Padme Amidala Skywalker was confused and weary. People were rushing about her, talking about plans for the future, but for the first time she didn't try to put in her own two credits. Of course, the Republic she served had just died and became a dictatorship, her husband had turned to the Dark Side and killed off the Jedi, tried to kill her, and now she had the feeling she was about to go into labor early. So perhaps she had a reason or two not to be her normal self.
"Of course," she mused with a little smile on her face, "I could always just blame it on hormones." She chuckled lightly; remembering one time her hormones had got the best of her. She had been crying for no particular reason one day. Anakin, force bless him, had been reading all of her pregnancy books in an attempt to figure out what was going on. Apparently "caring for your pregnant wife" was not a course the temple regularly offered. Flicking though one of the books, he went for a trial that seemed to be most common – he tried to reassure Padme that he liked her fat. That had gotten Padme to stop crying. She was furious and he beat a hasty retreat. Then of course she felt bad for being mad when he was trying to comfort her. When he finally returned home she had gone though several stages of utter remorse. But he had just laughed and told her it was all right. Though he added in amusement, that after three years of war she won the prize of the only being to try to kill him with a spork. They had laughed at that and all was forgiven.
Forgive. She had always been able to forgive Ani for any thing. Although, she frowned, didn't he do something recently that was unforgivable? She tried to remember, but couldn't. Things were getting very blurry now. She just wanted to sleep.
Sleep. She was so tired. Padme had a feeling that she was missing something important, but she was always in the middle of something important. All her life she had been working to better the lives of other people. Now, couldn't someone else do it? She was tried, and not the kind that you get after staying up late, but more after seeing your world destroyed; the tired that comes with despair.
Despair. Padme couldn't figure out why she was so sick at heart. It was there, the reason. She could feel it just out of reach. With a little effort she knew she could get it. But she was too tired. Let her sleep now, Ani could explain in the morning.
Ani. Her precious Ani. Where was he? She reached out for him through their force bond as he had shown her so long ago.
Pain. So much pain. She began to cry. Anakin had taught Padme how to use the bond so they could reach out for each other when he was away at war. Was he still at war? Was that how he was hurt? The explanation didn't ring true. There was something at the temple, but it wasn't there either. She frowned, why hadn't he been at the temple? She knew he was on planet. Her brain tried to break though the fog.
'Ani where are you? I need you!' she called out desperately along the link. "Ani," she managed to say out loud.
There were voices around her now. She tried to make sense of them. Something about starting labor. Force no! She couldn't! Ani had to be here. She tried to tell this to, who ever, but her mouth decided it was time to betray her.
"Ani." She managed to say. Hoping, praying she got her point across. Someone was grabbing her hand now, but it wasn't her husband. But she couldn't think any more; she was pushing.
"Ani," she continued to chant, a desperate plead for the impossible. She reached out with her mind again, desperately seeking her mate. The pain came again, but she pushed it aside. What did pain matter? Her Anakin was going to be there for the birth of her first child one way or another.
'Padme?' Her heart rejoiced to hear her husband. But he sounded as blurry as she.
'Padme? It hurts, it hurts so much.' He was reaching with out thought, driven by the instinctual need to draw close to someone loved and trusted. The instinct of a child.
'I know,' she replied. Child. 'Ani I'm giving birth!'
But he couldn't hear her any more drowning under another wave of pain. And she couldn't reach out again. She had to push.
"Push." Someone was telling her to push. Then she wasn't any more. The voice became very clear for a moment. It was Obi-Wan, she realized, and he was holding out a baby. Her son.
"Luke." She managed to say, remembering what she and Anakin had decided. She remembered that, but everything recently seemed to be a blur. Obi-Wan was going blurry again, but she didn't care. She knew the two most important things. They had a son and Anakin wasn't there; he was else where in pain.
She felt him reach out as a sort of supplicant, begging her to rid him of the hurt. She reached back; shoving aside the pain in an act of sheer will and need.
'Luke. Anakin we have a son named Luke.'
'Luke. If we have a son we'll name him Luke.' He was blurry, feeling her need to communicant and trying to get by the torment to hear her.
'No!' She could feel him drifting away again. She had to tell him. 'I gave birth. We have a son named Luke.'
'Son. We have a son.'
'Yes. Named Luke.'
'Luke. So you were right.'
She was right wasn't she, but there was something more. She returned to the world on her own wave of pain. But why? She had already given birth. But someone, Obi-Wan again she presumed, was telling her to push.
'Master Kenobi, pain?' Anakin was struggling to keep pace with her. She wanted to say no, but couldn't. Besides, wasn't Obi-Wan somehow associated with her husband's pain? She wasn't sure about that, but now she was done pushing and he was holding out another child. Her daughter.
'Anakin, you were right to. We have a daughter.' But he was gone again. She turned to see her second child.
"Leia," she managed to tell Obi-Wan. Leia, the name her husband had chosen.
'Ani come back. There was one more.'
'More? No more, please no more. I can't take it! It hurts, it hurts so bad! Please no more.'
Someone was telling her to hold on. She was, she was holding on to her husband but he was slipping away. 'Ani there's more.'
But he couldn't hear her; he was in too much pain. He drew away, but she held on, she had to keep holding on, for her children. He was clinging on to her now to.
'More? No more!'
She opened her eyes and suddenly knew that she had just more chance to speak to any other than her mate. And knew somehow that Obi-Wan had given up on her husband. She knew why, but had no more strength to spend remembering. She was so tired, so very tired.
"There is good in him. There is still," but she could say no more.
Then she was free. Everything suddenly came into sharp focus. She could see her body, her children, the people around them.
She could remember, she could remember everything.
'Ani how could you!'
.
.
.
Pain, there was still pain. Anakin woke up. The world seemed red and his body was very heavy. There was a voice near by and he responded to it automatically. But he had been speaking to Pamde. She said there was something more. He asked where she was.
"It appears that in your rage you murdered your wife."
No. He couldn't have. Anakin reached out desperately, but she was gone. He screamed, destroying everything around him.
In the days afterward Vader purged everything "Anakin" from himself. Skywalker was no more. All the memories of her were boxed away; he could not bear to destroy them. But he felt there was something he was missing, something she said, not out loud but through their bond. He had tried to look through his memories, but it was like sifting through a crate broken glass to find a single piece. He needed no more pain. So he shoved the feeling aside.
"No," said Darth Vader aloud, "there was no more."