Happy Mother's Day!!

This wasn't written intentionally for Mother's Day, but my friends keep bugging me to post it and I thought, 'Why not?' - it does kind of fit, after all. So anyway, this is pure crack - caused by lack of sleep as most crack is caused by. Not that I'm complaining - just making sure you were all very aware.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this bit - and don't forget to wish your Mum a Happy Mother's Day!

"Nn! Don't touch me!"

"Hnn. You still don't feel well?" Fuji crossed his arms as he looked down at Oishi. "You're going to be late at this point."

"What?" Oishi turned his head to squint at the clock, seeing it was nearly 7:30 and he still hadn't gotten out of bed. He tried to sit up, only to feel a new bolt of pain in his stomach. "A-ack, no good."

"You'll have to call in sick at this point." Fuji sighed, not sounding at all that worried. He grabbed Oishi's hand and said dramatically. "I'm going to get the phone - hang in there until I return."

"Fuji! I hate --" Oishi clutched his stomach as he rolled onto his side. Squeezing his eyes shut he ground out. "..you."

It wasn't Fuji's fault, really. It was whatever Fuji had ordered for him at that stupid restaurant they went to. Whatever it was, it hadn't affected Fuji or Tezuka, but in the middle of the night he'd felt sudden pains and had barely gotten any sleep. It had been like that for two days and now he had to miss work. Oishi had only missed work once in the two years he had been a teacher, and had planned to keep it that way.

I'm pathetic, it's not like I'm giving birth or anything.

Oishi mentally winced at the thought and immediately tried to divert his thoughts. That was exactly what he needed, a cracked out theory on why his stomach felt like it was about to explode.

"Here you go." Fuji held up a pill and a glass of water. Oishi managed to heave himself up, hand still clutching at his stomach as he took the medicine. "Now you go to sleep, and get better, na?"

"But what about the phone?" Oishi reached out as Fuji left the room, pretending not to hear him. Letting his hand fall, Oishi closed his eyes, hoping that he could go to sleep. Then he would be able to wake up and be fine, and there would be no Fuji poking fun at him and Tezuka wouldn't come home and see him looking so pathetic....

I can't believe this is happening to me...

------------------------

"Oishi-san! Congratulations, you are three months pregnant!"

"What?" Oishi stared at Ohtori - who for some reason was in a white coat...and ran a doctor's office. But...Ohtori is a musician, what happened? And doesn't it take ten years or something to be a doctor? "What is going on?"

"That explains your stomach pains for the last few months, Oishi." Last few months? What? Fuji stood next to him and grabbed his hand, beaming proudly as any soon-to-be father would. "Isn't this great?"

"That would explain it." Oishi muttered. All this time I thought I had a virus...turns out I was just pregnant..."Wait, pregnant?!"

"Yes, three months." Ohtori beamed, looking just as happy, if not more than Fuji.

"You...you are kidding, right?" Oishi could barely speak, as he looked up at both of them. He looked down at his stomach in horror. I thought I was just gaining weight- or I was bloated. This..is impossible. "You're joking right, Fuji?"

"We would never joke about something this important, Oishi." Fuji said shaking his head, then taking Oishi's hand. "You are too important for that."

"Oh god." Oishi was having horrible, horrible flashbacks as he leaned back against the chair. He was closing his eyes just as the door slammed open. There was Tezuka, looking as though he might have - well not ran - but walked briskly to the doctor's office. Finally, someone sane..."Tezuka, please tell them to stop joking. They keep say that...that.."

"Hes pregnant!" Fuji leapt up to greet Tezuka with a huge hug. Pulling back and grabbing Tezuka's hands, Fuji exclaimed. "We did it! We're having a baby."

Oishi really, really hoped that the sudden lack of motion from Tezuka was because he thought Fuji had gone crazy. His mind was begging, and pleading, but that didn't seem to be the case. Instead the most wonderful, happy and loving smile broke out across Tezuka's face as he walked over and kneeled in front of Oishi.

"Is that true, Syuuichiro?"

This isn't happening, this isn't happening. He can't - but he did -- I -- I...

"I-I guess so..." His voice cracked and Oishi suddenly felt like laughing, because there was no way this wasn't a horrible, horrible nightmare. Before everything went black.

"Syuu-chan, you shouldn't scare us like that."

Am I awake? Is it over? Please, tell me its over.

"You almost fell. You'll have to think of both the baby and yourself from now on."

Oh no..Oishi groaned as his eyes blinked open. He turned his head to see that he was back at home, laying in bed. There was a cool towel on his forehead and Fuji was standing over him. Suddenly everything came rushing back to him - the doctor, the baby, Tezuka smiling (Oh god, that was the worst!) and then fainting. It can't be - this can't be happening.

"I can't believe this is happening to me..." Oishi mumbled softly.

"Syuuichiro, you're awake." Tezuka opened the door and came to sit on the bed next to Oishi. He was carrying a bag and immediately started to dig into it. First he pulled out a box, that Oishi could barely make out the words on, all he knew was that it was pink and had a baby on it. That can't be good. "These are vitamins, that will help give strength to both you and the baby. You'll have to take these everyday..."

"And no more junk food, Oishi." Fuji added. "With all the chips you eat, the baby will only eat anything if it had salt on it. You want him to be healthy, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" Oishi sounded offended, then quickly remembered how ridiculous the situation was. "But that doesn't matter because I can't possibly be --"

"Ah, Fuji, this is for you." Tezuka pulled out what looked to be one of those color paint samples from a hardware store.

"Syuu-chan, look." Fuji was pointing to the second lightest blue on the chart. "We're going to remodel you're old room and paint it this color for the new baby, its called 'Columbia Blue'."

Oishi really didn't have anything to say, but his silence didn't seem to bother Tezuka nor Fuji as the two of them continued talking about plans for Oishi's room. This...it can't be...I don't want to have a baby! I'm too young...and..I'm a guy! I mean, I thought I was - no I'm sure I am, positive in fact, but how..? There has to be some explanation. Then the phone rang, and while it may not have been an explenation, it sure was a distraction. Immediately he got up and left the room to grab the phone, ignoring the calls of 'be careful' from the bedroom.

"Oishi! Is Oishi there?" Eiji...oh please..please...

"Yes.." Oishi said carefully, gripping the phone with both hands. "Eiji?"

"Nya, I just heard! Congratulations, Oishi!" Eiji's voice made Oishi hold the phone out a few inches from his ear. He felt himself slide to his knees as he closed his eyes and continued to listen. "Do you know if its a boy or a girl? Or is it too soon? I'm going to be an Uncle~! This is so unexpected! I mean -- Oishi? Oishi!"

"Yeeees." Oishi sighed miserably into the phone.

"Oi, are you okay? You sound really upset, did something happen?" Eiji was suddenly in concerned mode, which was just as loud or louder than normal!Eiji mode. "Is the baby okay? Are you okay?"

"The baby...the baby..." Oishi muttered, clutching his stomach. There shouldn't be a baby, thats the problem! I can't believe I..I -- oh god, I'm crying. Sure enough, tears were sliding down his cheeks as he tried to keep himself from sounding like he was crying. "I can't...I can't, isn't it...not right?"

"Eh~? Not right? What do you mean?" Eiji went quiet for a moment, as though he were thinking. Suddenly there was a gasp, and Eiji was immediately chipper again. "Ah, I get it! You're worried about having the baby out of wed-lock, aren't you? Really, Oishi! I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Tezuka has everything under control. You'll be engaged and wed before you even have to start wearing maternity clothes, infact-"

And that was when Oishi hung up the phone. Bringing his knees up to his chest, he could barely stop from sobbing. Perhaps this isn't a dream... He bit his lip to stop the moan threatening to break out. And...I suppose, I'll just have to live with it. It won't be so bad, I guess. Everyone else is so excited, I'm the one who is having the baby, shouldn't I be excited? But, it just feels really strange, for some reason...

"Syuuichiro?" Oishi felt a hand on his head and turned to see Tezuka crouching next to him. Realizing that his face was probably blotchy and tear-streaked, he immediately turned away, ashamed. "I suppose we owe you an explanation. We hadn't wanted to tell you, because we thought you would be too afraid, but Fuji and I are actually a race of aliens from the planet--"

This is a dream and I am so done. Oishi gritted his teeth before turning to face Tezuka, grabbing him and crashing their mouths together in a desperate kiss. I don't care if it usually works the other way around, I am getting out of this if it's the last thing I do!

"My, my, you are enthusiastic." Fuji purred close to Oishi's ear. "You must be feeling much better."

Oishi took a deep breath as Tezuka pulled away, looking both shocked and completely turned on at the same time. Though at the moment Oishi really could care less, because he was back and he felt much better in more ways than one. He looked over at Fuji was was kneeling beside the bed and grinned.

"You have no idea." Oishi sighed blissfully as Fuji claimed his lips and he felt Tezuka run a hand under his shirt, across his - flat - stomach.

"I hope you realize we won't be going to sleep early tonight." Tezuka growled as his fingers brushed over Oishi's nipple.

"Don't care." Oishi gasped, meaning it for once. Instead, he didn't protest as Tezuka slid off his shirt and Fuji undid his pants, because he was feeling great. There couldn't be anyone happier in the world, because he was out of that nightmare and back to normal and so were his boyfriends. I don't care how sex crazed they are as long as I never see that creepy smile or hear the words 'Columbia blue' as long as I live...

....Wait...

"You two aren't..aliens, are you?"

"Saa..."

"It might be best not talk about that right now."

Hope you enjoyed it! I had lots of fun writing it, lol.

~ 3 Tabis the Tabby