Author's Note: This is a random and pointless one-shot I wrote some time ago. I came up with it after some of my friends made fun up funny ways for Harry to die. This one was my favorite and one of the funniest. This is totally AU to HBP and DH. I didn't think a dead Dumbledore would work well for this.
The What Maneuver?!
Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was currently at the Gryffindor table eating breakfast in-between Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Both of whom were his best friends. The Golden Trio were back for their seventh and final year at their beloved magic school.
Over the past year, the trio had been battling the dark forces of the Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort. The three had battled along their fellow forces of the Light. The Light was led by none other than Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts and many other fancy titles.
By the end of the war, the forces of the Light had won over the forces of the Dark with Harry killing Lord Voldemort. And his fellow warriors of the Light rounding up and taking care of the Death Eaters, Lord Voldemort's followers.
The Boy-Who-Lived's thoughts travelled to those who dead over the course of the war. The very first was Cedric Diggory, back in Harry's forth year. He was killed by Peter Pettigrew, or Wormtail, at the cemetery were Lord Voldemort was reborn. Then there were some others. But the one that hit Harry the hardest was his lovable Godfather Sirius Black, or Padfoot. He was killed at the Deportment of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic, by his cousin, Bellatrix LaStrange and falling through the veil. Then over the last year many were added to the list: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Arthur Weasley and the list went on to more.
Harry signed as he loudly as he brought his cup of pumpkin juice to his lips. He took a sip then turned his attention to his redheaded best friend.
" . . . and I was like what and he was yeah," he told a group of eagerly listening housemates. Harry rolled his eyes. He'd only read this story a thousand times and a million different ways, and each time it was a different way.
Shaking his head full of dark hair, the emerald eyed boy looked over at his bushy haired female friend. She had her nose in a thick book and was cut off from the world.
Sighing again, Harry took another mouthful of his pumpkin juice. At he swallowed, it turned out to be too much and he started choking. A few seconds later, a few of the red and gold clan student turned their eyes to the Savoir of the Wizarding World. He was coughing a lot.
"He's turning blue!!" yelled some random first year Gryffindor.
In a matter of seconds, every pair of eyes was on the Defeater-of-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The eleven year old was right. Harry Potter was turning blue.
"Someone, do something!!" screamed Hermione as she went into a panic. She'd fought in a war, risked death every year since she was eleven and first started that this crazy school. But watching her best friend turn blue in the face and choke uncontrollably was not something she could handle.
"The Heimlich Maneuver?!" said a second year.
"The what?!" shouted the voice of almost everyone in the room in question.
Up at the Staff table, every professor was going over each and every spell they knew. But no one knew one that could help the dark haired boy who was choking.
"Heimlich Maneuver," repeated the twelve year old.
"I love Harry and all," began Ron, "but I'm not licking his bum."
"No the-" yelled the brave soul with the answer.
But the sight of the Boy-Who-Lived falling to the floor dead stopped them mid sentence.
"Oh well, I tried," shrugged the second year as they sat back down to breakfast and finish up like it was any normal day.