This is my first real Animorphs fic (so be gentle) and I'm happy because it's half of a gift for sherrilina on LJ as my offering for the Animorphs Holiday Exchange!
Four Forgotten Moments Between Jake and Cassie During the War.
One.
Sometimes Cassie gets in these super-optimistic moods and she talks about what she's going to do after the war ends. After they defeat the Yeerks. It's always a sure thing when she's in these moods. She's still going to be a vet, she always says. She's going to be the best vet that ever lived, in fact. Her childhood self couldn't have dreamed how great of a vet she's going to be. She's been animals. She's going to put Doctor Dolittle to shame.
Jake watches her as she rambles. She practically glows with hope and determination. She's so sure of herself. It's a side of her that he rarely sees anymore. These days she is so often wracked with doubt and self-loathing (not unlike the rest of them) that this sparkle that is uniquely hers never shines through. Except on these rare occasions. These occasions that always seem to follow missions or battles that left her more visibly shaken that usual. That wrenched part of her humanity away. The last one was two nights ago. Now she's sitting in the loft of the barn among the unused tools and cages, hay stuck in her hair, the dim yellow light barely lighting this upper corner. But she's just shining, desperately shining as much as she can, while she's still able.
Two.
Jake and Cassie rarely, if ever, go "out" with just the other. Usually another team mate is there to make them a group. Or when they are alone, it's at her dining room table doing homework or in the barn shoveling poop or maybe taking a walk to let off steam with no prying ears. But every once in a while, they're out together, just the two of them. Shopping for a gift (the blind leading the blind) or grabbing a snack for the team before a meeting (no cinnamon buns because they really have to focus today).
And when it's just the two of them out in public, where anyone can see them, Cassie suddenly feels self-conscious. Her feelings for Jake aside, he's objectively a very good-looking person. She's... not. Like, she's okay. He's tall and broad-shouldered with great hair and a charmingly stoic demeanor. His face is proportioned just right. When he does display that rare smile of his, it's perfect and... It's no surprise that he and Rachel are related. Cassie, though. She's plain and short and a little bit doughy around some parts and wears clothes smeared with poop stains. And normally, she couldn't care less about her looks. But when she's alone next to Jake with the world to see, she feels silly. She sees when people notice the two of them are kind of mismatched.
Jake never seems to notice, though. He is caring and smart and can read his soldiers well. But when it comes to personal relationshippy stuff, he can be so dense. Today he does notice that her attention is somewhere else. "You okay?"
She smiles. "Sure."
He squints at her, skeptical. "You're fibbing."
"It's nothing." She shrugs. It really isn't something important.
"If it was something," he replied quietly. "You'd tell me, right?"
"Of course. Come on, before the burgers get cold. You know Marco hates cold burgers."
Three.
The barn is quiet after Rachel storms out. Everyone else has already left, but she hung behind to argue with Jake. Cassie was only just outside the back door, but Rachel didn't seem to remember. Cassie tentatively re-enters the barn. "Jake?" she offers.
He doesn't turn to look at her. He's leaning his shoulder against the post, hands jammed in his pockets. "I don't know what we're gonna do with her," he finally says.
Her first instinct is to reach out to touch him, but then she thinks better of it. She grips the long handle of the shovel so hard she can feel the wood grain digging into her palms. She knows exactly what he means about Rachel.
"She's just... she's just really changed."
"Has she?"
He finally turns, leaning his back against the pole now. "What?"
Cassie leans the shovel against a stall, folding her arms over her abdomen. "I don't think Rachel's changed," she repeats. "You know? She's just... grown in the wrong direction."
The words aren't coming out right, but understanding clicks in Jake's eyes. There are dark bags under them. He looks away from her, down at the floor, clenching his jaw. "Aren't we all, though?"
This time she does step closer to him, but doesn't touch him. He's usually so strong, but right now he looks like he would crumble into pieces at the slightest touch. His hair hasn't been cut in a while and it's falling over his face. And while she doesn't usually take note of fashion, she's sure he wore that same shirt yesterday. "Is there anything I can do for you right now?" she says softly.
He lifts his gaze to meet hers, and behind those dark, exhausted eyes, there's a hint of a smile. "You're already doing it." And his hand finds hers.
Four.
He remembers how they used to be. She was so perfect in her imperfection. He adored every little thing about her. How she looked (she was so cute). The things she was passionate about. The way she didn't quite hold his gaze for more than a few seconds.
Things change very fast when you're fighting a war together. The things she was passionate about changed, warped, were challenged. And sometimes when she speaks about them, he just wishes that she would shut up. Nowadays, she often holds his gaze, steady and determined, for longer than makes him comfortable, and she knows it. She gives him this particular look when she "expects better from him" and he dreads it. He longs for the days that they can never have back. Just being teenagers infatuated with each other. It was something they had so briefly. (One thing that has changed which he doesn't mind is how she looks in his eyes. He used to think she was very cute, pretty. But now, she's just beyond beautiful. Even when she's pissing him off, she's gorgeous.)
He barely thinks of her as a girl anymore, even though they're only fifteen. She looks like a woman to him. And he thinks that maybe, after this is all over, they should get married or something. Even Marco has said outright that Cassie completes Jake, and vice-versa. One of the reasons she makes him so mad is because she always knows exactly how to handle him, even when it's not what makes him feel good. And if their relationship has been able to weather a guerilla war, it can weather anything else that life throws at them. Right?