Title: Double Entendre
Ship: Ron/Hermione (of course)
Prompt: Dress Robes helmetfest2008
Rating: R (very mild)
Word Count: 640
Category/Warnings: Established relationship, Humour, Poor Innuendo/Dirty!talk
A/N: Thanks to plotbunniofdoom for the idea that started this off when I was struggling. It's not exactly what you suggested, but at least it's better than what I had originally!

"They're just lovely, Ron," Hermione told him, fastening the buttons on the cuffs of Ron's new navy dress robes. "The colour really brings out your eyes."

"I don't understand why we have to go to this bloody Ministry ball, anyway," he moaned, tugging at his collar. "I hate balls!"

A smile tugged at his lips as he looked at her hopefully.

He obviously expected her to respond to the dirty connotations of his words; maybe say something about how she was glad he didn't like testicles, or they wouldn't be together.

"I'll remember that the next time you want to go to a Cannon's match," she taunted, smirking.

Ron shook his head gently, and sighed.

He was always trying to get her to laugh, or to comment on his "accidental" double entendres. They were usually rubbish, and Hermione just rolled her eyes. However, on rare occasions, she would give in to him. He always got very excited, and she loved that look he gave her.

Hermione knew she shouldn't indulge him right now, they had to be at the Ministry in half an hour, but she couldn't resist putting that smile on his face.

Her dress was still gaping open at the back, and she turned her back to him.

"Will you do me?" She said, looking over her shoulder and biting her lip.

Ron's eyes lit up immediately. She was in trouble.

"Oh, I'll do you," he said, using that low, sexy voice that made a shiver run down her spine.

He moved forward, and pressed his chest against her. He pushed her into the chest of drawers in front of her, and she could feel his erection pressing into her lower back.

She already knew it was too late to turn back now, but she gave a final half-hearted attempt to stop him.

"Ron," she moaned involuntarily as he ran his tongue along her neck, and started prying the sleeves of her dress down her arms. "We can't. We've got to go."

He continued to lick and kiss her neck, working her dress down around her waist, with little resistance, so he could caress her breasts and stomach. He worked her up, until she was just the wrong side of turned on (well, wrong when they were supposed to be somewhere else, anyway) and then stepped away, as casually as he could with a hard-on.

Hermione turned around, stunned at the sudden halt to the attention she had been enjoying.

"You're right," he smiled, and then added in the same deep whisper as before, "Are you coming?"

The twinkle in his eye told her he already knew the answer to that, so she gave in to him completely.

"Not yet," she growled, pulling at his robes and bringing his lips down to hers.

"What happened to you two last night?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you were going to meet us there."

"Sorry," Hermione tried her hardest not to blush as Ron ran his large hand along her thigh under the table. "Ron didn't like his dress robes, and I didn't want to come" – Ron's hand gave a firm squeeze at the top of her leg, and she tried not to squeak – "without him."

"And you swallowed that?" Harry asked her doubtfully.

"Oh, it was a while before she… swallowed anything. But I brought her round to my way of thinking," Ron said immodestly, smirking across the table at Harry and Ginny. "She couldn't get me out of them fast enough!"

Hermione slapped a sniggering Ron on the arm as the other two joined in.

"That's really not an image I need about my big brother," Ginny said, still laughing, but throwing a sympathetic look towards Hermione.

"Well," Ron said, suddenly serious, "it's pay back for all the times I've walked in on you two!"