SUMMARY: It's a new assignment for Shikamaru - as well as an excuse for the chunin to goof off with his friends when he gets the opportunity to mix business with his new found hobby. Meanwhile Kankuro is left vowing revenge.
DISCLAIMER: Naruto: don't own it or the characters.
This is my first Naruto fic, and hopefully not my last. So far it's been fun to write, I just hope I can keep my creative juices flowing for this story and also take a brief hiatus on the one that's been driving me crazy with its ending!
000
"WAAAUUUGH!"
"This is it isn't it?" (Sob) "We're all gonna die…I don't wanna die a virgin – and in this funky old jalopy!"
"Damn you, Shikamaru! Damn you to hell for dragging us along with you and getting us all killed in this death trap!"
"Kiba, would you shut up!"
The six Konoha shinobi were sinking slowly into a dark pit of sandy death.
"Alright," Shikamaru suddenly roared over the calamity going on around him, "would everyone please stop freaking out? I'm trying to think!" The boy gripped the steering wheel of the station wagon tightly in both hands and squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. In the seat across from him, Chouji continued to blubber hopelessly as Kiba and Naruto shouted back and forth.
"Guys please don't fight," Rock Lee raised his hands, pleading for some kind of sanity from the others, "Shikamaru-kun is right; we must try to stay calm!"
Kiba whipped his head around from the back seat to face the green-clad boy. "Stay calm; have you lost your mind? We've just dove nose-first into a pit of quicksand!"
"Don't look now, but I think it's starting to seep in through the doors," Shino spoke up.
"This is it," Kiba hugged Akamaru tightly, "I'm gonna miss you, buddy!"
"Hey Shikamaru," sniffed Chouji, looking over at his ashen-faced friend, "I just wanna say that even though you may have caused us all to die a slow, suffocating death, you're still the best friend I ever had…"
"Damn it! I'm not ready to die yet; there're so many things I'll never get the chance to do," wailed Naruto. "Like become Hokage, or meet Jet Li, or win a ramen-eating contest!"
"Aren't you forgetting the most important thing that you never got the chance to do," Lee asked him.
"You're right," gasped Naruto, "I never got to third base – not even to first for that matter!"
"Well…I guess there is that, but what about the promise you made to Sakura-san about bringing Sauske-kun back?"
"Huh? Yeah, whatever," The blonde boy waved a dismissive hand at him.
"Hey guys," Shikamaru rested his head against the steering wheel and sighed, "I just wanna say that I'm sorry for getting all of you into this – Kiba's right, it is all my fault…"
Shino anxiously eyed the growing pool of wet sand at his feet and sent a hoard of his chakra bugs to try and clog the gap in the door.
"Aw, don't blame yourself too much Shikamaru," Kiba muttered ruefully, "After all, it's not like you forced us to come along or anything."
"I have something to confess," cried Naruto, "Kiba, I was the one that I switched your soldier pills for tic tacs – sorry about that."
"That's okay, Naruto, I pretty much figured it was you, and that's why I'm sorry for putting worms in your ramen – and for putting bugs into Shino's trail mix."
"Wait… When did you put bugs in my trail mix?"
Kiba grinned apologetically, "Just before we started driving."
"Well, I guess that makes us even then," grunted Naruto.
"Speak for yourself," Shino grumbled.
"You know, this was the best trip I've ever been on – up until the point where we drowned in quicksand that is – I'm going to miss all of you guys, and being alive, a-and training with Gai Sensei and Ten Ten – and – and even Neji," Lee to burst into regretful tears of his own.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye to my mom," Chouji blubbered all the louder, the two weeping in unison.
"Damn it," shouted Kiba, reproachfully through his own sniffles, "are you two ninjas or a couple of sob-sisters? You make me sick; why don't you just shut up already!" Beside him in the seat, Akamaru whimpered quietly.
Shino and Shikamaru exchanged surreptitious glances through the rearview mirror, both struggling to maintain some semblance of composure befitting shinobi. Of course it wasn't too hard to appear stoic behind shades and a collar that hid practically your entire face, thought Shikamaru enviously.
Meanwhile, incresingly more streams of the deadly liquid continued to seep in through the station wagon's many small crevices. Soon they would all be swallowed up – that is if they didn't run out of oxygen first. The unfortunate team leader put his head in his hands. He had failed his friends once again, and, unlike the Sausuke recovery mission, this time it didn't look like they were going to escape with their lives.
Three months earlier…
There was no time! Shikaku burst through the front door, glancing hastily around. He nearly jogged straight past Shikamaru sawing logs on the couch in front of the TV before he spotted him. The scarred man halted before his slothful son with a satisfied smile.
"Hey Shikamaru, wanna do your old dad a big favor," he asked, leaning over the sleeping teen's ear. A loud snore was the only reply the older Ninja received.
"Hey you," the boy's dad prodded him in the ribs with his finger. Without opening an eye, Shikamaru swatted his hand away and rolled over.
With the expert precision of a veteran magician, Shikaku kicked the couch completely out from under Shikamaru who seemed to hover in place for a split second before he came crashing down. The boy hit the hardwood floor with a heavy thud.
"Ow, dabbit! By dose!"
"Oh good, you're awake! Look boy, I need you to do something really important for me."
Shikamaru pinched his nostrils shut and glared at his father, "What? Why should I; I think you just broke by friggin' dose!"
"Oops, sorry about that – just walk it off."
"Walk it off? You must be the worst parent in the entire world! What's wrong with you," the boy shouted.
"It's about Tina," began Shikaku as if he hadn't heard.
"I don't believe this; what about Tina?"
The older man wrung his hands together restlessly and gave the clock a glance as he spoke, "You have to go find her. She's turned up missing again and I'm afraid something bad might've happened this time."
Shikamaru favored his dad with a look of disgust. "You busted my nose and mom's furniture for this?!"
"Shhhh! Not so loud, she might hear you say that – about the furniture I mean!" Shikaku glanced behind him like a frightened mouse being stalked by a cat.
"Good," his offspring smirked wickedly, "I think she'd be interested to know about how you treat her household possessions – what if my blood had gotten on something and stained it? Hey mo- "
The flustered Shikaku quickly clamped a hand over his teenage son's mouth. "Shaddup will ya," he hissed. "Normally I wouldn't ask you to do this, but I have a very important mission to go on this morning, and I don't have time to look for her myself. Just go out to the forest and call for her; she needs to take her medicine today or she'll relapse!"
Shikamaru's face softened slightly at his dad's distressful request. Although the last thing he wanted to do was go tromping through the woods first thing in the morning, Tina was the old man's favorite. The Nara loved their deer like the Inuzuka loved their dogs and the doe was like a beloved pet to Shikaku which would follow him around wherever he went. Shikamaru, however, was a different story.
"Oh come on dad," the boy shoved his hand away, "Even if I did go looking for her, she won't let anyone but you touch her anyway! Besides, I don't want to be mule-kicked in the ribs again."
"You won't be; just bring some salt-lick along with you and she won't care who you are."
Shikamaru gave a long-suffering sigh before finally relenting, "Alright I'll go, but you owe me big for this, old man."
"How about I beat you in a game of shogi when I get back?"
The fifteen-year-old shot to his feet in very un-Shikamaruesque fashion and jabbed a finger in the man's face, "Not on your life, you hack – I'll hand you your ugly butt on a platter!"
Cackling maniacally, the scarred ninja zipped back to the door and tossed a small round tablet to his son. "That's hilarious kid, now be sure and feed that to her. I'll see you when I get back."
000
Shikamaru leaned his back against the tree he was sitting in and stifled a yawn. He'd been at it for a little over half an hour now and he was already bored out of his mind.
"Tina, get out here and take your medicine already – you fat lard!"
Sighing in frustration, the boy abandoned his perch in pursuit of a better vantage point. He needed to be able to see as much of the land as possible in order to decide which way would most likely lead him to the wayward doe. On the highest cliff on the Nara clan's land – the young chunin surveyed the vast woodlands yawning before him.
"From this view I can see almost to the Village hidden in the Sand" mused shikamaur randomly, "I wonder what Temari's doing right now." His half-closed eyes drifted aimlessly over the treetops; he was slowly forgetting why he'd come up here in the first place.
Just as he was thinking of finishing up the nap that his father had so rudely awakened him from earlier, suddenly something caught his attention that he'd never noticed before – a badly overgrown path leading into a large thicket. Curiosity quickly replaced whatever notion he still had of searching for his dad's deer as he made up his mind to do a little exploring instead.
Passing through the overgrowth, he followed the trail until he came upon a startling discovery. The path came to an abrupt halt in front of a long neglected house squatting among a mass of climbing weeds that slowly threatened to overtake it. The crumbling roof looked like it might fall in at any moment, and slapped onto the side of the shanty like an afterthought, sat an equally dilapidated garage, its door dangling crazily from a single hinge.
Shikamaru was astounded by the bizzare sighting. His mind boggled that he could have spent his childhood learning every acre of these woods and still have managed to overlook something as big as an entire house hidden in his own back yard.
He slapped his forehead in dismay; "Man I suck! What were those idiots smoking when they decided to make me a chunin?"
Nevertheless, he had to find out for himself what the hell was inside.
000
Nothing but a few sticks of broken furniture remained in the living room and little else. The house itself stank of mildew and mothballs. Quickly loosing interest in the barren, dry rotted rooms and about to suffocate, he soon found himself wandering toward the doorway leading into the garage.
Whoever had previously owned the place had obviously left in a hurry because all of their tools still lay scattered on the garage floor around the crappiest car Shikamaru had ever seen. Upon examination it appeared to be an old station wagon. Paint chipped off its sides in flakes, revealing a dark coating of rust beneath. Nuts and bolts littered the floor along with various other car parts that he couldn't identify.
"What a bucket of rust," he scoffed, kicking a creeper out of his way, "why would anyone waste time trying to fix up such a piece of junk?" Why indeed he thought to himself as he once again studied the assortment of tools and car parts decorating the floor. Unwillingly, his mind started identifying different pieces and fitting them together; he began to see them all coming together to form a whole. As soon as he realized what was happening, the chunin attempted to turn away, but found it was useless. Just as he'd feared, his compulsively analytical brain was now completely fixated on the abandoned project.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes at himself in disgust, knowing it was already too late; whether he liked it or not, he had to fix up that car.
"Crap," he exclaimed, suddenly remembering the reason he'd come out here to begin with. Hastily, the boy rushed back out to resume his search for his dad's errant deer, though it would probably already be too late to give the doe her medication.
000
Afternoon slipped into early evening as the luckless Nara finally made his way back home. He must have come across every animal on his family's land except the one he was looking for. Still debating what story he was going to tell his dad, Shikamaru quietly slipped through the door and headed for his room. His mother, however, spotted him before he could reach safety.
"Where have you been all day long," Yoshino demanded from behind him, hands on her hips.
"Uh," he turned reluctantly to face her. Something about the look on her face told him that if he valued his life he'd better not lie, "I was out in the woods taking care of something dad asked me to do."
The woman remained cryptically expressionless while quietly watching him sweat. "That's interesting, what did your dad have you do that took you half the day?"
"Well actually I did happen to come across something interesting while I was out; mom," he responded, smoothly skimming over her question, "Do you happen to know anything about an abandoned house smack dab in the middle of our forest?"
"What about that old place – it used to belong to your great uncle Fujita."
Shikamaru inwardly congratulated himself on successfully distracting his shrewish mother; "Why haven't I ever seen it until today?"
She shrugged, "Uncle Fujita didn't like visitors – especially his family members – so he used to hide his house using genjutsu."
"So what happened anyway? Where is he now?"
He could tell her patience was rapidly dwindling as she answered, "He went to live in a home several years ago after he fell and broke his hip."
"Why haven't I ever heard of a great uncle Fujita until now," he pressed on, "and what was he doing fixing up a car?"
"Stop asking questions, Shikamaru," she snapped, "I know you're just trying to change the subject! Now I'll ask you again: what did your father send you out to do?"
The teen glanced around hopefully, "So he's not back yet?"
"No, now answer me!"
"Well," he fidgeted, "he just asked me to give Tina her medicine…"
"And did you?"
"I swear woman, will you give me a little credit," he said in his most indignant tone, "What do you think I did – spend all day out in the woods without even doing what dad wanted me to?"
Yoshino said nothing, but only continued staring at her son. A smile spread slowly across her face which Shikamaru was sure hid a row of fangs behind it. What had he just missed? A fine sheen of sweat glistened across his brow and upper lip as he struggled to keep his breathing as even as possible. The woman, he well knew, could smell fear better than a ninja hound could.
"Hmm… that's very interesting, because I found Tina sleeping in the garden just a few minutes after your father left this morning and she's been with me all day."
Shikamaru forced a strangled laugh, "Well, what a relief! I was just so worried about poor Tina getting her medicine in time, but I guess everything worked out after all!"
"Sure seems that way. Hey I have an idea – how about we don't mention this to your father at all, and I'll go fix you a snack while you sit on the couch and watch TV?"
Shikamaru gaped dumbstruck at her until she could no longer hold back and began cackling with sadistic laughter at her doomed son.