Sam Winchester sighed doodling as he read the assignment he had been given, it was due soon but the trouble was whilst Sam was a good student he had some distractions. Not the usual distractions of a 15 year old boy but demon hunting distractions. Like right now his brother dean was loading up the gear needed to go hunt a werewolf, a damn werewolf for Christs sake, who would believe him?. Sam smirked as he pictured the faces of his current fellow students as he told them the truth about his messed up life, the smirk fell from his lips as he pictured being dragged off in a straight jacket.

A frown buried into his features as he pictured how pissed Dean and dad would be when they had to break him free. Yeah his life was royally messed up and he had no one to share it with, other than his sarcastic older brother. Whilst he was sure most the time he loved Dean he got tired of the way dean pushed him around and teased him so much. They used to be close, sure Dean was always well Dean but he was also always there for Sam and Sam missed him. Things were strained between them and Sam knew it was his fault that Dean was pulling away. Sam pushed the thoughts away and sighed again rolling off the bed hating the fact that he had no room to escape to.

Dean didn't look up from his careful maintenance of the guns on the bed but Sam heard the sarcasm in his voice and knew what face his brother was pulling, "whats got you sighing Sammy, you sound like a girl"

Sam rolled his eyes and threw a spare pen at deans head, "jerk."

"Bitch," deans response was instant and it made Sam smile at how warmly dean called him a bitch, it was something comfortable between them almost a fond nickname for each other, yeah they were screwed up.

But for once it wasn't their lives which was making him sigh or the fact that he had an essay to write when he knew most his time would be spent hunting or even the big secret he carried deep inside his heart no this time it was the nature of the essay.

"They want me to write about my family Sam could hear the whine in his voice but didn't care, he felt like whining, writing or talking about his family was never easy. He felt Dean tense and understood why and was prepared for the lecture.

"I don't see the problem there Sammy, just make sure you don't put anything in there that could get us into trouble, last thing we need is some psych teacher reading your paper and deciding we need to be investigated again."

Sam flinched at the again, he had been 9 years old and still dean never let him forget it, he felt the anger rise in him like a wave and tired to keep a hold of it but failed miserably. "well if we weren't so screwed up then maybe i could write a normal essay and not have to work hard making us sound like the Brady's, besides that was years ago are you ever going to trust me, i was a kid then. "

Dean raised his eyebrow at him and smirked, "dude the fucking Brady's? they were more messed up than we are, so don't use them as an example, plus Sammy you still are a kid and untill you start proving you can be trusted not to get yourself and this family in trouble I will keep reminding you to not screw up."

Sam hated the way dean did that the way he laughed things off or was sarcastic or the way he shut him out, they way he knew exactly how to hurt him with just words. There was a time Dean would have done anything to stop him getting upset let alone cause the pain himself. Now it was like Dean enjoyed hurting him and pointing out what a dissapointment he was, ever since that night a few weeks back, Dean did everything to push him away. Sam hated that Dean would think of him that way and felt the tears build and the emotion stick in his throat so he just flipped dean off and stalked into the bathroom needing some space to breathe.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck sighing softly, "Sammy..." sometimes he didn't get his little brother, Dean understood he was 15 and emotions were high for anyone that age but Sammy would break into tears at the smallest thing. He had seen the tears brimming in his brothers eyes and for a moment he had wanted to comfort him but had held back and now he felt like an ass.

Dean hadn't meant to upset him but yet he knew his comments would hurt his brother and if he stopped long enough to look he would know why he was pushing Sammy away. "For his own good" Dean muttered to himself arguing why he had said those things when they were not true, Sammy was not the screw up but Dean knows Sam sees himself that way. Sammy was just a kid when he made the mistake that nearly tore their already broken family apart so he could not be blamed for that, but \dean knew \sammy held guilt over more recent events and the one that happened when he was 9.

All their lives their dad had warned them what they should tell people, he explained how other adults may see him as a bad dad for dragging them around the country. Of course if they knew what their dad really did he would be a hero but dean knew it needed to be a secret and would do anything to protect his family.

Sammy had almost thrown that all away when he was 9, by talking to a teacher about his life, sure Sammy had only just learnt the true extent of 'monsters are real and we hunt them' but for a 13 year old Dean it was no excuse. For weeks \dean watched as his dad worried over the fate of his sons and wethere to risk taking off with them in the middle of the night. His dad had chosen to stay and let ever goverment official that wante dto see \sammy see him and after an eternity they decided his dad was doing a good enough job.

It had blown over and his dad was relieved and gentle with Sammy telling him why he cannot tell people the truth, but Dean was not so forgiving.

He didn't talk to his brother for three weeks despite Sam's tears and pleading Dean was so angry he knew if he said anything he would hit out and hurt his baby brother. He wasn't even that angry that Sam had talked, though that pissed him off as he had always kept shut to protect them and dad so Sammy should have too. It was the fear that made Dean stay angry at his brother he had always felt calm and in control even when a werewolf was running at him. He always knew what to do or what to say, he was responsible, he took care of Sammy he protected dad. But for a few weeks dean lost that control and fear seeped into him as he realised there was a real possibility that they could loose Sammy. He was 13 at the time and knew he had made Sammy's life hell for a while, when really it wasn't Sammy's fault, Dean realised it years later and he regret how he had hurt Sammy but he wasn't ever able to find the words to say that.

And now he had just opened new wounds when things were still strained between them.

Dean tugged at his short hair sighing, and tonight he had done yet another grand job of supporting his little brother. Dean weighed up his options as he looked at the bathroom door wondering if he had time to mend some bridges before getting the gear ready for tonights hunt.

A cold knot of fear had started to develop in him for a while now and it was similar to that time when he was sure they would take his brother away, except this time it was less intense but the feeling grew every day. Sammy was distant and pulling away he voiced how he hated this life more and more and argued with dad whenever he was around. What really troubled him was the distance between them, growing up how they had left little room for distance and despite their fights and harsh words they were always united, unbreakable. But lately Dean felt like his baby brother was slipping away even more so since that night Sam crawled into his bed.

Dean knew that if he didn't act soon he would wake up one day to find Sammy gone.

It was this thought that made Deans decision for him as he knocked on the bathroom door, "hey Sammy quit jerking off and get out here would ya."

The door flung open and sam stood there glaring his eyes a little red and moist and Dean felt the desire to wrap him in his arms and tell him everything would be alright just like he used to. But Sam is bigger now hell almost bigger than him and he is afraid of things happening between them if they embrace, he doesn't let his mind dwell much longer. So instead he pats Sammy on the shoulder and steers him to the bed, "OK sit down and tell me why you having such a hard time writing this essay, you the genius of the family dude."

Sam sat down and sniffed wondering what the hell had bought the change in Dean, he was almost being nice and helpful like he used to, before sam screwed up. Sam smiled as Dean complimented him without realising it and felt the anger melt away, "hmmmm well its a basic essay really just i am supposed to write it about family life for the Winchesters and focus on the realtionships and the roles we play but most of our lives is too secret to go in this essay."

Dean relaxed as Sammy's smile came back and took the paper from Sammy smiling as he read the essay title, he had done a similar thing and for him it had been easy to talk about the family he had despite all the things he had to leave out. "Look Sammy this is pretty simple stuff, you just need to read behind the everyday stuff and see the family we are without the hunting and the demons."

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes, "yeah cause we are a great family when you take that stuff away, so normal." Sam flashed back to that night remembering how good it had felt under his brother and later Dean telling him it wasn't normal.

Dean felt the anger flare easily inside "you know maybe if you were not such a brat you would appreciate what you have is a damn site better than what most people have, and normal is not so great." Dean despised normal and hated how Sam always wanted to fit that role, which is why he had pushed him away, if they took that path Sam could never handle being so far from normal.

Sam felt the anger burn in his chest as he stood shouting at his brother, " yeah cause I bet most kids would love a dad that is never here, a dead mom and a brother that uses his little brother to get off and then declares it as not normal." Sam knew he had crossed the line a second to late and he sensed the punch before he felt it but didn't try to dodge the fist, mostly because really he deserved it.

Dean watched his brother fall back on the bed blood pouring from his nose and lip and if it wasn't for the hurt shining in those big eyes he would have straddled his brother and continued to lay into him. Instead Dean turned grabbed two bags off his bed and stomped out to the Impala deciding he was safer away from Sammy right now.

Sam lay his head back feeling the blood trickle down his cheeks but made no move to wipe them clean just as he made no move to wipe the tears that ran freely mixxing with the slow stream of blood.