Disclaimer: Don't own them ... just changing them up for the sake of FICTION!

The Real Title: Solve A Crime ... Sex

Told in Eames POV

All mistakes are my own, so ... excuse me please.

Summary: Bobby's Blah and Eames doesn't like it ... she's bored and wants to have sex ... Solve A Crime ... Sex!

Spoilers sort of, but not really mentioned: Playing Dead and Identity Crisis

The Men's Room

Eames' POV

It's been several weeks since Declan Gage's hearing … mental disease … I'll say. Bobby did his part, I did mine, Ross did his … mental disease was the verdict. He was sent away for life in a mental institution. I think his life was a mental institution, so, no real change there … he got off easy in my book. Major Case is back to running on all cylinders … I'm not so sure Bobby is. He's back to solving cases … not that he's ever stopped. Through all the crises of his life, one thing never wavered … his ability to solve crimes … puzzles, as he puts it. The problem is … he used to do that with some gusto, some excitement. He would get this twinkle in his eye when one of those puzzle pieces fit and I would get excited … I would know that he was on to something. Now he's just flat … just there … alive, breathing, solving cases, but no longer with gusto, no longer fun … if that's the right word. I'm not saying that murder or any type of mayhem should be considered fun, but when Bobby had a puzzle to solve and you were the one with the corner piece in your hand … yeah, it was fun. Now, it's just another day at the office … going through the motions of police work. You know … what was the crime? Who was the victim? Where did it happen? Was it a crime of passion? A robbery? Etc , etc, etc.

Bobby makes all that fun … more exciting. People think police work is exciting, it's not … the leg work is boring. He has the uncanny ability to make the beginning middle and end of the case all seem like, well … damn … sex. The foreplay, the climax and then the cuddling. Wow, what a revelation I just had … and I'm not even in therapy! Having Bobby as my partner and solving a case with him is like having sex with him, of course to him, I'm just the one holding the corner piece to the puzzle … it is an important piece, but I'm sure he would never compare solving a crime to having sex … especially with me … I don't even think he knows that I'm the opposite sex. Whatever, I'm not saying that I want to have sex with my partner, I'm just saying that I want to have "solve a crime sex" with him again. He needs to snap out of this funk that he's in. I have to say … and believe me, it kills me to say it … Declan Cage was right about one thing … Bobby is free now … I wish he would start acting it.

I see an opening … he's heading to the men's room, or as I see it right now … our conference room.

Major Case Eleventh Floor Men's Room

Eames enters the men's room. Bobby is doing his business and doesn't bother to look to see who's entered.

"Bobby, we have to talk."

Now he looks.

"Ah … do you mind, Eames?"

"No … nothing I haven't seen before."

"Ah … oh yeah … where was I?"

"Oh please Goren … they all look alike."

An exasperated sigh escapes his lungs.

"Fine … what do you want to talk about?"

Back to Eames POV

I really couldn't see, but Bobby really didn't seem to care either … flat … he's just flat. Funny thing happens … Ross walks in.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Eames wants to talk and it can't seem to wait for my ice tea to relieve itself."

He finally zips up.

"Could we have the room, Sir?"

Ross looks around.

"But it's the men's room, Eames."

"Yes, Sir … I know, but there's isn't a single private room to be had and Goren doesn't fit in the broom closet."

"Is there something I should know about you two … forget it … I don't want to know!"

"There isn't … I don't know why Eames called this … meeting, but I know her … she's not going to let me leave until she says her peace, so … well, I really would rather not try to fit into the broom closet Sir."

"Fine, I'll go down a floor."

"Sir."

"Yes, Eames."

"It's a partner thing."

"Okay … good … do your partner thing, but hurry it up, there are a lot of men on this floor."

"Thank you Sir."

I'm so glad he understood. I know he has a hard time with us. He gets on Bobby's case and I defend Bobby … always. We, of course, have gone through the worst of times … recently, but we're good partners and even Ross can see that and that bastard Moran can see our numbers … we still have the highest solve rate in Major Case. We need to have this talk. Of course … I say it all wrong, but he'll understand me … we just get each other.

"Okay Eames … all zipped and ready."

Hmm … that was funny … I'm encouraged.

"Bobby … I start pacing, he's comfortable with pacing … we need to have "solve a crime sex."

"What? Say again."

"Solve a crime sex." Like he knows what I'm talking about. I'm sure alls he heard was sex … he's a man. He may not know that I'm a woman, but I know he's a man … the beard is a dead give away.

"Sex … you want to have sex … with me?"

Told ya … funny … he's in his late forties and his voice cracked.

"Not sex … "solve a crime sex" … don't you get it?"

"Not recently, I mean … really, no."

"EXACTLY!"

"Eames, you're talking in puzzles."

"Yes, yes! That's it exactly … what you call a puzzle, I call, solve a crime sex … now do you get it?"

He puts his hand on the back of his neck … that's a good sign … it's a sign of enlightenment.

"Maybe."

"Well?"

"What? We just solved two cases … two very difficult cases … It was like sex … wasn't it good for you, Eames?"

"No … very anti-climatic. Good solve without the … well … lets just say I was faking it."

"Ah … I think I'm really getting it now. I'm … ah … boring you … the ah … foreplay sucks and I'm satisfying my own needs and forgetting yours … is that it?"

"Yeah … you're definitely getting it and what happened to the cuddling after … you know … having a beer a McGinty's or dinner at Sal's?"

"I'll try to do better … more … ah foreplay and I promise to make you "scream" with pleasure … next case, Eames."

"Great and I'll do more than hold your corner piece."

"Are we still talking sexual type euphemisms? … Because I don't get that one."

"No … you put the puzzles together … remember?"

"Oh … oh, right … puzzles. Got it. The corner piece solves the puzzle, Eames."

I smile at him … I do much more than carry his water.

"I know, Bobby … I know."

Captain Ross pokes his head in.

"Excuse me, but if you two are done with your little conversation … beside the fact that there are a lot of men crossing their legs out here … you have a case."

Perfect timing … I was in the mood … for "solve a crime sex." I just hope this one doesn't involve an abused child or two brothers. Let it be a good old fashion jewel thief or a foreign national involved in an art theft or something that really makes him think. Talk about an orgasm and if I could be so bold as to wish for Bobby's need to speak one of the many foreign languages that he speaks, well … a girl can dream.

We walk out of the men's room and get the information on our case … a kidnapping … Moran's niece … you're fucking kidding me? Sex? No. Puzzle? More like puzzling. Bobby and I look at each other … Ross is so calm. Why didn't he come bursting into the men's room as soon as he heard? The boss's boss's niece … kidnapped and Ross cool and collected sitting behind his desk briefing us on the case … what the fuck?

"Captain … may I ask … why are you so calm?"

"Because Chief Moran asked for my two best detectives. I asked him who he thought they might be. He yelled and said, "Don't fuck with me Danny … this is my niece! Get me Goren and Eames!"

See … even that bastard Moran knows … maybe the sex will be so good I won't have to fake it this time. I know this because when I glance over at Bobby, he sat straight up in his chair … he looks proud to be Robert Goren again and I'm proud to be his partner.

Thanks for reading ... this one is my attempt to write a Moran story for Rindy.