A/N: I own nothing but the plot. I might own some of the characters later on. I still don't know exactly know where to go with this. Ideas are helpful.
I promise you, this is NOT a song fic. It is based on the lyrics to a song, but it is no other way a song fic. Severus Snape will not get up and dance and sing. Also, this is not going to be a happy first chapter.
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Tonight I Wanna Cry-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Reflecting on the Past
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Severus Snape was seated in one of his armchairs in his private chambers. He was already in a mild stupor, from some Firewhiskey and half a bottle of wine. Tonight was the first night in a while he had time to just sit in his chambers, without matters of the Order, grading, or business with the Dark Lord.
Tonight his head was cluttered with memories of the past. He had no pictures in his room to look at, to constantly remind him of her. He knew that there were pictures taken of them together. Most had long been destroyed. All he had were memories of her.
An average height, average build woman with shapely features, turning around and walking away from him, in tears. That was the one memory that tormented him the most. It had been nearly seven years ago but the pain was still there like it was yesterday. The regret, the sadness, the sorrow, and the feeling of being abandoned, flooded through him as he sat there drinking what was left of his wine.
By now he was used to being alone. He would hide away like this for hours, remembering how things were and how they could have been with her. Life would have been simpler, he constantly he reminded himself. He could have told her the truth and explained it all. He never did, and he regretted it every day. He often wondered what she was doing now. Sometimes he would read about her in a magazine that he would take from his students. It comforted him that she was doing well. That was all it was, comfort. Not pride, no he let his pride get in the way before.
He often wondered if she would ever come back. He constantly reminded himself, that she wouldn't. Who would come back after seven years? She wouldn't, that part he was sure of. What if he saw her in London or Hogsmeade? How would he react? Better yet, how would she react? He knew she was there, usually on business but he never set out to find her. No, she would win. She would be right. He, Severus Snape, had feelings and let them show? No, that would mean he was weak. All weak are dead already.
Severus would sometimes reflect on the letters that he used to get from her, when she was away. He had them somewhere, warded of course. He never looked at them; it would bring back feelings that he was supposed to control and never bring to the surface. He knew that is was going to hurt worse before he got over her. Which he told himself daily, that he would never get over her. Nor did he want to.
He knew that he was hiding away but right now, he really didn't care. The more he drank, the more exposed he became. His thoughts were of emotions that were supposed to be hidden away in the deepest corner of his mind, never to be seen again. Thinking of her made him loosen up. "How can she always do these things to me," he thought.
Severus tilted his head back and looked up at the dungeon ceiling. He breathed a long heavy sigh. Her face seemed to flash before his dark eyes. Her appealing blue eyes and dirty blond hair. That smile that always stretched across her face, that always showed her straight teeth. He let the wine bottle slip out of his hand and hit the hard floor, with a loud crash. That noise couldn't get him out of the memories that kept on tormenting him. He closed his eyes, hoping to be rid of her but it just made things worse. He saw her walking away, crying, even as she got on the plane. He can remember the sting on his face after she slapped him for trying to get her back. He grabbed her wrist and she spun around, with her other free hand and slapped him hard across the face. The shock of it, forced him to let her go. Forever. After that memory finished replaying in his mind, a single tear rolled down his cheek.
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A/N: Please read and review. This is not a one shot. There is more to come. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Sorry it was so short, longer chapters will be coming shortly.
Those of you who don't know this fic is based on Keith Urban's song "Tonight I Wanna Cry", hence the story title. Listen to the song and you will understand.