fact, we sometimes place bets on the Shepherds too. Stuff like "Who'll get the most kills" or "Who'll lay the finishing blow on a commander."

Chrom: Oh, how very... interesting.

Anna: So what do ya say? Wanna try your luck at one of our games? It'll only cost a coin or two.

Chrom: No thanks, we're just here to rest.

Anna: Oh, well, how about a simple round of poker with some of your Shepherd friends?

Frederick: With all due respect Milady, my Milord has already refused your offers, so I would suggest that you find someone else to join in your costly activities.

*Chrom and Frederick leave*

Anna: Ah darn. I could of made a pretty penny having a royal prince spend his gold here. Oh well...

*Gaius appears*

Gaius: Hey Glitters, I couldn't help but overhear your little chat with Blue there. Did you say poker? As in, with the cards and the coins and such? That type of poker?

Anna: Yep, that's the kind! Why, you play?

Gaius: Do I play? It's practically my second profession.

Anna: Well, I'd love to have you over for a game or two. So would you prefer to play with strangers, or would you like to invite some friends over?

Gaius: Friends, huh? Sounds good. Just wait here Ok? I'm gonna go gather some buddies.

*Gaius leaves*

Anna: Cha-ching!

*fades out and transitions to Gaius and Sully*

Gaius: Come on Sully, just a couple of rounds of poker with me.

Sully: No can do Chuckles. It's not that I don't like poker or nothing, but I'm not to big on playing with a bunch of drunk strangers. A fight could break and the last thing I need is getting caught punching a guy's nose off.

Gaius: Don't worry, I got that covered. I got Gregor and Henry to agree to play with us, so there won't be any freaks. Well, freaks that we don't know anyways.

Sully: Hm, alright. I'm done training for the day, so I guess I'll tag along with you three troublemakers. You know, keep an eye on ya and what not.

Gaius: Sounds sweet.

Well, got that out of the way. Now we can move on to dialogue during the actual poker game! Anywho, these first two little conversation will be ones that play early on in the tournament due to the way it starts up. The rest are in no particular order. Enjoy!

Conversations

Anna: Oh, by the way Gaius, one of your other friends has arrived just now. It seems she wants to join you guys.

Tharja: Hello there gentleman... and Sully.

Gaius: Oh, Tharja? What brings you here?

Tharja: I noticed the four of you breaking away from the others and heading here. Robin's at a meeting with Chrom and Frederick about managing supplies and planning future routes, so I thought I'd mixes things up and follow you four. You know, make sure you aren't up to anything... suspicious.

Gaius: We're just playing some poker here Sunshine. Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.

Tharja: I noticed. And here I thought you'd be up to something of interest.

Henry: So are you gonna join us Tharja!? The more the scarier!

Tharja: Eh, yes and no. While I have no intention of betting my gold against a trained thief, I would like if I could deal the cards... if you don't mind.

Gregor: Why would Tharja want job of dealing cards? Much more fun playing with cards, yes?

Tharja: *sigh* If you must know, I've been experimenting with different methods of fortune telling. Reading cards is next on my list, and to prefect the art I must master dealing with cards.

Gaius: Well, I know better than to say no to you. Sure, you can be the dealer. Just don't do any dark magic mumbo jumbo to the cards.

Tharja: *giggle* But of course...

Gaius: You sure you should be playing cards with us Junior? You're not exactly known for your poker face you know.

Henry: Nya ha! I beg to differ. There's no better poker face than a wide grin. It can fool anyone!

Gregor: Aha ha! This true. Gregor remember time me and Henry were on battlefield fighting Risen, and Henry got shot in shoulder with arrow! B-but, he had such big smile, Gregor thought he was doing funny chicken dance!

Henry: Nya ha ha! Yeah, it was the best. I actually walked around camp for three days with that wound without anyone noticing. It got so infected!

Sully: Damn! So what happened to you? You're all fixed up now right?

Henry: Well, when me and Lissa were about to take a nap, she noticed the smell of rotting flesh coming from my shoulder. She was super mad at me for not telling her about it. Needless to say I learned my lesson.

Gaius: Right. Moral of the story. Never question Henry about anything. Ever.

Gaius: If you guys thirsty, than you're in luck. I hear this place has some of the greatest drinks in the Outrealm.

Sully: You don't say? So what's your poison Chuckles?

Gaius: Eh, I don't really have much of a preference. I'll drink just about anything so long as it's sweet. But, it I had to pick one, nothing hits the spot like an appletini.

Sully: Pfft! You call that a drink? That's stuff's for girls man. Now for me, a cold beer is all I need. Now that's a drink for champions.

Gaius: To each his own I suppose. What about you Gregor? You're always boost about being a heavy drinker. You must have a favorite drink.

Gregor: Aye, Gregor is heavy drinker indeed. However, Gregor try not to overdo it unless is big party. Doctor say liver is not in best shape. So, Gregor only drink few glasses of red wine if normal night.

Gaius: That's interesting. I would of pegged you as a White Russian kind of guy.

Gregor: Why everyone always say this to Gregor? Gregor not even drink this when Gregor was young man. It's like world trying to prank Gregor.

Gaius: Sorry about that big guy. Didn't mean nothing by it. How bout you Junior? Got any drink that you fancy?

Henry: Oh, I try not to drink too often. I start acting weird when I'm drunk you know. But, on the occasion that I do, I always order a Bloody Mary.

Gaius: Should of figured as much.

Henry: Thing is, most places don't make 'em the right way anymore. They always leave out a certain ingredient. But I do know some bars in Plegia that make them right, if you ask them.

Sully: Soooo, what's the missing ingredient?

Henry: Nya ha ha! Sorry, that's a well kept Plegian secret.

Sully: On second thought, best we keep it that way. I don't think I wanna know.

Henry: Hey. Hey Gregor.

Gregor: What you be needing Darkness Mage?

Henry: Nothing, just wanted to tell you a joke!

Gregor: Very well. Hit Gregor with your best shot.

Henry: Ok, so, what's a Dark Mage's favorite shape?

Gregor: Hm... Gregor is not sure. Is it big circle for performing creepy rituals?

Henry: Noooo...

Gregor: Let's see... Oh, perhaps it is upside down star.

Henry: Nya ha, nope!

Gregor: Eh, Gregor does not know. Tell me, what is the line of punch?

Henry: It's a Hexagon! Nya ha ha! Get it!?

Gregor: Gregor is confused. Why would Dark Mage enjoy a Hexa-... Oh... Oh! Gregor get it know! A HEXagon! Aha ha ha!

Henry: Hehehehe... eh...

These next two conversations are based on two conversations from Poker Night at the Inventory 1 and 2. See if you can guess which ones!

Tharja: You know, if any of you are looking for a little more cash after the tournament is over, I'd be willing to throw some gold you're way in exchange for testing out a few new hexes I'm working on.

Gregor: As much as Gregor enjoys the paychecks, he will have to decline offer. Gregor's back still hurt from curse Henry pulled last week.

Henry: Hey! You told me you wish you could do something about you're stiff back. I thought that meant you wanted you're spine to soften. And I apologized for that already!

Sully: Yeah, I'll have to say no too. I've had my fill of curses since I asked Henry to put one on me a few months ago.

Henry: Don't worry Tharja. You can cast a curse on me if you'd like! I won't even ask for gold. Well, as long as it's something worth my time. I'm a busy guy.

Tharja: As tempting as that is, you'll probably cast the hex back to me if you wanted to... Plus, hexing another Dark Mage does have it's consequences... What about you Gaius?

Gaius: Does it really matter? You'll probably end up cursing us in secret anyways.

Tharja: Well of course I would, but I was just having a fleeing moment of sympathy and I thought offering you gold in exchange for your physical and mental health would remove the guilt. That was a one-time-offer by the way, so expect to be hit with the uncontrollable flatulence curse in the next two days.

Gaius: Whatever. I probably won't even notice.

Gaius: Hey Junior. I was skimming through the Roster the other day and I noticed it was your birthday a week ago.

Henry: Oh, yeah! Another year of escaping the inevitable void of darkness that is death. Lissa baked my a cake to celebrate. It was great! But, truth be told, I had trouble stomaching it at first. I'm not use to the taste of vanilla.

Gaius: Ugh, I'd be puking it back up too. Vanilla... so bland. Nothing like it's exotic and flavorful sister, chocolate.

Henry: Man Gaius, you really obsess over chocolate a lot. It's like chocolate runs in your blood. Mmm... blood...

Gaius: Can you really blame me. Oh chocolate... so delicious and pure. I just wanna, wanna fill a tub with the stuff and just... just dive right in!

Henry: Huh?

Gaius: No, better yet. You slowly ease your way into the chocolate. Starting with your foot. You just, slowly sink you foot in to the chocolate. You start to quiver in anticipation as the chocolate starts to swallow you whole. Working it's way up your legs, then to your waist, up to your shoulders, until finally your entire naked body is surrounded in chocolate.

Henry: *stares at Gaius with a shocked expression, though still with a smile*

Gaius: ...Uhhhhhh, I may have said too much.

Henry: Gods... And people say I have problems...

Kellam: Uh, guys? H-hello? Could I be dealt some cards soon? Hello?

Sully: Hey... Did one of you guys just say something?

Gaius: I didn't hear anything.

Gregor: Gregor know what you be thinking, but Gregor swear it not him. It's was chair that make noise.

Sully: No, not that. I could of sworn I just heard someone talk.

Kellam: *sigh* I should of guessed this would happen.

Henry: Oh! I think I just heard it too! Maybe this place is haunted or something. I hope its angry!

Gaius: Don't be silly. There ain't no such thing as ghost.

Henry: Oh yeah? Well how do you know?

Gaius: 'Cause they just don't. Everyone knows that when you die, your soul ditches your body and goes up to hang with Naga in the clouds. Or, you know, that other place. Ghost are just stupid monsters used in old wise tales to make children behave.

Henry: Pfft, whatever. You're just to much of a grump to believe.

Gaius: Or maybe I'm just not gullible enough.

Gregor: Oy! Gaius! Come now, why you must be with the bursting of the bubble? Just let scary mage believe in dream, yes? After all, Gregor is sure you believed in fairy tales when you was small boy, like maybe Toenail Fairy.

Sully: Hold it... what? The Toenail Fairy? What the hell is that?

Gregor: You know, the Toenail Fairy! Don't you remember? You wait until your toenails grow long, and when you clip them, you put them in small bag. Then you place bag under bed, and while you sleep, Toenail Fairy comes in and takes bag while leaving gold coins.

Sully: Gods, that the creepiest fairy I've ever heard of.

Gregor: Is very popular in homeland.

Henry: Soooo, does this lovely lady pay extra for other body parts? Like, let's say, teeth?

Gregor: No. Toenail Fairy only take toenails. Taking of teeth would be creepy.

Henry: Aw, too bad. Teeth are one of the easiest parts to break off of someone. Oh well.

Kellam: Well, guess I'll just order something to drink. Hello, waitress. Can I have a... H-hello? Over here! Please...

Gregor: Ah, this place remind Gregor of dream of owning bar one day.

Henry: A bar? Why would you dream about that Gregor? You already live the good life. You've got tons of friends, you get to travel the land exploring. I bet you've killed people from all over the world! You're SO lucky!

Sully: Henry's got a point there. Don't get me wrong, I'd definitely aiming to become an Ylissean Knight, but the life of a traveling mercenary doesn't seem like nothing to sneeze at neither.

Gregor: Aye, Gregor thought like that when he was young boy.

Gaius: *snicker* How long ago was that?

Gregor: . . .

Gaius: *cough* Uh, sorry bout that. Please proceed.

Gregor: As Gregor was saying, Gregor knew life of traveler was his dream. However, Gregor knew that eventually he would get too old for all the walking and the backflips and the killing of evil employers. So, Gregor decided that on the day when his muscles get too worn out for slitting of throat, he would settle down and make simple living in bar business, just like father.

Gaius: I'd say you'll be opening that bar pretty soon then, don't ya think? Heh.

Sully: You're one to talk. With all the candy you eat you'll be lucky if you make it pass your 30's.

Gaius: Whatever. A life without sweets is a life without purpose.

Gregor: It be okay Sully. Gaius is right. Gregor may not have many years left for the living.

Henry: Aw, you shouldn't pay any mind to what Gaius or Nowi say. You're not old at all! You're just, uh, older! That's all. You've got years ahead of you, so chin up and stop thinking about death so much. It's unhealthy ya know.

Sully: Here here! You ain't dying anything soon. Not if me and Henry have anything to say about it!

Gaius: Count me in too. You know I pull your leg a lot Gregor, but I've got your back on the battlefield. Don't forget it.

Gregor: Thank you friends... Thank you.

Sully: Hey Henry, you're a bit of a bookworm, right?

Henry: I prefer to think of myself as more of a parasitic worm, but yeah, I guess I do read a lot. Not as much as Robin mind you, but I do read quite some bit. Why ya ask'n?

Sully: It's, uh, kind of silly. Ya see, I've been thinking of reading a little more myself. I've got the brawn to become a great knight, but the brain part could use some work. So, I was wondering if you could recommend any reading material.

Henry: Hm... Oh! I got it! I just finished reading this book that Sumia lend called "Make Him Fall for You in a Fortnight". Nya ha ha! T-that book is hysterical! Ha ha!

Sully: Uh, I'm pretty sure that was meant to be more of a romantic, self-help book.

Henry: Is it? No way! If it was, I'd say the author is playing quite the prank on everyone.

Sully: Well, regardless, I'm not really looking for any comedy or romance books. I'm looking more for something, you know, educational.

Henry: Oh... Well, I still have this old book that my grandmother gave me when I was little called "My first book of Hexes: A toddler's guide to Dark Magic". That interest you any?

Sully: Nah. I'm not good with any of that magic and spell stuff.

Henry: Let's see... Oh, how about my old anatomy textbook from school. It shows you tons of neat stuff about the human body, like weak points and such.

Sully: That sounds perfect! You wouldn't mind if I borrow it, right?

Henry: Of course not! I'll just have to find it when we head back. I should warn you though, it does have quite a lot of stains on it.

Henry: Hey! Hey Tharja!

Tharja: You rang?

Henry: Indeed I did! I just wanted to ask about how you got trained in the dark arts.

Tharja: Why would you want to know that? You're not up to anything malicious are you? You might as well tell me now, since I'll find out in the end regardless.

Henry: Nya ha ha! Oh Tharja! You should know by know. I'm never up to anything mischievous. If I wanted to cause someone harm, I'd just run up to them a stab 'em! No sneaking around for me!

Tharja: Was that meant to be reassure my sense of security? Because if so you have failed miserably.

Henry: Anyways, the reason I ask is because I wanna find out which one of us is the better dark mage. I know that normally we'd find this out with a little mock battle, but Chrom said I can only practice with dummies from here on out. You know, ever since that incident with Ricken.

Tharja: Get to the point already.

Henry: Right. Well, I figured that since we can't test our skills the old fashion way, I'd just compare our training over the years and see which comes out on top. So, first question, when were you first introduced to the wonderful world of dark magic?

Tharja: Well, I'm really nothing special in that regard. I began my training when almost all dark mages do; practical from birth.

Henry: Most mages? Huh, that's weird. My parents only started my studying of the dark arts when I was five. And even then, it wasn't until my trip to magic school when I was twelve that I became really dedicated to it.

Tharja: I hope your parents realize that that was an extremely risky and idiotic decision. People who start their training that late often go insane from the sudden exposure to negative energy.

Henry: Yeah, I heard about something like that during a class. I'm sure it's just a myth though. After all, I turned out fine!

Tharja: Again, very reassuring...

So, that's all the conversations I could come up with. However, I still came up with some one-liners and other small pieces of dialogue for some of the characters to say during certain situations. These last few lines are Tharja's. She basically say them when the below listed events occur.

Raising Blinds

1- This poker game is frightfully boring. And that's coming from someone who watches people sleep. Let's spice things up by raising the blinds to 600 and 1200

2- Those gentlemen at that table seem to be glancing over at me a bit too often. We'll see if they're able to stare at others after going temporarily blind. Speaking of blinds, I'd say it's time to raise them by 800 and 1600.

3- The bonds of friendship between you all must be strong considering you haven't started killing each other yet. What say we test these bonds by increasing the blinds to 1000 and 2000.

4- Greed is such a horrible sin. It can make people do terrible things. Steal. Cheat. Murder. On that note, how about we raise the blinds from 1200 and 2400.

5- How bizarre. I'm actually becoming a bit invested in this poker game. I wonder who's going to win? (pause) I can't stand being kept in suspense. Let's raise the blinds to 1400 and 2800 and see if we can't finish this quick.

6- *sigh* Chrom's meeting should be over by now. I have to get back to Robin soon. I know, I'll raise the blinds again from 1600 and 3200 to speed things up.

Elimination

(Henry)

-Henry has been eliminated from play.

-The blood hungry sociopath is now out of the tournament.

-Henry is eliminated from the poker tournament.

Henry: Aw, can't I stay and watch? Please?

Tharja: No. Your positive aura is having a negative effect on my cursing abilities, and I have to be ready with a sleeping spell in case this goes on too long.

(Sully)

-Sully is now eliminated from play.

-The red-headed tomboy has been eliminated from the tournament.

Sully: I'm gonna go ahead and pretend I didn't just hear that.

Tharja: If you'd like, I can make it so you can't hear at all.

(Gregor)

-Gregor has been eliminated from the poker tournament.

-The giant oaf is now out of the tournament. How sad...

-Gregor is out of money, and therefore out of play.

Gregor: Wait! Eh, Gregor think he have extra coin in pocket!

Tharja: Lying will get you nowhere Gregor. Except maybe a grave.

Gregor: Hm, this true about many things.

(Gaius)

-Gaius has been eliminated due to running out of funds, as well as luck.

-The future diabetic is now out of the tournament.

-The ginger thief has been eliminated from play.

Gaius: Damn. I'm not use to being robbed like this. I'm more accustomed to the opposite.

Tharja: I know, and the irony of your defeat makes it all the more sweeter.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I still have some more one-liners for all the players, but I need to work on them more. As you could imagine, it's easier to write jokes for some characters than for others. Truth be told, Henry's line are pretty much done. I'll probably release his lines soon in a separate chapter, as with the others. So, until then, you'll have to find another way to get a laugh. That is of course if you even found any of this funny, with I find questionable.

And hey, speaking of destroying my self-esteem, please leave a review telling me what you thought. Was it good? Was it bad? I of course already know it's the latter, but tell me anyways.