Teen Titans
A Laughing Sorceress
'Poor Lil Tink Tink'
This story was inspired by Katt Williams. I don't own any copyrights to Katt Williams or Teen Titans. All jokes in this story is property of Katt Williams. The jokes are accurate except for G** Damn and N***r.
"Yo! Guys! Guess what I got!?" shouted an overly excited Beastboy as he ran into the living room of Titans Tower waving something around in his hand.
"No brain?" commented Raven in her signature monotone voice.
"No! For your information, Rae, I got us all tickets to see Katt Williams tonight!" informed the changeling.
"Katt Williams? Isn't he the comedian on Comedy Central that has foul language?" asked Robin raising and eyebrow.
"The one and only!"
"Dude! I can't belive you got those! I thought the show was sold out!" exclaimed Cyborg as he grabbed the tickets from his green friend to inspect them.
"It is. On my way home from the pizza place, I saved this old woman from a mugger. And to thank me, she gave me these tickets. She said her daughter works for the studio and gave her these for free!"
"Awesome! Can we go, Robin!? Please! Please! Please!" begged the tin man.
Robin let out an agrivated sigh and agreed to let the team go.
At 8pm sharp, the Titans stood outside Jump City Ampitheater. Cyborg finally worked the bugs out of the holo-rings so they could go in undercover. The gold bands sat on each Titan's index finger of thier left hand. Victor's robotic armor seemed to dissapear, leaving him with dark skin, a shaved head, and two grey eyes. He wore a light blue polo shirt, black casual pants and sperrys.
Richard's black spikey hair was brushed into a shaggy look. His usual mask was replaced by a pair of dark sunglasses. He wore a black t-shirt with a blue jean jacket, jeans and black converse.
Rachel's once purple hair is now a chocolate brown and her eyes have turned a deep blue. Her usual uniform was replaced by a navy t-shirt that showed a little of her midrif, black jeans with blue pinstripes down the sides and blue Vans.
Garfeild now looks like a normal human with peachy skin, sandy blonde hair and light blue eyes. His fangs have recieded into normal looking teeth and his pointed ears seemed to have rounded out. He wore a dark green football jersey with a darker green athletic jacket, light jeans and red converse.
Kori's once red hair is now a stuble strawberry blonde. Her electric green eyes have been replaced by a lighter version. She wore dark washed jeans, a light pink tanktop and black flipflops.
Beastboy walked up to the ticket booth and produced the 5 tickets.
"You will be in row 3." said the lady.
"Thanks." replied the once green changeling. He grabbed Raven's hand in hisown. Her face went cherry red when she felt his warm hand envelop hers. She was then jerked in the direction of the doors by an eager Beastboy. Starfire, Robin and Cyborg were close behind.
"Why do you like this guy soo much?" asked Raven as she sat next to Beastboy.
"Because, he makes everyday stuff funny. This guy is my role model."
"Your role model is an overly humored african american who loves to curse and talk about drugs?" she asked dryly.
"Yep." he said with a smirk.
"Hush, you two! It's starting." whispered Victor pointing to the stage. A middle aged man around 30 walked onto the stage. He was fairly tall, spiked up hair, earrings, a green velvet jacket, a green tie and pinstriped shirt with grey pants and white tennis shoes.
"Good evening ladies and gentalmen. It's wonderful to be here in Jump City where it's 138 in the day and 34 at night. A pimp don't know what to wear. I'm in the hotel lobby in a fur coat, come swim trunks, timberlands and an umbrella cause I don't know what may happen in this raggity bitch this evening. The world is crazy right now, what is gas? Like 600$ a damn gallon? I don't care how much money you got, gas is just too high. That's all i'm sayin, you shouldn't be at the gas station makin life decisions. You just at the pump like 'Negro did I eat today? I can't get no half a tank, I got 6 cigarettes I just can't even do it.
The Titans were laughing subtlely. Raven rolled her eyes thinking it was only midly amusing.
"They done messed up the whole gas station experience. Used to be if you had 10 or 15 dollars you could go to the gas station with confidence. Cause you would either be full or damn near full. If you had a 20 you aint even gotta talk to the person at the counter. You like '20 on 11 bitch!'. They done messed up the whole gas station experience. Used to be if you put 15 dollars in your tank you had time to bond with your vehicle. You had time to put the nozzle in, set the clicker, look through your car, and clean off the dash board, and look through your cds and run in the store and get some pringles and a snapple.
And it would still be pumpin.' Now if you put 15 dollars in you can't even turn around good before that son of a bitch clicks. Just as soon as you put it in, like click click! Thier aint no gas in that damn car."
More laughter from the audience. Raven was finding his antics a little more amusing than before. But only a little bit.
"The world is out to get these mother fuckers, especially if you a real mother fucker cause these mother fuckers hate real mother fuckers. Like this mother fucker who defied the odds even when they were damn set against him!"
Beastboy sat on the edge of his seat along with Cyborg as he listened to the foul mouthed comedian.
"There was a white boy who ran track for a mother fuckin livin. He ran track for a mother fuckin livin. And he lost both his mother fuckin legs. Now I hate loosers and quiters but if you run track for a mother fuckin livin and you loose both your mother fuckin legs you ought to be allowed to sit this mother fucker out. You have done everything there was for you to do."
Beastboy and Cyborg were rolling in laughter.
"And this mother fucker own some gangster shit, cause not only was he gonna walk again, this mother fucker was gonna race again. Cause you gotta be in tune with your star fuckin player to pull this shit off. They made him some aluminum racin legs and shit. That looked like bent back paper clips and shit."
The audiance exploded with laughter and screams.
"Don't be tryin to act like somethings wrong with me. Some of you mother fuckers saw the story. You know what the fuck i'm talkin bout. It looked like bent back paper clips. Like two baby boomerangs and shit. that's what he had to run on.'
Beastboy was laughing soo hard he was crying. Raven wanted to laugh, but knew the consequenses if she did. Robin giggled quietly to himself as Starfire looked on in curiosity. She had no idea what Katt was talking about.
"This mother fucker had to be in tune with his fuckin star player. Cause sometimes mother fuckers wont' have your back like you think you should. And now this mother fucker has to come in on his alumninum racin legs and race again. And he had to come in all calm and smooth and not draw too much attention to himself."
Katt jogged slowly from one end of the stage to the other and with every step he took, he would say, tink tink tink.'
Once again, the air was filled with uncontrollable laughter.
"Yeah this mother fucker fuckin winning this shit. Yeah, you gotta go over thier and sign up first before you race. Oh, ok mother fucker."
He jogged again to the other side of the stage 'tink tink tink'
"Yeah, they say I gotta sign up first. It's no sign up at all? Tink tink tink.
Mother fuckers at the starting line, these mother fuckers doin all kinds of unnessesary exercises with thier legs and shit. On your mark!"
He started to jump around and doing crazy stunts with his legs.
"And the craziest fuckin thing happened. Not only did this mother fucker start runnin, this mother fucker started winning. And you know a hater can't stand a g** damn winner. And the last place you wanna be in a mother fuckin foot race, is behind the mother fucker with no g** damn foots."
Laughter from the audiance.
"I bet them mother fuckers were mad as shit."
He started to jog in place.
"My legs tired aint your legs tired. His legs aint tired, he just... tink tink tink tink. Just paper clips and sparks everywhere. Tink tink tink."
"But you gonna have to be in tune with your star fuckin player cause these haters do not play fair. These hating ass mother fuckers at the limping commitie let this mother fucker race, and then waited till he won and then disqualified him and said and I quote, 'he had an unfair advantage.'"
Laughter. He then held his hand up to signal to the audiance thier was more he had to say.
"Are you talking about the mother fucker running with no g** damn legs? Is that who the fuck you talkin bout? Poor lil tink tink. Think about that when you think you havin a bad g** damn day. Poor lil tink tink aint that a bitch."
With this last statement, the first act was over.
"Ok, that had to be the single most appaling thing i've ever seen." complained Raven getting up from her seat for the first intermission.
"Oh, come on Rae! I saw you smirk when he said 'Bent back paper clips.' " laughed Beastboy.
Raven gave him one of her famous 'death glares'.
"Please, what earth slang was he using?" asked Starfire innocently.
"I'll explain later, Star." replied Robin.
"Hey, it's back on." said Cyborg sitting back down.
"Too much mother fuckin shit goin on is my mother fuckin problem. Thiers too much fuckin shit goin on. They supposed to be putting medicine in america to help mother fuckers feel better and help them live better. They don't give a damn about the medicine they just out makin their mother fuckin money.
They give you one medication supposed to fix some shit, and the side effects, fuck up your leg and shit, and they give you another one to fix that and it fuck up your arm. Now you on two medications looking like a flamingo in front of your mother fuckin children and shit. These mother fuckers don't give a fuck!
Raven let out a small laugh, but noticed her hands had started to glow. Panicing, she tried to refrain from laughing anymore.
"They say one month, this is the best medicine ever! It'll cure everything! But then 3 months later, you hear this quiet ass commercial. 'Have you or one of your loved ones been killed by using our medicine? Call 1800 our bad that's 1800 our bad."
Raven found it difficult to stop giggling. But she refused to let her powers go out of control.
"These mother fuckers don't give a fuck. Weed is still illegal and all their shit is still fucked up. Thier medication either don't work. Or it work too fuckin good and I wasn't familiar with working too good.
I've got a 7 year old son, this mug run every g** damn day. Thats what the fuck he do. You aint gotta chase 'em, you aint gotta train 'em, you aint gotta put shorts on 'em. This mug is ready every morning. As soon as his foot touch the g** damn ground out the bed, shoo! That mug is gone for the rest of the g** damn day. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! You either see e'm like this or like that. That's your only two options."
He took a running pose to the left and then jumped to a running pose on the right.
"And he be happy as shit! Now the nurse at the school say, she say, it's not healthy. And I say you don't understand the mug is happy. She said, no no, you don't understand, wether he's happy or not, it's not healthy. And I said, what do you want me to do? I can't put the mug in trouble for bein happy!"
Laughter from the audiance.
"Mug stop bein happy and get in here and be miserable! I can't fuckin do it, so I say, what do you recommend? And she recommended riddlin. She told me the shit was gonna even him out. Now, either I don't know what the fuck even means, or riddlin got crack cocaine in it one of the two, it's a g** damn fact. Cause this shit is no bull shit."
Laughter
"I wasn't ready, he wasn't ready. This shit caught both of us off gaurd. I gave the mug the shit in the kitchen, he was on his way to his room, that mug never even made it out the hallway. That shit caught that mug in mid stride."
He took a running start and then fell flatt on his butt looking around like he didn't know where he was accompanied by laughter.
(Raven sat gripping the arm rests of her chair to try and refrain from laughing like Beastboy in his hiena form.)
"Now for the first 2 hours I was happy as shit. I was gettin shit done, I was like this is wonderful. And after 3 hours, you got to go check on the mug now after 3 hours."
He starts to walk toward the middle of the stage where he 'fell' and leaned over.
"Mug what you doin? My kid's a smartass, 'i'm bein good like you wanted daddy!' Touche my mug, touche touche. This is what fuck me up, I was like you've been sittin their for 3 hours, what are you thinkin about? That mug said, Runnin!"
insane laughter.
By this time, the Titans were rolling in laughter, except for Starfire who didn't understand most of what was said, and Raven who was almost in tears, she wanted to laugh soo bad.