Hello people! Okay, so this is my first try at a funny one shot, so please tell me how to improve and don't hold back! XD… Anyways, let's begin… Rated for…I can't even say it. Oh, and I'll be using my OC from Always here, but with a totally different plot. Miyuki and Kazumi bear a resemblance to Megan from Drake and Josh. They can be sweet and they can be incredibly violent. At most times, the latter. This is my more perverted fics, inspired by a mishap concerning this word and my best friend.
ON WITH THE STORY!
Miyuki Mei Suzumi, 1st degree cousin of Kunimitsu Tezuka, bit her lip, considering the five letter word before her. The black haired girl just couldn't understand what the word meant. And anyone who knew Miyuki well knew she did not take not knowing easily. No, she did not.
Pausing from reading the SPAM mail that had reached her, Miyuki lifted her head from her laptop and questioned Tezuka on the meaning of the word.
"Mi-miyuki! Where did you read that?!" her cousin's usually calm expression gave way to embarrassment and disbelief. Wow. So rocks were capable of emotion, after all.
"Why? I read some spam mail, that's all. What does it mean, Mitsu?" the 13 year old girl looked mildly disturbed.
Tezuka couldn't believe his ears. He knew his cousin tended to keep in touch with her childish and even immature side, but he never knew she was this naïve.
"I-I have to go. Why don't you go to Rikkai and ask Yukimura?" and with that, Tezuka almost ran screaming from the building. Almost.
"Well that was weird," Miyuki's golden brown eyes blinked once, then her train of thought, like her feet, headed to Rikkai to question her dear, dear, senpais.
*****
Being Tezuka's cousin, and a girl one at that, had given Miyuki attention from the different schools in Japan. Some teams wanted to gain her trust so that they would one day finally crush and humiliate- I mean, get to know Tezuka better. The other teams, like Rikkai, got to know her better and fell in love with her childish and somewhat violent nature.
"Hey, Jackal, do you know the meaning of *****?" The ever polite Miyuki bounced off to ask his now choking Brazilian "friend". Said Brazilian guy immediately choked on the water bottle he was drinking-and now, swallowing- and dropped to the ground, hacking and coughing to the death.
The ever helpful Miyuki just stared at him, blinked, shrugged, then gave her senpai an affectionate pat on the head as she went on her way, assuming his hacking and coughing was just another one of those weird Brazilian rituals like shaving already bald heads before matches.
*******
"Hey, Yagyuu senpai, can you tell me something?"
"Of course, Miyuki-chan. What is it?"
"What's a *****?"
"I-I'm afraid I can't help you with that, Miyuki-chan. Why don't you go somewhere else and ask somebody as long as it's not me?"
"Okay!"
*****
"Renji-senpai!"
"Yes?"
"Do you know what a –insert car horn here- is?"
"According to my data…drone bla bla bla… lalalala…zzz….yada yada…and there it is. I hope I helped you, Miyuki-chan. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go dunk my head in a well to cleanse my soul."
"What a weird man."
*****
"Oh Sa-na-da-kun!" Miyuki walked over to Sanada, brushing her bangs away from her bright, sparkly eyes. Sanada sensed his near death.
"Here she comes," hissed Jackal who had crawled out of nowhere. He clawed at Sanada's shoes, wide eyed and frothing at the mouth. "Save yourself! Save yourself, Sanada!" Sanada stared blankly at his obviously demented teammate.
"Gen-chan! What's a *****?"
Sanada simultaneously choked on his own spit, spluttered, and ran away to defend his beloved Yukimura from such evil.
"Was it something I said?" Miyuki looked down sadly at the ground, smiled brightly as she realized she didn't really care, gave her senpai another pat on the head and walked away to confront Marui.
******
"Hey ball of fa-aat? Where are you? YO! BALL OF FAT!"
"Miyuki, how many times have I told you, do NOT call me that!"
"Yeah well, I never listen."
"Point,"
"What's a *****?"
"Pardon me?"
"WHAT'S a *****?"
"Go ask Niou. And don't you go asking Kirihara. He's off coloring his new book and screams at anyone who gets to close,"
"Thanks….I guess."
*****
Miyuki combed the tennis courts, searching for a certain silver haired pillock. Finally, she spotted the Trickster sprawled on a bench, a towel covering his face. Miyuki's best friend Kazumi (who is Atobe's cousin) was currently sharpening a big sword that she got from who-knows-where.
"No, Kaz! Don't kill him yet!" Miyuki grabbed the sword from Kazumi, thrusting it into the ground with great force. Several big cracks formed.
"Why not? It's a perfect opportunity," Kazumi's blue eyes blinked in obvious curiosity at her suddenly non-violent friend. What happened to the Miyuki who owned a gun collection?
"I have a question and I think only he has the answer, no matter how unbelievably dumb he may seem. I've asked everyone else. After I ask him, you can go ahead and behead him," Miyuki smiled knowingly and ripped the towel off from Niou who howled.
"What is it? Kazumi! Miyuki!" Silver blue eyes glared at the two.
"What's a dildo?" Miyuki sprang at the first chance.
To the girls' surprise, Niou began laughing.
"Oh-oh, dear God, oh!" Niou roared with laughter, holding his aching sides.
Miyuki and Kazumi's eyes twitched.
"You're serious? Wow, Yuki, I never knew you were one to search for those kind of words," Niou chuckled and wiped a tear from his eye.
"I did NOT search, and you know that, you great big lump." Miyuki frowned then tugged at the ends of her hair, a sign that she was getting annoyed.
"Okay, then. So you wanna know what a dildo is?" Niou's eyes twinkled.
"I'm…not so sure I want to know anymore," Miyuki blinked, noticing the perverted look in the Trickster's eyes.
"Well, girlies, a dildo is something that men have, and girls don't," Niou grinned at his answer and waited for two of Rikkai's youngest to get it.
"What, supreme stupidity?" Snorted Miyuki.
"No,"
"Chest hair?" this came from Kazumi.
"Go lower," ordered Niou.
"Lower? Then that means…but that can't be…so it's… oh God. And to think I've been going around asking everyone!" Miyuki's eyes widened and her breath hitched. Was that what it really was? Ew.
Niou grinned and leaned back as his kohai finally figured it out.
Miyuki and Kazumi both looked considerably shaken.
"You guys okay?" Niou looked genuinely concerned, running a hand through his hair. Screams could be heard in the distance.
"I think I need to sit down," Kazumi muttered, putting her head between her hands.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to look at you the same way again," Miyuki punched Niou weakly and sank down on the bench.
"Miyuki?"
"Yes, Kaz?"
"Sulfur and toothpaste?"
"Yes, please."
"You guys are too innocent,"
"Shut up, perv."
Was that okay…? And to tell you the truth, that happened to me once. I didn't know what…that thing was, and I asked Kaz (my best friend) and she looked at me and she was like "WHAT?!". Yes, this stunk, yes, I know, yes, please don't kill me. If you don't have anything good to say, please don't say anything, minna. ^_^
~Miyu